Mazer Rackham

TYPICAL MFCSS. I EXPECT NOTHING LESS THAN 16 WINS AT THE BYE

Will an emoji satisfy?

It seems to be gobbledygook, so in a way it is encrypted

Sales: "we need to sell more sh*t" Accountant: "sounds good to me" Marketing: "we need to increase our brand awareness, leverage our synergy, innovate across our categories, and become an integral part of our customers' success stories. Oh yes, and something something social media." Accountant: "well ... if you say so ... it sounds like bulldust to me ..." Marketing: "and we'll get a corporate box at the G" Accountant: "deal"

Good move by Nathan to drive his captain around. Could make the difference if he's teetering on the edge of selection.

No no no ... I won't have it. He segues to the ad breaks like a champ. You'd think he's been doing radio for 20 years and not 3. Star.

There's lots to learn from a junket in the USA Caesar's Palace Las Vegas ... where you learn to balance risk and reward. Very important in a football context. The Grand Canyon ... where you learn how vast nature is and how small we are ... and how our small actions (on the football field) can make a big difference ... how repeated one percenters can carve a deep impression in a sports club, the same way a river can carve a canyon out of rock ...... also it's bloody cold there. Just like on the MCG in July. Hollywood. Don't be deceived by glossy facades. Learn to focus on what's real and now. Times Square ... where you learn how ****ing expensive theatre tickets are. (Not sure how that relates to football .... thinks ..... ah!) Life's a pageant. We are all just actors on a grand stage .... erm ... the MCG on Queen's birthday? ..... erm ... I'll get back to you on that one. The Great Lakes ... where you learn how vast nature is and how ... oh did that one. The Rockies. Erm ... they're big ... you can conquer them just like England conquered the Kiwis in the world cup (twice!!) The Wild West. If you have guns, you can beat West Coast/Richmnd/Hawks/etc Graceland ... anyone can die young so ... make the most of what you've got now. (or something) Disneyland ... erm .... high ticket prices are profitable. (scraping the barrel here) ... rollercoaster rides? (anyone?) See, there's lots to learn from a junket coaching education training programme in the USA. I just hope they don't lose their pants in a bar in Memphis. (let me finish that sentence for you) ....... into the ground (Sorry Mark! Couldn't resist! JK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

This is good. Skills, sure ... the biggest thing he has to pass on is his steel trap football brain. He's been the pioneer for the "experienced onfield coach" which all the lower sides now want in their side. (To be fair, Cross was probably the prototype for this.) "How to win" will be his most important teaching. It's a testament to what the club is building that he has stuck around and not washed his hands of us. GO DEMONS!!!

Sorry to disappoint. Trouble is, like all football news and general football buzz, even football humour is served in meagre portions in the off season. Such a shame. Even constructive criticism, apparently, is in short supply at this time of year. Perhaps you could brighten this long and anxious off season with some laffs of your own? Maybe a link to a funny picture that someone made, or a Monty Python sketch? Everyone is gasping for some relief. It's in your power to deliver. I've done all I can. I'm passing to a new flag bearer.

No wonder this club hasn't got any money. We have to rebuild this [censored]in' house, wherever it is, after every pre season.

If the movies on the flight were any good they wouldn't have to have these awkward conversations

Goodwin: How were you able to pick apart my game plan so easily? Richo: First answer me this Goody. And be honest. Do you know what a game plan is? Goodwin: How come every [censored]in' coach I run into asks me that? Richo: It's a serious question. Goodwin: I get asked about it all the time, I'm interviewed after every match, I have to front up to the board every month ... how could I not know what a game plan is? Richo: So answer the question then. Do you know what a game plan is? Goodwin: ... promise you won't laugh?

The footy media are experts at 20-20 hindsight and will happily tell you all the mistakes a club has made and all the things they "should have" done. Funny, those same things they "should have" done are scarcely mentioned back when it was decision time. It seems the media have to wait see how things pan out like all the rest of us. Which isn't to say the MFC have made great decisions all along the way and the cruel media are beating us up unfairly. But there's a world of difference between having to make decisions for the future of the club, and critiquing those decisions from a distance. (That's why Garry Lyon never jumped to senior coaching ... he knew it's a lot easier to sit in the passenger seat commenting on the driving, than to drive the vehicle yourself.)

But a 42% chance it won't

I remember him as much smaller, paler, and although fast, only running on two legs. Still had a mane though.

That's a capital C and that rhymes with P and that stands for Premiers!

It was at a time when sports science was king and clubs left right and centre were marginalising their docs. It took the madness of King James and his court dankster to show where that leads. The inmates do not should not run the asylum.

If we're going anywhere we need some new names to break out. Even the best teams have renewal every year and we can't expect the clock to turn back and have Jetta, Melksham, Hibberd, get "back to their best". (Not trying to single out, just picking a few names at semi-random.) For some of our list, their best is behind them. We just don't know who yet. If new names don't replace them, or others don't find a new level (Fritsch, Tracc, Weed???), I fear we will not "get back to" playing finals.

The words "Scientist Bob O'Dea" make me think of "Sovereign Citizen Joe Bloggs" or "Cryptozoologist Fred Nurk". Credibility and credentials aplenty.

Most likely. Any copies are shredded & in land fill, and any other laptops are at the bottom of the Yarra. The dark dim dank character almost certainly kept detailed records of his programme. His whole idea was to use EFC as a guinea pig to develop a "sports science" scheme he could sell shrink wrapped and in bulk to sporting clubs all over the world. There is no way he was not keeping track of dosages, timings, effects, etc.

There is no way in the world the AFL will open this up again. They want it glossed over, hidden away, kept out of sight and never mentioned, like an inbred royal, if for no other reason than to avoid re-scrutiny of their own role in it.

Agree with the above. The elephant in the room is the threat of a restraint of trade lawsuit against the AFL. Gil & co are petrified of such a thing. (As they should be.) To head it off at the pass, they permitted "free agency" in both fully- and half-pregnant forms. And look the other way when players break contracts. The counter-balance is the ability for clubs to trade players mid-contract without their consent. But really, that is hardly improving the situation. The smoke is out of the bottle and can't be put back in.

That's basically the story of TB-4. Steroid-like effects, and no test (at that time) to see if someone's taken it. Perfect! Genius Dank thought if WADA haven't listed it by name, we're sweet. And ever since, all the nuffie supporters have run around saying "but no-one tested positive".

Looks like I'll have to silence you too. (wait while I check the police website to see which crimes are not listed today)