Mazer Rackham

"Rule changes for 2020. A. Players will not be permitted to stand in, run through, or enter the centre circle in any way shape or form. Infringements to be penalised by a free kick to the opponents in the opponent's goal square. B. After a goal there will be no bounce. Instead, players will form a semi circle around the circle, sing a chorus of "Down Down" and the ball will be handed to the nearest player who can say the Coles slogan the fastest.

"Crikey! Buddy's just retired and the mil we still owe him is stuck on our salary cap!" "Don't worry about it. We'll pay him out 50 grand and after Gil's signed off on it, we'll make him game day ambassador to the coterie group on 950 grand. Easy."

It's a near guarantee that the AFL will find a way to let Sydney off the hook with the remainder of Buddy's contract. And if they're not in the finals when he retires, it's an absolute guarantee. Which of course sets the precedent. Ohhhh geee, but don't we want to see the best clubs at their best? No-one wants to see the top clubs crippled by pointless salary cap restrictions like this, do they? Especially the premiers. They've got DUSTY, Jack, little Rioli, Captain Cotch ... what a shame if those players don't get to play in their best possible team just because of the retirement of a true champion of the game ... (read this in your best McAvaney or Darcy voice)

It just that Eddie's purely altruistic suggestions, by some incredible twist of fate, have a way of advantaging the Collingwood football club. Like when he was a board member of Athletics Australia and recommended that AA move from Olympic Park to MSAC in Sth Melbourne. Of course that left Olympic Park vacant, but fortunately Eddie knew a bloke who was president of an inner city football club who was able to help with that.

It's pretty sad whichever way you cut it. Over on bigfooty there are people openly proclaiming this to be due to "something else" (nudge nudge wink wink). And people on here talking in secret code. about the same thing. But really, the cause doesn't matter. We have a 23 year old who is struggling to cope with being in society. That by itself is distressing.

We've got Tommy down in the rooms. Are you there, Tommy? I fink so 'Arry but I may 'ave got locked in the janitor's cupboard by mistake. It's very dark in 'ere 'Arry. Correct weight at Sandown. Back to Don Hyde at the MCG. Alves streams down the wing, kicks in the direction of Wells who turns and fires it to the goal square. DITTERICH FLIES AND Now for the 4th at Mildura, the Dodgy Brothers stakes, a six furlong maiden ....

A superb idea. No one has thought of taking our game to the USA before! It's bound to be an enormous success, the Yanks will love it and demand it be screened live at prime time Pacific and not on "World's Strangest Sports!" at 2AM. Now all that's needed is a bunny club that can be kicked around, one that doesn't dare complain too much and doesn't have mates in the media who can make trouble ... hmmmmm ... thinks .... which club could that possibly be? Suns? Or ...............

ticket sales are down and the stands are grey we're playing for points on a diamond in LA i'd be cold and wet if i was at the G gosch's paddock dreaming on such a summer's day

funny, you weren't saying that back in 2013

Brilliant. Someone went and made him angry ... we were all warned!!!

Years of barracking for the DEMONS has pushed many to the edge of sanity. It's quite possible that more than few think we HAVE just won the flag.

What about about players who also need a real job?

You make it sound like Casey is almost as far away as Gippsland. In fact it's much much further away. It's literally the end of the Earth.

How's the weather out at Casey today?

That's what the AFL have been saying behind closed doors for years

Past his best and in a very ordinary team that copped a lot of kickings. Was more of the "Jordan Lewis" teacher type than the Crosswell of old. The Crosswell of old ... imagine the versatility of Bontempelli and the brain of Nathan Fyfe. And a good pack mark. He was the model for Geoff Hayward in the "The Club". The awesomely talented boom recruit who played when he felt like it and was often off with the fairies.

Crosswell an emergency?

You'll find Bruce's borderline erotic gushing over Kossie (assuming it happens) will be far more tolerable than when he does it for oppo players. In fact it will be justified and even appropriate.

The best way he can sell hope is to tell us that May missed training because he had to exchange the shirt he got for Christmas

Didn't you see the annoucement made last week? It was all over the papers. “I have chosen to make a transition this year in starting to carve out a progressive new role within this club. I intend to step back as a ‘senior’ member of the MFC and work to become financially independent, while continuing to fully support Simon Goodwin. I now plan to balance my time between Melbourne and North America, continuing to honour my duty to the Melbourne Football Club. I look forward to sharing the full details of this exciting next step in due course, as I continue to collaborate with Simon, Max, Glen, Gary, and all relevant parties. Until then, please accept my deepest thanks for your continued support.”

Harry was a decent running defender at C'wood but by the time he got to us, all that drinking of bathwater had gone to his head and he thought he could crash any pack, thread his way through any heavy traffic, and hold on to the pill as long as he felt like. Ended up pretty much completely ineffective. It was a relief when he realised he was bigger than any sport and retired to let the world ruefully contemplate its egregious error of not fully appreciating Harry.

The papers will love it because it gives them weeks of pointless debate about the "best" SOO on-paper teams. But what will football's highest authority (the Channel 7 sales department) have to say?

To cap it all off, the AFL will do a bastardised version, like The Contenders (SA, country Vic, Nth Tasmania, NSW and NT) vs The Challengers (WA, city Vic, Sth Tasmania, Qld and Ireland) because the only thing they're good at any more is ruining anything of any value whatsoever.

Northey was the man to drag us out of a bleak world of only three certainties: death, taxes, and Melbourne don't play in finals. Year after year after year we got to watch other clubs in finals, secure in the knowledge that we wouldn't ever be there. The brave new world where Melbourne got to play finals was something hard to believe but was very easy to get used to! Northey extracted every last bit of ability from fairly ordinary lists. So, Northey for me. Imagine Neale's lists under Northey. Like putting Lleyton Hewitt's head on Mark Philippoussos' body.

You're under orders to say that. We understand.