DRAFT TALK - CLASSIC DEMONLAND

[Demonland 71,131]

We should have reprised this a few weeks ago but here's a post from our Classic Demonland Series which we're starting over the summer period. Basically, we're bringing back some golden oldies and here is one from an anonymous source but it's worth reading in the context of the AFL Draft:-

DRAFT TALK by Anonymous

This guide may help you decipher those draft profiles and club recruiters' assessments of their selections. Here is what they really mean when they say:

"Outside player with good pace" - A receiver, afraid to get his jumper dirty.

"He's a real athlete" - He's played mostly basketball or soccer. Absolutely no idea about footy.

"Quick hands" or "Great vision" or "Has footy smarts" - Slow.

"He's an elusive type" - Like a frightened rabbit.

"Great goal sense and finishing skills" - Has never handballed in his life.

"He's a burst player" - Unfortunately it's just the one burst.

"Has skills, needs to work on his fitness" - Will be a blimp before season's end.

"He has a great upside" - He has an even greater downside.

"Tremendous work ethic and a great competitor" - Tries hard, no skills though.

"Solid citizen, from a good family" - Private schoolboy.

"Natural forward" - Has never tackled, shepherded or manned up in his life.

"Raking left-foot kick" - Complete dud on his right.

"Suited to a tagging role" - He can run and hold a jumper at the same time.

"He will add to our depth" - We needed someone to practice tackling on

"He's a bit of a punt, but we needed a third ruckman" - "Did you know that this kid is 200cm tall?"

"We believe he has unlimited potential" - We've never seen him play, but his draft camp profile sounded good.

"He is a Trent Croad type player" - My wife likes the look of him.

"We were sure he would be taken by St Kilda" - He'll be arrested for public drunkenness before the year is out.

"He has the knack of being able to produce something out of nothing" - Unfortunately he also has a habit of producing nothing out of something.

"A very disciplined old-fashioned defender" - Hasn't thought laterally in his life.

"We had him listed in our top 3" - Either 15 other clubs don't know what they are doing, or we severely overrated him.

"He has played down back, in the midfield and up forward" - He's too small to play key position, too slow to play on the wing, and too unfit to play on the ball.

"He is a fine cricketer, having represented Western Australia at U17 level this year" - He is a fine cricketer, having represented Western Australia at U17 level this year.

"Lightly built ruckman" - He weighs as much as my sister.

"He is the best NSW player on offer" - He may as well be the best Ethiopian player on offer.

"The most impressive tall player at the Draft Camp" - You should have seen the rest of the hacks.

"We can't believe we got him at 52" - We haven't seen the X-rays or spoken to his parole officer yet.

"He is the son of a former club legend" - We are hoping his dad will start attending club functions again, speak to the President without swearing and sign some jumpers for our marketing department.