Jump to content

The No T$ No B$ Thread

Redleg
Redleg
in Melbourne Demons

Featured Replies

 
32 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Tha fair hamlet of Romsey and our boutique supermarket is being invaded by Scumbury people. 
I am organising a militia to to put a stop to this outrage

They panic buying your retail stock of shiraz, Uncle?

  • Quote
    23 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

    Tha fair hamlet of Romsey and our boutique supermarket is being invaded by Scumbury people. 
    I am organising a militia to to put a stop to this outrage

    You can always build a wall to keep out the scum uncle. If you do go to your boutique supermarket make sure you wear mask and gloves and carry your hand gel. All items that I’m sure you use daily in The Manor”

    .My little tip on hand lotion. Fill up a small bottle with Four Pillars Gin/Navy Strength (60 per cent alcohol) with a touch of lemon essence. This is cheaper and more effective than any other lotion. Spray on hands and any other body parts to maintain your hygiene standards. Particularly important to stop human transmission but also to prevent transmission from any surface including toys.  And very good as a mouth wash. 

  • Quote
    •  
    2 hours ago, Moonshadow said:

    They panic buying your retail stock of shiraz, Uncle?

    It’s an amazing thing Moonie!!

    Shiraz is still in plentiful supply. Why the elixir of life is being ignored astounds me!

    2 hours ago, hemingway said:

    You can always build a wall to keep out the scum uncle. If you do go to your boutique supermarket make sure you wear mask and gloves and carry your hand gel. All items that I’m sure you use daily in The Manor”

    .My little tip on hand lotion. Fill up a small bottle with Four Pillars Gin/Navy Strength (60 per cent alcohol) with a touch of lemon essence. This is cheaper and more effective than any other lotion. Spray on hands and any other body parts to maintain your hygiene standards. Particularly important to stop human transmission but also to prevent transmission from any surface including toys.  And very good as a mouth wash. 

    Wonderful and practical advice Ernie

    I shall brew up your mixture immediately and apply to my tinea 

  • Quote

    1 hour ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

    It’s an amazing thing Moonie!!

    Shiraz is still in plentiful supply. Why the elixir of life is being ignored astounds me!

    Agree.

    I'm washing my arrse with stubbies of beer due to lack of toilet paper. Such are the ironies of life!

  • Quote
    2 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

    You can always build a wall to keep out the scum uncle. If you do go to your boutique supermarket make sure you wear mask and gloves and carry your hand gel. All items that I’m sure you use daily in The Manor”

    To arrest the purported vertical exponential leap in those afflicted neither gloves or masks are currently recommended by health 'experts'  Apparently the bug is carried by gloves and masks should be reserved for use by medical professionals.

     

    2 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

    My little tip on hand lotion. Fill up a small bottle with Four Pillars Gin/Navy Strength (60 per cent alcohol) with a touch of lemon essence. This is cheaper and more effective than any other lotion. Spray on hands and any other body parts to maintain your hygiene standards

    Yes with panic buying and shortages of popular consumer items, thrifty alternatives are always welcome. Although the advice recently offered, (in order to forestall the contagion) by an Iranian cleric. To apply oil of pansy flowers (in polite society) to an unmentionable part of the anatomy, nightly, does not give one exactly a 'ring' of confidence. Happily bananas still appear to be abundantly available.

    Those sections quoted of course originate with Hemingway.

    Edited by Tarax Club

  • Quote

    it's currently easier and cheaper to stock up on underpants rather than bog rolls

    and remember normal>reverse>inside out>reverse and you've got 4 days covered

    easy peasy

  • Quote
    • Haha 2
     

    and if desperate take some amoxil (don't overdo it) to constipate yourself

    it's the little things that count

  • Quote
    1 hour ago, daisycutter said:

    it's currently easier and cheaper to stock up on underpants rather than bog rolls

    and remember normal>reverse>inside out>reverse and you've got 4 days covered

    easy peasy

    I am not sure what the fuss is about.

    Ever since my pilgrimage trips to India and watching the Indians undertake their ablutions by the Yamuna and Ganga, I have followed suit.

    If you look at the anatomy of the body and the geometry of the squat position, it is a piece of cake. As clean and clinical as a surgeons knife! 

    Very hygienic and satisfactory on all counts. 

    As long as your Princess is not watching.!

    Edited by hemingway

  • Quote

    2 minutes ago, hemingway said:

    I am not sure what the fuss is about.

    Ever since my pilgrimage trips to India and watching the Indians undertake their ablutions by the Yamuna and Ganga, I have followed suit.

    If you look at the anatomy of the body and the geometry of the squat position, it is a piece of cake. As clean and clinical as a surgeons knife! 

    Very hygienic and satisfactory on all counts. 

    As long as your Princess is not watching.!

    have you been growing your left index fingernail too, ernie. makes a wonderful scraper (especially after a hot curry vindaloo)

  • Quote
    4 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

    have you been growing your left index fingernail too, ernie. makes a wonderful scraper (especially after a hot curry vindaloo)

    Daisy as long as you have the squat technique perfect (where you position both feet is critical) and have a hose, jug of water or creek water you dint need to worry about your hand or finger nails. 

    All the same, in my travels across the plains of India I never shook hands or took food from a one armed Indian. 

  • Quote
    • Haha 1
    9 minutes ago, hemingway said:

    Daisy as long as you have the squat technique perfect (where you position both feet is critical) and have a hose, jug of water or creek water you dint need to worry about your hand or finger nails. 

    All the same, in my travels across the plains of India I never shook hands or took food from a one armed Indian. 

    and never pickup a discarded banana leaf

  • Quote
    • Haha 1
    9 hours ago, hemingway said:

    You can always build a wall to keep out the scum uncle. If you do go to your boutique supermarket make sure you wear mask and gloves and carry your hand gel. All items that I’m sure you use daily in The Manor”

    .My little tip on hand lotion. Fill up a small bottle with Four Pillars Gin/Navy Strength (60 per cent alcohol) with a touch of lemon essence. This is cheaper and more effective than any other lotion. Spray on hands and any other body parts to maintain your hygiene standards. Particularly important to stop human transmission but also to prevent transmission from any surface including toys.  And very good as a mouth wash. 

    I think I will just make up some hip flasks of this concoction, potentially a great dual use here. My synopsis is that I can have a swig and then spray my hands. If I am perpetually [censored] I don’t believe the virus can get a look in. Constructive comments are welcome. 

  • Quote

    31 minutes ago, Earl Hood said:

    I think I will just make up some hip flasks of this concoction, potentially a great dual use here. My synopsis is that I can have a swig and then spray my hands. If I am perpetually [censored] I don’t believe the virus can get a look in. Constructive comments are welcome. 

    Earl, when you start marketing this world-wide you can reduce the cost of production by diluting the solution to 50/50. This will reduce the cost but there will still be enough alcohol to kill the germs as long as you are using 60 per cent proof. One of the benefits is that you can market different flavours. Lemon, orange, passion fruit or go for the herbal top ups such as sage, mint etc. 

  • Quote
    • Like 1
    • Haha 1
    42 minutes ago, Moonshadow said:

    If we have lock down I'm worried the Jehovah Witnesses will know I'm home

    Perhaps they could assist you in becoming a more moral and upright person Moonie!

  • Quote

    • Author
    On 3/17/2020 at 7:12 PM, Bitter but optimistic said:

    Thanks to the corona virus we are having a very intellectually challenging conversation 

    Clouds and silver linings ........

    Make it easy on yourself,  by conversing in monosyllabic utterances.

  • Quote
    •  
    • Author
    11 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

    Huh?

    See how easy it is.

  • Quote
    • Haha 2

    Join the conversation

    You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

    Guest
    Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
    Reply to this topic...
    Go to topic listing

    Featured Content

    • NON-MFC: Round 06

      The Easter Round kicks off in style with a Thursday night showdown between Brisbane and Collingwood, as both sides look to solidify their spots inside the Top 4 early in the season. Good Friday brings a double-header, with Carlton out to claim consecutive wins when they face the struggling Kangaroos, while later that night the Eagles host the Bombers in Perth, still chasing their first victory of the year. Saturday features another marquee clash as the resurgent Crows look to rebound from back-to-back losses against a formidable GWS outfit. That evening, all eyes will be on Marvel Stadium where Damien Hardwick returns to face his old side—the Tigers—coaching the Suns at a ground he's never hidden his disdain for. Sunday offers two crucial contests where the prize is keeping touch with the Top 8. First, Sydney and Port Adelaide go head-to-head, followed by a fierce battle between the Bulldogs and the Saints. Then, Easter Monday delivers the traditional clash between two bitter rivals, both desperate for a win to stay in touch with the top end of the ladder. Who are you tipping this week and what are the best results for the Demons?

      • 0 replies
      Demonland
      Demonland

    • REPORT: Essendon

      What were they thinking? I mean by “they” the coaching panel and team selectors who chose the team to play against an opponent who, like Melbourne, had made a poor start to the season and who they appeared perfectly capable of beating in what was possibly the last chance to turn the season around.It’s no secret that the Demons’ forward line is totally dysfunctional, having opened the season barely able to average sixty points per game which means there has been no semblance of any system from the team going forward into attack. Nevertheless, on Saturday night at the Adelaide Oval in one of the Gather Round showcase games, Melbourne, with Max Gawn dominating the hit outs against a depleted Essendon ruck resulting from Nick Bryan’s early exit, finished just ahead in clearances won and found itself inside the 50 metre arc 51 times to 43. The end result was a final score that had the Bombers winning 15.6 (96) to 8.9 (57). On balance, one could expect this to result in a two or three goal win, but in this case, it translated into a six and a half goal defeat because they only managed to convert eight times or 11.68% of their entries. The Bombers more than doubled that. On Thursday night at the same ground, the losing team Adelaide managed to score 100 points from almost the same number of times inside 50.

      • 0 replies
      Demonland
      Demonland

    • PODCAST: Essendon

      The Demonland Podcast will air LIVE on Monday, 14th April @ the all new time of 8:00pm. Join Binman, George & I as we dissect another Demons loss at Kardinia Park to the Cats in the Round 04. Your questions and comments are a huge part of our podcast so please post anything you want to ask or say below and we'll give you a shout out on the show. If you would like to leave us a voicemail please call 03 9016 3666 and don't worry no body answers so you don't have to talk to a human.

        • Like
      • 48 replies
      Demonland
      Demonland

    • PREGAME: Fremantle

      The Demons return home to the MCG in search of their first win for the 2025 Premiership season when they take on the Fremantle Dockers on Saturday afternoon. Who comes in and who goes out?

        • Thumb Down
        • Like
      • 155 replies
      Demonland
      Demonland

    • VOTES: Essendon

      Max Gawn leads the Demonland Player of the Year ahead of Clayton Oliver, Christian Petracca, Kade Chandler and Jake Bowey. Your votes please. 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 & 1.

        • Like
      • 24 replies
      Demonland
      Demonland

    • POSTGAME: Essendon

      Despite a spirited third quarter surge, the Demons have slumped to their worst start to a season since 2012, remaining winless and second last on the ladder after a 39-point defeat to Essendon at Adelaide Oval in Gather Round.

        • Vomit
        • Sad
        • Haha
      • 271 replies
      Demonland
      Demonland
    View All