Skuit

I'll take your wet-dream AF and raise you one degree of viscosity.

All players have them but Jesse's particular flaws are unfortunate in terms of our game plan and personnel. Can't kick from distance. Lack of forward defensive pressure. Slow to move it on by foot. Limited pack-marking ability. That said, he is a highly talented forward with fantastic aerobic capacity who can also run the wings/pinch in the middle. Good-to-middling accuracy and decent on the lead. Still also developing. Will be a great get for Freo in the long-run if they build around him. But with our high pressure forward press and fast and contested 'move-it-forward' game-plan (including long bombs from the centre - tsk tsk) he is already the awkward fit. We don't need him in the middle, and on the spread of the above-mentioned good and bad traits, Tommy has him covered on several of the pro elements and Weid looks set to be better in one or two. In conjunction, our forwards (and mid-field) have all the required combined traits that Jesse brings - as evidenced by our ability to keep winning without him in the line-up. From a supporters perspective, I think this awareness is already apparent in the relative calm which followed his injury in the lead-up to our finals push and campaign. We can manage without him. From a footy department perspective, I think this mind-set will be evidenced by us not actually chasing a key forward replacement. The otherwise confusing inclusion of Preuss suggests we're looking to re-balance our spread of key forward traits - with Preuss as an intended upgrade on Pedo - who was also stuck in the middle of personal attributes and team requirements. Add the fact that this is our big chance to capitalise in trade cookies at the same time as putting the 'will-he-won't-he' disruption to rest, and we're about to come way out on top - plugging some required holes such as with the inclusion of May and not giving up too much as to needs. I personally believe that this will be the lucky forced hand which delivers us a premiership.

Whoever we might potentially get in terms of footballing ability, which frankly most of us - me more than evidently included - haven't given a toss about researching this year with a previously expected first pick somewhere in the mid to late 30s, the MFC marketing department must be licking its lips with the super-exciting range of names up for grabs in 2018. Number one on that wish-list has to be Zak Butters, who will offer up such an exceptionally smooth spread of possible puns for eager sub-editors Australia-wide, followed by a modern-day Guardian-baiting racially-inclusive field of surname options including outstanding performers in Lukosius, Rozee, Duursma and, whatever mystery-origin it comes from - presumably a mix of Irish and Inuktiat - some random kid by the name of Quaynor - In respect to to so-called Christian names, in the top twenty draftees up for grabs we can possibly recruit almost any contemporary hot-button monikers of our liking, including a field comprised of a biblically-updated Izack, a fresh Bailey, and none more impressive than a modern-day US white-trash potential club-house contender in Rhylee: 'Oh-my golly-gee, Rhy-Lee', if BT is any need of any extra over-egged commentary tips. Other outstanding given-name options in the MFC top twenty prospective draft picks range include a now regular old-fashioned run of-the-mill Riley, yet significantly empowered when mixed with an MFC-specific double-barrel incentive of a Collier-Dawkins adjoiner, a Tarryn - not to be confused with the Tarkyn of of Lockyer fame - and no less than two now almost heritage Jacksons, a Jye and a Jez and a Jordan, one or two Conners, and some poor kid who I swear to god was given the given name of Chayce - spelling and all. My personal marketing name smokey for 2019 however would have to be the headline-maximising African Tom Jok, whose entire name is comprised of at least eight less letters than current list incumbent Arron vandenBurg, as well as a serious four-fold syllable reduction. Ditto current Fourthmond VFL small forward Jake Aarts, who offers the added potential of a serious forward arsey/arts & crafts possible punning gold-mine.

My immediate reaction despite the many potential public relations ramifications: hehe

Other entities to have shoulder upgrades in recent times:

Well the rat is obviously Brock Mclean, who could also be considered a a Blues' dog, but the rest I have nfi about.

There was a clear move in last year's off-season for all of Gawn, Hogan and Pedo to alter their body-shapes in an effort to enhance endurance and mobility. Is this even possible for someone with the bulk of Preuss? Are we basically looking for someone who can be adapted as a Pedo upgrade and can work in tandem with Max roaming up the wings out of full-forward?

Some person or agency or entity brought AJak out of the cold recently. Remarkable. Would love to hear the story some time of how that came about.

@binman - there's a flare up in sector seven.

Diamond - this is actually a good thing. I hope the clarification will also address players flopping forward in a tackle and drawing an in the back free as well. Push being the key word. Two of my biggest peeves (accepting that holding the ball will always be difficult to get the balance right with and adjudicate no matter how much you tinker with the rules)

I went to Perth once.

Are you more likely to cop an injury from bracing flat-footed against an oncoming bump (Viney notwithstanding) or by relaxing the body and riding it - a la having soft hands in tennis? Not so long ago (or in different circumstances) Clarry would have been applauded for his footy smarts and professionalism for milking a free from the undisciplined actions of an opponent. The worst thing about this is that with Oliver saying he doesn't care what people think of him, it implies that he doesn't care either if people love him, and I just love him so damned much.

I have been dreading all year that we'd finally make the finals and then run into Nicholls. Throw in Razor to boot and I would ordinarily be swamped with doom. But I think Nicholls now respects us and Gus has obviously been charming Chamberlain. These guys are ego personified, and as mentioned, probably wont take too kindly to being booed all day. They will also over-officiate, and if something trivial goes against the Eagles early it will set the tone for the afternoon. It could also be in our favour if West Coast tries to nullify our mids with hard tags, as the umps will be watching closely for scragging at the breakdowns. This includes Max, who will need to focus on his natural traits for dominance. My bigger concerns are for their penchant to over-enforce the protected space and pay minor infringements up forward, which with the big bodies of Kennedy and Darling could be a problem. For us, unfortunately, Hogan is the one who usually draws the soft forward infringement frees. But they will also pay anything that looks like a block, so we should look to exploit that up both ends of the ground and on the wings. We need to play honest contested footy and let the Eagles bring the niggle to us. That said, Nicholls is an A-grade dick.

Boys practicing some spirals. Even if we don't employ the tactic again it's nice to know - and let West Coast know - that we are happy to have it in our kit-bag. If Gawn were to track toward the centre-circle at a kick-in for instance, I'm sure he'll attract a lot of attention - opening options elsewhere. An an early 'chaos' torp from the middle into the forward line would cause some double-guessing for their defensive set-up. Like it.

There was a time when Tyson collecting around the 50m arc would elevate the pulse-rate. Now it's like instant deflation when he's the last man in the chain - and before he's even taken a shot I'm yelling at him to stop calling for the ball. Never even looks close to scoring. 16.6 in his first season with us and 2.6 this year (not including the handful of oofs and shots that have dropped short). Also, while his kicking has always been suspect, he could previously be relied upon to clear the lines from around half back. Has zero penetration nowadays. Shot by injuries and not a winger.

I'm happy to chip in if we can get the woo-hoo guy from Adelaide Oval over. Anyone know his gofundme details?

Take-home message: stripping the goal umps of their lab-coats and hats is a dark mark on our beloved game of football.

Did you burst a red or a blue-tinged vessel Supermerc? I need every tea-leave data-point I can get to determine if I watch the upcoming match publicly or attached to my 15-inch computer-screen . . .

There's little outside of Clayton Oliver that remains truly unprecedented in Australian rules football, but the predominance of red & blue rocking the footy fields of Australia in 2018 is surely a first? In addition to the mighty Melbourne Demons fighting for a place in the AFL grand final on Saturday after 18 years on the sidelines, and of course the now Casey-aligned Demons taking on the Box Hill Hawks in the VFL decider on Sunday, we also have the Norwood Redlegs as the red-hot favourites for Sunday's SANFL grand final, and the West Perth Falcons playing off for the WAFL flag versus Subiaco on the same day. Has this ever gone close to happening before? This I do know as an avid Redlegs fan - the Demons' dominance in the 50s-60s coincided with a worst premiership dry-patch for Norwood. In more recent times, after future Melbourne coach Neil Blame led us to glory in 1982 and 1984 (when Melbourne hovered around eighth place, in a six-team finals competition) Norwood again claimed the flag in 1997 after the departure of one-time Melbourne caretaker coach Neil Craig - in the same year that the Demons claimed the wooden spoon prior to the magnificent 1998 revival (when Norwood in turn dipped out of contention). Since then, Nathan Basset, Simon Goodwin's all-Australian and later Essendon-injection team-mate and current defensive line-coach for the Power, guided the Redlegs to a threepeat between 2012-2014. We all know full-well where the Demons featured on the AFL ladder throughout the same period. Yet, when ex-Demon uber-Alex Georgiou took over the the captaincy of Norwood in 2015 the team turned to relative [censored], for some reason, but for some other reason, now that ex-Demon nine-game stalwart Jace Bode has commandeered the captaincy they're back in the box-seat for 2018. I'm pretty certain, through many years of twisted pain, that the Demons and Redlegs have never coincided in their good fortunes - although the Redlegs were formed somewhere around the late 1870s and dominated the early stages of South Australian (and national) football. From recent memory at least, the Legs bombed out in the first week of the 1998 and 2000 finals. As for the WA-based fans, I image there's some conflict between supporting the red and black Perth Demons and the red and blue West Perth Falcons, but I have no idea of the relative success of each team. Nor do I have a jot of an idea as to the the history of Casey or any historically other red and blue teams in the minor leagues in Victoria (and don't otherwise give a toss about the NSW, QLD or Tasmanian competitions). So over to you sports-fans - can you fill in the gaps - of the red and the blue footy-clubs country-wide and their connection to the Melbourne Football Club? A quick google squiz tells me that West Perth won local flags in 1995, 1999, 2003, and 2013 - coinciding perfectly with when the MFC was absolute crap in the up and down years. Just for the record, over the years Norwood has supplied Melbourne with not only uber-Georgiou and Jace Boce but also 2013 top-three Bluey contender Dean Terlich, along with Picket-favourite Michael 'Juice' Newton and other house-hold names such as Art Gilchrist, Nick Smith and CHF sensation Greg Parke. Other cross-overs include some bloke called Phil Carmen, father-and-son's Graham and Glenn Molloy (no relation to Mick), and the infuriating turncoat Martin Pyke - as well as indeedy the one and only Austin Wonaeamirri. Please add your local team contributions below. Austin Wonaeamirri Austin Wonaeamirri playing for the Tiwi Bombers in February 2016 Personal information Full name Austin Wonaeamirri Date of birth 2 October 1988 (age 29) Place of birth Milikapiti, Melville Island, Northern Territory Original team(s) St Mary's Football Club (NTFL) Draft 19th overall, 2007 AFL Rookie Draft Melbourne Position(s) Forward pocket Playing career1 Years Club Games (Goals) 2008–2011 Melbourne 31 (37) 1 Playing statistics correct to the end of 2011. Career highlights U/18 indigenous tour to South Africa, 2006 AFL U/18 National Championships (Northern Territory), 2007 U/18 Northern Territory best player, 2007 AFL Rising Star Nominee, 2008 Sources: AFL Tables, AustralianFootball.com Austin Wonaeamirr

Perfect assessment dee-tox.

Nice set-up for the jokers on here but in all seriousness I think he would have been reminding the Hawks that last time the Melbourne Football Club made it to a prelim our current starting midfield were still watching Barney the Dinosaur and wetting the bed . . .

I'm concerned about a small aircraft crushing Omac during one of our matches by mistaking the goalsquare for a runway. I'm also a bit concerned about this guy and regional Australia in general (Contains unsavoury language):

I just don't see how we can cover their forward line. Collingwood, despite being on top across the middle for most of the qualifying final, were lucky that Kennedy's timing was out early. When he and Darling started connecting as dual targets in the last it was all over. Add to this their fleet of fast small finishers, and I don't think we can match up against their forward thrusts, however haphazard. Frost is a fast closer and strong in the contest, but not so much one on one - and Omac lacks strength and go-with speed on a straight-line lead against big opposition KPFs with arms outstretched. With Hibberd and Fritch we have defenders who can play tall or small - but not small enough to combat the likes of Ryan and co. running and weaving in space. Lewis is slow. My concern is that we can dominate the midfield and put pressure on up the ground but they'll still trump us with less opportunity and forward-entry structure. And I have no idea what the solution is. Hunt has the leg-speed to put on a forward tag vs. one of their smalls, but by the sound of it his form and confidence has been ordinary. Smith is still underdeveloped and can be exploited positionally. Bernie is slow. I previously said no change. But I don't think that just doing what we've been doing, however well executed, will be enough to get us over the line against this one specific opponent on a sunny day in Perth. We need to absolutely control the middle and have the perfect press to stop the flow from their backline - but I'm also worried about their marking power with forwards pushing up on the wings. That all said, I think Smith and Pedo should be in the frame - just to give us more flexibility across our division of talls and mobile markers. But then they all have to play somewhere, and disrupting what has been a decent defence isn't ideal. I feel there will have to be a sacrifice somewhere - moss likely our middle - with perhaps super-stopper Harmes being sent back to compete in defence.

With the time delay, you could go watch us win in Perth and then fly back and watch us win again in Europe. Sweet.

The Viney chase wasn't just the chase of a man who knew it was right thing to do or was looking to add a speck of pressure. He was outright hunting Gunston down and locked onto his target - reminiscent of the gazelle tackle on Weller - and probably would have snapped him in half in a death-roll had he caught him at that speed. Started his run-down sprint from outside 50. Swoon.