Gendered domestic violence issues.

[Binmans PA 26,685]

I think the framing of this is really important. Domestic or family violence doesn't cover it. The Sydney attacks were clearly directed at women, and that does not fit under the realm of the home, but the public sphere, where indeed much violence towards women occurs.

I frame this as male violence, rather than violence against women or "a women's issue", and I think it's incumbent upon the next generation and future generations of parents to educate and support their young boye to treat women as their equals, as human beings. There is a fine balance between blaming young boys inappropriately and setting the basic level of understanding and respect.

I'm glad it is getting more media coverage, because governments on the Left and particularly the Right have often cut vital front line services, not to mention public housing (started by the Left), which is the safety net for homelessness and would allow women escaping family violence or hoping to escape family violence an option of secure housing. 

As it stands, public housing stock is woefully inadequate, with demand far exceeding supply, and really what this comes down to is a values conversation. It's not Left or Right, it doesn't even have to be political. Menzies ensured adequate public housing for decades. It's that we value a mythical idea of the individual nowadays, over the collective prosperity of all Australians. Something that used to have bipartisan commitment in this country.

So it's education, it's funding, it's safety nets etc. Lots of nuance needed that a post on Demonland will never be able to cover.

I'm currently executive producing a film for Stan where a man killed his wife for having an affair, and then argued provocation and manslaughter, which remains a legal defence in some states to this day. I hope the film sparks robust conversation on how we treat family violence and male violence, and with this increased awareness, we get public policy going in the right direction to scaffold the societal changes needed to stamp out this unacceptable behaviour. 

Edited May 4 by Binmans PA

[kev martin 9,337]

41 minutes ago, Binmans PA said:

it's education, it's funding, it's safety nets etc. Lots of nuance needed that a post on Demonland will never be able to cover

Totally agree, though normalising the discussion about the issues, I hope can bring the perpetrators out from the hiding places by shining light, raising community awareness, and in particular towards men, since women know it all to well.

We could ask our mates, are you treating and talking well with those close to you? The little things may cause big changes and give an opportunity for deeper chats, being a better friend, and reduce harm.

@SPC  "loves the fact that there is awareness, the AFL should ditch some gambling ads or crypto ads and focus on domestic violence awareness ads. The perpetrators need to feel shame every time they switch on the footy. They should feel confronted and not be able to escape it, because that is how the victims feel."

Men can play a big role in the dialogue, which may open and cleanse the community of the secrecy, and create more safety for our sisters.

Edited May 4 by kev martin

[KingDingAling 3,683]

I’ve seen many facets of this issue. I have been the perpetrator, the victim, been in custody issues, seen both sides of addiction, completed degrees to the point of writing essays on battered women, also had sympathy for either side of the argument. Have sired both genders. My conclusion is that it’s a complicated and complex issue DV, and thus far to date, there has been a simplistic understanding as to why perpetrators offend. As a society, we are dealing with the broken down family unit, the increase of drugs like ice, social media use we haven’t previously had to deal with. Knowing what I do know, as a parent, I am more concerned of my son, than I am my daughter. 

Edited May 4 by KingDingAling

[Demons1858 1,666]

12 hours ago, kev martin said:

We cannot be defensive about this. The "they made me do it", is the wrong angle. Have dysfunction in your relationships, get help. Heal the situation while you still can, before it may spiral, do it for you and most importantly the damaging effect and distress on the kids. Being a better partner, by using various forms of strategies, and counselling can only assist us in being better people to be around. Life lessons that are useful throughout the journey, you may find greater peace, love, and freedom from conflict by addressing the dysfunction.

Your intimates pay the price if we don't get the help, men or women within the storm.

The Gendered approach is in response to the current social issues movement being addressed in the media by a ground swell of many saying, the violence has to stop, and how can we help.

Kev my post isn't defensive and doesn't suggest anything about someone making me do it. Just saying men should be included in the discussion about DV also. Men hold things in more and commit suicide at a rate that needs support. l am mostly referring to non physical DV here

Edited May 4 by Demons1858

[kev martin 9,337]

Thanks King, hope you and your loved ones are doing well.

Rode the roller-coaster, and able to put yourself out there. Takes plenty of emotional strength. Stay on the path, face the right direction. Do that role modelling, keep the communication lines open, today is a good day and this moment is the only one we have control of. 

Got to say, it is the daughters/women suffering more from the extremes of domestic dysfunction. Though understand to some extent, what the boys could face if they cannot have healthy relationships. 

Hope the kids have been protected from the worst of the dark times.

Also hope, you are all making good decisions. 

[kev martin 9,337]

1 minute ago, Demons1858 said:

Kev my post isn't defensive and doesn't suggest anything about someone making me do it. Just saying men should be included in the discussion about DV also. Men hold things in more and commit suicide at a rate that needs support

Sorry to misinterpret, push out to the edges, use cliches, and make examples so to get a point across. Kind of taking an opportunity and exaggerating, in order to look with more ease, from a female point of view. Empathy will help us.

You are right about the inclusion of men. I feel that is an important way to bring the harm out from behind the closed doors.

The suicide rates are a huge issue. We have to be there for each other.

Femicide by their intimates however is the issue at hand and a disgraceful one.

Men seem afraid to have discussion about it. That impulse control, that cohersion, we have problems. Perhaps if more of us were their for each other, the suicides, as well as domestic violence may lessen. Can we talk about the hard issues? Can we act in a mature manner? What do we need to break the cycle? Our loved ones, how does it go so wrong?

[layzie 30,352]

I just want to say that I was so impressed not only with how they did the moment of acknowledgement but how the crowd (around me at least) perceived the message. When asked to stand I didn't see one person near me have any issue at all and were on their feet instantly. 

There's a lot I don't like about the AFL these days but this is a great example of something done right.

Edited May 4 by layzie

[WalkingCivilWar 34,944]

[Wrecker46 2,740]

There needs to be a societal shift and no violence towards women should ever be accepted.

My thoughts on education may vary from other posters. Generations of kids being educated about toxic masculinity may have cost female lives at Bondi. I might be old school but i would have liked to see more men try and take down a lone perpertrator with a knife singling out women. There were thousands of men in that shopping centre and shops full of artillerary. More should have been done to protect them from men on the scene.

I also think the legislation needs to change around violence orders. They should be designed around protecting the vulnerable not the vengeful. This is a bigger issue than most people realise and muddies the waters for magistrates placing protection orders and police enforcing them.

[praha 10,572]

The conversation is aimed at the wrong direction in my view. It's aiming a feel good fantasy goal of all men all of a sudden never ever physically assaulting a woman. It's simplistic. There are a few layers. I actually don't think education cuts it because the household dynamics are so unpredictable. 

1. Men have testosterone running through their veins. Combine this with a mental health crisis and you have a ticking time bomb. I have managed young men and women for years. I've worked on psychological work safety panels for more than a decade. Men are consistently both the best and worst performers. They are consistently the best and worst people to be around. And they are also consistently the most unpredictable. In my experience socio-economic status doesn't change this much.

2. Men commit suicide, and are victims of assault at a much higher rate than women. This is a fact. People dismiss this. I am not saying it as a "YEAH BUT" but rather as a factor to consider when trying to address the issue of domestic violence. Clearly there is correlation. 

3. From a young age we are now stifling young boys by treating their masculinity - traditionally and biologically - as a societal threat. There is a reason why boys develop slower than girls and why men don't tend to hit their career peak until much later.

4. The traditional household has changed. The role of the mother and father has shifted. Traditionally, boys were nurtured by the mother, and "roughed up" by the father. By roughed up I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean rough play. Traditional roles are dismissed these days. Both parents work full time. The father nurtures. Most fathers here I bet will admit it's harder to comfort your kids than it is for their mother to no matter how we try. There is a biological bond that we are unnaturally trying to adjust and change.

5. We have created a narrative that the world *should* be safe. Yes of course it should be, but it's not. We are fixated on addressing the issue by pointing the finger at men and saying "fix it". My response to that is that I will not stand for my son ever laying a finger on a woman. But I will also say that there is evil out there. Protect yourself. Yes you should be able to walk alone at night and be safe. But that doesn't mean you will be. We need to educate on self defense. Because as a man I will say that men can be pretty bad. We're delusional to think we can change that short of a completely lobotomised male population.

[Demon trucker 1,800]

69% of all murder victims are male, a child that is killed by a parent is twice as likely to be killed by their mother, but 1 women is murdered to every 3 men, that's the problem with you woke, you don't look at the whole story, the narrative at all men are guilty and all women are blameless, is the biggest con job every 

Murder is bad and anyone that kills anyone is evil whether it's a male killer or female, there never should be more outrage over a woman getting killed and no one even batters a eye lid when men are killed. Until everyone shows everyone the same respect nothing will change