The No T$ No B$ Thread

[Biffen 12,947]

13 hours ago, dieter said:

Is Kantianism worser than Onanism? Please let me know and I promise I'll attempt to give up the less worser.

You've got plenty of Kant about you Deiter, and there is no need for you to stop the other.

Such a successful formula is worth persevering with.

Edited March 6, 2017 by Biffen

[Redleg 41,450]

13 hours ago, special robert said:

My mate Jacko reckons 50 shades of gray is just the first 50 days of sodom rewritten to include a billionaire.

Has there ever been a worse film?

[beelzebub 23,383]

1 minute ago, Redleg said:

Has there ever been a worse film?

You mean.... You've seen it !! 

[Biffen 12,947]

What a truly depressing day.

Time to leave you see,and say ta ta to all my unhired help.

Saying goodbye to virtually free cigarettes,notably these Kent "switch" things that contain a small capsule of menthol in the filter,the cracking of which is as addictive and pleasurable as the nicotine.Saves on toothpaste.

Au revoir to my Little restaurant on the river where my every culinary fantasy is eagerly indulged with the point of a finger at a photo,then ruined with a little twist of their own.Last night For example,a plate of French fries presented with a [censored] of butter and  some sugar on a side dish,no sauce and evidently,no salt.

Goodbye to my blinking pal De, who runs the restaurant when he isn't drinking with the clients or off down the road for a relaxing massage in his Audi,which I must have financed over the years ,mostly the early times when I was charged double or triple rates.

De and his 9 or 12 brothers manage a dream life flitting between Paris and the Delta,exporting various tacky bits of furniture ,knick knacks,and probably some other medicinal materials if the recent renovations to the house are any guide.The junkies of Paris can consider themselves fortunate they have their own Franco Cozzo business model in Europe.Not having to deal with the Afghan supply chain must save them from commiting several burglaries per month.

Goodbye to the obnoxious ,mooching bastard next door,whom I only tolerate in the hope of bedding one of his daughters one day.His ability to sniff the scent of a freshly opened beer bottle is truly a gift and makes up for his hacking cough,obtained through gratis smokes donated by village idiots like myself ,though there is ample competition for the title here..

His counterpart, the other bastard next door manages his own tobacco needs and beer somehow but he has made the dreadful mistake of demolishing his own house before having somewhere comfortable to stay in the interim.Roof tiles have been cleverly used as a type of terra cotta pebble mix to avoid cartage,though I did persuade him to save some ancient teak beams from the firewood stock-hand carved centuries ago at a guess.Iwont miss looking at his rotten front tooth or hearing his terrible broken English,the glorious tales of his cousin in Sydney or the virtues of Communism.

   The beer wench opposite will no doubt miss me,her face lighting up at the prospect of my custom ,which is often twice daily.The Saigon stuff is quite tolerable and the crates hold 16 bottles .You would think 16 enough for my immediate needs but moocher and friends always assist.Beer wench is a stout woman of about 50,very tanned,and charmingly informally dressed in floral pyjamas.

Won't miss the erratic power supply and low voltage output playing havoc with the rotten iPad and it's impertinent predictive text function,nor the foul odour of the Thay Ninh rubber company boiling latex daily in the 35 degree heat,the various village karaoke machines set to deafening volumes and the various stars and starlets who produce less harmonious tones than the stray dogs and Roosters manage every morning.

 

Edited March 7, 2017 by Biffen

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

You had better stay in the colonies Biffen. I read today that tenants at The Gat are being served with exit notices!

That means you'll be homeless. Don't expect an open door at The Manor either. Maybe you can pitch your swag next to Special Robert under the freeway.

[Biffen 12,947]

Please indulge my verbosity .The fear of flat battery and the loss of my "train" of thought is ever present so I will keep my second instalment brief.Many of you would liken the train to a red rattler I'm sure.

Besides speaking awful French with De,signalling to beer wench,signing and gesticulating with moocher and rotten  tooth,I shall miss all the kids in the village.(Not in a Gary Glitter way either before you think the worst).

The children are learning English these days and venture up to  parlez with the ghost from oz,always smiling as if there futures were as bright and promising as the morning.There seems to be little evidence of disaffection,angst,dread and irritability that we've come to know and love in our brilliant society.They can find amusement in such games as kick the can,get the bread or fetch the anything.No grumbling,no whining, no self-pity.A leaf or two could be taken.

The smell of urine incense tells me my coffee is waiting,the tinkling of bells,the nattering of women.The worst natterer of all is a Lady I've dubbed Hanoi Helen.HH gets us all up at 5am ,ready or not.She travels over the loud speaker from the govt office known as The Voice of Vietnam.

She starts off with a bit of "news" possibly fake ,before digressing into a bit of exercise instruction and counting for the benefit of our health .Mercifully,she only rants on for 30 minutes but that is enough to start the chooks ,who get the dogs going,who start up the ladies,who start the scooters and before 6 the village is abuzz with the pursuit of industry.

I've obtained some wire cutters and my parting gesture to the town will be to snip the two loud speaker wires in the street so HH gives it a little rest tomorrow.No doubt some good citizens will patch it up when the alarm is raised, or isn't .

Sometimes we all need a little break. Even Hanoi Helen.

 

 

[Biffen 12,947]

20 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

You had better stay in the colonies Biffen. I read today that tenants at The Gat are being served with exit notices!

That means you'll be homeless. Don't expect an open door at The Manor either. Maybe you can pitch your swag next to Special Robert under the freeway.

Never mind the bollocks Bitters,nor the Block.

Some of my former "receptionists" have some rather arty photos and video of Scott Cam on a bender, looking less than stunning in his birthday suit.Mrs Cam might be interested to know how he spends his evenings after a big day of filming paint dry and cement hardening.

There is (low) life in the old Gat yet.

Still no vacancy for Special Robert.

We may be desperate and deranged but we have standards.

[Moonshadow 17,677]

Don't worry Special, the Earl lives a luxurious exitstance in Fitzroyaly Nth with plenty of space for a man of your ample proportions. BYO goon bags unfortunately. 

[Redleg 41,450]

4 hours ago, beelzebub said:

You mean.... You've seen it !! 

Unfortunately. 

[beelzebub 23,383]

3 hours ago, Redleg said:

Unfortunately. 

Thats gut wrenching to hear. God speed for a full recovery Leg 

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

5 hours ago, Redleg said:

Unfortunately. 

Does that mean taking out the whip at home didn't work Red?

[Redleg 41,450]

2 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Does that mean taking out the whip at home didn't work Red?

Couldn't use it being chained up. 

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

Just now, Redleg said:

Couldn't use it being chained up. 

Mmm ... yes ..well. Perhaps some instruction via Redtube may be necessary.

You see the whole point of having a whip (or other such device) is to be the chainer rather than the chainee.

[dieter 3,325]

17 hours ago, Biffen said:

You've got plenty of Kant about you Deiter, and there is no need for you to stop the other.

Such a successful formula is worth persevering with.

Shouldn't that be peversevering with? Can't you spell any more, are your brain cellulites still up the river with Kurz and the pound of butter?

 

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

9 minutes ago, dieter said:

Shouldn't that be peversevering with? Can't you spell any more, are your brain cellulites still up the river with Kurz and the pound of butter?

 

I like your thinking skinny.

However, I think they use ghee in the colonies.

Edited March 7, 2017 by Bitter but optimistic

[Redleg 41,450]

11 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Mmm ... yes ..well. Perhaps some instruction via Redtube may be necessary.

You see the whole point of having a whip (or other such device) is to be the chainer rather than the chainee.

Thought I was doing it wrong. 

[dieter 3,325]

2 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Mmm ... yes ..well. Perhaps some instruction via Redtube may be necessary.

You see the whole point of having a whip (or other such device) is to be the chainer rather than the chainee.

This 'topic' is like Sodom and Gomorrah. Shame on you pillars of salt!

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

19 minutes ago, Redleg said:

Thought I was doing it wrong. 

Well it's time to pull yourself together Red.

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

2 minutes ago, dieter said:

This 'topic' is like Sodom and Gomorrah. Shame on you pillars of salt!

Those two places are on my bucket list.

[Earl Hood 6,101]

On 6 March 2017 at 7:31 PM, special robert said:

The Gat........ I could only dream of living there...as it is I live under the freeway at the end of spencer st hoping BBO will come....one day..... and take me away to Romsey....to the Manor.

Oh living under a bridge are we, sheer luxury, I say, Special. We grew up, whole family living in a shoe box on main road, up at dawn, off to mill, work all day, back for tea but there weren't none, just some coal to munch on, then a good flogging for our troubles. Aye sheer luxury these days! 

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

1 minute ago, Earl Hood said:

Oh living under a bridge are we, sheer luxury, I say, Special. We grew up, whole family living in a shoe box on main road, up at dawn, off to mill, work all day, back for tea but there weren't none, just some coal to munch on, then a good flogging for our troubles. Aye sheer luxury these days! 

Yes I'm certain you did it tough Earl! However, now that you are wonderfully rich, I'm sure your social conscience would compel you to, as Moonie mentioned above, find a place for Special.

I imagine he'll promise not to molest Conchita.

[dieter 3,325]

1 minute ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Those two places are on my bucket list.

Is that like a Phucket list? I'm confused. I am an innocent lad brought up in North Sunshine, Albion, Sunbury - the dreaded Salesians where I became the world's greatest cricketer - and all this from the humble origins of Klagenfurt and Rischweiller. You must agree I have come a long f...king way. To what avail? What, to end up on this site of whachko screwballs  exchanging flatulence like platitudes, all under the smoko screen that we follow the same team the noble Barassi once played for?

Then again, though I have mixed with prime ministers, presidents, headmasters, goons and gangsters, Bond-like entrepreneurs, Academy award winners, the greatest almost Grange-like wine makers of this fair land, attended dinners hosted by Premiers of this state in honour of the literary capabilities of my Polish born wife, I come back to this site, mainly to cross swords with the Prodees and the Wreckers and the Biffmen who forget that the church of Demons is a multi denominational and multi gendered and multi cultured. We won't even mention the LGBTIKHGFK word.

[dieter 3,325]

6 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Yes I'm certain you did it tough Earl! However, now that you are wonderfully rich, I'm sure your social conscience would compel you to, as Moonie mentioned above, find a place for Special.

I imagine he'll promise not to molest Conchita.

Is that the pet dachshund or what?

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

Just now, dieter said:

Is that the pet dachshund or what?

As I understand it skinny, it is a very complex relationship ( Conchita being hirstute and all) but pet dachshund maybe a reasonable way of looking at it.

[Bitter but optimistic 22,246]

Anyway, [censored] you all, Uncle is retiring for the night.

BTW, I believe Biffen is currently in transit from the colonies. He is flying cattle class ( whatever that is) with a bevy of 457 "nail technicians". Look for some "air rage" headlines tomorrow.