Biffen

Sleep at the G coming up. FMD. You would have to be completely [censored] faced wouldn't you?

Having had the withering pleasure of meeting BBO and his metrosexual friend on Sunday morning i have only really now come to terms with the dangers of online chat forums such as this. BBO had donned his arseless chaps for the Freo game ,and was intent on drinking a quick six pots or as they call it in Romsey ,morning tea. He was also intent on dragging others into verbal confrontations with random strangers ,which must have prompted him to bring Moonshadow ,though one seriously has to wonder why. Also in tow was the lovely and erudite Maple ,who must have fallen prey to the sick charms and crude invocations we all know uncle bitters is capable of. Luckily ,Maple was three sheets to the wind upon arrival ,oblivious to the coarseness of her chaperones.She began the morning with a Midori mixed with Maple syrup and I'm quite surprised she didn't add sugar. She managed to find a child that had lost it's parent and proceeded to feed it a procession of junk food which was just as well as the dirty little urchin looked as if it had been wandering the streets for some time. I took the liberty of inviting a great legal mind along to defray any impositions the law might attempt to impose on such a likely crew. Good job too. Not long into the second quarter , Bitters began a slippery descent into a homophobic rant at the umpires ,an unfortunate Freo supporter who looked like he had ridden a fixie to the game with a little creatures pilsener stuffed in his beard,as well as at some men in front of us who were very well groomed. Moonie decided to try to quell the gathering police presence by diverting attention to the football but at this stage he was virtually unconscious ,balthering about the Greens and composting and how we can change the world from our inner city terraces and a copy of Das Kapital. Naturally ,i was the first arrested and while I waited for my lawyer to end the matter it appears Bitters had caused him some offence, and he refused to act on my behalf ever again. Long story short ,BBO blamed me for the homophobic rants and had me arrested. Moonie disappeared back into his vege garden and Maple absconded with the child to sell it on ebay. To top it off ,BBO refused to pay my bail so i was forced to spend the evening away from the Gat. Never again.

Better pack your bags [censored]. Before she starts charging you for phone calls .

Speaking of which, Fallen on tough times. Drinking Chilean wines. Surprisingly good. What the [censored] has the Australian wine industry ever done for me anyway. They should be building statues to honour customers like me.

WHo doesn't love a wet lunch?

I can see you being showered in gold and just loving it.

I own a collection of Mercedes Benz symbols taken from the bonnets of various different models over decades.

Just a fiery naked she-devil ,covered in flames ,a trident,some snakes,some indecipherable crud,some shhity latin/chinese script,a dagger and a Demonic figure across the forehead. Nothing weird.

If you call 10 seconds a long time ,then i managed to abstain for that long.

Get Gus to the Ink parlour pronto! I want to see some Ink. When you have a ten or twelve year future in the AFL it doesn't really matter what the corporate system says about face/neck/sleeve tatts or job prospects. He is an AFL mid-fielder ,bon fide, and he needs to start colouring himself in like one. Hurry up Jonesy!

I dare not ask if the salesperson involved in the merc transaction was working on commission.

you sleep whilst time moves?

I've heard John Travolta is a real Melbourne man but he doesn't really come out to games because he prefers to keep it a secret.

You guys must really love U2. Personally , I wouldn't give him the time of day ,let alone work for free for him. (He's actually worth millions WJ).

I can do them for $199.98. Cash only.

More than half the team is from there. Scary.

it's an ancient Adelaide custom. Developed on the banks of the Torrens.

since Kardashian showed her fat arse to the public

you tell him.

Is Dave Larkin a celeb? Well FMD.

I happened to have a temporary job dressed as a light infantryman from 1915.Having no time to waste, leaving the bayonet at the desk, I dashed into court to face whiskey o'reilly , the country judge known to be better in the afternoon. As he stood when I entered, I knew I had made the right choice of apparel.

By the way, On my (formerly) private court matters. I was victorious- with no thanks to my learned colleagues on this forum although I do heed their wise words . I represented myself,which was a risky strategy, but I had the matter heard in a rural backwater so I had some chance of confounding/ corrupting the judge. I am now free to roam the ever emptying cafés of Fitzroy st to ply my trades!

There is a lot of concern about the undesirable element ruining the convivial atmosphere and destroying the vibe in St Kilda. But we at the Gat have a long term plan to bring down rents and remove these Glen Waverley hipster from our happy home. No offence to Danby WJ,but he has no idea about Fitzroy St although his office is right in front of mine. He has given very few speeches in Parliament about the importance of the Gat to Australian art and culture. The only thing he had added in five terms has been about 30 kgs to his midriff. I need to stand up for Melbourne ports and get rid of these educated,employed parasites from our streets forever!

Mostly just Souvlaki on my own New romantic shirt. Has never looked clean since about '87.

The frilly shirts alone would send the dry cleaning bill through the roof. But it would be even worse for Greek Seamen.