Bitter but optimistic

You are so crass at times dc! Gentlemen do not spew. Yes. Wash out your foul mouth Loonie! I just ordered 15 bottles of fine Shiraz. Like Julius Caesar, they will be done by the ides of March.

Ive just prepared my usual Friday night Pizzas and when my delectable company arrives I shall take them outside to cook. The outside cooking is also a nostalgia thing for the lads. Anyway by this stage I would usually have slopped down 3 or 4 stubbies while at least one bottle of shiraz is breathing its last. However , as an abstainer, I have been sipping soda and lime (haven't got the other stuff yet dc). Now could one one you genii please explain how a couple of sodas ( a fraction of my normal liquid intake) have rendered my ample guts full ?

Thank you for your enquiry Moonie. It is good that you continue to try and learn from your betters. As to the Health Club. It was trundling along quite well but then came some misunderstandings. What I considered friendly social overtures to some fellow (female TBH) athletes was misinterpreted or misunderstood and management naturally took their side. Then there was the business with the fungal infection .... well it was all too much and I just wasn't enjoying it anymore.

I try to emulate Elagabalus dc - it's not a temporary condition. A bit like your good self with the blue rinsers I suspect.

It's only a temporary aberration while I endure this Febast foolishness and show Jizza up!

Sorry, I forgot Jizz, the purveyors of fine wine that I patronise frown on customers arriving in gumboots. BTW. I was having a post dinner cordial with a friend last night while he was sucking joyously on a ciggy. It's really that after dinner smoke that is most enjoyable - almost sensuous. You understand I'm sure Jizz.

Despite your snide shot about the Romsey show I'll try it dc. How do you serve this stuff? It's not only available in Borewood is it ?

Big Mouth Shiraz

Where are you Jizz? Not sneaking a puff behind the milking shed I hope!! I've changed my beverage of choice to Bickfords diet lime and soda - still appalling. A further sad irony is that two of my usual wine suppliers rang last night with special deals. The gasp at the other end of the line when I told them I was participating in Febfast did at least give me a laugh

Thank you Earl Hood, you are a true sport. You mention toasts. Given that I am currently an abstainer, might I seek your advice as to the proper libation when toasting Her Majesty at the club?

Dirty tactics eh Jizz? You've dragged the Fl og out of retirement just to drive me to the bottle!

Uncle Bitter my neighbours are doing Febfast and swear that the key is to drink soda water or mineral water from a wine glass and close your eyes. Most of your senses are satisfied, except taste of course. Who knows, you might even become a teetotaller out of this. Thanks for the useless advice Loonie. It's not about taste - it's about the alcohol coursing through the system!

We are all slipping into our dotage due to the shock of positive posts about MFC!!,

As I sit here slurping on a Bickfords Cloudy Apple cordial and soda water I ask myself what moment of temporary insanity allowed me to sign up (And pay money!!) to join this "Febfast foolishness". A month without the tender caress of a fruity Shizaz! FMD what an imbecile I am. No competition either. I reckon Jizz will go up in a puff of smoke within a day or two. Dairy farmers have (read appendage disadvantage) and are unable to match with the real heroes of the land.

I'm going to take you down Jizz!

Ok you're on softy. May the beast farmer win!!!

All of the above dc. However when the tough times come ( ie the paper is late, the toilet blocks, Biffen tries to cadge a free lunch) that's when the real Alpaca farmers stand up!!!

The "lads" signed me up for Febfast - no grog for a month! (I suspect my GP may have put them up to it) . I have had no such abstinence for about 50 years - a significant number hereabouts. Any thought I'd mention this to show Jizza what real 2 balled farmers can achieve. Want to go head to head with me Jizz? My booze for your fags ( tobacco variety) Anyway aim to inhale a couple of shiraz tonight

Yes and no! Even I am wary of the ones who find a toothbrush growing between my toes erotic I need to speak to Lothario!

Told you so! Dairy farmers, govt subsidized, WAP!

Please note! We of Romsey's polite society will not be drawn into any puerile discussion of toilet or personal hygiene habits. Although, for those who have a genuine interest, I will note that the chronic fungal issue appears to be under control.

"drinking more water" There 's your problem Red!

No Earl Hood just wanted to give one of my delightful cousins her 15 minutes of fame. BTW are you enjoying a spot of Royal Tennis?

Just for you Moon

Just thinking about those little woven bracelets