Mel Bourne

Across the course of Goodwin’s tenure I’ve watched countless pressers, interviews and behind-the-scenes clips of him. I cannot say that I have ever been impressed or inspired by his use of language or his ability to convey any kind of message beyond the realms of cliche. I’m not suggesting our club - or any club - requires a master of eloquence instructing the players. In fact such a thing would be a quiet disaster. But a club does need a coach to convey complex thoughts with simple and effective messaging. This requires a coach who has a strong grasp of language at both ends of the spectrum. Our players have looked bereft of inspiration for some time now. I am convinced that Goodwin, for all his absolutely well-meaning and valiant efforts does not have the skill-set required to turn this around. It’s my observation (and I acknowledge that’s all this is) that he has chosen “camaraderie” as a means of psychology. All good and well when a team is young, fit and firing but not much help when a team is in the collective doldrums. In fact it creates something far more insidious- the feeling of safety.

I’m not being condescending. I’m actually giving you some credit by saying “you don’t need it explained” that any kind of physical threat can’t be excused as “dark humour”. Whether it was his car or not is irrelevant.

C’mon dude, you don’t need the whole “death threats aren’t a joke” thing explained to you, right?

Yes, I’m grateful for everyone involved in that trophy, Goodwin included. But the car Simon Goodwin drove across the finish line in ‘21 was built by Paul Ross, and since then he seems to have lost the manual. But he won’t go, because the people involved in making that decision are a rabble themselves.

It’s on them all.

“Monkey tennis?” (for the Alan Partridge fans)

It’s technique and old-fashioned yips. And often a tawdry combination of both.

“Yes, I’m pleased with the result but some of the decisions made by today’s organisers were atrocious and they need to have a good hard look at themselves” (snippet from Picket Fence’s wedding speech)

Helmets certainly reduce the risk of skull fracture, but don’t reduce inertia, which is the cause of concussion (the brain moving inside the skull).

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AJ’s game against the Giants in the opening round was a ripper, and I’m glad he’s getting more time to adjust to AFL. He’ll offer us plenty this year if he can secure the role as Max’s relief. Much prefer him to all the other options. Clarry was showing great signs today. Well and truly kept the lid on Neale and displayed a renewed sense of desperation and tenacity. Sparrow is also slowly turning up the heat. Stats don’t flatter him, but his off-ball/pressure game is underrated. Our freakish captain aside, the lack of big standouts was down to a whole team rising as one. Swans should be worried.

Stoked!! Is this Narrm’s first win?

Got pushed off line mid-air.

Hey I don’t want to put anyone out of a job.

You know why Australia has an unemployment rate of 4.1%? Because our economy is strong enough to house thousands upon thousands of “made-up jobs”. Like the guy that came to my house to test the batteries in the smoke alarms this morning. And AFL journalists.

I’m not sure how much traction it’ll get, but this is the kind of post I pay my yearly subscription for.

Yep, career-high disposals from our incredible captain. But you’ll also get a real kick watching Langford negotiate traffic on the member’s wing. Kid is a star (skip the second quarter)

You obviously didn’t watch the Saints/Dockers match.

AJ certainly looked AFL standard in the opening round. AJ for Fullarton Possibly JVR for Fritsch, but neither are showing much lately Turner for sub.

Did one of your nephews show you emojis at Xmas last year?

Coming off a short break, and the highest pressure rating in a third quarter this season, I can tolerate a last quarter drop-off on this particular occasion. Obviously it won’t go unnoticed, and our last quarters will remain a focus as we press on. But geez, some of you really need to learn to enjoy a win.

We won though, so there’s that.

Windsor’s kicking has been wretched but I think I’d still have him on the ground over Sharp.

Viney’s error was unfortunate but his tackling has been huge. Doesn’t deserve that emoji.

Kozzy seems to have his own home and away schedule.