Mel Bourne

Would require a guaranteed Dockers appearance in the GF to get Kevin interested.

It’s this kind of mentality - that it “needs” to have mass appeal - that keeps the whole effort firmly in the land of dullness. The Grand Final already has mass appeal. It’s not going to either gain or lose viewership because Russell Brand’s ex is plasticising her way through some tawdry corporate-pop anthems. Just wheel out Mike Brady while Angry laps him in the Batmobile and be done with it.

It’s funny, over on Reddit AFL there’s been a minor movement over the past few years to get the Gizz to play a GF. Not that the AFL would ever tweak that they’re one of the biggest Australian bands currently touring the world, but they’ve said they’d never do it anyway. Nothing against the game (one of their first singles was called “Footy”) but they’re simply not interested in the trappings of mainstream recognition. Another wise move from them.

Baker Boy performed at a GF not that long ago. And quite a momentous game it was, too.

To rant about cultural decline or play at the GF?

Yep, the infantilisation of popular culture is a thing. I could write far too much about it, but I’ll spare you all.

For me, it’s because of our form since defeating the Cats back in RD 8. Since then we’ve had a total of four wins - three of which were against lowly teams - Saints, Roos (which we nearly lost) and Weagles. And if Essendon are indeed the pretenders so many label them as, then basically not one “scalp” since the beginning of May. The tightness of the AFL ladder this year flatters many, including us. We may Bradbury our way into the eight this year, but if I’m honest, I think I’d rather see a bunch of early surgeries and an extra few weeks of pre-season than we’ve been afforded in recent years.

You pretty much named it already. Reductive reasoning.

Kev, you mentioned you’re overseas. Are you in the mountains of Tibet by any chance?

I’m mates with their Head of Operations. Trying to think of the perfect text message that will completely derail them. Any suggestions welcome.

Poor Zag. Let’s face it, they were both tarnished by the same brush. I got home from a night out and decided to watch the ‘21 GF (it’s been a while). This guy (pictured) always cracks me up. Is he on DL?

Keays was immense. You’d love to have him in your team. Did anyone notice him coming off the ground with a minute to go and just start walking down into the rooms? He wasn’t injured. It was more like “Ok you guys just finish it off, I’m gonna try and beat the crowds.” Stone cold.

Sparrow’s not going to be the sub.

Crows getting stiffed by the umps. Thilthorpe moves like a mule in a vat of molasses.

Thank you AFL for creating a “discussion” around every single hard tackle in a game. “Wow Richo do you think he’ll get pinged for that?” ”Nah geez, I mean, dunno Brian”. X 20, each round.