Mel Bourne

“Monkey tennis?” (for the Alan Partridge fans)

It’s technique and old-fashioned yips. And often a tawdry combination of both.

“Yes, I’m pleased with the result but some of the decisions made by today’s organisers were atrocious and they need to have a good hard look at themselves” (snippet from Picket Fence’s wedding speech)

Helmets certainly reduce the risk of skull fracture, but don’t reduce inertia, which is the cause of concussion (the brain moving inside the skull).

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AJ’s game against the Giants in the opening round was a ripper, and I’m glad he’s getting more time to adjust to AFL. He’ll offer us plenty this year if he can secure the role as Max’s relief. Much prefer him to all the other options. Clarry was showing great signs today. Well and truly kept the lid on Neale and displayed a renewed sense of desperation and tenacity. Sparrow is also slowly turning up the heat. Stats don’t flatter him, but his off-ball/pressure game is underrated. Our freakish captain aside, the lack of big standouts was down to a whole team rising as one. Swans should be worried.

Stoked!! Is this Narrm’s first win?

Got pushed off line mid-air.

Hey I don’t want to put anyone out of a job.

You know why Australia has an unemployment rate of 4.1%? Because our economy is strong enough to house thousands upon thousands of “made-up jobs”. Like the guy that came to my house to test the batteries in the smoke alarms this morning. And AFL journalists.

I’m not sure how much traction it’ll get, but this is the kind of post I pay my yearly subscription for.

Yep, career-high disposals from our incredible captain. But you’ll also get a real kick watching Langford negotiate traffic on the member’s wing. Kid is a star (skip the second quarter)

You obviously didn’t watch the Saints/Dockers match.

AJ certainly looked AFL standard in the opening round. AJ for Fullarton Possibly JVR for Fritsch, but neither are showing much lately Turner for sub.

Did one of your nephews show you emojis at Xmas last year?

Coming off a short break, and the highest pressure rating in a third quarter this season, I can tolerate a last quarter drop-off on this particular occasion. Obviously it won’t go unnoticed, and our last quarters will remain a focus as we press on. But geez, some of you really need to learn to enjoy a win.

We won though, so there’s that.

Windsor’s kicking has been wretched but I think I’d still have him on the ground over Sharp.

Viney’s error was unfortunate but his tackling has been huge. Doesn’t deserve that emoji.

Kozzy seems to have his own home and away schedule.

“Instead of hanging with other criminals….”

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No, an 18 year-old punched repeatedly in an unprovoked attack, does not compare to the Melksham/May incident. The Continental incident? If it transpires that May did something similar to what Balta did then yeah, I’d want him gone. But I’m not aware of those details, so I reserve judgement I don’t lend my support to violent thugs just because they’re wearing a footy jumper.

It would absolutely serve as a deterrent to other AFL players who have notions of attaining special treatment in these sort of instances. For the record, if our club ever field a player who viciously coward-punched a person I’d tear up my membership for good.

I don’t think any of us are pleased about where the club’s at right now, but all the “yearning” in the world isn’t going to change much. Some will choose to try and enjoy whatever the day brings, and others will choose to tie themselves in knots. Unfortunately this season is a write-off, and once you accept that, things will get a bit easier.