2009 Player Review - #9 Marty 'No Name' McGurk

[Mister Ed 305]

Hello Demonlander's,

As there has been much feedback to myself about this thread, I would just like to tell you that I am very pleased to know that I have all of your support, I know I must now do the hard work which is required through out the upcoming preseason to be able to have a chance of thrilling crowds and you my number one fans with my very well drilled skills, as for the in grown toe nail the doctors/medical team are very positive that it is well and truly gone, barring a freakish injury like getting poked in the pressure point I am ready to fire for season 2010.

As it has been reported that I may be heading to the gold coast in season 2011 this I can confirm is going to happen, due to the fact that I need to get my game back on track and need a change of environment, please do not hold this decision against myself as the MFC will be well compensated for the trade,

As for my hospital work, please do not go over the top as I really enjoy spending time with the kids, playing games/reading books and also telling the occasional joke...

So thank you Demonland for your support, look for the number 9 in the goal square in season 2010!!

Yours Sincerely

Marty McGurk

That's the Casey Fields goal square at 10.30am isn't it Marty?

[H_T 3,043]

Is this the same Marty McGurk that was seen trying out for the Brisbane Broncos late last week, in the Broncos desperate bid to find a new full back to replace special 'K' - Karlmichael Hunt who is defecting to the AFL's new franchise, the Gold Coast Football Club?

Edited September 28, 2009 by High Tower

[Marty_9McGurk 0]

OK Guys,

The rumour is true that Aaron Davey is defecting to Essendon as it was either myself or him, the club decided that it was best for all parties if i stayed as i have undiscovered talent in my left toe, and while Aaron is a great player the MFC would like to get another early draft pick, Essendon headhunted myself offering there first round pick along with Micheal Hurley, but Dean believes that i have what it takes and did not want to give myself up, he believed that there is 1-2 brownlows and 5 all australians and 3-4 Coleman's in myself, as he has this new self belief in myself i have now decided that i am a demon for life and will not be heading to the new GOLDCOAST football club, there is a 3year deal there for me to sign at $750 k per year the decision was made for me, also just thinking of playing with the likes of Morton, Jurrah, Grimes, Spencer, Bate and most importantly my closest friend Mr Newton!!.

As for the Brisbane Broncos Full Back Position i did fly up there for a trial, as i have earlier stated in this press release i cannot simply turn my back on the MFC and most importantly the young kids with the number 9 on there backs....

Most sincerly

your POWER forward

Marty McGurk......

[John Dee 445]

Everybody gaga at McGurk revelations

The football world was in turmoil last night following the startling revelations that Melbourne forward Marty "No Name" McGurk is a hermaphrodite. Secret tests done by the AFL on McGurk following suspicions being raised in some quarters has revealed that McGurk has both male and female sexual organs. Many supporters who have known for some time that there was something different about Marty; now they know what.

Little has been heard from McGurk following the revelations; it is rumoured that he is going to give up football and take up athletics. McGurk is also said to considering emigration to South Africa; at a confrontation with the media outside a Melbourne hotel this morning he was heard to say "They know how to treat a lady".

Edited September 28, 2009 by undeeniable

[Reality Bus 17]

McGurk banned for having too much sex

From correspondents in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Agence France-Presse

September 29, 2009 01:56pm

MUSLIM-majority Malaysia has banned Melbourne Football Club star, Marty McGurk's raunchy comedy 'No Name Number 9' because it contains "a lot of sex,'' a senior official says.

The film, which stars McGurk as a gay Austrian fashionista, has been a box office hit in some countries while being banned elsewhere for over-the-top scenes including sex acts and full-frontal nudity.

"The movie has been banned in Malaysia because of the sexual content. It was decided by a three-man committee. (There is) a lot of sex in it,'' an official with the National Film Censorship Board said today.

He said the panel judges movies based on whether they feature violence, horror, sex or counter-cultural themes.

"In the case of No Name Number 9, the ban is based on its sex and counter-culture content,'' he said on condition of anonymity.

Following the same format as his 2006 movie McGurk: Cultural Learnings of Carlton for Make Benefit Glorious Football Club of Melbourne, McGurk's character travels to the Brownlow Medal count at Crown Casino, where bizarre scenarios unfold including one where he mimes sexual activity while visiting a prominent full forward.

Other controversial scenes include McGurk and his boyfriend engaged in sexual acts and couples having sex at a swingers' party.

McGurk: Cultural Learnings of Carlton for Make Benefit Glorious Football Club of Melbourne was also banned in Malaysia, a conservative country with a multicultural population including 60 per cent Muslim Malays.

Since 2007 alone, Malaysia has banned five movies, the most recent being Perth film 'White Line Fever', written and directed by Ben Cousins.

[Marty_9McGurk 0]

McGurk banned for having too much sex

After consulting with my new manager Paul Connors, the above statement is totally [censored], these events did not take place, this rumour above has hurt myself, my family, and my children, and most importantly my fans, i will be suing Agence France-Presse for a total of $4.5 million and will be donating this sum of money to the melbourne football club if in my bid i prove successful..

Once again

Yours Truly

Marty

[Reality Bus 17]

apologies. my source must have been confused. no hard feelings?

[Marty_9McGurk 0]

apologies. my source must have been confused. no hard feelings?

Yes this has hurt me deeply, this could tip me over the edge and a trip to the westgate....

[Bucks-Fan 1]

Now Marty..

You are still viewed as an idol to all melbourne fans and we would miss you dearly, and we dont want to be late driving to work

[MO FINE 166]

Now Marty..

You are still viewed as an idol to all melbourne fans and we would miss you dearly, and we dont want to be late driving to work

Do we know whether he's back at training or is he going to offer himself up in the PSD?

I heard that Collingwood is interested and that Eddie's promised him the spot of panel buffoon recently vacated on The Footy Show by Brendan Fevola.

Edited October 30, 2009 by MO FINE

[beelzebub 23,313]

heard rumours Marty and Strauchnie are to release a new Rap Album. Marty will surely take over the role of roving minstral from Robbo :D

[Chelly 810]

McGurk should stick with the Demons

Caroline Watson | November 1, 2009

MARTY MCGURK and Melbourne must wonder how it came to this. Back in October, 2008 the Demon utility who once topped his clubs' polling in the Zebra reserves best and fairest voting sat down during the club's end of season trip to Wangaratta with Nathan Carroll and Ben Holland for a lengthy conversation with The Sunday Age about life as a footballer and Melbourne's 2009 prospects.

McGurk, now 25, was one of the three club members destined for delisting. He was also one of Melbourne's lowest-paid players - definitely in the bottom three. He was saved from delistment because of his lowly  remuneration which kept his club's total player payments below its salary cap limit.

Read on ... www.bullshnews.com.au/

 

[stevethemanjordan 6,952]

Glad to get rid of the man.

Didn't even know he was on the list anyway..........

....(crickets)....

...............................

[Hobbits's 17]

Glad to get rid of the man.

Didn't even know he was on the list anyway..........

....(crickets)....

...............................

You don't know your players. In line to be put on rookie list.