Earl Hood

BBO I am an experienced practitioner in Root Cause Analysis, give me a call if you need help. My consultancy provides services at competitive rates and there is a discount for Dland members!

Biff just checking can you send me the contact for the Mufti? I have several dozen kilos of guava paste on my hands from my misadventures in Cuba that could be of use to the Mufti at a suitable price of course. Guava fruit in its normal state can be be regarded as [censored] like by the demented or religious orders so is banned in many countries but my guava paste is very agnostic! It would be good to set up a deal with direct payment so I can get out of this bolt hole I have here just outside of Cancun in Mexico. Gee without my local friend Shorty Guzman I would be stuffed. He is happy to organise the money transfers with yourself for the guava transfer but also can provide finance for some of your other activities if you desire! Have I ever led you astray (lately?) The Earl

From the balmy island of Cozimel in Mexico, can I echo others and just say Feliz Navidad y un feliz año nuevo a todos en la tierra del diablo! May 2016 bring us all numerous victories and the ultimate destruction of the dark force, well I really mean Hawthorn here.

OD I suspect you are correct my Cuban banana deal is in tatters. I have been double crossed somewhere at the highest levels. I am currently licking my wounds in Cancun after being whisked out of Havana last night by my brother in law one step ahead of the local police chief. You may remember my brother in law sells vacuum cleaners in Havana, well the whole time I was there I never saw him sell one; I suspect he was so frustrated he started drawing pictures of vacuum cleaners as a side line I suppose to earn some pesos. I quite liked his sketches actually and remember showing them to a few of the regulars at the Wonder Bar where I would have my regular afternoon banana daiquiri. They were very interested in them so he had potential clients no doubt about it but when I mentioned this he went ballistic! Next thing I know we are all off to the airport to catch the first plane out? To add insult to injury I had my stash of real Cuban coffee, the Inner Party coffee confiscated by the communists at the airport customs. So I have nothing to show for my trade deals except a few kilos of guava paste! I suspect there will be no Cuban bananas in OZ anytime soon.

bj the way you describe it I may take up smoking again! Ernest, profit is everything but it is not about me, I do it only for the Syndicate and our share holders as you know.

Good God there must be Cuban bananas in OZ already! Fidel has gazumped me.

Hmmm Good point HT I have been negotiating in Cuban Pesos forgot about AUS $. At the moment I calculate that I can get them to market for about 71.40 Cuban Pesos/kg. The other point to make is that Cuban bananas bend the other way, to the left, rather than to the right as you are looking at them. Not sure if this will pose a marketing problem or not?

RL as I posted some time ago I am on the cusp of finalising a trade deal here in Havana that will ship bananas to OZ, as many as we need! This deal will be bigger than the Trans Pacific Partnership if it comes off. The paperwork is all but done but it still needs Fidel's final sign off but it is difficult to catch him when he is awake these days. Fingers crossed that there will be no banana shortage in my lifetime!

I had a delicious banana daiquiri at El Floridita Hotel today with Ernest. He wasn't there in body but he was in spirit. Plenty of bananas in Cuba and they do taste sweet. I can see a business opportunity here, bananas and guava paste, not sure what we can off load on them in exchange though, perhaps some of our marketing gurus to convince them of their need for some superfluous stuff they haven't got?

None of them here that I can see DC. You thinking of Malta?

I am with you in spirit Earl. However when you have been lying around for as long as have its hard to become energised. It's all changed so much that I am sure I would not recognise my old haunts. My old flames are also the worse for wear. it's depressing to think that Cuba is now being viewed as a market by the imperial powers and its old foe is now seeking to exploit it shamelessly. I would love to go back to my old Cuba but alas it has gone. Never go back is my motto. The memories are all that matter. Ernest I could have sworn we were together in spirits, gallons of them, the other night at the Hotel Ambos Mundos. I know I had had a few too many Cuban Libre's but I was sure it was you. While Fidel lives the Revolucion continues! But not after he goes I agree. I am here on assignment with only the best interests of Cuba as my guiding principle of course. Tomorrow I head west toward the mountains with my brother in law who owns a vacuum cleaner franchise in Havana. I am not sure why but he has been acting rather odd lately, we are going to be looking for installations or something in the jungles apparently? Thought with your knowledge you might have some idea what is going on.

Greetings from Havana I was hoping to catch up with Hemingway but can't find him. I have been to all his old drinking holes but no sign of him. Otherwise the weather is very balmy and the rum is flowing freely in between my official engagements of course.

Unfortunately I will be infight for the next 36 odd hours to LA and Mexico City so I shall be missing the suspense and intrigue of tomorrow's draft from Adelaide. Being OS I will be depending on the considered opinions of R&B, BB, Biffen, Uncle Bitter and DC to reassure myself that we have nailed picks 3 and 7 or otherwise! That said I may be too busy to take it all in as I am on a secret trade mission to Cuba on behalf of Malcolm to open up a dialogue with our Cuban friends, ahead of the Americans. I will of course be in communications with some of the most important officials in Habana. As well I have a commission from MFC to seek out any potential AFL talent while I am there. Anyway let us hope we get a couple of absolute guns who can play and who can get on the park regularly. Adios Amigos

Can someone explain the article in today's Age that rated the liveability of all Melbourne's suburbs? If you can please explain to me how Borewood comes in at 80 out of 321 and ahead of Fitzroy at 82? Good heavens I mean the two suburbs are like chalk and cheese. And then the suburb of my birth Box Hill South comes in at 83! So with all I have achieved in my life I have moved one rung up the liveability scale or 0.003% improvement in 30 years! Don't say a word of this to DC.

Well BBO I tried to but things turned out not as I expected today. After my business breakfast at Wild Timor Coffee House I was supposed to be met by my best man in a 4 tonne truck to drive out to Tullamarine Airport. But he when he didn't arrive I had to track him down and found him finally half cut in my Thifty rental truck and not making any sense. So there was nothing for it but for me to jump in the drivers seat and set forth for Tullamarine in the rain and peak hour traffic driving this unresponsive hulk of a vehicle, with Parker snoring beside me. I get to The freight storage centre gate but they won't let me in without Customs papers, so I have to reverse the beast with no help and pull into the car park and all I get is abuse from these appalling hairy men in singlets who drive big trucks! What is their problem, surely if they see a smaller truck with Thrifty written all over it, they know to steer clear, anything could happen. Anyway after being informed Customs would not be available for 2 hours I set off for a coffee at Maccas but then found it is impossible to park a truck in Maccas at Tulla so headed off on the freeway and found myself opposite Gladstone Park Shopping Centre in a Maccas! I ordered a latte to have here and was given a half litre mug of grey coloured milk, with a hint of coffee flavour, what is that about? Anyway I was definitely doing my bit and pressing the flesh with the ordinary people at this stage. Back to Tulla and finally Customs clears my consignment of cargo from Egypt, but not after he had a good look at the sarcophagus and the Greco Roman statues, all above board of course, really why do they waste our tax payers money and my time. I mean why even question my statue of Zenobia from Palmyra as if I am some antiquities thief! Really. Anyway in retrospect what a day it has been and Parker is still [censored] so must provide some constructive feedback at our next performance review meeting.

BBO how prescient of you. I am off the new Wild Timor Coffee House in Carlton this very morning for an important business breakfast.

Funny you should mention herbs R&B my wife has pots of them all over our balcony and every dinner time she insists on asking me to "get me some thyme, get my some parsley". Nearly every time I come back with the wrong herb and that allows her to reinforce one of my few weaknesses on a regular basis. It is a real blank spot for me and I have suggested she put name plates on all the pots but of course she has no intention of doing that!

I am not sure it has ever worked. One A grader like Carey might get you into the finals but it won't get you the cup unless there are 6 to 8 other very good players and more. Think Abletts, Judd, Flower, etc. Great players still need quality help.

BBO as you have stated before, just driving your Merc amongst the poor lifts their spirits as it gives them a vision of what is possible, what they can aspire to. It is laudable that you would put aside some of your precious time to volunteer amongst the poor, at your own cost. Although you might want to talk to my accountant to explore what might be deductible in regards to your fuel costs, your time and other wear and tear on your vehicle.

DC is the multicultural sod a half Box Hill, half Blackburn skippy who has migrated to Borewood. That would explain it.

Have they reformed as Uluru?

Hey Macca, I think it is well overtime for you to update us on what you have been listening to lately!

Yes BBO I must admit I have been a touch maudlin since the announcement but I have returned from the members at Flemington totally recharged! Certain well connected colleagues have assured me that as far as they are concerned Tony is not finished. And apparently Her Majesty is not happy with Malcolm one little bit, according to dear old Flynty! And DC guessed correctly I did, at my lowest ebb, find myself drowning a few G&T's outside at the Builders Arms on Gertrude Street waiting for a bus, would I do it or wouldn't I? Then I realised in the 20 years I have lived in Fitzroy I have never seen a bus on Gertrude Street, they don't go down that way too many trams in the way I guess.

DC Heading off to Cuba in a few weeks so I am reading some Spanish books, though they are the equivalent of the old John and Betty readers that we once read in grade 1 I think. Anyway I have to brush up the Spanish just in case I run into Fidel while I am there. Desperate to get there before the Yanks get there in numbers and transform the place.

I just scrolled through the last 50 odd posts, that is time I won't get back. Best retire to bed with a good book, I think.