Earl Hood

Hi Maple Amazed you survived yesterday given the company you keep but yes Conchita is back from visiting family in Cuba and she does look and sound different, now that you mention it, but she said that she had some cosmetic work done over there. Her 457 papers were in order so it must be her surely? On other matters there is good and bad news to report. After the Guava explosion yesterday Parker is still missing but the good news is my new Bentley has landed on the docks and has driverless technology installed so Parker was out of a job anyway. Amazing how there is always a silver lining eh?

In the end I am glad I didn't get to the game today, given the result. I was on my way to Etihad when Conticha rang to say there had been an explosion back at my Fitzroy warehouse. Back I go only to find my boilers full of Guava paste had overloaded. My man Parker is still missing in all this chaos so all is not well, the search continues. My attempts to produce "the essence of guava" are still a work in progress I am afraid.

I love these high flyers working 8 am to 10.30 pm, really? Has Mrs Misson ever heard of delegating responsibility to others, to aid their development? And she wouldn't lack resources at the over subsidised Girls Grammar! Leader or control freak?

Hi Everyone just a heads up to all posters on this thread, as you know I am often called on to dispense life style advice to our more unfortunate brethren but I may not be as accessible as I have been in the past to give this advice. I have recently been appointed as the lead consultant to the Head of the Office of Medicinal Cannabis for Victoria. It is an onerous position and will take up much of my time but it is for society's good. My one concern is that the new CEO that I have only seen from a distance was wearing a light blue Hawaian Shirt, he did look disturbingly familiar! As a background quote: "The Government will establish an Office of Medicinal Cannabis within the Department of Health and Human Services to oversee the manufacturing, dispensing and clinical aspects of the framework". Feel free to contact me about any "delivery" issues you may have! The Earl

Moons I think I hugged just about everybody at the Cricketers just before I was evicted and staggered down to the Royal for an eyeful! Can't remember who I groped but who is the moral compass?

Parker is my designated driver Maple! Very dependable.

Just got back home. What a day, off to the Duke at 11.00 for an early counter lunch, then off to the G to watch the match, then off to the bar at half time for further refreshments, what a great game, then off to the Cricketer's Arms after the match and onto the Royal. What a day at the football. Umm can someone tell me who won?

Now now Biff let us be quite clear when I mention a bag I mean 5 goals or more. The NML that I played for has never had veggie burgers or cider after the game that I remember. More like a fine wine selection at the end of the day with a cheese platter but the double espressos at three quarter time always helped our last quarter efforts, a la West Coast circa 2006. And the rules are the same, there is no in the bun rule by the way. The Northern Metrosexual League unforturtunately expanded in later years to bring in sides like the Flowerdale lumberjacks and the Whittlesea Bogans, that was too much for me, lining up on guys wearing gumboots and cotton fleece shirts was no challenge given my speed and agility in those days, to say nothing about my superior vocabulary and oratory skills in the sledging duals. There was simply no more challenges for me. I was an early example of the entertaining "Gun for Hire" full forward hired to bring in a local crowd for a local club long before Fev started doing it. Happy to to be a low profile trail blazer in this area, as Kevin Rudd might say.

Yes Emerald I have seen people playing footy in Ugg boots. I don't recommend it myself. I played a few invitation games for the Fitzroy Hipsters some years ago and had this fullback, from the Carlton Barrista's line up on me wearing Ugg boots, not a good look and not very practical, especially after I did the old foot stomp as we lined up. Got my usual bag as I remember it.

To what?

No Maple you are right. I just googled it and remembered I had seen the device displayed in the Inquisition Museum I visited in Cartegena in Columbia some years ago. Not pleasant at all but then if a woman could not prove she was not a witch well who am I to step in and stop the tickler bring applied? And Uncle unfortunately Conchita had to go home for family reasons last week. I always assumed she was Spanish but my man Hudson drove her to the airport and reported that she took an Aeroflot flight to Moscow! Yes I am confused.

That's it you lot, stop the puns, my Ugg boots are off the market! Now move on before the Spanish Inquisition shows up!

Uncle I have several pairs of Ugg Boots available for sale if you are interested. They are Size 13 though, you know what they say about men with big feet!

Moons I for one want us to celebrate our broad MFC church of followers. While Uncle, Biff, Maple and yourself are off celebrating in their own unique ways, there is my good self hurrying off quickly after the siren on Saturday to attend the Vice Chancellor's dinner at Melbourne University to award to me, my honourary doctorate in Latin American Politics! It is just overdue recognition for my untiring work in opening up Cuba to Obama and the US and the Rolling Stones in concert and guava paste research and my tireless efforts to access their bananas for export! As usual I am humbled by the honours thrown my way but it is understandable given my tireless work on behalf of others!

Agree his ability to get his hands free is uncanny. But he gets his hands up high and shoots off a handball, did it 5 or so times today, amazing. Must have big hands to hold the ball so high and unload, Voss didn't do that so often as I remember.

I will be up and about early tomorrow for my normal one hour power walk but I won't be crossing Smith Street into Collingwood tomorrow that is for sure. They are getting one hell of a pasting from the Swans. Will be dangerous territory tomorrow for non believers. There is some good coffee to be had in Abbottsford so I may have to approach via East Melbourne.

Good heavens Pickett do you have no respect for the recently departed? Our good Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward (née Anderson) passed away just last week. Yes we were adversaries at times but we also had a certain rapport, things could have been different but there just too many strings to untangle to make things work! I have been in mourning since I heard the news. The mere thought of the Uncle drooling over Mi Lady makes me sick to my stomach. And I suspect DC has similar urges as well! Do any of you have one iota of moral decency? While I am at it is anyone interested in purchasing a pink roller with a few miles on the clock?

You are headed for Jerusalem Moons? The Stations of the Cross next Friday?

Outstanding illogical spray, come mad rant, Uncle! One of the best I have witnessed in recent times. This perhaps sums up in so few illogical sentences why we log on each day to this site!

What? Now come on Ernest you are not dead, why you and me had a long conversation not three months ago in The Floridetta Bar about the virtues of socialism and what bait to use if you are chasing marlin, I remember it well. Admittedly I had downed a few daiquiris for breakfast and we met for lunch and come to think of it you didn't say a lot but you were alive and I do have a few selfies of us at the bar as I remember. I think we even discussed this LBWYO issue everyone is going on about lately!

I think you mean redundant?

Ichabod Mudd?

No they did not!

I have several bikes, I took the clunky mountain bike today. It is heavy but stable and requires more energy to move it along so it burns more calories. I don't have a fixie, too dangerous in the inner city traffic I think.

Very pleasant day today actually, in the morning after a hearty breakfast I completed the warehouse stocktake with Conchita and we have enough guava paste, Cuban cigars and Havana Club rum to meet all our future orders. I then got on the bike and rode helter, skelter to Etihad via the Capital Trail bike path using the HIIT methodology. I got there in record time of course, walked straight in and my first highlight was walking past Jack Trengove and Van the Man, gee they look fit! I am sure I then walked past Saty wearing his MFC away Guernsey with a new hair cut as well. I settled down near our cheer squad but I was so exhausted I the fell asleep and missed the first half. Apparently we played quite well.