Earl Hood

Good heavens Pickett do you have no respect for the recently departed? Our good Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward (née Anderson) passed away just last week. Yes we were adversaries at times but we also had a certain rapport, things could have been different but there just too many strings to untangle to make things work! I have been in mourning since I heard the news. The mere thought of the Uncle drooling over Mi Lady makes me sick to my stomach. And I suspect DC has similar urges as well! Do any of you have one iota of moral decency? While I am at it is anyone interested in purchasing a pink roller with a few miles on the clock?

You are headed for Jerusalem Moons? The Stations of the Cross next Friday?

Outstanding illogical spray, come mad rant, Uncle! One of the best I have witnessed in recent times. This perhaps sums up in so few illogical sentences why we log on each day to this site!

What? Now come on Ernest you are not dead, why you and me had a long conversation not three months ago in The Floridetta Bar about the virtues of socialism and what bait to use if you are chasing marlin, I remember it well. Admittedly I had downed a few daiquiris for breakfast and we met for lunch and come to think of it you didn't say a lot but you were alive and I do have a few selfies of us at the bar as I remember. I think we even discussed this LBWYO issue everyone is going on about lately!

I think you mean redundant?

Ichabod Mudd?

No they did not!

I have several bikes, I took the clunky mountain bike today. It is heavy but stable and requires more energy to move it along so it burns more calories. I don't have a fixie, too dangerous in the inner city traffic I think.

Very pleasant day today actually, in the morning after a hearty breakfast I completed the warehouse stocktake with Conchita and we have enough guava paste, Cuban cigars and Havana Club rum to meet all our future orders. I then got on the bike and rode helter, skelter to Etihad via the Capital Trail bike path using the HIIT methodology. I got there in record time of course, walked straight in and my first highlight was walking past Jack Trengove and Van the Man, gee they look fit! I am sure I then walked past Saty wearing his MFC away Guernsey with a new hair cut as well. I settled down near our cheer squad but I was so exhausted I the fell asleep and missed the first half. Apparently we played quite well.

Whoops!

Well I had assumed this thread was locked after I made the brave call on the smutty nature of the talk here by those I have identified as the chattering classes, the proleteriate as some call it. I assumed the moderators would act appropriately but apparently not! So the good doctor, DC and others can continue their smutty innuendos ad infinitum!

Interesting comment Pro as some here have commented on his similar physique and explosive speed to Jacko. I think Jacko was only about 6'1 but I think he could still play FF these days. Wonder if the Trac has the same speed over 10 or 20m and that X factor ability (that you can't teach) to kick goals from anywhere.

What has happened to the old Aussie Davis Cup team ethos? Remember Rosewell and Hoad, Newcombe, Roche, Cash and Co, all were tough, competitors and friends through thick and thin. What is going on now? Tomic and Kyrios could be very good but are now sniping each other. What is it about Oz tennis players these days? Lleyton needs to get both of them in a room and bang a few heads together, maybe bring in Rochey as well to give them a reality check.

Or Uncle B make things worse? While you and I can have rational discussions on these matters, I fear the chattering classes, typified by the likes of DC, Biffen and Moons to name but a few, will just take anything I say and turn it into smut! I feel not unlike poor Carinal Pell, you can't win, no matter what you say. However yes some of my employees are very dark haired, of Spanish stock, shall we say, so they could be described as hirsute, but only in the right places if you understand me. I have banned razor blades in the Manor on OH&S grounds, as any responsible employer would and I demand to do weekly inspections to verify that we comply with all these guidelines. These are the burdens of leadership. Hudson's role is very simple, to manage and chaperone the maids to the ATM every week to withdraw half their wage in cash to put back into our housekeeping fund in line with the industry norm set by employer companies such as 711 etc. guava paste, well it is doing me a treat as I stated earlier, all I can say is I am hard as nails and am working with Blackmores, it could be worth mega dollars.

Good heavens a simple request for advice about one of my employees degenerates into smutty discussions, as if between a group of year 7 boys of transvestites and lords taking first dibs at the local village virgin. No wonder I try to limit my contact with the proletariat!

I am seeking advice from my fellow Dlanders. It has recently come to my attention an accusation that my favourite scullery maid, Conchita has been stealing from my wine collection! I have checked the cellar and yes there are bottles of Tempranillo, Sangiovese and Merlot missing ( could be BBO though) but then again my bookkeeping on these matters can be a bit erratic at times. I however feel betrayed, I brought my helper over from Columbia for her unique cleaning skills on a 457 Visa. I offered her the median wage of $55K per year and the usual requirement that she accompany my main Man, Hudson to the ATM to withdraw $500 every week to put back to our housekeeping fund. What more can I do?

The only problem is his putting talks on hold does not help him focus on his footy, exactly the opposite actually I would have thought. When we look at the recent history of free agents and other players out of contract we know some can handle the distractions better than others. But having to outright lie to the public via the media must be a tough gig for young men hell bent on maximising their income. I hope Hogan is not like he who cannot be named!

Yes in the top clubs the players keep resigning for unders as they chase success. And that undermines the so called equalisation effect of the salary cap. I assume this is why Hogan is delaying talks, as he weighs up whether we have the right playing group to go to the next step. Fair enough I suppose but the old school would not be impressed one bit. This is Gen Y or Z or whatever he is I suppose. One frustration is we never hear from Hoges himself, he seems very media shy.

The Ox in the Age today says he thinks he has been offered an option of a 3 or 5 year contract for roughly a million a year and yet he has asked for more time and they have thrown up the new TV rights agreement whatever it is called as playing a part in their thoughts. Yes this may increase total salary caps at clubs but really what game are they playing? I don't think it is about money. Either he is off to WA or he is waiting to gauge our improvement as a side before comitting. Either way modern footy shytes me, as a minnow club you know if you uncover a talent, it will now be a battle to keep them.

Thanks for you advice Uncle B and sorry for the late reply. I prepared a tasty, nutritious meal on Monday night, a lightly grilled fillet of lean kangaroo leg with a small quinoa salad washed down with two bottles of Paul Osicka Shiraz 2012 as you recommended. Well I seemed to have missed Tuesday somewhere? I remember not feeling well, obviously something dodgey with the salad and decided to go to bed but I woke up face down in the bathroom and a check in on my mobile showed it was Wednesday? I think I need to re-evaluate the fitness advice I have received here on DL. Wellbeing programs need to be individually tailored I suspect.

Yes BBO you may have a point there. I have of recent years strayed away from that old staple shiraz. I have been partaking of your more boutique grape varieties, pinots, malbecs, Merlots etc. Certainly my former Adonis like physique has deteriorated in recent years since I last opened a bottle of Shiraz. That must be the problem, who needs the Man Challenge. Thanks for your advice Uncle B.

DC I wouldn't be paying for your advice, I don't live in quarter acre block Borewood home! I live in a Fitzroy warehouse, I don't have a Hills Hoist to run around. OD I eat quite well, no fat, all ancient grains and salads with some lean protein serves at night, all washed down with a bottle of quality red wine, I mean I don't believe I need dietary advice as I am ticking all the dietry boxes as far as I can see. Still there seems to be a calorie problem somewhere? Maybe Roosey can resolve the problem.

I am thinking of signing up for the Man Challenge 10 week fitness routine to shed some weight but I note Paul Roos is the coach along with other high profile sports people as mentors. My worry is that Roosey gets distracted from our pre season with my exercise routine and he neglects Jonesy and co. its $20 a week to join. What should I do?

BBO said Earl Hood just a reminder I'm still awaiting information on whether or not you were successful in abusing the 357 visa system to obtain new servants? My maids are refusing to wear the uniforms I supply and was I hoping to find some errr shall we say more compliant employees. This is part of your problem BBO, you have the wrong visas, I may use the 457 visa regulations for skilled migrant workers to my advantage. But I know nothing of the 357 variety you speak of. Now as you know I have offered my consulting services that can help humble, rural small businesses such as your own Uncle. It's not rocket science but you would be astounded by how many times we see small businesses making the simplist of errors, like paying their employees the legal hourly rate, or even paying the 9% super contribution. We even see businesses paying sick leave and long service leave entitlements. I mean it is seems ridiculous in this day and age but there you go. We have consulted to 711, Dominos, all the successful companies. We have the blueprint for success and we can give it to you. Success awaits you, just give us a call!

Nothing about the shirt per se Defrog, I was in fact wearing similar colourful, tropical shirts during my recent I'll fated missions to Cuba and Mexico where such garb is expected. But this is not the case in a place such as Melbourne. Black is more the fashionable colour here in our sub, sub tropical climate. Now Perth is different, I don't know what the fashion is over there, are Hawaiian shirts the in thing in Cottesloe these days?