Earl Hood

PDee can you vouch for the canapés at the local Mont Albert Ladies tennis club? I have it on good authority that they are second to none!

DC business never stops as you know. i must drop in to the Mont Albert tennis club to check out the afternoon tea! I am thinking about rebooting my tennis career. Do you think they could use a right hander with a lethal backhand and a big kicking serve?

It has been a sad week with the passing of Lady Susan Renouf, the doyen of Melbourne Society. Of course I attended the farewell with the rest of the who is who of Melbourne society. It was great to catch up with my old University chums Andy Peacock, Bluey Walker, Bobby Doyle and Micky Kroger. And the cream of Melbourne's matrons were there of course to pay their respects It was a marvellous farewell at Saint Andrews Church in Brighton and later on at the reception, well at least until the congenial atmosphere was somewhat sullied by the appearance of an unlikely character who I observed scoffing the canapés, sculling the bubbly and touching up some of the matrons, one of whom shrieked "what are you doing here DC?"

Or me running into my Triad money lenders who I knew nothing about until your recent trip to Asia! But however I have been agile enough to avoid because I am in the FNQ tropics!

BB don't you live bayside? If it goes in the drain it is coming your way! Better off being processed and pre-treated by Moons prior to entering the sewer system to be fully treated at Werribee!

Uncle as you know I am waiting for your paperwork. You know some receipts to verify your excessive expenses in China for a start! Any receipts for expenses We incurred from your Malaysian venture would be a bonus as we never knew you were going there!!!

The outcome of this election is a minor issue for me now. I am reeling from the news that Lois Lane passed away just last Sunday and this a mere 9 months after the passing of Jimmy Olsen! And we lost Lady Penelope and Wilbur Post earlier this year! These are tragic times indeed. Why would I care who will rule this place now?

Moons I think Julia should be setting up a consultancy available to both sides to guide them through the art of negotiation first to form a minority government, then how to work legislation through that circus, called the senate. For all that she was vilified by the conservative press and a clod like Abbott who could not negotiate his way out of a wet paper bag, she was masterful in negotiating legislation through a near hung lower house and a potentially hostile Senate. Although negotiating sensibly with Pauline might be a bridge too far, even for Julia.

BJ I looked at importing bananas from Cuba last year to overcome the darstardly Panama disease but all Cuban bananas bend to the left as you look at them. So they are not straight but both Castro bothers assured me there is no such thing as LGBTI anything in Cuba, it is just Western capitalist propaganda so if it is bent, at least to the left it can also be straight!

Not me. I am currently in FNQ and eating bananas every day and haven't noticed any men looking at me, women yes, men no.

I have been somewhat insensitive as I just realised that today marks the 55 anniversary of Ernest's uhm, err, shall we say untimely death; no wonder he was in no mood for an ale at his own brewery last evening.

Ernie where are you? I am having an ale at Hemingway's Brewery at the Marina in Port Douglas as I write this but you are no where to be seen! The place only opened two weeks ago so don't tell me you got bored with the humid weather and headed south. You gave me the slip in Havana last year, now Port Douglas.

Uncle, as they say every cloud has a silver lining, here I am holed up in my Wet Tropics rainforest hideaway with Conchita, North of The Daintree basking in 28 degree temperatures and humidity. Certainly better here than freezing my you know what's in Melbourne. My Fitzroy and Surf Coast bastions have been overrun by Asian looking ruffians demanding money for what do you know why? So I have retreated North and as you can see I have gone undercover in disguise. For the record there has been no word from Hudson since he went to confront the ruffians in Fitzroy, seems like he has taken one for Team Hood! Good man Hudson but he was close to retirement so better him than me as you would understand.

RL has Mr Biccardi still got old Fidel Castro in his sights for retribution? It's been 60 years since the revolution and I think Bicardi, Hershy and the United Fruit Company still want their assets back. The Biccardi building in Havana is a masterpiece of Art Deco architecture.

Just to let DLanders know that I may be off the air for some time. There have been some problems at my Fitzroy Warehouse and I have had to beat a retreat to my Surf Coast enclave. For some reason my Warehouse was invaded by some asian looking types looking for trouble and yelling about some unpaid invoices. I haven't seen Hudson since I sent him to evict them from the premises. I myself being a master of disguise was of course able to slip straight past the thugs and get to the Bentley unscathed. I am not sure what this is all about, they must be Chinese agents seeking the secret essence of Guava formula. I fear Uncle may be involved in this somewhere!

DC we tried to recall him last week but he has "Gone Rogue" on us. Yesterday's audit report has found excessive travel costs, zero evidence of Uncle contacting our prospective franchisees in China and worse still kilos of guava essence are unaccounted for. If he is ODing on G essence that would explain his erratic behavior.

Uncle, glad to hear you are now in Shanghai, one of our better potential markets hey? However on other matters, can you please supply receipts for expenses incurred so far and a list of clients you have presented to? I need to produce a cost benefit report before I feel confident to approach the Board about extending yet further funds to our Chinese marketing venture. As it is I am facing some serious questions from our financial auditors about your expenses Incurred so far and the Chairman has actually caste doubt on your credibility as a sales representative.

No transplant BB, prolific hair re growth is one of the side effects of using Guava paste, just rub the magic G paste into the scalp twice a day and yeah, yeah, we have advanced hair! Obviously Uncle has been using my marketing samples of G powder meant for China on his own head, unbeknownst to my good self who has just sent off a money advance to him in China. God knows what he is actually selling to the locals.

Uncle, 1000 Bitcons sent through to your account as requested. Spend them wisely.

Dear me I fear it may be Uncle B you refer to Moons. If so I am sure this is a complete misunderstanding. Uncle was transporting several kilos of Guava powder on my behalf as part of a major marketing exercise I am undertaking in China to promote the health enhancing qualities of guava powder, just add water and you have the magic of G paste! As for the bottles of Shiraz I think that is the norm for Uncle on a long haul flight, a bottle an hour.

Ernest I am sure Demon fans were arrogant and born to win in the 50's and early 60's. if you hadn't been galavanting around places like Cuba with the likes of Fidel and Che in the late 50's you would know this!

RL I envy you and suspect you are doing better than my cruise last year to New Caladonia on the Pacific Gastro!

Yes BJ I have found the all new Soylent Green, "now with more girls", to be absolutely delicious!

All the post match talk is very depressing, can we change the subject? Bananas, guava paste sales for instance? Maybe an update on how the Gatt is going? Anything will do.

I have watched most of the first 4 seasons. My wife loves the series, I quite like it. My main gripe is that the concept for the series so easily could have been based on real history rather than fantasy. If anyone has ever read any medieval history from about 900 AD to 1200 AD involving the Normans, the Byzantine Empire and their Varangian Guard, the Arabs and assorted other barbarian tribes from Central Asia and you have a story of conflict that is equal to or better than anything you might see on GoT. But that is just me I prefer some historical perspective rather than pure fantasy.