Mazer Rackham

Dancing With The Renovating Chefs In The Jungle. On Ice.

This will be the show that reveals how Jack Watts lost the trust of his teammates. First he asks if there is a sommelier on set. Then, speaking of the pea soup, that he was expecting an element of surprise, but was let down by its pervading ordinariness. Of the steak and chips, that it was abstract but rarely obvious, and used too much tomato sauce. Of the bread and butter pudding, that it was emotionally complex with a hint of eroticism, but ultimately let down the taster by not having any real link to the the active perception it is signifying. Footballers will tolerate a lot, but not that.

What I imagine? Let's see ... your long legs wrapped around George Colombaris ... tentacles ... Sigourney Weaver's face ... your tackle ... I'm not sure I want to imagine!

I had to read this twice to make sure I hadn't gotten the wrong idea

The thing that was so good to see is that he's got his football smarts working for him again. When he came on the scene that was what stood out. (Like Spargo last week.) After all the concussion, when he came back he looked like a ball chaser. Like an ANB with better skills. Today he was everywhere and did countless one per centers. Gee it was good to see a footballer go about his craft.

Couldn't happen to a nicer set of f***ing @rseholes. But seriously, they will never get over it until they say, yeah, we did it. We wish we didn't, it wasn't good, it caused harm, but there you are. We did it. And this is how. They would be surprised how accommodating people can be if you just come clean.

How quickly it can turn. Who would have predicted in 64, what was ahead for the mighty Demons. It must have seemed like we'd fight off for the flag every year for ever and ever. Or South Melbourne after 34. Dogs after 54, Tiges after 80. Long droughts that no-one saw coming. Carlton after 95? Talkback radio was full of supporters this morning insisting that they need another 2 years before we can decide if Bolton can coach or not. WTF? It will then be 5 years.... another 5 years of nothingness.... how easily the wheel of fate turns over. They are broken. Now the dons at a crossroads. Please take the wrong fork! The golfer Peter Thomson, talking about Tiger Woods a few years back, was tut-tutting about his messing around with his swing. He said, the winning mentality is such a fragile thing that you don't willingly mess around with it. It can be broken and never come back. At MFC we understand full well how hard it is to get this thing "culture", "winning mentality", etc. It can be done. Look at Sydney. But how easy it is to lose it. Past success doesn't guarantee anything, except a cup in the trophy cabinet to gaze at.

You've inspired me! "F*** off Essendon F*** off Essendon F*** off Essendon F*** off Essendon We know that you're scum Your ex coaches are dumb Your fans are all glum We like what you've become F*** off Essendon F*** off Essendon F*** off Essendon F*** off Essendon"

Yeah, but footy fans aren't renowned for their fairness or good judgement. Carlton haven't gotten over their industrial level tanking, WCE only have to blink for people to recall their drugginess, and Essendon will never escape this world class drug scandal. We have enough trouble dealing with simply being the MFC. So f*** the EFC and all who get dragged down by the undertow.

I dunno if Geelong did or didn't drug up. But if it hadn't been for the ACC tipping off ASADA, we would now be talking about EFC's drug scandal the way we're talking about Geelong's. IE, not. The AFL broom and carpet were ready and willing but the game got away from them.

Rumours have been going around about Thompson for years. But people would say, yeah nah, it must be that he's eccentric, or this is what being a coach will do to you, or look what Tird's put him through.

With "Essendon's Friend" (Slobbo) and Gerard "there is no controversial subject too soft for me to shy away from" Twatley, it is only to be expected. Whately tried to pour cold water on the EFC drug thing when it came out, and joined in the attacks on ASADA. And when it comes to horse racing, he seems to live in a fantasy world of majestic foam flecked stallions and thrilling thundering hooves. And does not want to know that there is an enormous underbelly. Fair dinkum he must sleep with the light on.

Nothing to worry about. Just tell the judge it was the "good" ecstasy. And show them a photocopy of a picture of a label of a Nurofen bottle. All good.

Alternate lifestyler, naturist and gay rights activist?

We can still panic though, can't we? Can't resist a good panic. Don't waste the opportunity!

Well, he has never loved at all (rather than to have loved and lost).

but ain't kickin' no goal

Eddie won't admit to anything until they've put up his statue at the Insert Name Here Centre. And then it will only be that he deserves that statue.

It does face scrutiny. But the scrutiny gets pushback from two places. One, fanbois who shout down any criticism of Dear Leader. "Eddie single handedly saved our club from certain destruction 20 years ago. No one else could have done it then and no one else can do it now." And, "If you can't name a viable alternative candidate right now then obviously there are no viable candidates, so Eddie has to continue." And "Side by side! It's in our song so we can't possibly make any criticism, even constructive ones." Two, Eddie, who uses his media platform to assassinate and head off at the pass anyone who puts sticks their hand up. Although the last one who tried that got awarded the cushy job of conducting a review of the CFC. Brought inside the tent. I think a few before that copped some media attention (of the wrong kind) and decided it wasn't worth it. Things will have to get a lot worse there before they get better. Delicious!!! Long may it continue.

And next ... as inevitable as the sun rising ... Eddie's personal attack on Lyon. Lyon's part of a loser club ... Lyon's radio show has low ratings ... Lyon's TV show (I'm guessing he's on one somewhere) has low ratings / is boring ... or just generally a rant against Lyon. His mother wears army boots, maybe. Eddie can't help himself.

Genius holds melting plastic over his socks-clad feet. He deserves to barrack for St Kilda. At least a Pies fan would never do that. They're scared of fire.

Also let's have our game be a cracker like last year (but with a nicer newer and smarter outcome). And theirs a dull low-skilled slog fest leaving everyone frustrated and dissatisfied. Maybe a draw so none of them can take anything from it.

He means, some humans with asparagus don't get to bite it. But he loves banana fritters.

In the match fixing thing, Warne and Waugh were careless and thick-witted and were 5 minutes from being sucked into Hansie Cronje territory. They deserved to go for stupidity if nothing else. Can reasonably be seen as a F$&@k up. In the diuretic thing, after Warne missed games with a shoulder injury, his mum didn't tell him to back off the baked beans and chips and maybe hit the jogging machine. No, she (renowned sports scientist that she is) advised him to take a "weight loss" tablet which "just happened" to be a masking agent for steroids, which just happen to be great for recovering from shoulder injuries. I don't buy that that was a F$&@k up.

Not sure I see where the "mess" is. It's supposedly not on any banned list and looks like it's being tested by actual scientist/medicos. It seems to fit more into the pain relief category than the performance boost category. If it's suss the AFL can ban it. Whateley's nose for this kind of news is way off anyway. He tried to wave away the EFC drug scandal, and don't try to talk to him about Damien Oliver. You'll hear a whooshing sound from how quickly he changes the subject.