Mazer Rackham

I bet he didn't smile, made you pay, told you the beer was no good, then drove your car home leaving you to walk. Just shows the kind of guy he is! We're better off without him (in your dreams). In my dream, we got 3 first rounders and 2 players and a guarantee that Ross Lyon would never coach the Demons.

Absolutely right. Nothing like a bit of competition to ratchet up the urgency in the sales process. I reckon GCS might enjoy a trade of May + players or May + picks for Hogan. And good surf up there in SE Qld.

Oh my darling Oh my darling Oh my darling GLG Jess is lost and gone forver Oh my darling GLC

The May thing is a bit like us with Hogan. Have a bloke who doesn't want to be there, hanging around for a year, poisoning the atmosphere. Then get less back for him in 12 months than you can now. Or, cauterise the wound now and get in someone who's 100% committed. Best value for him is right now, so, trade him right now. Why sit around for a year hoping that something vaguely nice might happen. It's a super crop every year, if you have good list managers and talent spotters. Otherwise you'll manage to pick out the Toumpases and Mortons no matter what riches are on offer.

And the play on after it, and other frees that should have gone against the Pies ... but in any given game of footy, any given ump might pay them, or might not. It's the usual umpiring roll of the dice. The only definite part is that the Pies have something to chew on, and it tastes like ****, and they'll never finish chewing it.

I thought Mr Conflicts of Interest had lost weight? That he was something like a stick insect these days. You don't suppose after all the applause he went and put it all back on again? Or maybe it's just that being stressed on TV makes you look heavier.

Eddie once asked Wayne Harmes, was the ball in or out? Harmes said, which answer would hurt more? Now we have another slow burner to torment Pies fans to the end of time. It's like a big glass of brandy. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Are you volunteering? Coz I can spot a flaw in your plan

Answer: I wish you'd asked me last night, I'm off me t!ts on meth now, I don't know me own f*ckin name! Answer: watch your language young lady! We call it a pr!ck in this house! Answer: I dunno but scratch it in the duco of the neighbour's car anyway or you're grounded

Whut????? (GO DEMONS!!!!)

Now to the game itself. They played in front, we didn't They had sure hands, we didn't They were accurate by hand and foot, we weren't Elementary stuff. Hard to win in those conditions. As to why ... some of our guys looked like they had lead in their boots. Had the endeavour but slow as molasses. A sure sign of nerves. We have the talent, scoring firepower, etc. Seem to have the game plan sorted. The thing for the coaches to work on now is the mindset.

One thing about live TV is that while you're pushing a fader, there's not some other bloke trying to push it the other way at the same time. (On the other hand, you might get Kerry Packer on the phone telling you to "get that sh*t off the air!")

Of course it's always possible that he's just incompetent, to such a breathtaking degree that it seems like cheating Give the guy a break. Maybe he just doesn't know the rules. Have you considered that? There are a lot of them. It's a fair ask to expect a bloke to remember every single one. Let him come along at his own pace and in 2 or 3 seasons he may know them all. Then he can work on assessing which incidents in play infringe the rules, and which ones don't. Patience my friend!

The Brownlow has lacked credibility for years and years. (As an aside: I wonder how credible it would suddenly be if Clarry or Max had actually won?) But the real story is: MFC: 93 votes, CFC 37 votes, GCS 32 votes. Take out Cripps and CFC got 17 votes with only 6 blokes scoring. StKFC similar. Not that long ago we were in the position of those clubs lamenting the poor state of our list. Those 93 votes, whether accurately awarded or not, are a good indication of the depth of our squad and how far we have come.

So Eddie McGuire, being a good Irish lad, had on his bucket list a desire to meet the Pope. He heard that you could go to St Peters Square in Rome and on Wednesdays the Pope comes out and mingles, meeting people, chatting with them, blessing them, sometimes arm wrestling them. (OK, not really the last part.) Eddie gets rigged up in his best suit and gets a good possie. The Pope comes along, shaking hands, blessing, doing Pope-y type stuff and goes right past Eddie. Completely ignores him. Instead goes up to a tramp wearing filthy rags and whispers in his ear. Afterwards Eddie goes up to the tramp. He says, listen. How about we swap clothes. I'll pay you a thousand bucks! Tramp says yes so next Wednesday Eddie's there dressed in the rags. The Pope comes out again and he spots Eddie! Comes straight over and whispers in his ear. "I thought I told you to f*** off!"

Sure would! If you could lift them without her noticing, you could get $15 for them at cash converters!

Collingwood lose a close one and Joffa's heart packs up and next thing you know, he's at the Pearly Gates. St Peter says, "Sorry, pal. No Collingwood fans allowed in Heaven." "What!?" says Joffa. "You heard, no Collingwood fans allowed." "But ... I've been good! I'm always helping people, doing good deeds and that!" "Oh yeah. Like what?" "Well, from me last week's dole cheque, I give $100 to the Salvos." "Hmmm .... anything else?" "Well the fortnight before that I give $100 to the African orphans." "Hmmm .... anything else?" "And the fortnight before that I give $100 to them people what give the injections to the Aboriginal kiddies." "All right. I'd better have a word with God. Wait here." St Peter goes off. Comes back. "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 back, now f*** off!"

Just wondering what counts as a sexy outfit for Collingwood supporters... Maybe made entirely from scratchie tickets. Or in the nuddy with just Maccas VIP passes covering the essential areas. At the moment of truth she shrieks out "Nathan! Nathan!" and he screams "Pants! Pants!"

"name" player, finals series ... no way was this guy going to get suspended, pricholls or no pricholls.

The draw is generated by a computer program which takes numerous factors into consideration (6 day breaks, consecutive travel, etc) and generates a draw in 0.02 seconds. It's completely impartial and untainted by human intervention. The AFL execs then layer on other considerations, like "big 4 club", "minnow club", "club in our gunsights that we want to punish", "blockbusters", and so on, resulting in a final draw that is completely impartial (except for the bits that aren't), and untainted by any consideration of contract bonuses (perish the thought).

At least we'd be guaranteed two Friday night games

But ours were girt, so we have a clear advantage

Watch where you're going then. Young people and their mobiles, fair dinkum.

Bungendore? You legend. Bungendore is a great little town. Have one for me.

Nicholls doesn't have any idea what that means. Nicholls has no idea about anything at all, ever. I reckon he would have trouble finding his car after the game. He probably takes a taxi as he would have trouble simply opening the door of his own car. He probably tries to get in through the boot. The bloke may qualify for some government payout for being legally blind.