Earl Hood

Dear me I fear it may be Uncle B you refer to Moons. If so I am sure this is a complete misunderstanding. Uncle was transporting several kilos of Guava powder on my behalf as part of a major marketing exercise I am undertaking in China to promote the health enhancing qualities of guava powder, just add water and you have the magic of G paste! As for the bottles of Shiraz I think that is the norm for Uncle on a long haul flight, a bottle an hour.

Ernest I am sure Demon fans were arrogant and born to win in the 50's and early 60's. if you hadn't been galavanting around places like Cuba with the likes of Fidel and Che in the late 50's you would know this!

RL I envy you and suspect you are doing better than my cruise last year to New Caladonia on the Pacific Gastro!

Yes BJ I have found the all new Soylent Green, "now with more girls", to be absolutely delicious!

All the post match talk is very depressing, can we change the subject? Bananas, guava paste sales for instance? Maybe an update on how the Gatt is going? Anything will do.

I have watched most of the first 4 seasons. My wife loves the series, I quite like it. My main gripe is that the concept for the series so easily could have been based on real history rather than fantasy. If anyone has ever read any medieval history from about 900 AD to 1200 AD involving the Normans, the Byzantine Empire and their Varangian Guard, the Arabs and assorted other barbarian tribes from Central Asia and you have a story of conflict that is equal to or better than anything you might see on GoT. But that is just me I prefer some historical perspective rather than pure fantasy.

I am looking forward to the Olympic demonstration sport of women's beach totem tennis this year at Rio. I reckon it will be riveting stuff to watch! I believe we have a pretty good team and are a medal chance but apparently the Latvians and Estonians are setting the standard. Russia won't be there as they have been banned, after testing positive at last year's World Championships, played in Qatar.

Please enough of all this wild conjecture. I will state categorically that all the products in the Hood Institute of Wellness range of health products are 100% HACCP certified, that includes my "essence of guava" that is proven to reverse male pattern baldness and my special guava paste, krill and Horney Goat Weed formula that is proven to improve your skin, memory function and male sexual performance! And yes to quell the scurrilous rumours that are circulating there was an incident involving one of our guava paste production units. This is part of an ongoing investigation so cannot comment further, only to add that Hudson has decided to take up an opportunity in our Havana office as of last week.

I have just completed a comprehensive task risk assessment and a triple bottom line analysis of my proposed Cairo to Constantinople odyssey. Looks like it is dead in the water. Can't find an insurer to take us on I am afraid. I am now proposing a boat trip from Cairo to Constantinople. How we actually get to Cairo is still worrying me but leave it with me.

Yes this has now become a problem, how do we safely get to the starting point, Cairo! I may have to bring forward the starting date of the tour because we may now have to go by boat to Port Said, that will mean we have to leave about a month earlier than first thought. I am also determined to push on from Constantinople to meet up with Hemingway and Uncle Bitters in Spain in time for the running of the Bulls! This is turning into a logistical nightmare I admit. Anyone heard from Bossdog by the way, I had him pencilled in to be forward point for the tour through Syria to pick up on the odd IED before our tour arrives.

Don't worry DC we will meet plenty of Bedouins on our grand Cairo to Constantinople tour. We are due to head off in August, a balmy 45C by day, so bring the sun screen. I hope you are reading up on your Middle Eastern medieval history for our tour.

Sorry for the delayed response to your post, Uncle. It has been a very busy few weeks lately. In terms of my company, the much lauded "Hood institute" I have had to institute a reshape of our organisation to promote the new talent and move on the older, shall we say, old talent, if you get my drift. Look it is obvious that the Hood Institute needed to refresh the company gene pool and we must stop working in silos. The Hood Institute needs to be an agile and innovative organisation at all costs, so our mantra is change is never ending. It is part of our DNA, unless it involves me and my annual bonus of course. It also means having some challenging conversations with Parker and Hudson that maybe they should look at other opportunities while Conchita is the obvious future for the institute given her people skills and I think she speaks English as well. That would be a bonus. As as for our travel odyssey, yes Bossdog, DC and I have so far signed up for the Cairo to Constantinople trac so it will take sometime.

Julia Zemiro versus the Bristle Taylor? Forget the cat I love Julia and come to think of it Calliope and Dami.

DC Dami is on now have a look, she has talent.

Too busy following the Eurovision finals Maple. Calliope from Macadonia is on at the moment, she has me totally mesmerised and she has a reasonable voice as well. Our girl is due up next after the Lithuanian pretty boy.

Just hope Brock McLean doesn't log on here!

Off to see The Cure on the 28th of July at Rod Laver. Should be fun, hope there are a few songs from their Disintegration Album.

Welcome aboard DC your detailed knowledge of ancient history will be invaluable on our tour as you will be able to describe all the ancient sites that we won't be stopping at. We can only travel at night, will be avoiding towns and bunkering down during the day under camouflage. This is when you can do you lectures on Byzantine art and Assyrian architecture.

Welcome aboard Bossdog for our big adventure, unfortunately I am sensing some reticence from other DLanders. I am surprised at the lack of risk takers amongst us all. This might mean we will struggle for numbers. I need a minimum tour group to cover the cost of the conversion of the armoured personnel carrier that will carry up to 12 Dlanders in comfort and safety across the Middle East and then there is the added costs of the armoured tank and support convoy. And I have negotiated the absolute lowest bargain prices for air cover from the Russian airforce to ensure our safety across the Syrian leg of our epic journey. I will be in touch.

What a coincidence Ernest! I am currently putting together the itinerary to recreate the 30th anniversary of my epic overland backpacking journey from Cairo to Istanbul of 1987! DLanders are more than welcome to join me. Ahh the memories, dysentery in Cairo, climbing Mount Sinai, then the rickety boat to Aqaba, getting bogged in sand in Wadi Rum in a rented 4 wheel drive that turned out to be a 2 wheel drive, no drive shaft to the front wheels, just a minor oversight I know. Then on to the Hotel Karnak in Amman, Jordan, no heating even though it is snowing, leaky toilet systems but luminous light switches so you could see them in the dark which was important because there was never any power available at night anyway but the staff were very polite. Off to Petra and asking the owner of the Musa Springs hostel to fix the leaky water pipe outside only to be told it is Moses' Spring where he tapped the rock twice to provide water to the tribes. Then it is off to Syria the land of stale flat bread and dry homus for breakfast, lunch and tea with a side visit to Palmyra, well what's left of it, then on to Damascus and Alleppo and then a welcome Adani kebab in Turkey. Come on who isn't up for this? Let me know so I can book us all in for a 2017 journey of a lifetime!

Hi Maple Amazed you survived yesterday given the company you keep but yes Conchita is back from visiting family in Cuba and she does look and sound different, now that you mention it, but she said that she had some cosmetic work done over there. Her 457 papers were in order so it must be her surely? On other matters there is good and bad news to report. After the Guava explosion yesterday Parker is still missing but the good news is my new Bentley has landed on the docks and has driverless technology installed so Parker was out of a job anyway. Amazing how there is always a silver lining eh?

In the end I am glad I didn't get to the game today, given the result. I was on my way to Etihad when Conticha rang to say there had been an explosion back at my Fitzroy warehouse. Back I go only to find my boilers full of Guava paste had overloaded. My man Parker is still missing in all this chaos so all is not well, the search continues. My attempts to produce "the essence of guava" are still a work in progress I am afraid.

I love these high flyers working 8 am to 10.30 pm, really? Has Mrs Misson ever heard of delegating responsibility to others, to aid their development? And she wouldn't lack resources at the over subsidised Girls Grammar! Leader or control freak?

Hi Everyone just a heads up to all posters on this thread, as you know I am often called on to dispense life style advice to our more unfortunate brethren but I may not be as accessible as I have been in the past to give this advice. I have recently been appointed as the lead consultant to the Head of the Office of Medicinal Cannabis for Victoria. It is an onerous position and will take up much of my time but it is for society's good. My one concern is that the new CEO that I have only seen from a distance was wearing a light blue Hawaian Shirt, he did look disturbingly familiar! As a background quote: "The Government will establish an Office of Medicinal Cannabis within the Department of Health and Human Services to oversee the manufacturing, dispensing and clinical aspects of the framework". Feel free to contact me about any "delivery" issues you may have! The Earl

Moons I think I hugged just about everybody at the Cricketers just before I was evicted and staggered down to the Royal for an eyeful! Can't remember who I groped but who is the moral compass?