CHF

Forgot the quote... One for Rance "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes through to the bone." Dorothy Parker

Dateline: London 2am Tuesday Morning...... cannot sleep I am in pain here… looking for a bit of sympathy.. I pinched a nerve in my back between the 4th and 5th lumbar vertebrae. Having experienced the resulting pain of this pinch, I would not wish it on Alex Rance. (I would but I wanted to appear very PC in case there are impressionable children reading) Last week I tipped 7 out of a possible 9; running total 34. Bloody Aints could not get up and The Duckers are making me look bad by losing to the Boos. Before I go on to the games I would like to address the wonderful entertainment that was the Tiges’ supporters defence of their god botherer fullback. I cannot believe some were going for the ‘Smack the ground in frustration’ defence. I mean there you are less than an arm’s length away from two objects. One is Jack Watt’s head, about the size of a half deflated basketball, the other is the earth, 12,742 kms in diameter. While I acknowledge that they were in close proximity, just how inaccurate do you have to be to miss the large object you are aiming for and hit the half deflated basketball? That was a rhetorical question but I will answer it. About as accurate as 47% of the Tiges’ disposals. Now for the Games And what a cracker to start with…. 1st against 2nd …Norf Vs the Dogs at the home of foot…. Wait a minute, they have got it wrong, surely… the AFL have it listed at the Home away from Home and neither of these teams are from interstate…. Could be the match of the round on Friday night football and with the Dees up first thing on Saturday that leaves another 7 matches for me to find something of interest. Norf beat the Sons last week … hmmm been sitting here trying to come up with an angle on this win to make myself appear witty and intelligent…. No surprise I came up empty handed. The Doggies pleased the Tepid Tea (Lukewarm Beveridge for those that have not been following closely) with a win over Leppa’s Pride…. I like the doggies better than I like Scotts Team. Prediction: Doggies to end Norf’s unbeaten run by a couple. Saturday already… you beauty! First up The Mighty Dees Vs the Aints at… ya gotta be kidding me! This is a Dees home game….. I will never understand some decisions by either the ALF or the dirty maggots. It would seem that Roos has done a Dr Frankenstein on my team with the assistance of his faithful hunchback servant, Igor (Goodwin). Been working on it for a couple of years now. First gave it a bit of backbone and a few other bits and pieces. Followed that up with a bit of brain and heart and finished it off with some muscle. In the off season he gave it a jolt of lightning to bring it to life and voila! And he has created a monster…..well not quite yet but he will get there. Oh yeah, he threw in a bugg just to annoy people. Like ya work Doc! The Almost Aints’ Richo likened his team to a crowded council bus….. carrying a few too many passengers against the Gnats…. Keep it up Richo and one day you may win Presser Bingo Prediction: Dees by a lot….. I jumped on the wagon….Go, you good things! Still Saturday but who really cares? Dees game- tick …..match of the round-tick….. and a wasteland of fixtures stretches out in front of us…. And we start off with this stinker… Cows Vs Duckers at the ground shaped like an oval in Adelaide. Shoot me now…. I have yo find something to say about this pile??? Well let’s see what happened to these two last week….. the Cows came a close second to the Dorks after leading by the length of Flemington straight with a couple of hundred meters to go. Now that takes a rare talent. Pyke was ‘disappointed but really proud’.. yeah, nah.. tell us what you really think. For Ross the Boss it was another Loss and I am sure he is still ‘identifying’ what is wrong. As Sherlock Holmes says “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” It’s the game plan stupid!!! Prediction: R the B looking at 0-6… cows to win it. Gnats Vs Dorks at SPO… no idea and do not want to know….SPO???? I amdoing it haRD HERE with the back pain…. Had to go and have a nanna nap to ease the pain. Had breakfast and a coffee so this next bit might be a bit better. Back is still carp. Ok Gnats and Dorks…. Gnats rolled the Aints last week and are purring along… Can Gnats Purr? Cammers in his presser did not get into the spirit of things and sprouted some basic rubbish about running and form…. Not at all exciting. Dorks have become the Line Team….. as in Fall over the line… Hard to believe that the Cows gave that one up last week and Clarko sounded like he could not believe his luck….. Prediction: Gnats to win it….. Dorian Grey portrait to fade a little more. God, just when I thought it could not get any worse…. Inepts Vs TOT from Adelaide at the Home of Football… Saturday evening, Round 6 and hey serve up a pile like this?.... must have looked like a good fixture when the draw was announced…. We all know what happened to the Inepts last week at the hands of the Mighty Dees. They are in a world of pain. Rance has apologies for being human, Hardon has apologized for being coach and the team has apologized for being intimidated by Bugg. They should sack Hardon and bring in a guest coach each week. They could sell it like sponsorship. Maybe first up they could have Madam Lash from the Daily Planet (that still exist?) she might actually harden them up a bit and give them some sting. Port lost the plot after the brawl at quarter time…. Could not have scored with a fist full of dollars at the Daily Planet. Hinkers has decided to take it a quarter at a time. First quarter last week…. Maybe the second quarter this week. Hinkley…DMW Prediction: This is a Bi game… It could swing either way. In the context of the season it matters not…. TOT from Adelaide to not lose it…. And the winner will be the ad breaks. At the same time as the last game The Handbaggers take on the Sons of Ablett at Kardy Park Son of Ablett returns to his spiritual home this Saturday but don’t expect him to leave a winner. The Sons are not at their best and the handbaggers will do them no favours. Wow, I sound very professional in those last couple of sentences. Scary stuff. The handbaggers won it all last week in the city that time forgot… the game the fight…all of it. And they have Danger… have the feeling he is papering over the cracks and they are middle of the road this year. Prediction: Handbaggers easy Sunday and we are in the home stretch.. Leppa’s Pride Vs The Swannies at the other “G” Swannies by how much? Blubby to kick 10 and Horse to speak really slowly during his presser. How is that? You read this and end up getting three predictions for the price of one. Of the three games this Sunday this is the one I have lowest interest in. Two East coast clone teams try to make AFL relevant somewhere up north. Prediction: Siddelly by more than a few Oh Dear me….OH….Dear…..Me… I have mentioned relevance… now for meaningless TDC Vs the Boos at The ‘G’ What to say about this? When I was a kid I used to go to the movie matinee on the weekend. It was usually a double bill with a B grade shocker on the first half of the bill before the interval. You know the type…Tarzan and the Apemen, where Tarzan with the help of a chimp wins the day. Well, view this game the same as that type of movie except that there are no ‘goodies’ and very much B- grade. TDC should not be allowed to play on this ground. Prediction: Boos to win… TDC deserve to lose Last one of the round over in the West… The Ex-Druggies Vs The rubbish I have had a good look at this game, analysed the living suitcase out of it and cannot see it being of interest to a normal person unless you have the first 8 tipped of the round and are looking to get up in this one for a perfect NINE. I have no kind words for either of these teams and my gran always said that if you cannot say something nice about someone than STFU. Wise woman my gran. Prediction: Ex-Druggies to step up over the Rubbish(hate ‘em) Another one done and dusted… back still sore

Another tough one for the selectors. A good win with the third game in a row that we have kicked more than 100 points and had 10 different goal kickers. Hate to have to search the record books to find out the last time that happened. the 51/2 day turn around will have an impact on selection with the coaching staff,having a good look at how the players come up. Could be three changes and I think all the players in the team would not want to be out of the team as it will be hard for them to get back in. out: Brayshaw... A full game at Casey to build his fitness and confidence. The way he got caught in Q4 holding the ball would not have happened last year and shows me just how out of form he is. Frost/Pedersen... One of these two depending on match ups and second ruck work. Both have their pros and cons but on this ground we may need a bit of sped and coverage. Which ever one misses will be unlucky. This is where it is tough. Whoever is the most 'proppy' from last week and has not recovered. In: Oliver.... No way you can rest someone and then not bring them back in. He was very, very good in the first 4 games of the season. Give him a rum back in the seniors. ANB.... Great form at Casey and emergency this week... Has to be given a run. Patracca.. Play him and make sure he knows he is on the big stage and has to perform. Debut against the team that overlooked him. Debut in Melbourne, not the 'G', but at least a home game. any that come in need to understand that they need to uphold the team ethics and commitment.

Rance got 2 for smacking Watts... About right I think and from what I read vince was not cited.

I see they the AFL website has adopted my 'Duckers' term for the Freo mob.

Jack, when was the last time we got this far into a season and were not talking about the season end draft?

I could see a number of players at Casey getting a 'light' run this week as we have a short turn around for the Aints game. The selector will use this as a reason to rotate a few players into the team and rotate a few out for a rest. Would expect Patracca and ANB to be good chances to play.

I recorded this conversation on Friday afternoon at Leppa's Pride training session. Leppa; Come on Doc. we gotta give Whiplash a concussion test. Doc: Ok Leppa. He's just over there doing run throughs. Leppa; ya kidding. I woulda thought he had one run through too many last week. He he he ... just a little Leppa joke there Doc. Doc: It's no laughing matter Leppa. Concussion is serious. Leppa: yeah, yeah, I know. Lets get this over with. Doc: oy! Whiplash, got a sec? Whiplash; yeah Doc/What is it? Doc: Gotta give you a concussion test. Whiplash; Ok. Leppa gives him an almighty whack on the back of the head.... Leppa; Hows that for ya? Doc; Nah, nah Leppa... that not he way ya do it. Whiplash rubs his head and asks in a whiney voice; whats that for coach? Leppa: Forget about it Whippy, listen to the Doc. Doc: Ok Whiplash, how many fingers am I holding up? Now this was not a hard question. I looked and could see three fingers sticking up. Whiplash looked hard and moved his lips as he seemed to count: Bananas! Doc; very good. What colour is the sky? Whippy concentrated, thought and responded: Fried rice! Doc very good, excellent even, Last question, who is this standing beside me? Whippy smiled confidently: Jawbone! Leppa: so Doc, is he good to play? Doc: yeah, one out of three is his usual score. Off ya go Whippy Whiplash: beauty Doc. He turns and runs off full blast into a brick wall.

Myth? Myth..... I always thought that was an effeminate Moth... I'll see myself out.....

When I do stop, it is not for long. At the moment I travel about 3 weeks out of 4.

Close with 'still out of luck'... keep guessing. Thanks for the kind words. I was doing something like this a few years ago of 'Ology and, to be honest, I do it for myself and a bit of entertainment. just post here. no where else. You lucky people.

Realised I did not give a prediction for the Monday game..... hate to pick a 'winner' from these two...... So, I pick TDC to lose.

Thanks Faulty... it shows that someone read that far....

Roos came off an extremely low base with the list he walked into. Firstly, there were incredibly low fitness levels that took time to bring up to an acceptable level. With out the fitness it was difficult, if not impossible, to get the team to play to the new game plan. In my view, Neeld walked in and took no note of the team list and fitness and said do this or you are out and the players just did not have the skill or fitness to play the way that was wanted. it destroyed confidence and set a lot of players back a fair way. Roos approach was to look at the list and work out what could be done to minimize damage and build confidence within the abilities of the group while developing the list. Secondly, there was not the infrastructure support in place to properly coach and develop the players.He has introduced this and built it up over time. Not only do we have a good, strong team of coaches, we also have a proper approach to the individual development of each and every player.this is critically important to my mind. I like the way we have developed and give all credit to the whole of the coaching team for the work they have put in and the players for responding the way they have. Looking forward to the future.

I thought it would be a tough week at the selection table and I believe it was. With the extended bench there are still some tough decisions to be made on Friday. Pedersen I expect to be there, he was too good last week to leave out and the structure worked well. I would give Hunt a second run. he deserves it. ANB for a good run after his form at Casey last few weeks. Garlett in if fit. if not, time for Petracca Kennedy, unlucky Garland to play at Casey.

Dateline: Wednesday Morning, Cairo Waiting for a 3am flight to Rome. Rolling on to Round 5. 8 out of 9 last weekend. I was let down by the Bloody Sons of…. They gifted it to Leppa’s Pride. That can’t be right, really. Tipping total is 27 so far so good. Who says you need intelligence for this game? This will be a little late this week as I am travelling and will need to do this around travel and meetings. I know you are all hanging out for this but I hope you have been patient. In the land of Cleopatra, sand and large pointy mounds of rocks. Interesting place this. Old? Like you would not believe. This place was old when MFC was founded…… I kid you not, time did exist before this club of ours was created. Hard to believe. Cleo played body on body against the Romans in the Med League way back when. She endured a hard tag from “Big Julie” until he went the way of Stef Martin and then the Romans moved Marcus Antonio on to her. She played herself out of the game with the help of an asp. Way to go Cleo! Now the games. Friday night and it’s the Dorks and Cows to battle it out at the ‘G’. Another feathered clash Two winners from last week, the dorks beat someone …… ummm I know it, I know it…. Yeah, the Aints… the picture fades a little more. Well, as for the Cows, they got up against the Swannies. I picked it! I was very impressed by Clarko’s presser. He managed to get “a fair amount of grit” and “when the Chips are down” into the presser… sometimes I think the coaches have a private game of Presser Bingo each week. If so, Clarko won it hands down this week. Both teams doing what they need to, just…. Dorks to wander along a bit better than the Cows. Franklin to kick a bag….oops…. Well, I might be right, just won’t happen in this game. Prediction: Dorks to win at the ‘G’…. But, no 4 peat for them this season. Saturday Games. First up, Siddelly vs the ex-Druggies at the other cricket ground The ex-Druggies did not break a sweat to beat the Timid Tiges last week and Nicky nacky noo did not break any ribs. For the first time this season the Tiges showed a bit of toe ….. wanting to get out of his way. The Swannies, on the other hand are looking to bounce back after the Cows got them in the City That time forgot. Different story this week. Horse liked his team last week and loved the game… liked it all except the loss. Nah, that is rubbish… I got Nothing on this game. I don’t care what happens in the game. Siddelly, ex-Druggies, Coast to coast… rubbish to rubbish. Prediction: I won’t watch it, read about it or care about it…. If I have to have an opinion… Siddelly by whatever. No…no… Saturday afternoon at the cow paddock out the back of the blight on the landscape and two games in a row that I don’t care about! There has to be some game on this Saturday that will spark my interest. Sons of Ablett Vs Norf. Rhetorical question: Why is it that when I type ‘Norf’ I always sound it out in my head as though I am a toothless halfwit on the turps? So? What happened to these two last week? Norf got out the umps goat pics and won again and the Sons screwed up my tipping by playing dead against the Pride of Leppa. I want an enquiry. I am sure my tips were perfect. Bloody Sons. I will not tip them again this season. Rocket was on the truth Juice at his presser and told it like it was….. "I think we got beaten in all facets, all credit to Brisbane," "They played really well. It's an obvious statement but they deserved to win. Probably should have won by six or seven goals." Wow, just think if there had been the same approach from the Golden Boy when the Dank hit the fan. “Yep, we did it. Made a huge error and will wear the consequences.” Game over and we would not be sitting here. Norf are bouncing along at the top of the ladder like Skippy on a rescue mission. Prediction: Tut Tu Tuc Tat…. What’s that Skip? Tut tac t-t-tut Norf by a lot? I agree. Still Saturday afternoon and surely this next game has to be a cracker……Nah, I lie…. Doggies Vs Leppa’s Pride at the home away from home. At least this game has the Doggies playing. Don’t mind watching them but it is being played at the Graveyard of Football. The place where the game of imagination and creativity comes to be buried each week. I do not like the place. Nuf said. The Pride beat someone last week, not that it matters. I just cannot get past Leppa’s jaw to like this team. For the Doggies the Tepid Tea (a lukewarm Beveridge) had mild praise for his team after they managed to get past the Boos. Prediction: The doggies for me in this one. The Pride to wake up to themselves and realise that no team can win two in a row. Will Saturday never end? Just one more sleep till the mighty Dees. TOT from Adelaide Vs The Handbaggers… the try hards against the over-the-hills.it is being played at an oval shaped ground in Adelaide. Well The Handbaggers still have Danger and TOT have players, just not very good ones at the moment. Has Hinkley lost the players? Great phrase that…. “lost the players…” Hmmm, now where did I put them? They were here last week at training…. A couple of them wandered off but I am sure they will turn up at some stage… after all, we have a game on Saturday Night. It is here in the city that time forgot so they know their way to the ground. The Handbaggers last week very nearly stumbled around against TDC and almost did a “Dees”. Prediction: Handbaggers to win one by more than a few and BIG questions to be asked of Hinkers Sunday at last….. Aints Vs The Canberra team (FWS… further west of Sydney) at The Home Away from Home. Who is this team from Sydney that belted the living suitcase out of TOT from Adelaide last week? …..and we beat them…. For the Aints… they seem to be a bit like us… they are almost there. Almost winning, almost playing well, almost selected Christian over Paddy….almost….almost… Think we have got them covered. Be an interesting game and if the Gnats get up it might hurt the Aints for the rest of the season. Prediction; toss a coin… gunna be close….. Aints by a couple (just so they do not need to get up against us next week) Sunday… Duckers Vs Boos at DS… that’s what it says on the AFL site….. Domain, the newest suburb in Perth…..Used to be in Sydney before they moved it. Wow…. The battle of the two lowest rungs of the ladder. The excitement builds. One of these teams is more than likely to walk away with a win, Their first win of the season. Who will it be? Duckers? Boos? Who cares? I do not have a lot of interest vested in this game. (Note my mastery of understatement) Prediction; Ross the Boss to win one…. Boos SOOL……(Work it out) Finally…. Sunday night TBO Dees vs the Inepts At The “G” What to say about the Dees? Did enough to win in a walk over the Rubbish last week and keep the pressure on Bucks, Lovely to see and I have smiled all week. Lots of players smiling and putting in good performances in the 2’s. Pressure on the ground paying off and pressure from the other players to keep them honest…. Everything rosy in the Demon garden….. So, why am I worried? The Inepts are doing a passable imitation of scrambled eggs… All over the place and very bland. Hardon has his contract in his pocket and could not care less. They are bringing in Lids to play… rushing him back to counter the Mighty Dees…. So? why am I worried? The Inepts are coming back from having their pants handed to them over in the West and we know that teams have a down after an interstate trip……. So? Why am I worried? Prediction Dees by plenty… So? Why am I worried? Well, we are trying for two in a row….. Monday… Pies vs TDC at the “G” Ever wondered why the Italians and the Spanish have not fought a significant war since Hannibal trekked his Heffalumps across the Alps? It is because these days they realise that they are not very good at war and that no one, outside of the Italians and the Spanish, really gives a fat rat’s clacker about the outcome. So we come to this game….. 8 games between them so far this season and two wins between them…. Let’s build it up with a few war/battle analogies… nah, I have a better idea… let’s give the crowd a real experience…. Dig trenches for them to stand in a watch the game… throw in stinking mud up to their knees, a bunch of rats and hose them down between the quarters. I would draw the line at lobbing High Explosives at them… I think… If the Dees lose I may change my mind. Quote of the week: “You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art of war.” Napoleon Bonaparte This may be the longest post ever on Demonland…started in Cairo, added to in transit in Rome and finished in London. And That… as they say is That. Done and Dusted.

Will we possibly see Frost on Frost this weekend?

A big weekend last Round with my predictions getting 8 out of 9. Missed on the Dorks with the last kick of the game. So close…so close. Picked 19 winners in the three rounds so far… Tipping the house down….. Friday night at DS…. It is Domain Stadium in Perth…. I looked it up….They have renamed the suburb of Subiaco, Domain apparently. Anyhooooo It is the ex-Druggies taking on the Timid Tiges Hardon’s boys have not fired a shot so far this season. Heard they are keeping their powder dry for the second half surge of the season. One of their sponsors does a good line in microwaves and they want to give them a chance to sell a few to the club’s membership cooks. Simmo likes the look of his team and likes the way they are playing. Nickie/nackie/noo used his prodigious jump to cave in Sandi’s ribs and has promised to do the same to any Timid Tiges who get in his way. Stay timid Tiges…preserve your ribs…. Prediction: Ex-druggies by more than a few. Timid Tiges to be heard asking themselves…. “ extension, what extension??? We are not in the business of giving extensions to anyone unless there are good reasons….. You must have heard wrong.” And so we roll into Saturday. First up at the Home of Football are TDC and the Handbaggers. If I was Warren Buffett I would lay all of my hard-earned on the Handbaggers at $1.03 and screw with the bookies heads a bit. $100Billion at them odds would mean a payout of $103B by my calculations. Mind you, he could put 10 of that 100b on TDC and look for a payout of $130b… be so easy if I had the money. Now the actual game….. What to say? TDC have nothing and will not have anything more this season because they only play us once. Handbaggers are Dangerous. Prediction: write your own ticket. Baggers by plenty (plenty to be defined by your good selves) Saturday afternoon at Aurora with the Dorks and the Aints. (just in case you don’t know, Aurora is on Two Headed island) The Dorks fell in last week against the Doggies and have not looked like themselves so far this season. They have looked more like the portrait of Dorian Grey. You know the story by Oscar Wilde, Grey sells his soul so that rather than him growing old, the portrait fades and grows old. Pertinent question: has Clarko sold the soul of the team for one more season? Please, please, all that was gibberish to fill a bit in until the prediction. Prediction; Dorks by a few and the portrait to fade a bit more. P. S. - Just realised I should say something about the Aints. Flash in the pan... got their 4 points for the season..... Still Saturday afternoon and now at the Gabba with Leppa’s Pride Vs Sons of Ablett. The Sunshine Clash Leppa’s pride is having a great season, or they would be if they had actually won something in the first three rounds besides our derision. Still, there is always next week… has to be because it aint gunna be this week. The Sons are looking awesome… I mean, Totally Awesome, great tans. Prediction: The Pride to do an Icarus impersonation and plummet to earth after trying to get too close to the Sons. Saturday night at the Home away from Home Boos at home to the Doggies. Not been good for the Boos so far. Mind you they are majorly [censored] off with the Dees for losing to the DC. Now they need to win a game to ensure they are at least on a par them for when they meet. Boos Coach, Capt Obvious stated that they fell away badly in the last Quarter. It is not as if they fell from great heights… 5 goals in two and a half quarters with the Sons kicking a bag full inaccurately. And the Poor Old Doggies will ‘DO IT FOR BOB’ Shame about Bob’s knee, but always look on the bright side of life – no, don’t crucify, Bob – just be thankful that it happened to him at the end of his career and not at the beginning. If it had been at the beginning we may not have seen him play the way he has played. There have been many that never had the chance to play to their full potential because of early ACLs Damn, That was serious. Prediction: Doggies by lots with a salute to Bob at full time. Saturday night and Adelaide has The Big One…. Tah Dah! The Birdie Clash…….The Cows against the Swannies. I know… I keep missing the Cows Rs.. it is on purpose you know. I just don’t like them. Speaking of missing Rs… have you seen the latest crop of supermodels? They also seem to be missing their Rs… must be a Cows supporter thing. The Swans glide majestically along while paddling madly below the surface while the Cows fly around in ever decreasing circles while squaking “Fark…Fark” while they threaten to fly up their own fundamental….if they had one. Damn! I tied that up nicely Prediction: hate to say it but the Rs-less Cows might just take the 4 points… I felt dirty typing that Sunday the day of rest and worship. First up… Sidelly of the Western variety Vs The other team from Adelaide. At…… Wait for it…… Wait For it…… Startrek Oval… I mean it… Startrek Oval…. I want to go there. Really…. It would be so easy to go off on a Sci-fi jag here….. Beam me up Scotty and all that… too easy….Whatever happened to Capt Kirk? Might do this one straight. I believe that GWS will show a lot of Enterprise in this game and their Next Generation will also show a lot. TOT from Adelaide will not Klingon to GWS after their long Trek over from Deep Space Nine. Oops… slipped a bit there at the end. Prediction; StarShip Enterprise to dominate… 30pts. Sunday afternoon at the “G” and we finally get to the main game of the Round. You-Know-Who Vs The once again Mighty Dees. Ahhh Yes, the Dees are Back in Town after their loss to Norf…what? What? Back in Town with a loss? Ya gotta be kidding me. Yeah, but what a loss…. We have not lost them like that in Years. We kicked more points in that game then the in the whole time Neeld was in charge, I kid you not. I may need a fact checker for that one. The pies are travelling like a one legged tinker with a busted wheel on his cart….. slowly, unevenly and with a lot of clashing noise. Love it! Hey Bucks, ya should have stayed at the Loins….. Damn this is giving me a laugh. I am waiting for Eddie whats-his-name to fire the team and keep the coach. I would like to win this one. I know I am not Robinson Crusoe on that, but, you know, I reeeeaaaaaaly want to win this one and when we are 10 goals up with 10 to play I want to see that grand old flag unfurled……. “Season Over” Prediction: Dees by 10 goals The last game of the round…. Sunday twilight Norf Vs The Duckers. Seriousely… who cares where they play? Both team’s supporters are talking about 4-in-a-row… Norf because they can after the dirty cheating maggots gifted the game last Sunday and the Duckers because Ross the Boss is crap and they have finally realized it. Norf must have goat pics of a couple of the officials at last Sunday’s match… fair dinkum! It is just not right. I could go on for a while about the mistakes and injustices during last week’s match but…. But…. I won’t. Ross the Boss was after the Capt Obvious title for the week with this from his presser…."We just need to fix those things I've identified." Here is a short list to help you ‘identify’ R the B….. Mundy’s calf, Sandi’s ribs, Pav’s age and team’s crap performance. Added this during an Edit...it was too good not to include.... Ross the boss after last round actually said the following: “I don’t think you have to be a genius to work out if the ledger stays like this there’s going to be a paradigm shift in philosophy,” Lyon said after the match. “I think the aim is to win enough games and play finals. That’s our aim. I would’ve thought that’s every club’s aim.” I shakes me head in appreciation... a footy coach actually putting together that phrase in connection to footy... " A paradigm shift in Philosophy". I love it...Malthouse, eat ya heart out....Just have no idea what it means in this context..... Prediction: 4-in-a-row for both Norf and Duckers. Quote of the week. “Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.” ― Dorothy Parker

After the North game and with Bernie being rubbed out I think there will be a few other changes as well. Garlett will be and automatic inclusion if his ankle comes up. There could be strong arguments for Pedersen and ANB. Trengove will need a week or two after his knock to the head and not getting game time last weekend and I think Petracca will get another run at Casey before being considered. I would keep Wagner and Stretch in for a second game. While I am not a big fan of Frost, I would give him another week. I just don't like how/where they are playing him at the moment. My team to play ..... B: Jetta, T McDonald, WagnerHB:Lumumba, Dunn, SalemC: vdB,Tyson, OliverHF: ANB, Watts, KennedyF: Kent, Hogan, GarlettFoll: Gawn, N Jones, VineyI/C : Stretch,Frost, Harmes, M Jones Additional 3 named for the Sunday game: Grimes. Pedersen, PetraccaIn: ANB, Garlett Out: Bugg, Vince

Sunday afternoon.... 17ish with a few showers and a 30km wind gusting from the west. Not great conditions for footy. the stand might protect the wing a little and the wind may favour the southern goal a shade.

Will be interesting to see who does not play for the Scorps tomorrow night.

Looking at this team it will be interesting to see how the coaching team play this. In defence I think we look a little short but, given the way our defence went last week with some of the contests we ended up watching, it would be a continuation of the way we play. expect to see Bugg on Waite at some stage. May need Frost back there at some stage and Watts as a loose man during the last 5 of each quarter. In the forwards I think we will still have some firepower to kick a score even without Garlett. We need to be a bit smarter than we were last week and get the ball in quicker and leave a bit of room for Hogan to work in. Between the arcs I would crowd it as much as possible with Kent, Harmes, vandenBerg and even kennedy draiging their defenders up into the area as they rotate through. Crowd the midfield and do not let Norf get an easy ball. May line up like this on Sunday B: Jetta, McDonald, BuggHB: Lumumba, Dunn SalemC: Vince, Tyson, OliverHF:vandenBerg, Watts, HarmesF: Kent, Hogan, KennedyFoll: Gawn, N Jones, VineyI/C : M Jones, Stretch, Frost, Wagner

Up on the club website Melbourne team: round three B: Neville Jetta, Tom McDonald, Tomas BuggHB: Matt Jones, Heritier Lumumba, Christian SalemC: Bernie Vince, Dom Tyson, Clayton OliverHF: Jack Watts, Aaron vandenBerg, James HarmesF: Dean Kent, Jesse Hogan, Ben KennedyFoll: Max Gawn, Nathan Jones, Jack VineyI/C (from): Lynden Dunn, Billy Stretch, Sam Frost, Josh WagnerEmg: Cameron Pedersen, Alex Neal-Bullen, Jack GrimesIn: Lynden Dunn, Sam Frost, Josh Wagner, Billy StretchOut: Jeff Garlett (ankle), Colin Garland, Angus Brayshaw, Cameron Pedersen Dunn and Wagner to cover the back line and frost to cover forward and Ruck The rest to run their collective nuts off and tackle everything in sight with a ball.

Hard to get "up" for it this week..... but..... we roll on to Round 3. Take no notice of my tips. After 7 out of 9 the first week I fronted up with 4 out 9 last Round. I just cannot understand it my predictions are perfect but the teams let me down. TOTAL: 11 after 2 Rounds First up on Friday night are the Other Team in Adelaide Vs the Drug Cheats. Based on Last week’s scores the Other Team (TOT) should win by a goal. I am really trying to be enthusiastic about the games this week but after TDC ran around us like training cones it is really difficult. TOT lost the Showdown last week and want to make sure they do not go two in a row against TDC. Two in a row….where have I heard that before? I am also sure that TOT will not play midgets on Smokin’ Joe. Prediction: OTO by 6 goals which will show how crap we were last week. Saturday Afternoon at The ‘G’ with the Aints Vs. Eddies Loved Ones Loved Ones scrapped home by a solitary against the Tiges last week and Bucks was over the moon. “I don’t think either side played particularly well.” See? Over the moon…. St. Nick’s boys kicked 15 goals last week to be beaten by 5 goals…suffer baby. Prediction: On the big stage…Saturday afternoon…. Aints in an upset to score their first points of the season and Bucks in the hot seat…. I can dream can’t I? Also Saturday Arvo at the Home away from Home Tiges Vs Cows. Ho-Hummmmm If the AFL want to put some excitement into the game they should stage this at the G at the same time as the Aints and A Holes game. It would work, believe me. Hard one to call this. Hardon accused his players of playing “unintelligent football..” hello… Dims, Maaate… don’t waste words Richmond…. Unintelligent….football…. two words too many there and it aint Richmond or football. But, Wow oh wowie, how good are those Cows …..and the Dees are just behind them on percentage. Please, please…no correspondence will be entered into. Prediction: Love to see The Cows bury the Tiges by a point this week…. If there is a god….. please. Saturday Sideely Showdown Swannies Vs Getting better Western Siddeelly Couple of winners from last week with the Swannies just a bit more winningly. Hope you can make sense of that. When I said it in my head it kinda made sense. Leon the Cameron took the Presser prize from last week with the following statement about Mumford… "I said to him during the week that I reckon by round three or round four, he's going to be absolutely cherry ripe." Love that term “cherry ripe” …. should be used more. Turnbull is cherry ripe. Believe me…… off shore tax havens are cherry ripe… Ask the Icelandic PM. The Swannies and Horse has them purring along…. Is it possible Swans purr? 2-0 cannot be better than that after 2 Rounds Prediction: Swannies 3-0 after this weekend. Could be the game of the Round Saturday Night in the cow paddock out the back of Surfers - Sons of Ablett Vs Boos There is one game each round where you look at it and think that mercy rule should be applied. This is it this Round. Poor Boos, accused of over acting during the week and they were so poor at that that the only ones they could convince were the blind maggots. Just as well they only vote on the Brownlow and not the Oscars. As bad as the Boos are going the Sons of are travelling great. 2-0 so far and looking down the barrel of an easy evening. It will be easy for them, a doddle, walk in the park… as easy as the Dees win last week….oops, hold on. Prediction; Sons by a lot. The last one on Saturday is on the other side of our vast land with the Ex-Druggies vs The Duckers. Now, I realise I go on about this but “DS” is not a stadium… really, it isn’t. It is a footy ground with pretensions. The showdown of the Flat Earthers from the west. Ross The Boss has the Duckers travelling well with a perfect record in the first two games of the season…. Lost ‘em both…. Perfect. The Ex-Druggies are not on that pace having won their opening encounter and then dropping the next to the sons of. Damn, I laughed. I am sure this will be an entertaining game for those living west of the Nullabor and I hope that it is a nil all draw. Prediction; do I have to? Really? Ok. Ex-druggies by 10 goals. Got a spasm in my brain typing that. First up on Sunday is Norf Vs The not-so-shiney-Dees at BA??? BA? Just as well it is not a Stadium. A ground named after a boot…. Not even a footy boot. Firstly I think it is a good thing that after their putrid display against the Drug Cheats last week that the Dees have been exiled to Two-Head Island. Unfortunately, I understand that they will be allowed to come back to Melbourne. It is also a good thing that we have had an extra day to recover as I am sure Roos is right that a few of the boys were tired…. Tired… playing round 2…. Tired…. Give me a break. This is supposed to be a professional sporting team. Tell it like it was Roos. Bigheaded players that had pocketed the 4 points…. Bad selection on Thursday night and even worse match day coaching. Surely it cannot get much worse….. Surely…. Yep It can. I would like to believe they will bounce back. But……. We play a team full of older bodies with experienced heads on their shoulders. The wonder of transplants…. Prediction: look away now… I beseech you, look away… Norf by whatever they like… a slow motion train wreck Sunday afternoon at the Home away from Home Everybodies Second Team vs, The Bouncing Dorks Wanna see the Bullies run over the top of the bouncers. Down one week, up the next…. If they remain true to form this is a down week. Besides, who could not like a team who’s Coach loves to skate board. If we could get him to the Dees he could take up downhill skiing or snowboarding. Now the Dorks…I am not convinced. The last few seasons have all been down to good luck, the bounce of the ball, good coaching and the AFL Commission. This is a season too far for them. I hope. Bored with them now. Prediction: Bullies by a goal or two. Last one of the Sunday games at Kardy Park down the Highway with Handbaggers Vs Leppa’s Cubs Scott of the Chris Variety told reporters after his loss last week "We don't make excuses, so I'd appreciate if you don't make excuses for our players as well." Huh? His players were not tired? Bigheaded? He did not make bad decisions/ this guy just does not know how to play the game. Blame the players…. Blame the players…. Make excuses, or, at least infer them. But I digress… this game will be slightly less boring than the game over in the West. The handbaggers with fight to remain relevant in a season where they will use the lights out of Danger and burn him out. Leppa’s boys? Well they will run around, kick a few and handball to each other but really, all they will be doing is sorting the poos. (going through the motions) Prediction: Handbaggers to ride danger home once more. Another one D&Ded.

Taking a look or two at the replays is a difficult thing to do but trying to look for the problems and causes is an interesting thing to do. You do not need the brain power of a rocket surgeon to identify them. Roos says that some of the players looked tired and others were 'big headed". If the players were tired in the second round of matches then the club has major problems. It is the fault of the conditioning staff and coaches to send out players that are tried. If the players, any of them, are bigheaed going out thinking all they have to do is turn up to get the 4 points then that is the fault of the coaching staff. (I bet the club cringe looking at the articles on the website with talk of two in a row). If we made bad decisions at selection that is the fault of the match committee. Being second to the ball, hanging back to let others do the work and finger pointing during the game sits squarely with the players and the on-field leadership. Allowing the same situation such as Hogan not leading and allowing himself to double and triple teamed from the first quarter and through the game is the fault of unimaginative and inflexible gameday coaching. The defensive coach should be asked to explain how Daniher can end up in a marking contest with Nathan Jones, Jetta and Garland and told it will not happen again if he values his job. If this all happens again this week we are going to be reduced to a rabble. Norf's midfield will carve us up, their forwards will mark every thing in sight and they will kick 20/25 goals. What to do? clear out the forward 50 and try to get Hogan one on one leave him space to lead into. The delivery last week was so slow that there was no room for any movement once the ball floated in. The rest of the forwards play in the middle and jam it up to try to cut down Norf's midfield effectiveness. The midfield need to run and run hard in numbers with both the ball in hand and when chasing the ball. Against the Drug Cheats we had no numbers at the ball or in support of the player with the ball. Defence, Get to your man and play him all day. Last week the defence spent as much time finger pointing and discussing who goes where and to whom as they did playing footy. absolute rubbish. Across the board the club needs to lift from last week. the players, the coaching staff, all the support staff, They need to understand all the work they have done over the last 6/7 months is on the line. It will all be for nothing if they drop their heads and play deeply unintelligent football as they did last week. We have played one and a half good quarters of football out of 8 so far. Half the first quarter and all the last quarter in the first round. Just not good enough and not enough to give the supporters any hope.