Chook

Anyone who saw either of our preseason games knew this was coming. We're going to be one of the easiest teams to beat this year. Bottom four looks likely, even though we might recover slightly by midyear and make a charge to the bottom reaches of the eight if we can tweak our gameplay and get Lever back.

What we should have done is not played a bonafide ruckman. Just tried to shark 2 of the best ruckmen going around rather than play an unfit replacement or a recently-hospitalised Gawn. Throw Frost to the wolves for all I care in a situation like that.

I stand by my ANB votes. Who do I have to fight first?

No one wanted Dean Kent to go. He left to get more midfield time.

6 Salem 5 Melksham 4 Brayshaw 3 Wagner 2 Neal-Bullen 1 Jetta

I want to see the Dees win. After that I'm just glad to have another thing for my eyeballs to point at of a weekend.

You mean it hasn’t begun yet? WTF have we been doing all this time?

Am I the only one who doesn't really like this? I mean, it's objectively a great photo…but we don't deserve to see Gawny hold it until he wins it. I mean, it's like taking a photo of yourself sitting inside someone else's sweet car. Sure it's cool…but it's not yours. Yet.

Haven't seen anything to suggest we'll get near it this year at all. May looks slow and out of position constantly. Lucky it's just preseason but my expectations were shot to pieces on that day at Optus Stadium and they haven't recovered yet.

We're trying to capture the 4-12 age market right? Why not just express all coaching moves in terms of this week's hottest memes?

Agreed, and have thought so since day dot.

What if I want less information and no tickets? Where should I head then?

My reaction to this announcement:

1. Neville Jetta vs Tom McDonald 3. Clayton Oliver vs 2. Max Gawn

I'd prefer a bit more honesty. I'd love an occasional Dropped (spud) or VFL (Captain's back)

How do I vote? What do I do? Just tell me how I can ensure that Tom McDonald wins as he should.

My mum knows next to nothing about footy but she and I had a good old laugh every time Vanders got the ball in both of the finals we won last year; even she could see he's good at everything other than actually handling the football. Lucky for him he's amazing at that stuff because he can't kick or handball worth a damn.

Congrats on your fiancee letting you wear those sunnies alongside a backwards-facing pink cap Gawny. The odds were definitely against you there...

Credibility.

'May have'? Our premiership drought credentials cannot be beaten, and that's a fact. Also, I don't care for their beginning a sentence with 'But'.

Tom McDonald's goal was the most concentrated moment of pure unadulterated joy I've ever felt as a Melbourne supporter…but I guess I'm biased.

AFLX is terrible. I preferred AFLs I through IX.

It would be a very Brad Scott move to spy on a publicly recorded media conference.

He's a ripper. My favourite player, as you may be able to tell from my avatar. The best forward Melbourne has had since Neitz, and one of the best in the comp. Any club who played their best defender on Jesse Hogan last year when they had a chance to put him on McDonald had no idea. It's going to be a challenge this year when every club sends their best to Tommy right from the outset; but one of the best things about him is his running ability. He gets up and down the ground so much that very few defenders can handle both aspects of his game. Goes alright kicking for goal too.

This is the best day of my life. It's even better than the day I read we were the best Victorian team in the league…back in 2007, when I was young and happy and didn't know what I didn't know. In the words of Bob Seger, "I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then."