Mazer Rackham

Like all of us, you're too mentally deranged from too many years following this circus troup to do anything sensible about it. There's a test they put little kids through. They put a biscuit in front of them and say "you can eat that right now if you like. But if you can wait 20 minutes without eating it, we'll give you two biscuits." Some kids eat the biscuit and some wait. Melbourne supporters wait the 20 minutes and get no biscuit.

It was well reported at the time that Jackson was very determined in his pursuit of Roos. Turned him from "nup, not if hell freezes over" to "this sounds intriguing, I might give it a shot". I seem to recall reading quotes from Roos supporting that. This is hardly controversial. I'll have a glass of red, read a book or listen to some music, go to bed, wake up tomorrow and do it all again.

She's not a sports writer. She's a gossip writer and her natural home is on the scandal pages, but there's not much call for or interest in sports there.

Yes. But we didn't have that luxury. "Hobart Devils" was starting to sound promising at AFL hq

It was a great move. We were a VFL club in an AFL competition with no money, no credibility, no nothing. We had to get him, or someone of his stature, at any cost. More power to him; without that appointment we wouldn't have a club now.

Teams on a losing streak, out of form, key players out, breathe a sigh of relief when they see they're scheduled to play the Mighty Demons. Because they already know how we're going to play and what they have to do to overcome us. They go in with a plan and a positive attitude. We go in not even knowing where the headlights are that we'll eventually be staring into.

From a set shot on his wrong foot after being concussed

Mids coach: now gather round and we'll work through some scenarios. Now pretend I'm Max, and say I tap the ball to-- Viney: Ball? Someone say ball? GIVE ME BALL (he dives on the ball) Oliver: NO GIVE ME BALL Harmes: NO GIVE ME BALL Viney: NO GIVE ME BALL Jones: NO GIVE ME BALL Brayshaw: NO GIVE ME BALL Mids coach: *sigh*

A decent coach might have him working as a Libba (senior) style tagger.

Can someone tell him you're supposed to eat it, or is his restaurant IQ as bad as his football IQ?

Fascinating that only a handful of these names come from the golden years No comment!

Loser clubs get kicked around. It's always been that way. Let's start winning and let some other clubs get kicked around. Our destiny is in our own hands.

Swans belting the crap out of Carlton and it's very uplifting!

Have a heart! Years of following this club has damaged our faculties beyond recovery

Shock, anger, denial, bargaining, Crows win, finals, flag.

Don't worry, the eventual premier will be a team we beat in home and away, leaving us to ponder what might have been ....

Surely Trump's a Carlton supporter?

Have you sent Riv an e-hug?

Would it be a "ruthless" thing to do to ship him off to another club? Are there any with a shortage of boneheaded fearlessness?

Is that core group of players holding on to that same hope? How many are the phone to their managers right now? If the currency is hope, the only course of action is to bring in a senior coach who can bring genuine hope, cause under the current one there is none. It's existential.

Thoughts? It doesn't explain why our thick skulled mids gather round the ball like ants around honey, then handpass it to one of the other ants, who then handlpases to one of the other ants. While the anteaters patiently wait on the outside for us to [censored] it up, leaving us out of position and them set up to whisk the ball downfield like lightning.

A system can make adequate players, who will never be stars, be very effective. Essendon 2000, they all looked like world beaters, but when that team broke up and some players went elsewhere, suddenly they looked ordinary, because they were no longer part of a well oiled machine.

Every time Kozzie goes near the ball I am reminded of that time I accidentally dropped a tennis ball on my sleeping cat

The word "hopefully" is doing a lot of work here

Monday Night Horror Theatre ... this week, a brutal gang of dock workers vivisect and dismember an entire team of hapless and unsuspecting football players