Demonland

Won't happen. Oxley's the sub. Tappy's ours.

6,5,4,3,2,1 ... thank you

The Casey Scorpions grabbed top spot on the VFL ladder and ruffled a few Magpie feathers after hammering finals aspirants Collingwood to the tune of a crushing 90-points at Casey Fields on Saturday. The Scorpion onslaught was led all day by midfield ball magnets Paul Couch who amassed 39 disposals and James Magner who had two touches less. Together, they dominated the stoppages and general play and were aided and abetted by some top notch ruckwork from Jake Spencer (19 hit outs to go with his three goals) and the emerging beanpole Max Gawn. Up forward, young key position player Jesse Hogan belied his tender age of 18 with strong marking and tireless work around the ground. The young tyro managed 15 possesions, taking 9 marks and had his kicking been on target (he scored 2.3) the rout would certainly have exceeded the 100-point mark. Former North Melbourne rookie Ben Hughes also chimed in with three nice goals. The Magpies opened brightly under the sunny skies and had most of the early play but once the home team adapted to the chilly breezes, it faced little resistance winning every quarter and coasting effortlessly to a 15 goal win. Indeed, apart from a little biffo and remonstrating at one stage in proceedings, the visitors hardly did justice to the jumper. However, they were beaten by a very good side. The Casey defence was strong with Troy Davis and Luke Tynan not only proving to be impassable but also providing countless springboards into attack. They finished with 27 and 26 disposals respectively and together with their fellow defenders, kept the Magpies down to a measly seven goals, less than half their average over their now broken three week winning streak against Geelong, Essendon and the Northern Blues. Davis, now in his third year on the Melbourne list and yet to play a game at AFL level is finally staking a claim for promotion. Casey's ruck dominance was achieved against a strong tall man division which included Ben Hudson and Jarrod Witts who along with Gawn at 208cm, is equal second tallest current AFL behind injured Docker Aaron Sandilands. Late inclusion Shannon Byrnes livened up the forward line with a couple of goals, a feat matched by Casey-South Melbourne cricket captain Jake Best. Twenty-third man Jarryd Drew got into the action with a goal after the final siren to cap off a great day on which the club also ran a successful debt demolition function before the game. The team has a break next week with the bye before taking on the Coburg Tigers at home on 23 June. The Development League team which rested this week, play away next weekend to fourth placed Werribee Tigers. HOW THE DEMONS FARED Shannon Byrnes 14 kicks 5 handballs 19 disposals 5 marks 2 tackles 2 goals Mitchell Clisby 11 kicks 8 handballs 19 disposals 5 marks 2 tackles Thomas Couch 11 kicks 28 handballs 39 disposals 5 marks 2 tackles 2 goals Troy Davis 14 kicks 13 handballs 27 disposals 5 marks 1 tackles Max Gawn 9 kicks 8 handballs 17 disposals 3 marks 26 hit outs 1 goal Thomas Gillies 8 kicks 7 handballs 15 disposals 4 marks 3 tackles Jesse Hogan 11 kicks 4 handballs 15 disposals 10 marks 2 tackles 3 hit outs 2 goals 3 behinds Neville Jetta 8 kicks 5 handballs 13 disposals 5 marks 8 tackles 2 goals James Magner 22 kicks 15 handballs 37 disposals 7 marks 5 tackles 1 goal 2 behinds Daniel Nicholson 16 kicks 11 handballs 27 disposals 1 mark 4 tackles James Sellar 6 kicks 7 handballs 13 disposals 6 marks Jake Spencer 9 kicks 5 handballs 14 disposals 7 marks 3 tackles 19 hit outs 3 goals 3 behinds James Strauss 7 kicks 7 handballs 14 disposals 3 marks 4 tackles Rory Taggert 7 kicks 4 handballs 11 disposals 4 marks 3 tackles Joshua Tynan 13 kicks 6 handballs 19 disposals 7 marks 8 tackles Casey Scorpions 5.3.33 9.7.61 14.11.95 21.15.141 Collingwood 2.1.13 3.3.21 5.6.36 7.9.51 Goals Casey Scorpions Goals Hughes Spencer 3 Best Byrnes Couch Hogan Jetta 2 Drew Gawn Gent Petropoulos Magner Collingwood Broomhead 2 Clarke Hudson Mooney Paine Best Casey Scorpions Couch Magner L Tynan Hogan Davis Spencer Collingwood Mooney Allan Yagmoor Broomhead Riddle Hellier

RUFFLED FEATHERS by KC from Casey The Casey Scorpions grabbed top spot on the VFL ladder and ruffled a few Magpie feathers after hammering finals aspirants Collingwood to the tune of a crushing 90-points at Casey Fields on Saturday. The Scorpion onslaught was led all day by midfield ball magnets Paul Couch who amassed 39 disposals and James Magner who had two touches less. Together, they dominated the stoppages and general play and were aided and abetted by some top notch ruckwork from Jake Spencer (19 hit outs to go with his three goals) and the emerging beanpole Max Gawn. Up forward, young key position player Jesse Hogan belied his tender age of 18 with strong marking and tireless work around the ground. The young tyro managed 15 possesions, taking 9 marks and had his kicking been on target (he scored 2.3) the rout would certainly have exceeded the 100-point mark. Former North Melbourne rookie Ben Hughes also chimed in with three nice goals. The Magpies opened brightly under the sunny skies and had most of the early play but once the home team adapted to the chilly breezes, it faced little resistance winning every quarter and coasting effortlessly to a 15 goal win. Indeed, apart from a little biffo and remonstrating at one stage in proceedings, the visitors hardly did justice to the jumper. However, they were beaten by a very good side. The Casey defence was strong with Troy Davis and Luke Tynan not only proving to be impassable but also providing countless springboards into attack. They finished with 27 and 26 disposals respectively and together with their fellow defenders, kept the Magpies down to a measly seven goals, less than half their average over their now broken three week winning streak against Geelong, Essendon and the Northern Blues. Davis, now in his third year on the Melbourne list and yet to play a game at AFL level is finally staking a claim for promotion. Casey's ruck dominance was achieved against a strong tall man division which included Ben Hudson and Jarrod Witts who along with Gawn at 208cm, is equal second tallest current AFL behind injured Docker Aaron Sandilands. Late inclusion Shannon Byrnes livened up the forward line with a couple of goals, a feat matched by Casey-South Melbourne cricket captain Jake Best. Twenty-third man Jarryd Drew got into the action with a goal after the final siren to cap off a great day on which the club also ran a successful debt demolition function before the game. The team has a break next week with the bye before taking on the Coburg Tigers at home on 23 June. The Development League team which rested this week, play away next weekend to fourth placed Werribee Tigers. HOW THE DEMONS FARED Shannon Byrnes 14 kicks 5 handballs 19 disposals 5 marks 2 tackles 2 goals Mitchell Clisby 11 kicks 8 handballs 19 disposals 5 marks 2 tackles Thomas Couch 11 kicks 28 handballs 39 disposals 5 marks 2 tackles 2 goals Troy Davis 14 kicks 13 handballs 27 disposals 5 marks 1 tackles Max Gawn 9 kicks 8 handballs 17 disposals 3 marks 26 hit outs 1 goal Thomas Gillies 8 kicks 7 handballs 15 disposals 4 marks 3 tackles Jesse Hogan 11 kicks 4 handballs 15 disposals 10 marks 2 tackles 3 hit outs 2 goals 3 behinds Neville Jetta 8 kicks 5 handballs 13 disposals 5 marks 8 tackles 2 goals James Magner 22 kicks 15 handballs 37 disposals 7 marks 5 tackles 1 goal 2 behinds Daniel Nicholson 16 kicks 11 handballs 27 disposals 1 mark 4 tackles James Sellar 6 kicks 7 handballs 13 disposals 6 marks Jake Spencer 9 kicks 5 handballs 14 disposals 7 marks 3 tackles 19 hit outs 3 goals 3 behinds James Strauss 7 kicks 7 handballs 14 disposals 3 marks 4 tackles Rory Taggert 7 kicks 4 handballs 11 disposals 4 marks 3 tackles Joshua Tynan 13 kicks 6 handballs 19 disposals 7 marks 8 tackles Casey Scorpions 5.3.33 9.7.61 14.11.95 21.15.141 Collingwood 2.1.13 3.3.21 5.6.36 7.9.51 Goals Casey Scorpions Goals Hughes Spencer 3 Best Byrnes Couch Hogan Jetta 2 Drew Gawn Gent Petropoulos Magner Collingwood Broomhead 2 Clarke Hudson Mooney Paine Best Casey Scorpions Couch Magner L Tynan Hogan Davis Spencer Collingwood Mooney Allan Yagmoor Broomhead Riddle Hellier

HORSE FEATHERS by Whispering Jack Alison Caldwell on the ABC on Mark Neeld this week: The name Ms. Caldwell was probably struggling to find was Quincy Adams Wagstaff who, like Neeld, is an educator. Here's Wagstaff in action: According to some, Melbourne needs a coach who is against everything; who will try nothing and do nothing in order to keep the level of the media's concentration on its current plight. Wagstaff presents the ideal scenario for the Demons but what makes him so appealing is the fact that he has several brothers who can act as his able assistants including brother Pinky who would make an excellent spokesperson for the club because he never talks. There's so much white noise reverberating around the club at this time that Pinky's role should be a welcome addition in place of the random meaningless talk that abounds around and about the club. We need more action and less talk. Some of the talk in recent times has been particularly destructive but a some of it might have been helpful. However, while it might be well-intentioned (e.g. this), its all horse feathers - stuff of which weve already been made well aware and know and is therefore better left unsaid and dealt with in the manner in which Pinky deals with such things. The only unfortunate aspect of Wagstaff's appointment as coach in the place of Mark Neeld (if indeed, he is the man who's name Ms. Caldwell can't remember) is that the new coach cannot bring to the club the action that's needed to win games. Why? Because he's against it! THE GAME Melbourne v. Collingwood at the MCG Monday 10 June 2013 at 3.20pm HEAD TO HEAD Overall Melbourne 79 wins Collingwood 143 wins 5 draws At the MCG Melbourne 59 wins Collingwood 76 wins 3 draws Since 2000 Melbourne 5 wins Collingwood 10 wins 1 draw The Coaches Neeld 0 wins Buckley 1 win MEDIA TV - Channel 7 & Fox Footy Channel live from 3.00pm. RADIO - SEN ABC 3AW Triple M THE BETTING Melbourne to win $ 17.00 Collingwood to win $1.01 LAST TIME THEY MET Collingwood 19.15.129 defeated Melbourne 13.9.87 in Round 11, 2012 at the MCG. Melbourne started poorly and conceded six goals to nil in the first quarter before regrouping and showing some of the spirit that had been missing for most of the season. With Jones and Grimes working hard in the midfield and Clark and Howe livening up the forward line, they threatened but unfortunately, some dreadful turnovers prevented them from getting close before the Pies reasserted their position. THE TEAMS MELBOURNE Backs Lynden Dunn Cameron Pedersen Dean Terlich Half backs Colin Garland Tom McDonald Sam Blease Centreline Jack Trengove Colin Sylvia Michael Evans Half forwards Jeremy Howe Jack Fitzpatrick Jack Watts Forwards David Rodan Chris Dawes Aaron Davey Followers Mark Jamar Matt Jones Nathan Jones Interchange Dean Kent Jordie McKenzie Luke Tapscott Jimmy Toumpas Emergencies Rohan Bail Max Gawn James Sellar In Sam Blease Max Gawn Tom McDonald Colin Sylvia Out Rohan Bail James Frawley (hamstring) Joel Macdonald (foot) James Strauss COLLINGWOOD Backs Nathan Brown Ben Reid Heritier O'Brien Half backs Heath Shaw Nick Maxwell Marley Williams Centreline Steele Sidebottom Brent Macaffer Luke Ball Half forwards Jamie Elliott Quinten Lynch Dane Swan Forwards Ben Kennedy Travis Cloke Alan Didak Followers Darren Jolly Scott Pendlebury Jarryd Blair Interchange Josh Thomas Ben Sinclair Kyle Martin Paul Seedsman Emergencies Martin Clarke Jackson Paine Adam Oxley In Travis Cloke Ben Sinclair Out Martin Clarke Andrew Krakouer DUCK SOUP As if the unfortunate Ms. Caldwell's remarks weren't sufficient evidence of the media's descent into some sort of collective madness presaged recently by the incoherent rantings of the chief football writer for a former broadsheet now turned tabloid but unworthy of wrapping fish 'n chips, this takes the potato cake:- That's right folks. Even the once mighty Kiss of Death has taken leave of his/her/its senses and predicts Collingwood will fall to Melbourne by a margin of 13 points. Appropriately, there's a Men's Grand Slam singles final on the night before the game which allows me to segue beautifully into one of the greatest quotes from the history of such tournaments:- The whole world knows that Melbourne's average winning margin in matches this season is an AFL high of 41 points. With the eyes of the football world well and truly upon us, we are not going to lower our standards one iota on Queen's Birthday. We will win the game by 42 points. Yes - you heard it first right here.[Editor's note: Just in case you're a sceptic, remember that last week's DEMONLAND reviewer George On The Outer predicted a 15 goal Hawthorn victory which, but for David Rodan's miss after the ¾ time buzzer, would have been spot on the mark.] While my main motivation in tipping a Melbourne victory is that KOD went for Collingwood and he/she/it usually gets them wrong, there are other reasons. Since the first two rounds of the season, the Magpies have struggled to put together wins on the trot and there are rumours of trouble in their camp. Buckley seems to be on the nose. Dane Swan is said to have even added a new tattoo of Bucks with a target imprinted on his forehead (we just don't know what part of Swan's anatomy houses this feature). The Demons, on the other hand, have been a model of stability and consistency throughout the season. As they say in the classics, "what you see is what you get." Despite Ms. Caldwell's above gaffe, the Board has full confidence in its coach. The letter of dismissal was never sent - it was dealt with in the way that Rufus T Firefly (coach Quicy's alter ego) did it in Duck Soup:- And there you have it - nobody got fired at Melbourne (at least not this week).In fact, a remarkable thing is happening at Demonland before our very eyes. Young people with a bit of talent are infiltrating their way into the team. This week Jimmy Toumpas quietly makes his way back into the side along with Sam Blease. Last week it was Jack Fitzpatrick and the week before, Dean Kent. Soon we'll see Jack Viney, Max Gawn and maybe even Rory Taggert in the 22. Together with some of the mature age players introduced this year as well as the return of our injured stars, the addition to the mix of Jeff Kennett, will really make this place rock. OK, I'm not serious about Jeff but his style reminds me of the words of the slightly less than immortal Rufus T. Firefly:- That's Melbourne these days but whilst I've proved the case for a Demon win by 42 points on Monday, please don't tell the Ox.He's against it!

Alison Caldwell on the ABC on Mark Neeld this week: The name Ms. Caldwell was probably struggling to find was Quincy Adams Wagstaff who, like Neeld, is an educator. Here's Wagstaff in action: According to some, Melbourne needs a coach who is against everything; who will try nothing and do nothing in order to keep the level of the media's concentration on its current plight. Wagstaff presents the ideal scenario for the Demons but what makes him so appealing is the fact that he has several brothers who can act as his able assistants including brother Pinky who would make an excellent spokesperson for the club because he never talks. There's so much white noise reverberating around the club at this time that Pinky's role should be a welcome addition in place of the random meaningless talk that abounds around and about the club. We need more action and less talk. Some of the talk in recent times has been particularly destructive but a some of it might have been helpful. However, while it might be well-intentioned (e.g. this), its all horse feathers - stuff of which weve already been made well aware and know and is therefore better left unsaid and dealt with in the manner in which Pinky deals with such things. The only unfortunate aspect of Wagstaff's appointment as coach in the place of Mark Neeld (if indeed, he is the man who's name Ms. Caldwell can't remember) is that the new coach cannot bring to the club the action that's needed to win games. Why? Because he's against it! THE GAME Melbourne v. Collingwood at the MCG Monday 10 June 2013 at 3.20pm HEAD TO HEAD Overall Melbourne 79 wins Collingwood 143 wins 5 draws At the MCG Melbourne 59 wins Collingwood 76 wins 3 draws Since 2000 Melbourne 5 wins Collingwood 10 wins 1 draw The Coaches Neeld 0 wins Buckley 1 win MEDIA TV - Channel 7 & Fox Footy Channel live from 3.00pm. RADIO - SEN ABC 3AW Triple M THE BETTING Melbourne to win $ 17.00 Collingwood to win $1.01 LAST TIME THEY MET Collingwood 19.15.129 defeated Melbourne 13.9.87 in Round 11, 2012 at the MCG. Melbourne started poorly and conceded six goals to nil in the first quarter before regrouping and showing some of the spirit that had been missing for most of the season. With Jones and Grimes working hard in the midfield and Clark and Howe livening up the forward line, they threatened but unfortunately, some dreadful turnovers prevented them from getting close before the Pies reasserted their position. THE TEAMS MELBOURNE Backs Lynden Dunn Cameron Pedersen Dean Terlich Half backs Colin Garland Tom McDonald Sam Blease Centreline Jack Trengove Colin Sylvia Michael Evans Half forwards Jeremy Howe Jack Fitzpatrick Jack Watts Forwards David Rodan Chris Dawes Aaron Davey Followers Mark Jamar Matt Jones Nathan Jones Interchange Dean Kent Jordie McKenzie Luke Tapscott Jimmy Toumpas Emergencies Rohan Bail Max Gawn James Sellar In Sam Blease Max Gawn Tom McDonald Colin Sylvia Out Rohan Bail James Frawley (hamstring) Joel Macdonald (foot) James Strauss COLLINGWOOD Backs Nathan Brown Ben Reid Heritier O'Brien Half backs Heath Shaw Nick Maxwell Marley Williams Centreline Steele Sidebottom Brent Macaffer Luke Ball Half forwards Jamie Elliott Quinten Lynch Dane Swan Forwards Ben Kennedy Travis Cloke Alan Didak Followers Darren Jolly Scott Pendlebury Jarryd Blair Interchange Josh Thomas Ben Sinclair Kyle Martin Paul Seedsman Emergencies Martin Clarke Jackson Paine Adam Oxley In Travis Cloke Ben Sinclair Out Martin Clarke Andrew Krakouer DUCK SOUP As if the unfortunate Ms. Caldwell's remarks weren't sufficient evidence of the media's descent into some sort of collective madness presaged recently by the incoherent rantings of the chief football writer for a former broadsheet now turned tabloid but unworthy of wrapping fish 'n chips, this takes the potato cake:- That's right folks. Even the once mighty Kiss of Death has taken leave of his/her/its senses and predicts Collingwood will fall to Melbourne by a margin of 13 points. Appropriately, there's a Men's Grand Slam singles final on the night before the game which allows me to segue beautifully into one of the greatest quotes from the history of such tournaments:- The whole world knows that Melbourne's average winning margin in matches this season is an AFL high of 41 points. With the eyes of the football world well and truly upon us, we are not going to lower our standards one iota on Queen's Birthday. We will win the game by 42 points. Yes - you heard it first right here. [Editor's note: Just in case you're a sceptic, remember that last week's DEMONLAND reviewer George On The Outer predicted a 15 goal Hawthorn victory which, but for David Rodan's miss after the ¾ time buzzer, would have been spot on the mark.] While my main motivation in tipping a Melbourne victory is that KOD went for Collingwood and he/she/it usually gets them wrong, there are other reasons. Since the first two rounds of the season, the Magpies have struggled to put together wins on the trot and there are rumours of trouble in their camp. Buckley seems to be on the nose. Dane Swan is said to have even added a new tattoo of Bucks with a target imprinted on his forehead (we just don't know what part of Swan's anatomy houses this feature). The Demons, on the other hand, have been a model of stability and consistency throughout the season. As they say in the classics, "what you see is what you get." Despite Ms. Caldwell's above gaffe, the Board has full confidence in its coach. The letter of dismissal was never sent - it was dealt with in the way that Rufus T Firefly (coach Quicy's alter ego) did it in Duck Soup:- And there you have it - nobody got fired at Melbourne (at least not this week). In fact, a remarkable thing is happening at Demonland before our very eyes. Young people with a bit of talent are infiltrating their way into the team. This week Jimmy Toumpas quietly makes his way back into the side along with Sam Blease. Last week it was Jack Fitzpatrick and the week before, Dean Kent. Soon we'll see Jack Viney, Max Gawn and maybe even Rory Taggert in the 22. Together with some of the mature age players introduced this year as well as the return of our injured stars, the addition to the mix of Jeff Kennett, will really make this place rock. OK, I'm not serious about Jeff but his style reminds me of the words of the slightly less than immortal Rufus T. Firefly:- That's Melbourne these days but whilst I've proved the case for a Demon win by 42 points on Monday, please don't tell the Ox. He's against it!

Twelve months ago - MELBOURNE Backs James Sellar Jared Rivers Tom McDonald Half backs Daniel Nicholson Jack Watts James Frawley Centreline Jack Grimes James Magner Cale Morton Half forwards Nathan Jones Colin Garland Colin Sylvia Forwards Jack Trengove Mitch Clark Jeremy Howe Followers Mark Jamar Brent Moloney Jordie McKenzie Interchange Sam Blease Lynden Dunn Brad Green Luke Tapscott Emergencies Matthew Bate Aaron Davey Joel Macdonald In James Frawley Out Joel Macdonald COLLINGWOOD Backs Chris Tarrant Nathan Brown Heritier O'Brien Half backs Martin Clarke Nick Maxwell Marley Williams Centreline Jarryd Blair Dale Thomas Simon Buckley Half forwards Ben Sinclair Chris Dawes Alex Fasolo Forwards Tyson Goldsack Travis Cloke Dayne Beams Interchange Alan Didak Jamie Elliot Sharrod Wellingham Tom Young Emergencies Paul Seedsman Kirk Ugle Cameron Wood In Darren Jolly Dane Swan Chris Tarrant Out Scott Pendlebury (leg) Kirk Ugle

The Casey Scorpions put on a polished display in gloomy conditions at Trevor Barker Beach Road Oval to demolish Sandringham by 65 points on Saturday. Apart from an earlier arm wrestle during which the home team kicked three goals to two in the first half of the opening term, the Scorpions held the ascendency throughout the match despite a latter flutter when the Zebs kicked two goals in the shadows of the half time siren to get within 18 points. As has often happened in the season to date, Casey produced the goods in the all-important "premiership quarter" when it exerted enormous pressure across the ground and kept the home team goalless while kicking three goals four behinds. This set up a slashing final term wherein the Scorpions coasted to win by more than ten goals. Sandy was held goalless from late in the second term until after the 15 minute mark of the last. Max Gawn led the forwards with some strong marking and four goals (and won plenty of hit outs) and the beanpole ruckman overshadowed young up and coming future start Jesse Hogan who also was good in the air and on the ground. Sam Blease and young Jimmy Toumpas were exciting while Tom Couch, Danny Nicholls and James Magner collected plenty of possessions in a dominant and matchwinning midfield. Youngster Mitch Gent also had a big game and is showing noticeable improvement on a weekly basis. Rory Taggert is another youngster whose performance would have gladdened the hearts of Demon fans. Like many others at the club his advancement has been hindered by injury - in this case a debilitating back problem. He was dangerous all afternoon and booted four goals. He has talent but might not make the step up until later in the season. Casey meets Collingwood on Saturday in the preview of the big Queens Birthday fixture at the MCG. A big crowd is expected at Casey Fields. HOW THE DEMONS FARED Dominic Barry 5 kicks 9 handballs 14 disposals 3 marks 2 tackles Sam Blease 14 kicks 2 handballs 16 disposals 3 marks 10 tackles 2 goals 2 behinds Mitch Clisby 15 kicks 10 handballs 25 disposals 8 marks 5 tackles Tom Couch 22 kicks 11 handballs 33 disposals 1 mark 13 tackles 2 behinds Troy Davis 6 kicks 6 handballs 12 disposals 4 marks 5 tackles Max Gawn 11 kicks 4 handballs 15 disposals 9 marks 1 tackle 35 hit outs 4 goals 3 behinds Tom Gillies 10 kicks 3 handballs 13 disposals 5 marks 2 tackles Jesse Hogan 7 kicks 8 handballs 15 disposals 6 marks 2 tackles 1 goal 1 behind Neville Jetta 4 kicks 4 handballs 8 disposals 1 mark 6 tackles 1 goal James Magner 19 kicks 8 handballs 27 disposals 11 marks 8 tackles 1 goal 1 behind James Sellar 13 kicks 5 handballs 18 disposals 9 marks 1 tackle Jake Spencer 6 kicks 5 handballs 11 disposals 3 marks 2 tackles 24 hit outs 1 goal 3 behinds Rory Taggert 9 kicks 3 handballs 12 disposals 6 marks 1 tackle 4 goals Jimmy Toumpas 13 kicks 9 handballs 22 disposals 5 marks 5 tackles Josh Tynan 11 kicks 6 handballs 17 disposals 4 marks 12 tackles 1 goal Casey Scorpions 4.3.27 9.6.60 12.10.82 18.15.123 Sandringham 3.2.20 6.6.42 6.9.45 8.10.58 Goals Casey Scorpions Gawn Taggert 4 Nicholls 3 Blease 2 Hogan Jetta Magner Spencer Tynan Sandringham Dennis-Lane 4 Lee 2 Curren Michaliades Best Casey Scorpions Nicholls Blease Sellar Couch Gawn Taggert Sandringham Shakallis Dennis-Lane Cockie Saunders Dunell Lee In the development league, Casey started slowly but a good fightback in the third term saw the Scorps ahead at the final break before the home side fell in by 3 points. Casey Scorpions 1.1.7 2.1.13 5.3.33 6.5.41 Sandringham 2.2.14 3.3.21 4.7.31 6.8.44 Goals Casey Scorpions Boland Hill McInnes Matthews Riseley Rosier Sandringham Taylor 2 Batson Howes McKay Teirnan Best Casey Scorpions Lindsay Hill Pollard Riseley Anderson Roberts Sandringham Taylor Teirnan Maitland Williams Ong Coates

POLISH AND DEMOLISH by K C from Casey The Casey Scorpions put on a polished display in gloomy conditions at Trevor Barker Beach Road Oval to demolish Sandringham by 65 points on Saturday. Apart from an earlier arm wrestle during which the home team kicked three goals to two in the first half of the opening term, the Scorpions held the ascendency throughout the match despite a latter flutter when the Zebs kicked two goals in the shadows of the half time siren to get within 18 points. As has often happened in the season to date, Casey produced the goods in the all-important "premiership quarter" when it exerted enormous pressure across the ground and kept the home team goalless while kicking three goals four behinds. This set up a slashing final term wherein the Scorpions coasted to win by more than ten goals. Sandy was held goalless from late in the second term until after the 15 minute mark of the last. Max Gawn led the forwards with some strong marking and four goals (and won plenty of hit outs) and the beanpole ruckman overshadowed young up and coming future start Jesse Hogan who also was good in the air and on the ground. Sam Blease and young Jimmy Toumpas were exciting while Tom Couch, Danny Nicholls and James Magner collected plenty of possessions in a dominant and matchwinning midfield. Youngster Mitch Gent also had a big game and is showing noticeable improvement on a weekly basis. Rory Taggert is another youngster whose performance would have gladdened the hearts of Demon fans. Like many others at the club his advancement has been hindered by injury - in this case a debilitating back problem. He was dangerous all afternoon and booted four goals. He has talent but might not make the step up until later in the season. Casey meets Collingwood on Saturday in the preview of the big Queens Birthday fixture at the MCG. A big crowd is expected at Casey Fields. HOW THE DEMONS FARED Dominic Barry 5 kicks 9 handballs 14 disposals 3 marks 2 tackles Sam Blease 14 kicks 2 handballs 16 disposals 3 marks 10 tackles 2 goals 2 behinds Mitch Clisby 15 kicks 10 handballs 25 disposals 8 marks 5 tackles Tom Couch 22 kicks 11 handballs 33 disposals 1 mark 13 tackles 2 behinds Troy Davis 6 kicks 6 handballs 12 disposals 4 marks 5 tackles Max Gawn 11 kicks 4 handballs 15 disposals 9 marks 1 tackle 35 hit outs 4 goals 3 behinds Tom Gillies 10 kicks 3 handballs 13 disposals 5 marks 2 tackles Jesse Hogan 7 kicks 8 handballs 15 disposals 6 marks 2 tackles 1 goal 1 behind Neville Jetta 4 kicks 4 handballs 8 disposals 1 mark 6 tackles 1 goal James Magner 19 kicks 8 handballs 27 disposals 11 marks 8 tackles 1 goal 1 behind James Sellar 13 kicks 5 handballs 18 disposals 9 marks 1 tackle Jake Spencer 6 kicks 5 handballs 11 disposals 3 marks 2 tackles 24 hit outs 1 goal 3 behinds Rory Taggert 9 kicks 3 handballs 12 disposals 6 marks 1 tackle 4 goals Jimmy Toumpas 13 kicks 9 handballs 22 disposals 5 marks 5 tackles Josh Tynan 11 kicks 6 handballs 17 disposals 4 marks 12 tackles 1 goal Casey Scorpions 4.3.27 9.6.60 12.10.82 18.15.123 Sandringham 3.2.20 6.6.42 6.9.45 8.10.58 Goals Casey Scorpions Gawn Taggert 4 Nicholls 3 Blease 2 Hogan Jetta Magner Spencer Tynan Sandringham Dennis-Lane 4 Lee 2 Curren Michaliades Best Casey Scorpions Nicholls Blease Sellar Couch Gawn Taggert Sandringham Shakallis Dennis-Lane Cockie Saunders Dunell Lee In the development league, Casey started slowly but a good fightback in the third term saw the Scorps ahead at the final break before the home side fell in by 3 points. Casey Scorpions 1.1.7 2.1.13 5.3.33 6.5.41 Sandringham 2.2.14 3.3.21 4.7.31 6.8.44 Goals Casey Scorpions Boland Hill McInnes Matthews Riseley Rosier Sandringham Taylor 2 Batson Howes McKay Teirnan Best Casey Scorpions Lindsay Hill Pollard Riseley Anderson Roberts Sandringham Taylor Teirnan Maitland Williams Ong Coates

After the game, the coach explained: ''If the criteria was to have won 12 games by now, I don't reckon we would have taken Jesse Hogan at pick three and we sure as hell wouldn't have taken a kid that had two hip operations at pick four.'' He wasn't telling us that his arithmetic is poor or that his employers were idiots who can't count either given that he was commenting after just the 10th game of the season but that Rome wasn't built in a day. The problem is that when I visited the Italian capital city a few years ago, I saw a lot of ruined buildings and I'm worried that, at the pace with which the Melbourne is developing at the moment, the MCG might well look a little like the Colosseum when the Demons are next able to cope with the Hawks. Well, enough with the poor attempts at sarcasm. The fact was there to see that despite Melbourne's best efforts, the team was monstered by a far more experienced and accomplished outfit which had more depth and was therefore able to overwhelm a young opponent early and without a great deal of trouble. The best indicator of that was the difference between the playmakers of the respective teams. Brad Sewell (who could easily have been a Demon today but that's another story) picked up 31 disposals for the game and, in doing so, was in balance an attacking force for his team having a hand in setting up so many scoring opportunities in his team's easy win. Of course, he had plenty of classy midfielders around him as back up. On the other hand, Nathan Jones got his hands on the ball 28 times and while it was a tremendous effort on his part, his work was often the stuff of defending against the odds, under packs, under enormous pressure and just getting his team out of pickles caused by others making simple skill errors. Were he a Hawk, he would almost certainly have been best on ground but as a Demon, he simply didn't have the luxury of 21 others around him working their butts off as he does. One bright light was the performance of Chris Dawes who provided a target up forward and a glimmer of what might have been had Mitch Clark stayed healthy for more than just the first four weeks. James Frawley and Colin Garland were grand defenders and will form part of a terrific defence one day when Rome starts developing a suburban sprawl and Jeremy Howe showed his potential at times. Dean Kent is a keep as well. Other than that, there wasn't enough class and the work rate was still below what is expected to remain competitive with the lower ranked teams, let alone a premiership contender. Melbourne 0.3.3 1.7.13 5.10.40 6.12.48 Hawthorn 3.9.27 12.10.82 14.14.98 21.17.143 Goals Melbourne Davey Dawes Evans Howe Kent Watts Hawthorn Breust 5 Roughead 3 Franklin Hill Puopolo Smith 2 Birchall, Burgoyne Grimley Lewis Simpkin Best Melbourne N Jones Dawes Frawley Garland Howe Terlich Hawthorn Sewell Lewis Breust Puopolo Burgoyne Birchall Injuries Melbourne Nil Hawthorn Nil Changes Melbourne Nil Hawthorn Nil Reports Melbourne Nil Hawthorn Nil Umpires Hay Farmer Mitchell Crowd 28,546 at the MCG

PROGRESS VOTING ROUND 10 85. Nathan Jones 67. Colin Garland 59. Matt Jones 55. Jeremy Howe 42. Dean Terlich 40. James Frawley 39. Jack Viney 31. Colin Sylvia 26. Jack Grimes 24. Aaron Davey 23. Shannon Byrnes Michael Evans 16. Max Gawn 14. Chris Dawes 12. James Magner 11. Luke Tapscott 8. Mitch Clark 6. Lynden Dunn Tom McDonald 4. Jordie McKenzie Jack Trengove Jack Watts 3. Mark Jamar Dean Kent 2. Rohan Bail David Rodan 1. Sam Blease

Game over. Let's move to Post Match Discussion

BUILDING ROME by The Oracle After the game, the coach explained: ''If the criteria was to have won 12 games by now, I don't reckon we would have taken Jesse Hogan at pick three and we sure as hell wouldn't have taken a kid that had two hip operations at pick four.'' He wasn't telling us that his arithmetic is poor or that his employers were idiots who can't count either given that he was commenting after just the 10th game of the season but that Rome wasn't built in a day. The problem is that when I visited the Italian capital city a few years ago, I saw a lot of ruined buildings and I'm worried that, at the pace with which the Melbourne is developing at the moment, the MCG might well look a little like the Colosseum when the Demons are next able to cope with the Hawks. Well, enough with the poor attempts at sarcasm. The fact was there to see that despite Melbourne's best efforts, the team was monstered by a far more experienced and accomplished outfit which had more depth and was therefore able to overwhelm a young opponent early and without a great deal of trouble. The best indicator of that was the difference between the playmakers of the respective teams. Brad Sewell (who could easily have been a Demon today but that's another story) picked up 31 disposals for the game and, in doing so, was in balance an attacking force for his team having a hand in setting up so many scoring opportunities in his team's easy win. Of course, he had plenty of classy midfielders around him as back up. On the other hand, Nathan Jones got his hands on the ball 28 times and while it was a tremendous effort on his part, his work was often the stuff of defending against the odds, under packs, under enormous pressure and just getting his team out of pickles caused by others making simple skill errors. Were he a Hawk, he would almost certainly have been best on ground but as a Demon, he simply didn't have the luxury of 21 others around him working their butts off as he does. One bright light was the performance of Chris Dawes who provided a target up forward and a glimmer of what might have been had Mitch Clark stayed healthy for more than just the first four weeks. James Frawley and Colin Garland were grand defenders and will form part of a terrific defence one day when Rome starts developing a suburban sprawl and Jeremy Howe showed his potential at times. Dean Kent is a keep as well. Other than that, there wasn't enough class and the work rate was still below what is expected to remain competitive with the lower ranked teams, let alone a premiership contender. Melbourne 0.3.3 1.7.13 5.10.40 6.12.48 Hawthorn 3.9.27 12.10.82 14.14.98 21.17.143 Goals Melbourne Davey Dawes Evans Howe Kent Watts Hawthorn Breust 5 Roughead 3 Franklin Hill Puopolo Smith 2 Birchall, Burgoyne Grimley Lewis Simpkin Best Melbourne N Jones Dawes Frawley Garland Howe Terlich Hawthorn Sewell Lewis Breust Puopolo Burgoyne Birchall Injuries Melbourne Nil Hawthorn Nil Changes Melbourne Nil Hawthorn Nil Reports Melbourne Nil Hawthorn Nil Umpires Hay Farmer Mitchell Crowd 28,546 at the MCG

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ...

Five minutes before the start and thankfully, scores are level.

YOU GOTTA SUPPORT THE TEAM by George on the Outer It was Jerry Seinfelds response to a question from Elaine what compels a seemingly normal human being to do something like that? So what would compel a seemingly normal Melbourne supporter to turn up and watch what could only be described as a massacre in the making? You guessed it: Now I know this is meant to be a preview but we first look at the recent history. Round 7, 2012 Melbourne 6.13 (49) Hawthorn 15.25 (115) Round 18, 2011 Melbourne 12.6 (78) Hawthorn 20.12 (132) Round 2, 2011 Melbourne 12.5 (77) Hawthorn 16.26 (122) Round 20, 2010 Melbourne 12.6 (78) Hawthorn 15.9 (99) Round 1, 2010 Melbourne 8.13 (61) Hawthorn 17.15 (117) Well theres nothing in that recent history which would inspire anyone the only common factor seems to be that Melbourne are only capable of 18 to 20 scoring shots on goal in the whole game! Phew! I thought that Mark Neeld's presence caused us to stink but it seems that we have been consistently on the nose for a long time before that, and I didnt want to dredge too far back into the past against Hawthorn, lest I come up against a certain preliminary final match in the late 80s! We do, of course, live with eternal hope. We could find someone in the side who has the same intestinal fortitude as Ben Watson in this clip: Also note we would struggle to have ANY recent pictures on the walls at the club if we used the Patriots criteria. And Watsons comment stuff like that doesnt take a whole lot of talent rings particularly with what is lacking at Melbourne today. Its all about effortits all the fans need, but they are being starved of any sort of hope until the players decide that they are prepared to put in THE GAME Melbourne v Hawthorn at the MCG Sunday 2 June 2013 at 3.20 pm. HEAD TO HEAD Overall Melbourne 74 wins Hawthorn 81 wins At MCG Melbourne 35 wins Hawthorn 40 wins Since 2000 Melbourne 5 wins Hawthorn 15 wins The Coaches Neeld 0 wins Clarkson 1 win MEDIA TV Fox Footy 3 live at 3:00pm RADIO TBA THE BETTING Melbourne $23.00 to win Hawthorn $1.00 to win THE LAST TIME THEY MET Hawthorn 15.25.115 defeated Melbourne 6.13.49 in Round 7, 2012 at the MCG The Hawks managed double the scoring shots while Melbourne's performance, like most of those against this club in particular, was a blight on the game. THE TEAMS MELBOURNE Backs Lynden Dunn James Frawley Dean Terlich Half backs Jack Watts Cam Pedersen Colin Garland Centreline Jack Trengove Michael Evans Matt Jones Half forwards Luke Tapscott Jeremy Howe Rohan Bail Forwards David Rodan Chris Dawes Aaron Davey Followers Mark Jamar Jordie McKenzie Nathan Jones Interchange Jack Fitzpatrick Dean Kent Joel Macdonald James Strauss Emergencies Daniel Nicholson James Sellar Jake Spencer James Strauss In Jack Fitzpatrick Dean Kent Joel Macdonald Cam Pedersen David Rodan James Strauss Out Shannon Byrnes (wrist) Neville Jetta Max Gawn James Magner Daniel Nicholson HAWTHORN Backs Ben Stratton Brian Lake Brent Guerra Half backs Josh Gibson Grant Birchall Sam Mitchell Centreline Isaac Smith Luke Hodge Liam Shiels Half forwards Brad Hill Lance Franklin Jordan Lewis Forwards Paul Puopolo Jarryd Roughead Luke Breust Followers David Hale Brad Sewell Shaun Burgoyne Interchange Kyle Cheney Taylor Duryea Sam Grimley Jonathan Simpkin Emergencies Max Bailey Michael Osborne Shane Savage In Grant Birchall David Hale Out Max Bailey Jack Gunston (calf) Prediction: We will run Buddy into form, Jordan Lewis will get blisters from the leather, Luke Hodge to break the bones in his foot from kicking the ball too often and the scoreboard to have not enough zeros to match the stats for the Hawks unless they use the zeros from our side of the ledger! Hawks by 15 goals.

It was Jerry Seinfeld’s response to a question from Elaine “ what compels a seemingly normal human being to do something like that?” So what would compel a seemingly normal Melbourne supporter to turn up and watch what could only be described as a massacre in the making? You guessed it: Now I know this is meant to be a preview but we first look at the recent history. Round 7, 2012 Melbourne 6.13 (49) Hawthorn 15.25 (115) Round 18, 2011 Melbourne 12.6 (78) Hawthorn 20.12 (132) Round 2, 2011 Melbourne 12.5 (77) Hawthorn 16.26 (122) Round 20, 2010 Melbourne 12.6 (78) Hawthorn 15.9 (99) Round 1, 2010 Melbourne 8.13 (61) Hawthorn 17.15 (117) Well there’s nothing in that recent history which would inspire anyone … the only common factor seems to be that Melbourne are only capable of 18 to 20 scoring shots on goal in the whole game! Phew! I thought that Mark Neeld’s presence caused us to stink but it seems that we have been consistently on the nose for a long time before that, and I didn’t want to dredge too far back into the past against Hawthorn, lest I come up against a certain preliminary final match in the late 80’s! We do, of course, live with eternal hope. We could find someone in the side who has the same “intestinal fortitude” as Ben Watson in this clip: Also note we would struggle to have ANY recent pictures on the walls at the club if we used the Patriots criteria. And Watson’s comment “ stuff like that doesn’t take a whole lot of talent” rings particularly with what is lacking at Melbourne today. It’s all about effort…it’s all the fans need, but they are being starved of any sort of hope until the players decide that they are prepared to put in … THE GAME Melbourne v Hawthorn at the MCG Sunday 2 June 2013 at 3.20 pm. HEAD TO HEAD Overall Melbourne 74 wins Hawthorn 81 wins At MCG Melbourne 35 wins Hawthorn 40 wins Since 2000 Melbourne 5 wins Hawthorn 15 wins The Coaches Neeld 0 wins Clarkson 1 win MEDIA TV – TBA RADIO – TBA THE BETTING Melbourne $TBA to win Hawthorn $1.00 to win. THE LAST TIME THEY MET Hawthorn 15.25.115 defeated Melbourne 6.13.49 in Round 7, 2012 at the MCG The Hawks managed double the scoring shots while Melbourne's performance, like most of those against this club in particular, was a blight on the game. THE TEAMS MELBOURNE Backs Lynden Dunn James Frawley Dean Terlich Half backs Jack Watts Cam Pedersen Colin Garland Centreline Jack Trengove Michael Evans Matt Jones Half forwards Luke Tapscott Jeremy Howe Rohan Bail Forwards David Rodan Chris Dawes Aaron Davey Followers Mark Jamar Jordie McKenzie Nathan Jones Interchange Jack Fitzpatrick Dean Kent Joel Macdonald James Strauss Emergencies Daniel Nicholson James Sellar Jake Spencer James Strauss In Jack Fitzpatrick Dean Kent Joel Macdonald Cam Pedersen David Rodan James Strauss Out Shannon Byrnes (wrist) Neville Jetta Max Gawn James Magner Daniel Nicholson HAWTHORN Backs Ben Stratton Brian Lake Brent Guerra Half backs Josh Gibson Grant Birchall Sam Mitchell Centreline Isaac Smith Luke Hodge Liam Shiels Half forwards Brad Hill Lance Franklin Jordan Lewis Forwards Paul Puopolo Jarryd Roughead Luke Breust Followers David Hale Brad Sewell Shaun Burgoyne Interchange Kyle Cheney Taylor Duryea Sam Grimley Jonathan Simpkin Emergencies Max Bailey Michael Osborne Shane Savage In Grant Birchall David Hale Out Max Bailey Jack Gunston (calf) Prediction: We will run Buddy into form, Jordan Lewis get blisters from the leather, Luke Hodge to break the bones in his foot from kicking the ball too often and the scoreboard to have not enough zero’s to match the stats for the Hawks….unless they use the zero’s from our side of the ledger! Hawks by 15 goals…..

Seems to be back to normal this morning.

I'm finding the site unusable at the moment. I'm on a Mac Desktop with Telstra. Also unuseable on by iPhone with Telstra. Can other also experiencing problems report what device you are using as well as your ISP. Also let us know if your aren't experiencing issues and what ISP you are on. Not sure if that information will help but you never know.

Go for it. Let me know if you need any cash for the server upgrade.

I never usually have any issues even when it is post drubbing and the non regulars are all on board. The past few days the site has been slow as dog balls on both my desktops at work and home (both with Telstra. Work on broadband. Home on super fast cable). My phone is connected to the cafe next doors wifi and they are on optus and the site seems to be working fine. So I jumped on their wifi from my desktop and it's also snapier. Also seems faster on my iPhone on 3g with Telstra. Not sure what that tells you. Are there any issues server side?

It took about 10 or 15 second to load this page from the homepage. Still feels slow.

Wow. I didn't realise we were running that slowly. I thought it was just Trengove under an injury cloud slow ...... I kid cause i love.

No not the Demons, this website. Is anyone else experiencing slower than normal page loading? I am getting this both at work and at home. Nasher? This is a great time to plug our Subscription and Donation tabs under the Demonland Banner at the top of the page. Donations and Subscription revenue go to covering costs of maintaining the site and I always make sure that Nasher is compensated for his time and hard work on keeping the back end running smoothly.