THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES 

I found myself seated on a couch in the Oval Office, opposite a coffee table littered with Big Mac wrappers, empty Coke cans, and crumpled KFC buckets. Scattered across the floor were multiple copies of The Art of the Deal, as if casually placed for dramatic effect.

In the corner, a man dressed in traditional robes stood from a prayer mat, nodded politely, and exited in silence. Without missing a beat, the President dismissed the visiting Saudi crown prince with a belch and a wave.

“Say hi to the wives, Mohammed,” he said. “And don’t forget—we’ve got that Egypt meeting next week to wrap up the Middle East peace deal and finalize the golf resort in Riyadh.”

Then he turned to me, narrowing his eyes. “So… who are you, man?”

The panic inside surged, but I somehow managed to get my words out: I was on a mission to track down the elusive Melbourne football superstar, Christian Petracca, and convince him to return with me.

“You’re from Australia? No way!” he said. “I once hung out with Ivana there… just kidding, it was a riverboat on the Danube. Gorgeous castles. Looked like a Disney movie. Here, have a chicken wing.”

After gently correcting his geography, he poured me a neat whiskey to calm my nerves and launched into an impromptu monologue about marsupials and his Australian fiscal adviser—a man who believes a nation’s economy can be tracked through the price of a large McDonald’s fries. Eventually, he circled back to the matter at hand.

His Australian associates—Mr. Kanga and Mr. Roos—were waiting outside to be buzzed in. But first, some pressing international business.

“Call the Latvians. I’m slapping a 10% tariff on their automotive industry. Effective midnight.”

A pause.

“What? They don’t have an automotive industry? Fine. Put it on Bulgaria instead and make it 15%. Take it or leave it, buddy. And send a bottle of our best champagne and a box of Havana cigars to Bibi. Now send in the Aussies.”

They entered the room like characters from The Blues Brothers—sunglasses on, boots polished, radiating theatrical flair, minus the dance moves and musical talent.

I recognized Roos immediately—a familiar figure from years past. I recalled he’d lived in the U.S. with his American wife. Naturally, he led with football:

“I’m the strategic thinker behind the ‘no dickheads, no disruptors’ policy. We’ve resolved the Petracca and Oliver situation. They’re out. We stage managed their exit with the media and brought in fresh talent—solid citizens committed to the Demons, who won’t break the salary cap, and have no social media presence.”

He ticked off names with confidence.“Jack Steele and CJ are both humble and unassuming characters. Big Maxy Heath—can’t cook, but who cares? Brody Mihocek goes to church on Sundays when he’s not playing. Plus, a bag of draft picks to play with. Your recruiting team are going to feel like pigs in shit.

“So bid a fond farewell to those departing, send your appreciation for their past deeds, thank them for the memories and wish them success in their future pursuits. Tell them you’re embarking on a new trajectory, unencumbered by nostalgia for past accomplishments and no longer looking backwards”. 

The President nodded in approval, noting how the approach was considerably more elegant than in his father’s day—when favours might’ve involved a quiet word with the Gambino family.

Then Kanga stepped in to outline the business model:

“We’ve secured a new home base—prime real estate opposite Caulfield Station and right near the racetrack. Top-notch potential for training facilities. The only catch? It’s currently a parking lot. But development’s no problem—we’ve got the finance lined up. There’s a minor hiccup in transferring some real estate in the south east to make way for the Trump Casey Country Club, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.”

And just like that, my time in the Oval Office ended. I was ushered out onto Pennsylvania Avenue—disoriented, slightly buzzed, but filled with renewed hope because, after all, there’s always next season.

Maybe, just maybe, 2026 will be our year.

Go Dees!

1 hour ago, Demonland said:

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES 

I found myself seated on a couch in the Oval Office, opposite a coffee table littered with Big Mac wrappers, empty Coke cans, and crumpled KFC buckets. Scattered across the floor were multiple copies of The Art of the Deal, as if casually placed for dramatic effect.

In the corner, a man dressed in traditional robes stood from a prayer mat, nodded politely, and exited in silence. Without missing a beat, the President dismissed the visiting Saudi crown prince with a belch and a wave.

“Say hi to the wives, Mohammed,” he said. “And don’t forget—we’ve got that Egypt meeting next week to wrap up the Middle East peace deal and finalize the golf resort in Riyadh.”

Then he turned to me, narrowing his eyes. “So… who are you, man?”

The panic inside surged, but I somehow managed to get my words out: I was on a mission to track down the elusive Melbourne football superstar, Christian Petracca, and convince him to return with me.

“You’re from Australia? No way!” he said. “I once hung out with Ivana there… just kidding, it was a riverboat on the Danube. Gorgeous castles. Looked like a Disney movie. Here, have a chicken wing.”

After gently correcting his geography, he poured me a neat whiskey to calm my nerves and launched into an impromptu monologue about marsupials and his Australian fiscal adviser—a man who believes a nation’s economy can be tracked through the price of a large McDonald’s fries. Eventually, he circled back to the matter at hand.

His Australian associates—Mr. Kanga and Mr. Roos—were waiting outside to be buzzed in. But first, some pressing international business.

“Call the Latvians. I’m slapping a 10% tariff on their automotive industry. Effective midnight.”

A pause.

“What? They don’t have an automotive industry? Fine. Put it on Bulgaria instead and make it 15%. Take it or leave it, buddy. And send a bottle of our best champagne and a box of Havana cigars to Bibi. Now send in the Aussies.”

They entered the room like characters from The Blues Brothers—sunglasses on, boots polished, radiating theatrical flair, minus the dance moves and musical talent.

I recognized Roos immediately—a familiar figure from years past. I recalled he’d lived in the U.S. with his American wife. Naturally, he led with football:

“I’m the strategic thinker behind the ‘no [censored], no disruptors’ policy. We’ve resolved the Petracca and Oliver situation. They’re out. We stage managed their exit with the media and brought in fresh talent—solid citizens committed to the Demons, who won’t break the salary cap, and have no social media presence.”

He ticked off names with confidence.“Jack Steele and CJ are both humble and unassuming characters. Big Maxy Heath—can’t cook, but who cares? Brody Mihocek goes to church on Sundays when he’s not playing. Plus, a bag of draft picks to play with. Your recruiting team are going to feel like pigs in [censored].

“So bid a fond farewell to those departing, send your appreciation for their past deeds, thank them for the memories and wish them success in their future pursuits. Tell them you’re embarking on a new trajectory, unencumbered by nostalgia for past accomplishments and no longer looking backwards”. 

The President nodded in approval, noting how the approach was considerably more elegant than in his father’s day—when favours might’ve involved a quiet word with the Gambino family.

Then Kanga stepped in to outline the business model:

“We’ve secured a new home base—prime real estate opposite Caulfield Station and right near the racetrack. Top-notch potential for training facilities. The only catch? It’s currently a parking lot. But development’s no problem—we’ve got the finance lined up. There’s a minor hiccup in transferring some real estate in the south east to make way for the Trump Casey Country Club, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.”

And just like that, my time in the Oval Office ended. I was ushered out onto Pennsylvania Avenue—disoriented, slightly buzzed, but filled with renewed hope because, after all, there’s always next season.

Maybe, just maybe, 2026 will be our year.

Go Dees!

Beautiful, a really beautiful thing...

We've got a Melbourne too a good guy runs that place. You have golf courses right ??

Casey...( turns to Vance ) ... get someone on that... do they have Gators there....our Melbourne....too many gators...

Hang on... its Bibi again....its always Bibi...

Pete...tell Putin we're sending some gifts his way .... might not like them... he does bad things....

Yes, we always move forward. It won’t be the same but it will be better because the distractions have been removed.

Just FANTAS

Absolutely brilliant @Demonland . There are insufficient emojis to acknowledge just how good this piece is! Thank you! ❤️💙

All of the player movements in the free agency and trade periods ~

FREE AGENCY

• Jack Silvagni to St Kilda - Carlton receives an end of round one compensation pick (19)

• James Worpel to Geelong - Hawthorn receives an end of second round compensation pick (39)

• Tom De Koning to St Kilda - Carlton receives a round one compensation pick (9)

• Sam Draper to Brisbane Lions - Essendon receives an end of round one compensation pick (20)

• Jacob Wehr to Port Adelaide - GWS receives no compensation

• Charlie Spargo to North Melbourne - Melbourne receives an end of round two compensation pick (41)

• Oscar Allen to Brisbane Lions - West Coast Eagles receive a round one compensation pick (2)

TRADES

• Carlton receives Liam Reidy, a third-round pick (currently 53) and a fourth-round pick (currently 71) - Fremantle receives a third-round pick (50) and a fourth-round pick (68)

• Sydney Swans receive Malcolm Rosas Jnr and a fourth-round pick (62), Gold Coast Suns receive a third-round pick (51) and a fourth-round pick (69), West Coast Eagles receive Brandon Starcevich, a first-round pick (12) and a third-round pick (currently 52), West Coast Eagles give Picks 16, 22 and 23,

• Brisbane Lions receive two first-round picks (16 and 22) and two third-round picks (44 and 50), Brisbane Lions give Brandon Starcevich, Picks 19, 46 and 52, Fremantle receives a first-round pick (19), a second-round pick (currently 23) and a third-round pick (currently 46), Fremantle gives Picks 12, 33, 44 and 50

• Fremantle receives Judd McVee - Melbourne receives a second-round pick (23)

• St Kilda receives Sam Flanders - Gold Coast Suns receive a first-round pick (7)

• Melbourne receives Max Heath - St Kilda receives a 2027 fourth-round pick (tied to Melbourne)

• St Kilda receives Liam Ryan and a 2027 third-round pick (tied to West Coast) - West Coast Eagles receive a 2026 second-round pick (tied to St Kilda)

• Melbourne receives Brody Mihocek and a third-round pick (71) - Collingwood receives a third-round pick (61) and a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Melbourne)

• Carlton receives Campbell Chesser - West Coast Eagles receive a second-round pick (41)

• Carlton receives Ben Ainsworth and a fourth-round pick (67), Carlton gives Corey Durdin and a 2026 second-round pick, Gold Coast Suns receive a second-round pick (currently 29), Gold Coast Suns give Ben Ainsworth, Port Adelaide receives Corey Durdin and a 2026 second-round pick (tied to Carlton), Port Adelaide gives a second-round pick (currently 29) and a fourth-round pick (currently 67)

• GWS receives a first-round pick (12) - Western Bulldogs receive a first-round pick (14) and a second-round pick (37)

• GWS receives: a first-round pick (12) - Western Bulldogs receive a first-round pick (14) and a second-round pick (37)

• Port Adelaide receives Will Brodie - Fremantle receives a sixth-round selection (103)

• Brisbane Lions receive a third-round pick (59) and a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Melbourne) - Collingwood receives two third-round picks (45 and 56)

• Essendon receive Brayden Fiorini - Gold Coast Suns receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Essendon)

• GWS receives a first-round pick (12) - Western Bulldogs receive a first-round pick (14) and a second-round pick (37)

•West Coast Eagles receive Tylar Young - Richmond receive a second-round pick (38)

• Port Adelaide receives Will Brodie - Fremantle receives a sixth-round selection (103)

• Brisbane Lions receive a third-round pick (59) and a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Melbourne) - Collingwood receives two third-round picks (45 and 56)

• Essendon receive Brayden Fiorini - Gold Coast Suns receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Essendon)

• Western Bulldogs receive Connor Budarick and a fourth-round pick (70) - Gold Coast Suns receive a second-round pick (37)

• Carlton receives Oliver Florent - Sydney Swans receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Carlton)

• Melbourne receives Changkuoth Jiath - Hawthorn receives a second-round pick (42) and a 2026 fourth-round pick (tied to Melbourne)

• Sydney Swans receive Jai Serong and a 2026 fourth-round selection (tied to Hawthorn) - Hawthorn receives a 2026 third-round selection (tied to Sydney)

• Carlton receives a first-round pick (currently 9) and three second-round picks (31, 42 and 43) - Hawthorn receives two first-round picks (10 and 22)

• Adelaide Crows receive Finnbar Maley and a fourth-round pick (64) - North Melbourne receive a third-round pick (57) and a 2026 fourth-round pick (tied to Adelaide)

• Gold Coast Suns receive Jamarra Ugle-Hagan - Western Bulldogs receive a fourth-round pick (74)

• Collingwood receive Jack Buller and a 2026 fourth-round pick (tied to Sydney)

• Sydney Swans receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Collingwood)

• Richmond receive Patrick Retschko - Geelong receive a sixth-round pick (99)

• Gold Coast Suns receive Christian Petracca, two second-round picks (24 and 28) and a 2026 second-round pick (tied to Melbourne) - Melbourne receives two first-round picks (7 and 8), a second-round pick (37), a 2026 first-round pick (tied to Gold Coast) and a 2027 third-round pick (tied to Gold Coast)

• Melbourne receives Jack Steele - St Kilda receives a 2027 third-round pick (tied to Melbourne)

• GWS receive Clayton Oliver - Melbourne receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to GWS)

• Sydney Swans receive Charlie Curnow, two second-round picks (31 and 42) and a 2027 second-round pick (tied to Carlton) - Carlton receives Will Hayward, a first-round pick (11), a 2026 first-round pick (tied to Sydney) and a 2027 first-round pick (tied to Sydney)

1 hour ago, Whispering_Jack said:

All of the player movements in the free agency and trade periods ~

FREE AGENCY

• Jack Silvagni to St Kilda - Carlton receives an end of round one compensation pick (19)

• James Worpel to Geelong - Hawthorn receives an end of second round compensation pick (39)

• Tom De Koning to St Kilda - Carlton receives a round one compensation pick (9)

• Sam Draper to Brisbane Lions - Essendon receives an end of round one compensation pick (20)

• Jacob Wehr to Port Adelaide - GWS receives no compensation

• Charlie Spargo to North Melbourne - Melbourne receives an end of round two compensation pick (41)

• Oscar Allen to Brisbane Lions - West Coast Eagles receive a round one compensation pick (2)

TRADES

• Carlton receives Liam Reidy, a third-round pick (currently 53) and a fourth-round pick (currently 71) - Fremantle receives a third-round pick (50) and a fourth-round pick (68)

• Sydney Swans receive Malcolm Rosas Jnr and a fourth-round pick (62), Gold Coast Suns receive a third-round pick (51) and a fourth-round pick (69), West Coast Eagles receive Brandon Starcevich, a first-round pick (12) and a third-round pick (currently 52), West Coast Eagles give Picks 16, 22 and 23,

• Brisbane Lions receive two first-round picks (16 and 22) and two third-round picks (44 and 50), Brisbane Lions give Brandon Starcevich, Picks 19, 46 and 52, Fremantle receives a first-round pick (19), a second-round pick (currently 23) and a third-round pick (currently 46), Fremantle gives Picks 12, 33, 44 and 50

• Fremantle receives Judd McVee - Melbourne receives a second-round pick (23)

• St Kilda receives Sam Flanders - Gold Coast Suns receive a first-round pick (7)

• Melbourne receives Max Heath - St Kilda receives a 2027 fourth-round pick (tied to Melbourne)

• St Kilda receives Liam Ryan and a 2027 third-round pick (tied to West Coast) - West Coast Eagles receive a 2026 second-round pick (tied to St Kilda)

• Melbourne receives Brody Mihocek and a third-round pick (71) - Collingwood receives a third-round pick (61) and a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Melbourne)

• Carlton receives Campbell Chesser - West Coast Eagles receive a second-round pick (41)

• Carlton receives Ben Ainsworth and a fourth-round pick (67), Carlton gives Corey Durdin and a 2026 second-round pick, Gold Coast Suns receive a second-round pick (currently 29), Gold Coast Suns give Ben Ainsworth, Port Adelaide receives Corey Durdin and a 2026 second-round pick (tied to Carlton), Port Adelaide gives a second-round pick (currently 29) and a fourth-round pick (currently 67)

• GWS receives a first-round pick (12) - Western Bulldogs receive a first-round pick (14) and a second-round pick (37)

• GWS receives: a first-round pick (12) - Western Bulldogs receive a first-round pick (14) and a second-round pick (37)

• Port Adelaide receives Will Brodie - Fremantle receives a sixth-round selection (103)

• Brisbane Lions receive a third-round pick (59) and a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Melbourne) - Collingwood receives two third-round picks (45 and 56)

• Essendon receive Brayden Fiorini - Gold Coast Suns receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Essendon)

• GWS receives a first-round pick (12) - Western Bulldogs receive a first-round pick (14) and a second-round pick (37)

•West Coast Eagles receive Tylar Young - Richmond receive a second-round pick (38)

• Port Adelaide receives Will Brodie - Fremantle receives a sixth-round selection (103)

• Brisbane Lions receive a third-round pick (59) and a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Melbourne) - Collingwood receives two third-round picks (45 and 56)

• Essendon receive Brayden Fiorini - Gold Coast Suns receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Essendon)

• Western Bulldogs receive Connor Budarick and a fourth-round pick (70) - Gold Coast Suns receive a second-round pick (37)

• Carlton receives Oliver Florent - Sydney Swans receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Carlton)

• Melbourne receives Changkuoth Jiath - Hawthorn receives a second-round pick (42) and a 2026 fourth-round pick (tied to Melbourne)

• Sydney Swans receive Jai Serong and a 2026 fourth-round selection (tied to Hawthorn) - Hawthorn receives a 2026 third-round selection (tied to Sydney)

• Carlton receives a first-round pick (currently 9) and three second-round picks (31, 42 and 43) - Hawthorn receives two first-round picks (10 and 22)

• Adelaide Crows receive Finnbar Maley and a fourth-round pick (64) - North Melbourne receive a third-round pick (57) and a 2026 fourth-round pick (tied to Adelaide)

• Gold Coast Suns receive Jamarra Ugle-Hagan - Western Bulldogs receive a fourth-round pick (74)

• Collingwood receive Jack Buller and a 2026 fourth-round pick (tied to Sydney)

• Sydney Swans receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to Collingwood)

• Richmond receive Patrick Retschko - Geelong receive a sixth-round pick (99)

• Gold Coast Suns receive Christian Petracca, two second-round picks (24 and 28) and a 2026 second-round pick (tied to Melbourne) - Melbourne receives two first-round picks (7 and 8), a second-round pick (37), a 2026 first-round pick (tied to Gold Coast) and a 2027 third-round pick (tied to Gold Coast)

• Melbourne receives Jack Steele - St Kilda receives a 2027 third-round pick (tied to Melbourne)

• GWS receive Clayton Oliver - Melbourne receive a 2026 third-round pick (tied to GWS)

• Sydney Swans receive Charlie Curnow, two second-round picks (31 and 42) and a 2027 second-round pick (tied to Carlton) - Carlton receives Will Hayward, a first-round pick (11), a 2026 first-round pick (tied to Sydney) and a 2027 first-round pick (tied to Sydney)

least we were active :)