Dateline – 3 October 2015.

Melbourne has completed the greatest turn around in sporting history today by winning the 2015 AFL grand final. Shaking off a horrendous start to the season, winning just four from their first twelve games, Melbourne has won 15 games in a row to highjack the premiership from the highly fancied Sydney Swans outfit. It’s the first time a club has won the flag from eighth position and it’s only the second time a premiership has been won by a club not finishing in the top four.

Coach Paul Roos, said it was the highlight of his footy career. “Seeing maligned players like Wattsy, the Toump and Jordie clean up Sydney was personally very rewarding for me. I was pretty sure they could all play, but who would have thought Jackie W would win the Norm Smith Medal?” Watts played the best game of his chequered career – his tackle on Adam Goodes in the defensive 50 followed by an eight bounce run down the wing and threading a goal from the hotdog stand was a highlight for the ages. Phil Manassa tweeted that although it took 40 years, he was wrapped that someone has finally provided a better running goal in a granny. Watt’s goal confirmed his status as a superstar, following his runner-up effort in this years Brownlow medal.

Fresh from his 59 possession best afield performance, Captain Nathan Jones said it was the best day of his life. He said, “Roosy is the best, I didn’t know a coach was suppose to teach us how to play until he came to Melbourne”. Asked what 2016 held for the team, he said that Hogan, Brayshaw, Vanda and Stretcha were first year players who would improve and Petracca was yet to play senior footy and would further advance the team.

Bernie Vince thanked Col Sylvia for being a dud and said he was wrapped to collect 200-fantasy points in the second half to drive Melbourne to victory. “When Col went to Freeo and I was traded to Melbourne, I thought my career was shot. But know I’ve got a premiership medallion to add to the Brownlow I won on Monday – I’m so thrilled”.

Former coach, Neale Daniher, made it to the ground despite his poor health had a tear in his eye. “I’ve always been a Melbourne man and sorry I couldn’t bag the flag in 2000. It’s been a long journey since then, I just love the boys and am so proud of their achievement. I spent ten years here and still call Jolimont Terrace my home”.

Defeated coach John Longmire said he was bitterly disappointed to loose a second grand final in two years. “It’s just not fair. We receive more draft concessions, more salary cap money, more free kicks and we have the best stagers in the comp and we still get beaten. We’ll be requesting a meeting with the AFL on Monday to seek some sort of compensation for next year”.

Jesse Hogan sported one of the biggest grins on the ground immediately after the game. He said he didn’t have the best day but was happy for the Demons to “get the chocolates”. “I know I’ve won the Coleman and all that, but I thought nine straight goals was an average return given we had 230 inside 50’s”. He said kicking his 100^th goal for the season during the game was a very minor milestone compared to winning a granny by 15 goals.

Roos left supporters, the media and the footy public in no doubt about his short-term and long-term plans. “I’m boarding a plane tomorrow to attend a meditation retreat in Bhutan. But when I get back, we’ll begin planning for 2016 and ensure Melbourne win their first September premiership since 1964”.

Dare to dream!

Dateline – 3 October 2015.

Melbourne has completed the greatest turn around in sporting history today by winning the 2015 AFL grand final. Shaking off a horrendous start to the season, winning just four from their first twelve games, Melbourne has won 15 games in a row to highjack the premiership from the highly fancied Sydney Swans outfit. It’s the first time a club has won the flag from eighth position and it’s only the second time a premiership has been won by a club not finishing in the top four.

Coach Paul Roos, said it was the highlight of his footy career. “Seeing maligned players like Wattsy, the Toump and Jordie clean up Sydney was personally very rewarding for me. I was pretty sure they could all play, but who would have thought Jackie W would win the Norm Smith Medal?” Watts played the best game of his chequered career – his tackle on Adam Goodes in the defensive 50 followed by an eight bounce run down the wing and threading a goal from the hotdog stand was a highlight for the ages. Phil Manassa tweeted that although it took 40 years, he was wrapped that someone has finally provided a better running goal in a granny. Watt’s goal confirmed his status as a superstar, following his runner-up effort in this years Brownlow medal.

Fresh from his 59 possession best afield performance, Captain Nathan Jones said it was the best day of his life. He said, “Roosy is the best, I didn’t know a coach was suppose to teach us how to play until he came to Melbourne”. Asked what 2016 held for the team, he said that Hogan, Brayshaw, Vanda and Stretcha were first year players who would improve and Petracca was yet to play senior footy and would further advance the team.

Bernie Vince thanked Col Sylvia for being a dud and said he was wrapped to collect 200-fantasy points in the second half to drive Melbourne to victory. “When Col went to Freeo and I was traded to Melbourne, I thought my career was shot. But know I’ve got a premiership medallion to add to the Brownlow I won on Monday – I’m so thrilled”.

Former coach, Neale Daniher, made it to the ground despite his poor health had a tear in his eye. “I’ve always been a Melbourne man and sorry I couldn’t bag the flag in 2000. It’s been a long journey since then, I just love the boys and am so proud of their achievement. I spent ten years here and still call Jolimont Terrace my home”.

Defeated coach John Longmire said he was bitterly disappointed to loose a second grand final in two years. “It’s just not fair. We receive more draft concessions, more salary cap money, more free kicks and we have the best stagers in the comp and we still get beaten. We’ll be requesting a meeting with the AFL on Monday to seek some sort of compensation for next year”.

Jesse Hogan sported one of the biggest grins on the ground immediately after the game. He said he didn’t have the best day but was happy for the Demons to “get the chocolates”. “I know I’ve won the Coleman and all that, but I thought nine straight goals was an average return given we had 230 inside 50’s”. He said kicking his 100^th goal for the season during the game was a very minor milestone compared to winning a granny by 15 goals.

Roos left supporters, the media and the footy public in no doubt about his short-term and long-term plans. “I’m boarding a plane tomorrow to attend a meditation retreat in Bhutan. But when I get back, we’ll begin planning for 2016 and ensure Melbourne win their first September premiership since 1964”.

Can I have some of the stuff you are on please?

And then i woke up with sticky jocks

Go to bed, your drunk.

Now the good stuff is really starting to kick in. PS you forgot to mention Brayshaw winning the Brownlow and the pressure it put on him and the team in the leadup week.

This ... and too much Pink Floyd