Tony Tea

If we play a game in which we are a chance to win our fifth game and Mike Sheahan doesn't write "Melbourne can't afford to win" then HIS head should roll.

RR, spot on. We've spanked Port on the MCG for 12 years on every occasion except one, and where's it got us? No where. We simply MUST load up on top line players to enable us to challenge the top line sides in big matches - something we've conspicuously failed to do.

Can West Coast finish bottom? WC must play Freo, so that might chuck a spanner in any West Aussie tanking. Also, we have the easiest draw: Port, Freo, Tiggers and North are all eminently winnable.

In today's Australian, Mick Malthouse on tanking: It must have slipped Mick's mind that in 2005 Collingwood was a beneficiary of the priority pick system. (2005 draft) I mean, he wouldn't leave that fact out intentionally, would he? Collingwood picked Dale Thomas with pick two and Scott Pendlebury with pick five. Mick must have also been unaware that during the Friday night match of round 21 in 2005 (the "whispers in the sky" match when Freo played St Kilda) Eddie McGuire, who was at Subi for Nine commentary duties, was in the press-box boasting "If we lose tomorrow, we'll be singing the song - don't you worry about that." Collingwood duly lost the next day (to Adelaide in Melbourne, and by a whopping 110 points) to secure a priority pick by making sure that they couldn't win more than the five matches that were the cut-off point at the time.

Here, recorded for posterior from the telling-vision, is what Leigh Matthews said: There was a slight, but pointed, emphasis on "yet". Dennis Cometti followed up:

No matter how you choose to interpret the comment, many will construe it as criticism; and with added weight since it came from a legend of the game like Matthews. (No matter what you think of him, and I also remember Giles and Smith. I also wish Melbourne had a player as hard and good as Lethal.) Turn it into a positive: stress that it can only be good for Watts. Dean Bailey: "Come on, Jack, prove him wrong." With any luck it will become an apocryphal comment. It would be fantastic if, in around ten years, hopefully sooner, Seven replays the comment as Watts holds up the premiership cup.

My one question: what the hell happened to our set-up and forward line in the third quarter? My one whinge: what the hell has bitten Peter Schwab and David Parkin? I haven't listened to Melbourne on the ABC for a while, and am unlikely to again. They amount they p1ssed and moaned and droned on about how bad Melbourne were, are and will continue to be was farcical. Sure, we were shouse, but according to those two we haven't got enough good players, can't kick, can't tackle, can't play, don't try hard enough, blah, blah, all match, yawny, yawny... get stuffed.

Last year on Footy Classified, just after he was appointed president, Jim Stynes said something that has nagged at me ever since. When asked about the notorious 2007, Round 22 match, Jimmy said something like: "We weren't allowed to lose." Does that ring any bells, or send up any flares, for anyone?

Another source for 59,000+. Ditto Hannabal and Vanlo. Demetriou and his flunkies at the AFL and in the press were making noises about the attendance needing to be greater than 60,000 or else the hierarchy might have to revisit the fixure. Thus, when the scoreboard showed the attendance was 59,548, Collingwood fans jeered.

We're getting murdered by the umpires, we have lacked any luck, failed to take most of our chances, are playing a very good (and physically strong) side, and we are only a few goals down. Good signs. But! Can we PLEASE stop stuffing up our short "gives" and fumbling the ball in traffic.

Serious question: have we had a free yet?

Was Cameron Wood to Collingwood part of the trade? Gee, that's worked out well for the Poys. Trav dropped (and sporting a hideous growth on his dial), Wood can barely crack a game, Grimes looking good. What the experts call a "loss, loss, win" situation. Touch wood.

Has this appeared in the Melbournetownbridge papers?

Ken McKaige.

HBT, absolutely spot on. The Hawks, like their 1980s predecessors (and Essendon), are dead set past-masters at gamesmanship. Both are the reason the 50 metre rule was introduced. It looks like the umpires have gone soft and need to revisit Hawthorn's "unsociable football", which is merely a euphemism for cheating. The Giesh could start with the three instances mentioned above: constantly cribbing the mark; pushing over players who have just marked; and interfering with the opposition ruckmen. As for the push in the back rule... you cannot tell me that Roughead's push in the first quarter, with the umpire perfectly placed to make the call, wouldn't have been pinged three weeks ago. That the interpretation and application of the rule can change so flagrantly through the season is an utter fiasco. I flatly refuse to buy the umpires' line that "the players have gotten used to the rule and have adjusted accordingly". Rubbish, and a bare faced lie.

I got on the [censored] for ten years after I gave up playing, and I turned ou... What was I saying? Righto. On a tangent. Remember the two articles last weekend about Melbourne, the Dogs and Scotty West? Both the Hun and the Age reported how Melbourne were going to use Westy's inside oil to exploit the Bullies at the clearances. That worked out well, didn't it. We were smashed at the clearances. He won't be putting that match on his CV.

The Herald Sun wrote that Wallace had been sacked: see here. But they weren't alone: see here.

They'll give a make-up nomination to Walker later in the year. Probably when Maric, Bennell or Grimes has a blinder.

The person or panel that does the nominations seems to have an aversion to picking Melbourne players, but Maric, Bennell and Grimes must soon be in contention, especially if they keep up the "delicious" performances.

Heritage, tradition, on field success... yeah, Melbourne has none of that. All we have is 151 years (North 140), 12 premierships (North 4) and a claim to be the oldest professional football club in the world. Back in your box, Jacko.

Phew, dodged a bullet there. Don't want to run foul of Mr Zealous. Will stop revealing the true facts, and will start making up stupid rumours instead.

Sounds to me like Connors, who has often been accused of negotiating his deals through the media, is doing ground-work in Queensland: Should we be worried that he is Watts' manager?

Don't know.

Paul Connors has Watts. It's no surprise Connors is talking up Watts. The "next big thing" is good for Connors' bank balance.

So it was Wayne Jackson. Couldn't they find Ross Oakley for a quote? Is Sir Kenneth Luke still dead? Maybe they could have gone to him for the latest news.