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Regime Change

Johnny Karate
in Melbourne Demons

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It's time for a regime change at the Dees. The status quo cannot continue. The club needs to be radical & bring in the best people available from around the world to turn around the club's performance:

President - Kim Jong-Un

A young leader who has a great ability to rally the troops. A hard taskmaster but universally loved and respected. He would bring in an influx of new members & surely give us a cutting edge in football's arms race.

CEO - Bernie Madoff

A financial guru with a proven ability to generate mountains of cash with minimal investment. He may have to undertake his position via correspondence due to some current commitments in the USA but unlike past CEO's like McNamee he isn't time poor.

Coach - Gordon Bombay

Like Brendan McCartney at the Bulldogs he didn't play AFL at the highest level. However, he is a great man manager & has a great gameplan. Headlines of the 'Flying Dees' would be just around the corner.

Recruiting manager - Joseph Kony

A proven eye for securing talented youth.

List manager - Homer Simpson

With so many middle of the road players on the list Homer would be delighted to oversee the cut.

Sports science - Stephen Dank & Lance Armstrong

Would inject a real sense of competitiveness into the playing group.

Social committee - Lindsay Lohan & Brendan Fevola

Would head up the crucial end of season bonding trips and would plan after match functions for Demons members. Would put the fun back into social functions.

Opposition analyst - Austin Powers

An international man of mystery, Powers could sneak into the most closed of opposition training sessions. Would have to keep him away from our player's wives & girlfriends but his talents in this area could also put the wind up the opposition.

Media manager - Muhammed Saeed al-Sahhaf

Better known as Comical Ali. A former Iraqi information minister, he has proven himself adept at media relations & PR in the face of incredible adversity.

Junior Ambassadors - The Wiggles

Like the Pied Piper of Hamlin, they have hypnotic & mystical powers. Would secure the club a never ending supply of junior members. They would look fantastic in red & blue skivvies.

These are but some of the changes that could make this club a real force. Who else should we look at for key positions at the club?

Edited by Jimmi C

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    Imelda Marcos to oversee player footwear -- a vital asset on game day

    Edited by mollydee

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    Imelda Marcos to oversee player footwear -- a vital asset on game day

    Nice.

    Club Psychologist - Jack Burns

    Former CIA operative who is also a great poet & philosopher. Once 'broke' a cat & trained it to use the toilet. He could be the man to convince our players that they are actually league footballers.

    Edited by Jimmi C

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    Imelda Marcos to oversee player footwear -- a vital asset on game day

    She could also sing the club song before and after the game.

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    Free Agency Tactician - Vito Corleone

    Whether it's a free agent thinking of leaving the club or operation 'Get Buddy' - Don Vito is a master negotiator and an expert at making irrefutable offers.

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    kosmo kramer could take the players out on golfing days and do food preperation lessens

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    It's time for a regime change at the Dees. The status quo cannot continue. The club needs to be radical & bring in the best people available from around the world to turn around the club's performance:

    President - Kim Jong-Un

    A young leader who has a great ability to rally the troops. A hard taskmaster but universally loved and respected. He would bring in an influx of new members & surely give us a cutting edge in football's arms race.

    CEO - Bernie Madoff

    A financial guru with a proven ability to generate mountains of cash with minimal investment. He may have to undertake his position via correspondence due to some current commitments in the USA but unlike past CEO's like McNamee he isn't time poor.

    Coach - Gordon Bombay

    Like Brendan McCartney at the Bulldogs he didn't play AFL at the highest level. However, he is a great man manager & has a great gameplan. Headlines of the 'Flying Dees' would be just around the corner.

    Recruiting manager - Joseph Kony

    A proven eye for securing talented youth.

    List manager - Homer Simpson

    With so many middle of the road players on the list Homer would be delighted to oversee the cut.

    Sports science - Stephen Dank & Lance Armstrong

    Would inject a real sense of competitiveness into the playing group.

    Social committee - Lindsay Lohan & Brendan Fevola

    Would head up the crucial end of season bonding trips and would plan after match functions for Demons members. Would put the fun back into social functions.

    Opposition analyst - Austin Powers

    An international man of mystery, Powers could sneak into the most closed of opposition training sessions. Would have to keep him away from our player's wives & girlfriends but his talents in this area could also put the wind up the opposition.

    Media manager - Muhammed Saeed al-Sahhaf

    Better known as Comical Ali. A former Iraqi information minister, he has proven himself adept at media relations & PR in the face of incredible adversity.

    Junior Ambassadors - The Wiggles

    Like the Pied Piper of Hamlin, they have hypnotic & mystical powers. Would secure the club a never ending supply of junior members. They would look fantastic in red & blue skivvies.

    These are but some of the changes that could make this club a real force. Who else should we look at for key positions at the club?

    How come Groucho Marx didn't get a gig? Oh that's right lined up for AD job at headquarters.

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