Bitter but optimistic

Well fellow illuminati, I'm sure you will all agree there is nothing like some intellectual stimulation while slurping down the Saturday morning chocolate filled maple syrup bathed and bacon wrapped croissants. May I refer you to today's Age and an article titled - "Men- only day spas the new gentleman's club". The article focusses on a New York clinic that specialises in various medical and beauty treatments for blokes - no sheilas allowed. "Non invasive penile enlargement" is available for a mere $6000 but there is a catch - it only lasts 2 years. In what I thought was an interesting juxtaposition, "anal tightening procedures" are also on the menu. There is a "laser treatment" option for this.

You should have a double whisky Moonie - that is one [censored] joke!

Well Moonie, one has to keep an open mind and be prepared to .... err experiment .. in all aspects of life.

Goon! Goon is forbidden at The Manor dc ( well unless I'm very short of the ready) Biffen, however, considers it the ultimate accompaniment to a fine meal of baked beans.

Apples and bananas dc! Try comparing pumpkins (or, as the more rurally challenged might say punkins) and golf balls! I've spent the best part of today doing just that. Poor old Bitter is a tad cash strapped at the moment so the notion of changing gas and electricity suppliers held some appeal. I've spoken to a variety of people with a variety of accents and it seems impossible to get a direct answer about what said services will cost. Good Lord, I even resorted to studying things called websites. There is no standardisation in how deals are framed. Even my good self who can claim to be at least moderately literate and numerate is left flummoxed. If you crave a little self flagellation, don't bother dusting off the whip, just start researching energy costs FMD And ... just to top a shitty day off - there is a suggestion that the tax on vino is heading towards the stratosphere FMD again.

" Good afternoon Uncle Bitter ... I'll get you a shiraz. Oh ... please have your manservant wait outside"

Yes well ..... a splendid idea picket and no doubt if it would be of great value to your social climbing aspirations. However, your poor old Uncle Bitter is persona non grata at Royal Romsey. There was an unfortunate incident in the rough during a mixed event. Ball tampering was mentioned. An unfortunate misunderstanding really.

You been on the cryptic crossword juice dc? Ha ha !! That is funny Frogger. A bloke named Roland Barthes did that many years ago and ..... ironically ... he was a Frog.

Remember Moonie, there is a dead author floating around too.

So .... you are a carnivorous Frog! After all I've done for you Frogger, you stab me in the back. Arrgh .... what a cruel and ungrateful world we live in.

And you lot think you have problems! I find myself attending football games in the swinish and vulgar company of Biffen and Moonie.

Flogger, I created the rules for deceit society

Maybe it's a Mexican frog!

You are a man of rare discernment Ethan.

You married a Mexican football team!? Tell us more ............... please.

He's already making us pay. Am I wrong, or are we not contributing a portion of his salary?

At this time of year your poor Old Uncle is harassed by vino vendors offering their Christmas Specials. One fellow, tried to gild the lily by offering a dozen stemless wine glasses if the purchase was at least 2 dozen bottles. He was immediately dismissed and told to [censored] off. I mean who the [censored] would use a stemless wine glass? Then I started to consider this matter in relation to the denizens of this intellectual thread. Red and WJ - lawyers. They would drink anything , anyway, provided it was free. Biffen - Currently indisposed to due to massive drug issues. He thinks casks are fine wine provided they are colourful. Earl Hood. I considered him a man of discernment and class but his recent habit of bathing in sake must call this into question. Moonie. Claims to have an extensive cellar of fine wines but none have been produced in my presence. dc. Haha lives in Borewood and shags old sheilas. Jim Beam with ice would be sophisticated for him. Old dee. Well he only drinks free Pinot ( none of which has been shared, I might add) so he would probably have no choice but to use the glass given to him. pickett fence. Total lunatic. Would have no idea of sophistication or good taste. Ernie . A dead alcoholic! bbub - a tricky one - doesn't give much away. However, as he frequents this thread, he is guilty by association. The Froger? Pond scum is probably lapped up - so a stemless glass? Anyone I've missed feel free to ask for an assessment. [censored] me! Upon consideration, that wine vendor is due an apology! He'll not get it of course! Anyway [censored] you all!!

Well sue the [censored] Red!

I'm not a horseracing aficionado Red but I saw the name and thought " arrgh yes must put a wager on that"! Of course, I then forgot all about until I heard the race result - and sadly the dividend. FMD - again!

For mine, Weideman is the wild card in this deck. If he develops into the KPF many hope, then we are in front of the game.

Terrific bloke. Cruelled by injury and possibly the worst coach in history. I hope he comes good for Port and has a top season. ( I wouldn't even mind a cracker game against us) Go Jack!!

2 plus 2. Surely you've got more than that Red!

Because I am lavishly rich, I rolled my Trident membership over again. However, I did get a little shaky as our end of season capitulation is still sticking in my guts. ([censored], I hope Moonie and his ghostly friend is nowhere near me)

Well done Moonie! I understand the second Trident would be purely a donation as no one would want to go with you.

.... and some lovely treats.