Mazer Rackham

What, you weren't fascinated to see a close up of Dusty's shoe? They say if you touch it, it immediately heals all groin or hamstring injuries you may have. (But it also has the terrible power to curse. If used unwisely, it can revoke your relatives' travel visas.) (When I say "they", I mean "Bruce") The commentary showed that the announcers have not lifted their game. Every year, teams, players try to improve, but commentators never seem to even try. Bruce is back to his best "horse race calling" style. Hey Bruce ... we can see for ourselves that so-and-so just kicked it. As for Roaming Brian ... god help us. Daisy the only one who seems to put time in preparing.

Some possible outcomes from tonight's game that would make anyone happy. Tigers crush Carlton by 20 goals and end their season on day 1. Carlton crush Tigers by 20 goals and expose their game plan. Setting up Tigers for more losses and a mediocre season. The downside is ... in both of those outcomes, someone wins. How about ... They play a dull, poorly skilled draw, 6 goals apiece, with only 2 goals total scored in the second half. Crowds start leaving at 3/4 time out of boredom. Three best players from each side suspended due to acts of thuggery. Or ... 30 mins before the bounce, ASADA show up and charge all players from each team with doping offences. Amid a flurry of lawyers and injunctions, the game is called off. Channel 7 sue the AFL. RFC and CFC suspended from the league for a year.

Q. What would you do if Jesus came to Fox Footy? A. Move Hudson to boundary rider

Should a player of his eminence and standing even HAVE to duck for a free? Surely being somewhere near the ball is enough?

This guy should have been in the Richmond Focus on Footy mob. They needed quality minds like his. I still don't get how he's got any standing to do this. What harm or suffering has he experienced from the drug saga? Apart from being p!ssed off. The case seems to be based on things Gil and Fitzpatrick were alleged to have said, but part of this case is for him to go on a fishing expedition to find out if they did or not. Seems strange. Any lawyers can explain? But ... anything that causes embarrassment to the AFL can't be all bad.

It's both. We will try to finish 4th and blow it by winning the GF. Then the players will consult the AFLPA and refuse to celebrate.

have absolutely no way of knowing but wouldn't be surprised given the shifting time frame. it appears that they'll let it take as long as it needs. have to support that. the club does not want another tack trengove situation. that one was tragic. so would this be.

That sounds like a call to arms. Thank you, Wayne. Only way it could be better is if we were about to play his old team. Get ready to shove it up 'em!!! GO DEMONS!

"So it's correct weight at Mudsville. Correct weight. Winner was no 5 who paid $2 the win and $1.35 the place. Daily double $5, trifecta $16 and quadrella $80. (etc, for about 2 minutes) Let's cross back to Don at the MCG." "Thanks Laurie. There's the bounce and Walker gets the tap, it's straight to--" "They're off at Dimboola. Glue Factory gets a good jump followed by The Knackery and Mug's Paradise ..." (repeat 125 times throughout the afternoon)

It was always poor old Don Hyde who was lumbered with the 3UZ call. I hated it when we were on 3UZ for the exact reason you illustrated so nicely.

Nathan Jones found someone's dropped race ticket and picked up a cool $240. Now the boys will be able to go on their end of season trip after all!

The news will be that we're going on the boot camp after all. Over Easter.

If good news, wouldn't it be announced in time for radio shows and evening news? But look on the bright side. It could be that Max is retiring to take up a spot in ZZ Top!

Congratulations! Boy or girl?

Scheduling meeting at Channel 7, pre-season. TV exec 1: ok, moving on to Saturday 31st, evening. How many games? TV exec 2: two games. Let's see .. loser club ... loser club ... loser clu-- ooh look! My team's playing! 8PM in Perth! TV exec 1: lock that in then. Now, Sunday the 1st. How many games?

waited til his teammates were doing rehab, would go through their wallets tried to crack onto his teammates girlfriends, told them the teammate said it was okay told people he had cancer so they'd buy his anti cancer recipes cookbook ran a horse race betting syndicate which was actually a ponzi scheme stole millions in crypto currency after he hacked a japanese exchange fought for ISIS developed a new nerve agent poison for Putin he had to go

Oh crikey. For a minute I thought you were going to tell us we're all going to die some day.

Clearly the powers that be see the loss of up to 10,000 North supports as sustainable and not worth worrying about.

Err .... tish BOOM? Am I doing this right?

Don't give them ideas George. The councils would love nothing better. (They would then fine you for parking in your own driveway to keep the revenue flowing.)

If memory serves they already have bollards there. Sounds more like the anti car fanatics at Melb City Council have got in their ear.

Anyone ever tried parking at the G? You couldn't "plow into" an old pie wrapper. If you go faster than 3kph you get a speeding ticket. It's faster to walk to the ground, then walk home, then walk to the ground again. After the game, it's faster to listen to the giant rabbit for an hour, then walk home backwards..

Don't obsess over either Danger or Ablett. Our boys will have to play a team of 22 who will be just as keen to win as us. We need to be switched on no matter who they send out to get the season off to a flying start. It's more about what's upstairs than their exact lineup.

Vlad would have shut up and let it pass. Gil should do the same, but couldn't stop his reflex reaction to someone having any hold or sway over the AFL. He resents ASADA and would like to stick it to them. In olden times, we called it cutting off your nose to spite your face.

This is the mental damage caused by supporting Essendon. Guy probably spends all his time giggling uncontrollably. Reckon the ancient Greeks already did it. It's the one where everyone dies in the end.