DOWN UNDER by The Oracle

We are now into the month of May and the Melbourne Football Club has yet to break its duck for the 2007 season. Nor, apart from a fleeting moment when it came back early in the last quarter against Hawthorn (and that seems like such a long time ago) has it even looked like it might emerge from a game with a win.

You have to feel for poor Neale Daniher!

In the final year of his coaching contract at Melbourne and after ten years at the helm, things were shaping up nicely a little over two months ago. The pundits were anointing his team as the sole potential challenger to the interstate domination of the competition. That was however, before a football was kicked or hand passed (or indeed fumbled) in anger.

Since then, bad news and even worse luck has followed his team like the proverbial bad smell. He persisted with the "run and carry" style but his disciples could neither run nor carry the football in the proper direction, his players went down like nine-pins (often during the course of games leaving him without the ability to over rotate them), the AFL Tribunal pardoned war criminals for no logical reason other than to allow them to star against his team instead of sitting out their penance in the stands and please don't get me started on the subject of the white maggots (memo: do not publish this article in the vicinity of the Gabba – it could lead to your arrest).

The fact of the matter is that Neale Daniher has tried everything to get his team into a winning frame of mind in 2007 and he has failed at every step along the way. Either that or the team has failed him.

That is why the Reverend should be forever grateful to his opposite number in Port Adelaide coach Mark "Chocko" Williams for plucking out of his backside (for that is the only source from which it could possibly have come) the one remaining formula for Melbourne to win this Sunday's round six MCG encounter.

In a move that one could only describe in terms of sheer genius, Williams turned up at Alberton where the Port Adelaide team trains and pinned a copy of the AFL ladder upside down in the clubrooms.

Surely this move, designed to ensure that his players respect the winless Melbourne, is one of those flaky ideas that AFL coaches come up with from time to time that is inevitably destined to backfire?

Instead of generating confidence in the ranks of his players, it can only generate doubt. Add to this, the fact that the Power is certainly no power when it comes to playing at the MCG and the doubt starts to multiply to a point where it gets into the players' heads and before you know it, the reality is translated into failure out there on the playing field.

Listen to what Port Adelaide midfielder Kane Cornes has to say about the team that on my viewing hold up the remaining fifteen clubs on the AFL ladder: -

"Melbourne always beat us at the MCG.

"They've really got the wood on us, a bit like the Kangaroos have. I know they haven't won a game yet but it's still going to be a very nervous and twitchy game for us."

That's right. Port should be nervous because in the six matches played between the two sides at the home of football, Melbourne has emerged the victor on every occasion and its average winning margin in that time has been around six goals.

So let's hear it again:

"Melbourne always beat us at the MCG."

Start twitching Kane. Keep looking at that ladder and watch those jangled nerves.

As for Daniher's Demons, I have it on good authority that they have also now been ordered to look at the inverted AFL ladder that shows them on top. That automatically makes them the kings of the heap and allows them to approach this game which marks the return of skipper David Neitz and hard nut midfielder Nathan Jones "chocko" full of confidence.

THE GAME: Melbourne v. Port Adelaide at the MCG – 6 May 2007 at 2.10pm

HEAD TO HEAD:

Overall: Melbourne 8 wins Port Adelaide 7 wins

At the G: Melbourne 6 wins Port Adelaide 0 wins

Since 2000: Melbourne 5 wins Port Adelaide 5 wins

The Coaches: Daniher 6 wins Williams 6 wins

MEDIA:

TV Channel 7 (delayed telecast commencing at 3.00pm)

RADIO 3AW 774ABC MMMM

THE BETTING: Melbourne to win $2.95 Port Adelaide to win $1.35

LAST TIME THEY MET: Melbourne 18.12.120 d Port Adelaide 12.10.82, Round 13, 2006, at MCG

It was an insipid Port Adelaide that ran out on to the MCG, a team that bore no resemblance to the hard hitting skilful combination that won an AFL premiership just 18 months previously. Melbourne took full advantage of this uninspiring rabble and took them to the cleaners, winning by 38 points.

David Neitz booted five goals, Aaron Davey was in magical form and the Power would have been in even more strife without Shaun Burgoyne who starred.

THE TEAMS:

MELBOURNE:

Backs: Cameron Bruce Nathan Carroll Adem Yze

Half backs: Nathan Brown Jared Rivers Daniel Bell

Centreline: Colin Sylvia James McDonald Aaron Davey

Half forwards: Ricky Petterd, Brad Miller Byron Pickett

Forwards: Lynden Dunn David Neitz Brent Moloney

Followers: Jeff White Simon Godfrey Travis Johnstone

Interchange: Matthew Bate Paul Johnson Nathan Jones Matthew Warnock

Emergencies: Simon Buckley Ben Holland Chris Johnson

In: Nathan Jones David Neitz Matthew Warnock

Out: Colin Garland Mark Jamar Chris Johnson (all omitted)

PORT ADELAIDE

Backs: Troy Chaplin Darryl Wakelin Michael Pettigrew

Halfbacks: Jacob Surjan Chad Cornes Matthew Thomas

Centeline: Nathan Lonie Kane Cornes Domenic Cassisi

Halfforwards: Peter Burgoyne Warren Tredrea, Josh Mahoney

Forwards: Greg Bentley Damon White Brett Ebert

Followers: Brendon Lade Shaun Burgoyne David Rodan

Interchange: Nathan Krakouer Daniel Motlop Danyle Pearce Toby Thurstans

Emergencies: Fabian DeLuca Brad Symes Adam Thomsonj

In: Daniel Motlop Danyle Pearce Matthew Thomas

Out: Steven Salopek (hamstring) Brad Symes (omitted) Michael Wilson (pectoral/chest muscle)

MY GRIPE THIS WEEK - THE TRIBUNAL'S GET OUT OF JAIL CARD

OK this has nothing to do with Sunday's game but I have to get it off my chest. In today's column in The Australian, Patrick Smith ponders about what is happening with the AFL's judicial system. The AFL Tribunal has charged 28 players this season, but it has only suspended two, Fraser Gehrig and Steven Dodd, each of them for one week only.

Meanwhile the following players are charged and escape serious charges on specious grounds in the week immediately prior to their teams playing against Melbourne - Luke Hodge (thrice), Josh Carr, Des Headland (in a precedent setting groundbreaker that gets him off scott free) and now Shaun Burgoyne lucks it out because he satisfies the judiciary that a head high hit was an accident. Adam Goodes is similarly lucky to get away with a mere reprimand after belting the angelic Simon Godfrey who wasn't even looking when the Brownlow Medallist cannoned into his back. Pity those like Beamer who was brutalized by the same Tribunal a couple of years ago when there was a doubt about whether he had even made any contact at all with Jimmy Bartel before the Cat footballer fell to the ground and his head hit the MCG turf. What does he think about AFL justice right now?

I don't necessarily subscribe to conspiracy theories about grassy knolls, Harold Holt's drowning or the non-existent jets crashing into American buildings but I have to admit to frothing at the mouth a lot about this Tribunal and about what it's doing to our great game of football.

Get rid of them all I say.

End of rant.

Geez, I feel better now.

SO LET'S DISCUSS THE GAME ITSELF!

There's not much to say about the game if you want to go on form. Last Friday night, Port Adelaide mangled St. Kilda to the tune of 53 points at Football Park while, a day later Melbourne was crushed by Sydney at the SCG. That makes the teams about 100 points apart. Give Melbourne three goals to cater for the return of Neita and there you have it. We lose by more than 13 goals.

The Power has surprised the football world by amassing a 4-1 record at this early stage of the season. Melbourne has under whelmed us all with a 0-5 start. True, injuries have played a major role but it's not the full explanation. A number of the players who have made it onto the park have performed poorly, there doesn't seem to be much system or purpose about the way the team goes about its game these days, leadership is scarce on the ground (mainly because it's been sitting watch the game with me in the stands) and there haven't been and of those stand out individual performances that sometimes can turn a game.

I then look at the potential match ups and I'm scared out of my wits. On the AFL website, the match summary suggests that the key match ups are as follows:-

(i) Chad Cornes (Port Adelaide) v Brad Miller (Melbourne)

(ii) Simon Godfrey (Melbourne) v Shaun Burgoyne (Port Adelaide)

(iii) Jeff White (Melbourne) v Brendon Lade (Port Adelaide)

Agghr...

I can see Melbourne coming out on top in one out of those three key match ups and that's being generous to Jeff White who is no longer the star ruckman that he used to be a few years ago when he made All Australian. His opponent rated in that award last year.

The return of David Neitz and possibly Nathan Jones will add a bit of hardness to the Demon make up but Port Adelaide seems to have the edge in pace and skill all over the ground.

As a result I'm tipping a Port Adelaide victory by 81 points.

One moment please.

I just stood on my head and I've changed my selection.

From my new vantage point, I see Melbourne winning by 18 points ...

Let's hear it again from Kane Cornes:-

"Melbourne always beat us at the MCG."

hahaha love the last bit

Thanks oh 'Wise one'.

A good read and a good laugh!!

But seriously another loss and our season will definitely be the best joke in town.

Let's hope the boys take the first step to winning back the respect they toiled so hard to earn last year.

Go Dees - Which upside-down, reads Go Dees

Fantastic piece of literature :D

Thanks oh 'Wise one'.

A good read and a good laugh!!

But seriously another loss and our season will definitely be the best joke in town.

Let's hope the boys take the first step to winning back the respect they toiled so hard to earn last year.

Go Dees - Which upside-down, reads Go Dees

Believe it or not he tries to be very serious (most of the time). The Port Adelaide hoodoo could be what does it this week, otherwise he'll end up having egg on his face like WJ last week!

the case of two hoodoos ..

which to get busted first...

Ports inability to beat us on the G

or

Out inability to beat anyone at this sport?

hmm they have port at 1.38 !!

Lets hope you're right Oracle