As a young boy with footy talent it's all about how you're going to be an AFL star. The further you go the greater the expectation. It becomes all about SHOULD. What you really are and want becomes submerged beneath the expectation of others. Family pride in your achievements, the admiration of mates, representing the school. Who you really are becomes secondary to the expectation of living up to the responsibility of delivering to an ever increasing number of people who have no understanding or interest in who you really are. You are a vehicle for the self gratification that others gain from their association to you.
You are a brave man Harley both for persisting despite it not being what you want and then having the courage to say enough. I hope ditching this burden leads to a happy and productive life. Best wishes.