Bitter but optimistic

Thank you for your concern Ethan, however, the libation you mentioned is more likely to be found in those less than salubrious habitats that one of my station barely glances at from the comfort of my palanquin.

Just a quick note to inform my vast and loyal readership that, come the Sabbath, Uncle Bitter is jetting off to the Asian Colonies to enjoy a well earned respite from the onerous responsibility of manorial duties. Fear not though. A crew of toadies is eagerly awaiting the grand arrival and your good Uncle shall be treated with respect due to one of high station. Unfortunately all is not pucker. It has come to one's attention, that due to bizarre coincidence, Biffen has also chosen this time to flee to the colonies. Further, and based on good authority, it seems his reasons are more to do with avoiding err... legal responsibilities than any form of uplifting cultural experience . Nonetheless, it's onward and upward, and given that the hospitality and accommodation set aside for my good self is of lavish standard it is unlikely that your ever kind Uncle shall cross paths with those that frequent common houses and ghettos.

Inanity at its best!

Says more about the taste ( or lack thereof of the audience) I suspect od.

Says more about the taste (or lack thereof) of the audience od.

I shall happily give you a jolly good thrashing for free frogger!

Very good Ethan, however, that advice would have been even better spent on the buffoon (whose name I have thankfully repressed) who played that most unfunny and cringeworthy character, "Straughanie".

I'll give you blokes a free tip. Don't give up your day jobs to get a gig at The Comedy Festival.

The above feeble attempts at humour, directed at my good self, have been duly noted.

Of course it is! After all, my good sagacious, intelligent, incisive and modest self posts here.

A very tactless post dc. Imagine how poor old Ernie feels about such matters. Show some consideration in future.

Well skinny, I'm assuming it's modern speak for some sort of seasonal good wishes

Well here's a mystery to be solved. After a considerable hiatus, our most crass correspondent has returned. Where have you been Biffen? Moonie suggested on another thread that, due to various addictions, you had undergone a long period of rehab. Certainly plausible. Whereas my contacts among your sordid social milieu claim that issues with law enforcement authorities have forced something of a hermit lifestyle upon you. Again plausible. Perhaps you should take this opportunity and attempt to restore your reputation to the level of merely odious.

In my typically festive mood Happy Christmas to all my fellow [censored]

Well our history suggests you have reasonable grounds for that sentiment od !

Indeed dc! Seating will become tricky - not to mention guaranteed GF tickets.

Valid point Ethan but I consider being encouraged to marry one's sister an unfair advantage.

Here's something to aspire to. According to today's "Sunday Sin" the toiges membership has reached 70000 before Christmas. The article also indicates that there membership was around 35000 in 2010 and has risen progressively each year. We can only dream

Well fellow illuminati, I'm sure you will all agree there is nothing like some intellectual stimulation while slurping down the Saturday morning chocolate filled maple syrup bathed and bacon wrapped croissants. May I refer you to today's Age and an article titled - "Men- only day spas the new gentleman's club". The article focusses on a New York clinic that specialises in various medical and beauty treatments for blokes - no sheilas allowed. "Non invasive penile enlargement" is available for a mere $6000 but there is a catch - it only lasts 2 years. In what I thought was an interesting juxtaposition, "anal tightening procedures" are also on the menu. There is a "laser treatment" option for this.

You should have a double whisky Moonie - that is one [censored] joke!

Well Moonie, one has to keep an open mind and be prepared to .... err experiment .. in all aspects of life.

Goon! Goon is forbidden at The Manor dc ( well unless I'm very short of the ready) Biffen, however, considers it the ultimate accompaniment to a fine meal of baked beans.

Apples and bananas dc! Try comparing pumpkins (or, as the more rurally challenged might say punkins) and golf balls! I've spent the best part of today doing just that. Poor old Bitter is a tad cash strapped at the moment so the notion of changing gas and electricity suppliers held some appeal. I've spoken to a variety of people with a variety of accents and it seems impossible to get a direct answer about what said services will cost. Good Lord, I even resorted to studying things called websites. There is no standardisation in how deals are framed. Even my good self who can claim to be at least moderately literate and numerate is left flummoxed. If you crave a little self flagellation, don't bother dusting off the whip, just start researching energy costs FMD And ... just to top a shitty day off - there is a suggestion that the tax on vino is heading towards the stratosphere FMD again.

" Good afternoon Uncle Bitter ... I'll get you a shiraz. Oh ... please have your manservant wait outside"

Yes well ..... a splendid idea picket and no doubt if it would be of great value to your social climbing aspirations. However, your poor old Uncle Bitter is persona non grata at Royal Romsey. There was an unfortunate incident in the rough during a mixed event. Ball tampering was mentioned. An unfortunate misunderstanding really.