Researchers have tracked down the primary school reports of current GWS players. 

Some examples of their teachers' comments are listed below.

It's fortunate for these kids that they grew up to be good at football.

 

Toby Greene - "Toby has set himself an extremely low standard, which he has failed to maintain"

Sam Taylor - "The improvement in his handwriting has revealed his inability to spell"

Harry Himmelberg - "This child has been working with glue too often"

Lachie Whitfield - "Shows a unique ability to turn any maths problem into a story about dinosaurs"

Brent Daniels - "Expert at locating lost pencils, except when they're in his hand"

Jesse Hogan - "His spirited debates with the classroom clock about time are quite philosophical"

Tom Green  - "Since my last report, Tom has hit rock bottom and started to dig"

Connor Idun - "This student has delusions of adequacy"

Callan Ward - "Callan excels at turning oxygen into carbon dioxide"

Finn Callaghan - "He should go far and, the sooner he starts, the better"

Lachie Ash - "Lachie would be lazy but for continued absence from class"

Kieren Briggs - "He has given me a new definition of stoicism.  He grins and I bear it"

Aaron Cadman - "This student is depriving a village somewhere of an [censored]"

Jake Riccardi - "Uses a unique form of sign language, particularly when he thinks nobody is watching"

Darcy Jones - "Master of the impromptu show and tell, often featuring items from his pockets"

James Peatling - "Shows a deep commitment to ensuring every classroom plant is well conversed with"

Toby Bedford - "It would seem that Bedford thinks he is running the classroom and not me.  If this attitude persists, one of us will have to leave"

 

 

If you could truncate this we could put it on the banner 😃

Your fertile brain, @Demonstone? Regardless, thank you for the multichuckle!

I'm curious as to why you chose to reveal this week's opponent's card. Do you feel we are in particular need of straws to clutch?

None of it is my work @Timothy Reddan-A'Blew except the "research" and compiling.

It was intended to be a light-hearted bit of fun.

Dunno about clutching at straws but, should we lose to GWS, I would anticipate much pearl-clutching.

1 hour ago, Demonstone said:

None of it is my work @Timothy Reddan-A'Blew except the "research" and compiling.

It was intended to be a light-hearted bit of fun.

Dunno about clutching at straws but, should we lose to GWS, I would anticipate much pearl-clutching.

You are not clutching my pearls D.

7 hours ago, WalkingCivilWar said:

If you could truncate this we could put it on the banner 😃

In the general spirit of this thread...

Which bits would the elephant eat?