Skuit

I forgot the rule where you can only ever learn from a lesson once. We got outplayed in the middle. We played in a finals-like atmosphere. We struggled with spread again at the MCG. I believe we will learn from the loss.

We were always going to lose the battle on the outside. But Collingwood smothered us all game and shut us down on the inside. Well played Collingwood. I believe we will learn from the loss.

Question was about what we're doing to counter our opposition. See today.

The curious thing for me is that (for those who can't get around the paywall, the basic gist is that Jennings is a master at breaking down the opposition and a game) we don't seem to apparently care that much about the opposition. We've instituted a fairly stubborn game-plan and have played on our terms for the past three or so years - hence why people think Goodwin is a poor game-day coach (and Roos before him) and why we have been done in the past when the opposition puts a lot of work into us. Maybe if they were suggesting that Jennings is an elite master-tactician, and devised our current game-plan, or if he was focused on the breakdowns and individual players, and the reason then that we dominate the contested - but otherwise I'm not sure if it's just some fluff. Where was this article two months ago when we were dismantled by Hawthorn? And have we done anything obvious since to counter our opposition or is it just a matter of clicking and our team playing with confidence to our own plan?

This is an odd discussion. What do we do with a player who hasn't played a game yet three years from now if he can't break in for a game due to our all-star line-up? Lever just went down with an ACL. Our most important forward is now Tmac. [censored] happens.

I'm all about helping out the geriatrics of our community. They're the only ones who can verify that we've ever won a flag.

He was just kidding dmma. No need to get your nose out of joint.

If Amazon takes over the AFL, and the campaign to scrap the centre-bounce eventually succeeds, I hope they replace it with an Amazon drone dropping the ball into the contests. That would be awesome.

It's a difficult question to frame, and a delicate one to handle. I'd like to know how Brad, and Aaron Davey for example, feel about being among our club's greatest ever players - statistically at least, and both captains of the club - and are yet generally overlooked in discussions of such perhaps due to being there during our darkest period: subject perhaps, as a fan-base, to our common will to forget. Do they feel supported, and a part of our current resurgence? In realistic terms, we should support both as we now do Jones: warriors for the MFC who stuck by us during the very worst of times.

Bobby, I suggest this with all due respect, but I think you could probably do with a defrag if you can still recall umpire names from the past century. If you're unsure of what a defrag is, just trundle down to your local milkbar and offer a half-penny to one of those modern spikey haired internet-mongers loitering outside.

This was another statistical exercise I've been meaning to conduct, but thankfully someone at AFL media house took care of the leg-work themselves. Essentially, the convergence of three key stats as a predictive model for winning this year: contested, DE% and pressure acts. While we're noted for at least two of those three, I suggested before that our dominant run has coincided with an uncanny apparent uptick in clean disposal - suggested in turn by a poster as a result of omitting those of questionable foot-skills. http://www.afl.com.au/news/2018-06-05/the-stats-files-the-three-keys-to-winning-games-in-2018 In brief: "Only one team – Geelong against West Coast in round three – out of 30 this year has lost when it won contested possessions, disposal efficiency and pressure factor in the same game. " "That equates to 96.7 per cent of the time, the highest winning percentage from the stats three-pack in six years." Also, something to consider: "The three categories also stand strong in isolation this season: contested possessions (65.6 per cent success rate), disposal efficiency (69 per cent) and pressure factor (62.2 per cent). Sides win 90.9 per cent of matches when they win contested possessions and disposal efficiency; 81.8 per cent with contested possessions and pressure factor; and 73.5 per cent from disposal efficiency and pressure factor." And a quick finally: "Queen's Birthday combatants Collingwood and Melbourne are the only top-eight teams to rank in the top 10 in all three categories in 2018."

This may appear as if an ultra-long, self-indulgent post to celebrate my 3000th instance of time-wasting on our beloved Demons footballing hub; sifting through 118 pages of mostly drivel (up until about a year back) to compile a personal ‘best of’ in the disappointing fashion of a sitcom milestone retrospective. But really, the thread is not intended as just a pointless self-homage – rather an opportunity for us to cordially gather together in these current times of abundance and back-slapping and reflect on our own personal and collective journeys to this point, both the camaraderie and the occasional degree of bickering befitting of Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Road.’ Include what you will, boast of impressive predictions, recall wonky or wacky opinions, showcase your sublime comedic talent, or just settle old scores in a never-ending verbal fight to the death – I’m certain you’ll be judged accordingly – but, a quick note, I suspect a third-person format will quickly grow tedious, so perhaps a better template would be something of this like: …………………………………………………...... First post: Best Nostradamus moment: Spot-on calls: Biggest predictive flop: An absolute personal embarrassment: Greatest interpersonal abuse (for and against): Most contentious post: Persistent bugbear: (I’ll prefill this for Clint Biz – unstuck tackles and not getting back quick enough on the mark) Individual player lobbying and castigation - and your wrong and rights: Best/most flamboyant meltdown: All-time greatest zinger: Little would we know: Etc . . : ………………………………………………………. Anywho, without further ado, this is your life . . . Skuit. May 19th 2015, you finally broke your cherry on the boards, after lurking since 2011. This very first entry into the realm of Demonland perhaps best illustrates your attraction to the site in the first place: a debilitating case of MFCSS and the psychological need for community. Following an injury to some kid called Dean: It seems the only players on our list outside of Tmac to have shown some positive signs of individual improvement so far this year were Viney (426), Salem (426) and Kent (?). Your MFCSS would become a common theme during your time on Demonland. On our likelihood of victory during the bye-week: Hogan gets hit by the regular bus. #fistedforever In more general terms: MFCSS logic: The opposition are rebounding off an embarrassing loss. Melbourne are going to lose. The opposition are in good form and coming off a win. Melbourne are going to lose. But turning to Demonland as a support network may have been ill-advised. The first time you were told to shove it: @faultydet: What a phlog ... Take your "sweeping generalisations", and belt them up your ars, you racist [censored] Your response, however, was all class, resisting the temptation for antagonistic leftist baiting; I have a gangly inverted black humanoid figure as an avatar so I clearly can't be racist. But your suggestion that I belt sweeping generalisations up my censored as a punitive measure rather than something that might be enjoyable makes me think that you could be possibly homophobic. (cutaway for an emotional Skuit/faultydebt reunion and non-sexual burying of threatening implements). It wasn’t the only time you would engage in virtual fisticuffs on DL in the early days. On your suggestion that Stef Martin would have been a useful inclusion in a particular match: @Curry & Beer: oh ffs yes we aware that one of the last hundred players we have delisted has actually gone on to play well at another club, big friggen deal On your defense of the ‘spud’ Joe Daniher after kicking a bag against the MFC: @Curry & Beer: oh shut up please politically correct social justice warrior On specifically Curry & Beer: (return to the studio present): If you’re listening Curry, we all miss your pleasant contributions and wish you a speedy recovery. Still, you have displayed a fair degree of vitriolic yourself towards a particular young man in Jack Watts; @Skuit: And Watts can go and sit on a selfie-stick for that last effort. Including your most contentious post ever, directly following young Jack’s notable efforts to get the Demons across the line against Gold Coast in Alice last year: You can't just pick and choose when to compete. Jack Watts' contribution weighed up against Jack Watts' non-contribution for me adds up to trade. While questionably defending the deficiencies of others in the past: @Skuit: Fitzy any chance to get up and run with White? Would beat him hands down in tunnel-ball, leap-frog, rounders, fiddle-sticks . . . Can you tell us the source of this apparent resentment? Live Skuit: Thanks Ray. I never felt that Jack would be the right fit in moving us forward. That is all. Outside of Jack though, you’ve levelled an undue amount of abuse at another pair of current-day performers, brothers in fact: @Skuit: Imagine living next-door to the MacDonald clan. Mister, can we have our ball back. Mister, can we have our ball back. Mister, can we have . . . . @Skuit: The nick-name 'Tomald' is revelation enough (courtesy of @Deestroy All): It can even be used as a verb. Like when you Tomald the ball directly to the single opposition player standing in the middle of four of your own teammates. @Skuit: Hibberd and Pedo can go and stand next to Nev in the Reliable Camp. Omac can go and stand next to that Traeger Park tree and wait for the next electrical storm. Might spark some life into the boy. @Skuit: I'm certain it's to do with his vision and depth perception. Needs corrective lenses. OPSMac. So, do you have anything to say in your defence in terms of the McDonald bothers? Yes, thanks Ray, I would really like the opportunity to sincerely apolog – hey, look, is that @stevethemanjordan? But the abuse hasn’t all been confined to Melbourne players: Excuse my language, but that umpire Nicholls is a [censored] [censored] camel [censored] [censored] stain. Yet, it hasn’t all been anger, frustration and arguments over the recent past years. Let’s look back at some of the good times and more light-hearted moments you’ve shared on Demonland. On the solid bonds of community, (or, impressions of your Demonalnd peers): Where Demonland posters go to get their insights on the MFC . . . Saty: the Viney-family garden. Ethan Tremblay: reruns of Hawaii Five-O. SWYL: 9/11 footage. Beezlebub: The scoreboard stupid. Old Dee: The 1965 VFL season almanac. Wiseblood: the contraindication info on the back of a Percocet packet. BBO: subspace Picket: sheeeit! I am the ORACLE!!! Stevetheman: the police report from that time Oscar ran over his own cat the clumsy stupid doofus. Stuie: Stuie’s facebook page moderated by someone called Stuie. Clint Bizkit: personal stopwatch splits for players getting behind their mark. hemingway: whisky and soda. Puntkick: whisky and rum. And your most proud pun over the journey: On the Brayshaw brothers: @DubDee: Assume they are from Scottish stock with those names? @Skuit: Irish actually. To Brayshaw, to Brayshaw. Or; on the broader question of how to resolve AFL midfield congestion: Clarryntyne. And by far your worst effort, indeed the most disappointing pun you’ve ever committed to the digital ether: On North recruiting a certain unnamed recruiter: I imagine some the North fans would have been shocked by this decision. A Barry Prend-aghast even. Your best, however, digital work in this modern high-tech era of cut & paste technology: On Lynden Dunn’s curious ongoing exclusion at the expense of some kid called Oscar: Or, following another injury to our reserve stocks last year: What it’s like being a Smith playing for Melbourne: And possibly your sharpest ever grand take-down: @Nasher: Flip through my contacts for a Port supporter to bag, realise I don't know a single one of them. @Skuit: You should call your insurer. You may be entitled to a discount on your home-and-contents premiums. Still, some of your anti-club witticisms may have on occasion come back to bite: (last year): I’m calling it now – Richmond will be in 9th position heading into the final day of the season. On the other hand, some eerie soothsaying [censored] leading up to the Collingwood QB clash in 2016: If I were seeking a way for Garlett to recapture his form and confidence, I'd send him to the forward pocket on Queen's Birthday at the MCG against Collingwood and tell him to kick goals. Also: Roos: 'our job is to decide whether he can functionally perform the way we want him to play and we won't know that until Saturday morning.' @Skuit: But whose job at the club is it to decide whether playing could aggravate the injury or cause longer-term damage? I hope they're not leaving it up to a character like Viney to self-report. And on a final note and fitting summary of your Demonland excursion to date. In respect to the potential of the Demons making the grand final last year: This will sound like the strangest comment ever uttered in these hallowed digital halls, but I don't think I'm ready yet. This is my life now. Melbourne's inveterate crapness is a core part of my personal identity. The Stockholm Syndrome has full hold of me. Just the thought of a flag and the existential anxiety seizes my brain. How the hell am I possibly going to cope on Grand Final day?!! And around all those bloody neutrals who couldn't possibly understand. What if it all goes horribly wrong? And surely, surely, after waiting so desperately all this time, there isn't the slightest hope that the joy however great could ever live up to the desire. And how much salt would it rub into the wounds - to suddenly do it so easily after a half-century of wasted effort? What happens when life returns to normal? When cricket returns to the G' and ordinary people no longer care? When everyone else has forgotten the pain and the suffering and simply moved on? I'll be that prisoner released into society after serving a life sentence. I'm institutionalised. My only hope is recidivism. To bid farewell to the MFC and jump on the Richmond bandwagon to nowhere . . . @Demonland: Where were you in 2000? @Skuit: Drunk by about 10am.

I also had a pop-up launch within the last two days. I don't recall much other than clicking on a thread link and it launched a different page - assumed I'd clicked before the landing page had fully loaded and struck a banner ad - except that it didn't look much like an expected adservices ad. I remember thinking it had a vague Russianness about it as well (this isn't tongue-in-cheek) and shut it down pretty quick. It wasn't a new window pop-up but a diverted page. I also remember that the page had weird framing/borders. It is the first time it has ever happened - and it did briefly cross my mind that the site had been hacked by a disgruntled Dogs fan. Apologies - I probably should have said something at the time. I'll shout out if anything else comes to mind (the tenor of the ad will come back to me I think - if it's of any help), or let admin know if my bank account has been drained.

'Mange' as a collective noun for Western Bulldog fans deserves more credit. Submit your entries here for the rest of the league's supporter-base: (my lazy efforts in brackets). West Coast: (a come-down of Weagle supporters) Richmond: (a tooth-decay of Tigers') Sydney: (a mardi-gras of Swans') Geelong: (a kitty-litter of Cats') North Melbourne: (a meniscus of Nth Melbourne') Adelaide: (a serial-murder of Crows') Collingwood: (a centrelink of Collingwood') Port Adelaide: (an inter-familial pod of Power') Hawthorn: (a star-Spangered banner of Hawks') GWS (a Kar-Hunt of GWS' supporters) Essendon: (a Hird of blind-eyed Dons') Fremantle: (a grope of Dockers') Gold Coast: (a line of GC') St. Kilda: (a syringe of Saints') Brisbane: (a beautiful one day , putrid the next of Bears') Carlton: (a brown-paper bag of Blues')

Except today, where in the middle of seriously heavy traffic he somehow notices that Hogan has a yard of space 50 metres away in the goal-square and plonks it on his head out of the pack off a step. Dead-set freak that Clarry kid.

We were offensively coasting today - sloppy at times in the last links of the chain, lairising at other times, not entirely switched on with our decision-making, letting them get on top in the clearance battle - and still we controlled the match, put in the necessary effort and lifted the intensity when required, adjusted to the opposition, demonstrated our slick movement, pressure and spread, and won by an easy 50 points. Despite the umpires, a key injury, and some good periods of intensity from the Dogs. This is a different team we are watching - brimming with confidence and understanding their roles and exactly what needs to be done. All smiles after the match and I can't recall a team ever looking so happy and having so much fun on on the field. I doubt we'll even spend much time reviewing. Tick off the easy one after a tough interstate trip and short break and get set for the next challenge. I have full confidence that they'll be more fired up and switched on next week. It's a strange feeling as a supporter.

I think we all do now dee-tox. But when he fired up today so did we. Those almost imperceptible little handballs in tight don't make a huge visible impact yet are so important in getting us moving out of a maul.

90. Disposal Efficiency 38. Possessions 19. Contested 13. Oliver ?

Jones said in his post-match on-field interview that the Dogs threw something different at them that they weren't expecting. I'm curious what this could be. Did anyone pick up anything out of the ordinary (for them or football) about their play or set-ups? Obviously they're a very good and creative stoppage team - being right up the top for clearances and dead-last for taps - and they work the angles well on the handballs through traffic - but why wouldn't Jones be expecting this?

Statistically validates what I was arguing with a friend on the weekend: the (brave, young) Blues have escaped recent attention for being basically as shite as us, probably due to us. From 2002 after finishing 6th the previous year and 2nd and 3rd in the years immediately prior: 2002: 16th 2003: 15th 2004: 11th 2005: 16th 2006: 16th 2007: 15th 2008: 11th 2009: 7th (beaten in the Elimination Finals) 2010: 8th (on percentage - beaten in the EF) 2011: 5th 2012: 10th 2013: (effectively 9th) 2014: 13th 2015: 18th 2016: 14th 2017: 16th That is just downright [censored] horrible with the same evident failed rebuilds as us; except they're no closer to getting better in the foreseeable future and have had basically the same access to talented juniors - indeed, they'll have to rebuild a rebuild of a rebuild of rebuild, if they can admit that is what is needed. Roll around in the corpse on Carlton ladies and gentlemen. Note: If we went for it around 2011-2013 wih our list, instead of imploding, we probably would have made finals similar to the Blues in this period as well, even if it was a false dawn.

What happened to the Tyson of these recruitment highlights? Has the modern in-tight game eclipsed Dom already? Has the series of leg and knee injuries below the waste restricted his agility and speed (and then vision)? Are these snapshots just cherry-picked? In answer to the last two questions, he's certainly lost penetration on his kick (and his radar since his first year with us, kicking 16.6 in 2014 against 5.9 last year - with many of his goals previously from long range), while I also recall watching him at the Giants and thinking he was - cliche - Pendlebury-like with the time and space he could conjure. I think a combination of the above, with the injuries taking a toll that we give little credit to, in that he's returned pretty quickly from most of his set-backs.

It would be a minor scandal if somewhere along the line it was whispered in his ear that he'd need to improve in these areas if he wanted to come to us. But not outside the realms of possibility. Pretty sure Sylvia had to demonstrate his certain predilections before being determined a cultural fit in the West. Edit: No offence to your good self of course Mr Tremblay.

Thought I'd take a quick statistical look at our opposition leading up to the bye. Was going to post something similar in the lead-up to the Hawthorn match, because a few comparative areas had me slightly concerned, but alas, life got in the way. It's worth noting now though that it's difficult to get a fix on our appropriate game-style grouping, because we cross over at the top in just about every category. Bulldogs: 4th in Marks, Handballs and Disposals. 3rd in Clearance Differential 5th in Inside-50s Melbourne are first in least Marks, Kicks and Inside-50s against, as well as 2nd in Clearances and Differential. Armchair Summary: We match up quite well in some areas. The Demons restrict space for the kick, but the Dogs like to handball - and both teams are clearance and inside-50 machines. That said, the Demons are the T1000 to the Dog's 800 Series, and we significantly outrank them in every other category. The Dogs are 16th for Contested for starters, and drop to 8th for Centre Clearances. They're also 17th for hit-outs, against the Dees as #1. Another area of note is a Dogs ranking of 14th for rebound-50s, while we would be ordinarily open as the number one for rebounds against. Conclusion: Cake-walk. The stats suggest similar elements to the game-style, particularly as to close in work and forward territorial ascendancy. Yet, we're better than them at their best points, and smash them at the core of ours, while having them covered across all other categories. Expect a scrag, because the Wallace superflood legacy won't work, as we basically bring it on ourselves every week through our own centre set-up.

In round 2 of this year, 9 of our starting 18 versus the Bears were recruited from other clubs. On the weekend there were just 5, with two of those in Bernie and Lewis potential outs for next year A number of our other inter-club recruits are now on the outer - including Tyson, Bugg, Pedersen, Garlett and Frost. I think our in-house development programme could now be considered probably okay.

I don't remember the internet being that old. A bump from 2006 would see you suspended for weeks nowadays in the AFL.