Mazer Rackham

Record score for the Demons and (at this point) highest winning margin.

Optus inspiring our girls to re-enact the final quarter of the GF

Percentage Demons!!!

Just turned this on to watch. GO DEMONS!!!!!

The AFL has to rethink why they're doing this and what reactions to a decision are acceptable. The impetus has obviously been the shortfall of 6000 umps at lower levels. The abuse that junior umps cop is out of all proportion and a blight on society. The junior players copy what they see on TV. What reactions are reasonable and what are unreasonable? Is a junior standing the mark and shaking his head acceptable? Hard to see that it's not. As is obvious, it could be that it's disappointment in self that is being expressed. Is a junior waving his arms around a la Joel Selwood acceptable? Probably not as it encourages the bad-apple parent spectators to arc up. Is a junior slinging off at the ump a la Jack Riewoldt acceptable? No. It definitely incites reactions. It's a miracle that Riewoldt hasn't been suspended like Toby Greene ......... except that this is the AFL we're talking about. This mess a typical AFL overreaction; well-intentioned and ballsed-up in the execution.

The umps, if anything, should continue on from Thu nite and show no tolerance. If they want this rule to work. As it is, the umps' dept has shown it doesn't have the courage of its convictions. Now no-one knows what the rule is. They'll probably go back to punishing grimaces tomorrow. They should not permit ump abuse. But if they're going to crack down scorched-earth style on anything, a better use of their time and energy would be to target throwing the ball. Don't worry, they'll find plenty of ways for us to question their consistency and adherence to the rule book in the home & away.

Well they should do this. I can't understand why the umps need to talk to the players at all except to say "play on" or "advantage". They should be able to umpire a game without knowing the name of a single player. They certainly don't need to be giving a running commentary on their own performance, live. How does soccer do it with Somalia playing Argentina with an Iranian referee? The ref isn't saying "Back two, Diego. Back two mate. Back two." He's using his whistle and signalling the decisions/directions with defined gestures, and that's all he needs to do. Cricket, same. Just about every ball sport or ball/stick sport, same. Of course the rules of soccer are not a quagmire of interpretations on top of interpretations, but then again, soccer (along with every other game in the world) has not encumbered itself with the bogus concept of "interpretations" at all. Only our game has the self-imposed burden of having to "interpret" its own rules.

Ah yes, but the umps have cracked down on pulling faces when you get a free. So really, they're miles in front.

I would have preferred to win because that's what we do now, but I'm glad we didn't romp it in and then dish up this stuff in round 1. Wake up calls are good and especially before the real stuff starts.

If I recall, Lever after his knee took the best part of a season to get back up to his old level.

It's only a practice match, but we need all aspects of our winning machine functioning smoothly. Hence I bring you a practice version of "What they're saying down at ... ". (Lifted from real things they're saying on the bigfooty Carlton forum.) Playing the best side is going to really let us know where we are and test our defences. Dees have been eating their Weetbix in the off-season. They'll come out to make a big statement in this game. I can’t imagine this will be pretty if Melbourne go hard all day. McDonald looks the goods. Only 26, played every game for a prelim final team. 196cm. Very handy pickup I don’t think we lose much from Jones My view is that three blokes won the flag for Melbourne Gawn/Oliver and Pretacca in that order. Cerra and in due course Walsh can handle Vinny and whoever else they have tiptoeing around the midfield - and beat them . So lets see How well the Carlton big boys match up to their Melbourne counterparts - where it matters. Good chance for Omac and Young to prove themselves against a very well structured forward line. We're going in extremely weak against a Melbourne side with only 5 out of their Premiership squad missing. I'm predicting melts, cos this is gonna get ugly. I think you overrate Melbourne and severely underrate us. We were 2 goals on average away from Melbourne the last 3 years. Their side hasn’t changed. And they’re without three of their starting defenders tomorrow I'm not saying we can't win more just saying pressure will be the key thing I will look out for regardless of result. But not sure how we can overrate Melbourne. They were crazy impressive last year and they aren't really an old team. Gawn for me is the best player in the comp and Petracca, Oliver, May, Fritsch, Brown and Lever are elite+++ in their respective positions. Then they have incredible young talent like Jackson, Pickett, Rivers and co which will imo make sure they are a top team for many years to come On paper, we actually match up relatively well against Melb. Clearly Melbourne had the best structure/system last year, and from last week’s viewing, we seem much better placed in that area under Voss. I’m still baffled how our last senior coach just couldn’t get his head around this. So happy to be playing Melbourne tonight. They are the benchmark. A very well drilled side with talent on every line. I'm happy they touched up North last week as it shows they mean business. Going in without Walsh, Stocker, Charlie, Kemp, Weitering and Doc, so we are far from full strength. The Dees were deserving winners last year, but Gawn aside, I really don't think they're that far ahead of us.... trac and Oliver better as a duo than Cripps and Walsh. personally I think terra is better than any of their other mids. Backline they get the chocolates cause of keys. our forward is more talented. Our system is what needs work. Also I think our half backs are more dangerous than theirs but as a unit they are such a well oiled machine

"OK Daisy, now first sit up in your seat. Straight back. Good, good. Now make a face like a baboon or orang utan. Mouth in a circle. Open eyes wide. Wider. Wider. Yes. Now look from side to side. Left, right, then left again. We call it 'crossing the road'. Raise your arms up and down. No, keep 'crossing the road' ... and arms moving. Try again. That's it. Now, from the beginning. Sit up ... baboon face ... 'cross the road' ... WITH arms ... that's it. Nailed it. You've got some real ability. We'll have you coaching at AFL level in no time."

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face" - Mike Tyson. Bang bang bang! GO DEMONS!!

The "original" game of "football" in fact was a throwing and catching game. And running. Kicking. Hacking. Mauling. Anything went. They still play it one day a year in an English village. "Shrovetide football", it's called. All the football codes, including Aussie rules, rugby of all kinds, Gaelic, gridiron, etc, are descended from a mediaevel game called "ball", played on horseback. Poor people didn't have horses, so they played it on foot. Hence the name "football". They're all "football" and no one code owns the name. Not even Association Football, occasionally referred to as "soccer" for short, even though it thinks it does. And your last football trivia for the day. The rules of Australian Rules football are older than the rules of Association Football. The innovation of only using your feet is comparatively recent in the history of the footballs. Sign the papers, Jacko. GO DEMONS.

Moving people safely! Ha ha! Does that sell more dolls of Luke Skywalker or Spiderman? We're selling gambling ads here providing a fuller entertainment experience at the game, don't you know.

Dogs had thrown everything they had at us to get in front. In truth they should have been level at best, as we had squandered shots on goal, going from 4.3 in the first to 5.9 in the second. Hannan's muffed handball could have been the first sign of fatigue as from then on they were pretty much powerless to resist the onslaught.

The Dogs are now bitter rivals of every successful sporting club in the world.

The Yanks are so prurient it's a wonder they even do kiss cam. (Depends on where you are, of course ... it's a big country. In some cities it might be "vow of faith and exchange of purity rings while clothed neck to ankle" cam.) But my pre-censored adjective was a good old earthy expression of derision and contempt, involving cattle. Same one I used earlier in the same sentence. Not meant to imply anything that might naturally progress from kissing. Although if that brings the crowds and $$$ in, the AFL might legislate for it. Buy your ticket, scan in, show your vaxx certificate, and sign this document indicating your willingness to perform [censored] on camera.

If you've ever been to a game of ice hockey in the States, you will have experienced the brain-deadening effect of constant lights, music, gimmicks, etc, ad nauseum, literally taking up every spare second between "the play". Let's say the ref calls a stoppage. Immediately music blares AND I MEAN BLARES as the ref sorts out the players, holds up the puck and drops it onto the ice to restart play. The music only stops when the puck hits the ice. The whole thing can take 3 seconds. Three whole seconds where the viewing audience is deemed to be in desperate need of flashing lights, noise and stimulation. That happens over and over and over and over again throughout the game, and then there's the pre-game [censored], not to mention in between quarters (yeah, I know, there's only 3 of them) ... constant noise, announcements, TV screens everywhere, kiss cam, [censored] cam, on and on and on it goes. At the MCG, the inane ground announcer and the music played at volumes hostile to conversation rate about one out of ten compared to the full on numbing trauma of the NHL. Robbo's Haymes paint thing looks like a country school fete in comparison to the full body assault of the NHL. Be very afraid!

Meanwhile at Sotheby's: "We have shopping bags for the Australian Melbourne football club, each year from 2000 to now, except for 2008. The complete set would be worth millions, but with a missing year it's virtually worthless. It's a hopeless case. We may as well chuck out the lot."

Oh well. At least we get the double chance.

Every sector of society was numbed and awed by the power of our GF demolition job. We are back in our rightful place. GO DEMONS!!!

Surely our quirky captain would be Kramer. He's already got the hair, albeit upside down on his chin.

Footwork, for Chrissakes, Ed. You're not playing for England!

If you're a bloke, they'll call the cops on you (assuming I am reading you correctly).