Demonland

THE WINNING STREAK by the Oracle Why is everyone dumping on Melbourne? I don't understand why the Demons are so on the nose that they are just about everybody's favourite for the wooden spoon when this time last year they were considered a leading contender for the flag and certainly, the best of the Victorian teams and ahead of Geelong who eventually won the flag. So they had a bad year - due greatly to a horror run with injuries but, in a sport where the cliché tells us that you're only as good as your last game, they are among the few who can boast such a win as we enter the new AFL season. After much speculation, it's now official that back in Round 22, Melbourne won its last game in brilliant fashion when it overran Carlton. The AFL has dispelled any doubts about that last round victory by making the definitive pronouncement that the Blues weren't tanking as scurrilously alleged by some observers of the game. The win against them was our last game for 2007. We won it and we were officially very, very good despite an injury list that saw some 15 or so senior listed players sitting on the sidelines. Things should be so much better now. The pundits say that the club has recruited well and we know the injury list has been pared back from the astronomical numbers of last year. The club has dispensed with its makeshift coach, it has ditched that god-awful old game plan that never worked, said farewell to one or two of its lazier types, rid itself of players whose disposal of the football and general decision making were nothing short of pathetic and it changed tea ladies in the office (we know that because the redundancy pay out was massive). The Melbourne Football Club is celebrating its 150th year and it's going to do it in style. There's a new broom sweeping through the club bringing new faces with it both on and off the field. We have a new CEO who has tasted success at the top of his own chosen sport and then as an administrator, a new general manager of football, a new head coach, an almost new coaching panel and hallelujah – a new game plan! There should be so much excitement and anticipation ahead of the new football season but, alas, there isn't. In fact, things are so bad that I was accosted in the street yesterday by a person who described me as "the last Melbourne fan left in the world". Why the doom and gloom? You might point to four forgettable pre season games in which the team was totally crushed and outplayed but for heaven's sake – they were only Mickey Mouse stuff - a NAB Cup game with its bells, whistles, nine point goals and whacky rules at Skilled Stadium and the rest were practice matches played at bush venues where the mozzies outnumbered spectators! Get real Demon fans – the season starts on Sunday. What's gone before is just the foundation for a marathon of football that lasts for over six months. It's just a warm up and we all know that you never show your real hand too early. When a new season starts, everything that has come before is history. The first true test for the Melbourne Football Club in its 150th year will come this Sunday at the MCG. THE GAME: Hawthorn v Melbourne at the MCG - 23 March 2008 at 4.40pm HEAD TO HEAD: Overall: Hawthorn 73 wins Melbourne 74 wins At the G: Hawthorn 33 wins Melbourne 36 wins Since 2000: Hawthorn 6 wins Melbourne 5 wins The Coaches: Clarkson 0 Bailey 0 MEDIA: TV: Fox Sports 1 at 4.00pm RADIO: 3AW, SEN, TripleM, ABC774. THE BETTING: Hawthorn to win $1.30 - Melbourne to win $3.25. LAST TIME THEY MET: Hawthorn 17.14.116 defeated Melbourne 14.10.94 at the MCG in Round 2, 2007. The game was to become a metaphor for Melbourne 2007. The Demons had lost Matthew Whelan and Brock McLean to injury the week before in Round 1 against St. Kilda and Clint Bartram to what became a season ending knee injury at training during the week. By quarter time in this game, David Neitz had gone down with a knee injury and Russell Robertson followed suit later in the game. There was a spirited fight back near the end but it was not to be and some ordinary umpiring decisions killed whatever sprit was left in the team. The season was shot there and then. THE TEAMS: HAWTHORN B Brent Guerra Stephen Gilham Grant Birchall HB Rick Ladson Trent Croad Thomas Murphy C Stuart Dew Sam Mitchell Clinton Young HF Cyril Rioli Tim Boyle Chance Bateman F Mark Williams Jarryd Roughead Lance Franklin Foll Simon Taylor Brad Sewell Travis Tuck I/C Robert Campbell Xavier Ellis Michael Osborne Cameron Stokes EMG Tim Clarke Josh Kennedy Jarryd Morton New Stuart Dew (Selection 45 - 2007 National AFL Draft from Port Adelaide) Cameron Stokes (Rookie Selection - 2007 National AFL Rookie Draft from Darwin) Cyril Rioli (Selection 12 - 2007 National AFL Draft from St Marys NT) MELBOURNE B Paul Wheatley Nathan Carroll Colin Garland HB Ricky Petterd Daniel Bell James McDonald C Brad Green Brock McLean Simon Buckley HF Cameron Bruce Brad Miller Adem Yze F Michael Newton David Neitz Russell Robertson Foll Jeff White Aaron Davey Nathan Jones I/C Paul Johnson Brent Moloney Cale Morton Isaac Weetra EMG Jace Bode James Frawley Mark Jamar New Cale Morton (Selection 4 - 2007 National AFL Draft from Claremont) Isaac Weetra (Selection 62 - 2006 National AFL Draft from Port Adelaide Magpies) FIELD UMPIRES Farmer Kennedy M Nicholls WHO WILL WIN AND WHY: I indicated above that everything that has come before is history and, on that basis, I am discounting the fact that Hawthorn is starting as the firm favourite paying just $1.30 for the win. So what? When the teams me early last season, it was the Demons who were the raging hot favourites against the Hawks who had been thrashed mercilessly up in Brisbane. It was less than twelve months before that when Melbourne beat Hawthorn by 75 points in a Round 8 game under lights. Things change rapidly and overnight in this sport. Despite its shaky start, Hawthorn soon became one of the glamour sides of 2007 and was headed for a top four placing until some heads started getting a little big and a lack of discipline crept into their makeup. That's one of the reasons why they are going into this game minus four of their biggest names – Luke Hodge, Shane Crawford, Jordan Lewis and Campbell Brown. Melbourne has had its share of recent discipline problems as well with Nathan Carroll, Brock McLean and Colin Sylvia all transgressing off the field and suffering the club's self-imposed discipline as a result. Sylvia will miss this week due to a one-week suspension for missing a training session. That sort of discipline might be considered by some as penalising the team but that's a piss weak excuse for use by losers like Carlton, which went soft on Brendan Fevola and paid the price last night. On the other hand, Melbourne will benefit from the stand it has taken both in the short and the long run. On that subject, even if you look at the exposed form of the two clubs over the last month, the Hawks don't stand up all that impressively. In the opening round of the NAB Cup, they fell in by less than a goal against the heavily undermanned Swans in a result that was so suspect that it warranted an official AFL investigation. They then thrashed Carlton but big deal! The Blues were without the Me$$iah and their full forward spent most of the night standing around contemplating the goal posts as if they were trees or a perhaps a nightclub window. The Hawks last two practice matches saw them on the losing end both times and we shouldn't forget that they were allowed to use their suspended players for those games. The battle of the midfields will be telling on Sunday and this is where I think the Demons will come up trumps. With Brock McLean, Nathan Jones, James McDonald and Aaron Davey in the middle and backed up by the likes of Cameron Bruce, Brad Green and speedsters Paul Wheatley and Simon Buckley, I expect the Dees to have too much class and pace for a Hawk midfield bereft of three players who are worth 75 possessions a week. The Hawks will be left relying on skipper Sam Mitchell and a bevy of second stringers. I can't see them managing the workload and preventing the Demons from controlling the corridor. The Demon midfield lineup will be far superior to what it has put on the field so far in the practice match games, which were, as I said above, really Mickey Mouse stuff. That was the feeling I got when I saw the game at Casey Fields a fortnight ago. For instance, coach Dean Bailey had Davey and Jones operating in tandem in the midfield early in a closely fought game but then he simply packed them away for when the real stuff starts. Melbourne will need to be on top of its game up forward and, if David Neitz can regain his touch and beat Trent Croad, the Demon forward line should be well on its way to posting a winning total. It's time for Michael Newton to come out of his shell and display the freakish magic he showed to some of the fans who followed him at Sandringham. If he happens to arrive this week, the rest of us are in for a treat. The other forward worry for the Hawks is Robbo. The big rumour sweeping the entertainment industry is that the It Takes Two camera crew are booked to film his duet with Kate Ceberano in the club rooms after the game singing "It's a Grand Old Flag". There's been a lot said about the Hawks' twin towers of Franklin and Roughhead and you can't get away from the fact that it's a big gig to prevent them from stamping their class over this game. Sometimes however, the weight of expectation can do strange things to players. In the absence of the big four suspended Hawks, the burden of having to be their game breaker could prove too much for Buddy who will receive more attention than normal for his troubles. Now that we are in "fair dinkum mode", I expect a change in the team's overall intensity and attack on the ball, which was somewhat lacking in the rural settings the club was forced to play on throughout the pre-season. This week they are back at the home of football and the home of the Melbourne Football Club for virtually all of the past century and a half. This is where the Demons thrive and I'm tipping Melbourne to revive its supporters' hopes for the season, shock the football world and continue on with its winning streak by beating the Hawks by 27 points.

by the Oracle Why is everyone dumping on Melbourne? I don't understand why the Demons are so on the nose that they are just about everybody's favourite for the wooden spoon when this time last year they were considered a leading contender for the flag and certainly, the best of the Victorian teams and ahead of Geelong who eventually won the flag. So they had a bad year - due greatly to a horror run with injuries but, in a sport where the cliché tells us that you're only as good as your last game, they are among the few who can boast such a win as we enter the new AFL season. After much speculation, it's now official that back in Round 22, Melbourne won its last game in brilliant fashion when it overran Carlton. The AFL has dispelled any doubts about that last round victory by making the definitive pronouncement that the Blues weren't tanking as scurrilously alleged by some observers of the game. The win against them was our last game for 2007. We won it and we were officially very, very good despite an injury list that saw some 15 or so senior listed players sitting on the sidelines. Things should be so much better now. The pundits say that the club has recruited well and we know the injury list has been pared back from the astronomical numbers of last year. The club has dispensed with its makeshift coach, it has ditched that god-awful old game plan that never worked, said farewell to one or two of its lazier types, rid itself of players whose disposal of the football and general decision making were nothing short of pathetic and it changed tea ladies in the office (we know that because the redundancy pay out was massive). The Melbourne Football Club is celebrating its 150th year and it's going to do it in style. There's a new broom sweeping through the club bringing new faces with it both on and off the field. We have a new CEO who has tasted success at the top of his own chosen sport and then as an administrator, a new general manager of football, a new head coach, an almost new coaching panel and hallelujah – a new game plan! There should be so much excitement and anticipation ahead of the new football season but, alas, there isn't. In fact, things are so bad that I was accosted in the street yesterday by a person who described me as "the last Melbourne fan left in the world". Why the doom and gloom? You might point to four forgettable pre season games in which the team was totally crushed and outplayed but for heaven's sake – they were only Mickey Mouse stuff - a NAB Cup game with its bells, whistles, nine point goals and whacky rules at Skilled Stadium and the rest were practice matches played at bush venues where the mozzies outnumbered spectators! Get real Demon fans – the season starts on Sunday. What's gone before is just the foundation for a marathon of football that lasts for over six months. It's just a warm up and we all know that you never show your real hand too early. When a new season starts, everything that has come before is history. The first true test for the Melbourne Football Club in its 150th year will come this Sunday at the MCG. THE GAME: Hawthorn v Melbourne at the MCG - 23 March 2008 at 4.40pm HEAD TO HEAD: Overall: Hawthorn 73 wins Melbourne 74 wins At the G: Hawthorn 33 wins Melbourne 36 wins Since 2000: Hawthorn 6 wins Melbourne 5 wins The Coaches: Clarkson 0 Bailey 0 MEDIA: TV: Fox Sports 1 at 4.00pm RADIO: 3AW, SEN, TripleM, ABC774. THE BETTING: Hawthorn to win $1.30 - Melbourne to win $3.25. LAST TIME THEY MET: Hawthorn 17.14.116 defeated Melbourne 14.10.94 at the MCG in Round 2, 2007. The game was to become a metaphor for Melbourne 2007. The Demons had lost Matthew Whelan and Brock McLean to injury the week before in Round 1 against St. Kilda and Clint Bartram to what became a season ending knee injury at training during the week. By quarter time in this game, David Neitz had gone down with a knee injury and Russell Robertson followed suit later in the game. There was a spirited fight back near the end but it was not to be and some ordinary umpiring decisions killed whatever sprit was left in the team. The season was shot there and then. THE TEAMS: HAWTHORN B Brent Guerra Stephen Gilham Grant Birchall HB Rick Ladson Trent Croad Thomas Murphy C Stuart Dew Sam Mitchell Clinton Young HF Cyril Rioli Tim Boyle Chance Bateman F Mark Williams Jarryd Roughead Lance Franklin Foll Simon Taylor Brad Sewell Travis Tuck I/C Robert Campbell Xavier Ellis Michael Osborne Cameron Stokes EMG Tim Clarke Josh Kennedy Jarryd Morton New Stuart Dew (Selection 45 - 2007 National AFL Draft from Port Adelaide) Cameron Stokes (Rookie Selection - 2007 National AFL Rookie Draft from Darwin) Cyril Rioli (Selection 12 - 2007 National AFL Draft from St Marys NT) MELBOURNE B Paul Wheatley Nathan Carroll Colin Garland HB Ricky Petterd Daniel Bell James McDonald C Brad Green Brock McLean Simon Buckley HF Cameron Bruce Brad Miller Adem Yze F Michael Newton David Neitz Russell Robertson Foll Jeff White Aaron Davey Nathan Jones I/C Paul Johnson Brent Moloney Cale Morton Isaac Weetra EMG Jace Bode James Frawley Mark Jamar New Cale Morton (Selection 4 - 2007 National AFL Draft from Claremont) Isaac Weetra (Selection 62 - 2006 National AFL Draft from Port Adelaide Magpies) FIELD UMPIRES Farmer Kennedy M Nicholls WHO WILL WIN AND WHY: I indicated above that everything that has come before is history and, on that basis, I am discounting the fact that Hawthorn is starting as the firm favourite paying just $1.30 for the win. So what? When the teams me early last season, it was the Demons who were the raging hot favourites against the Hawks who had been thrashed mercilessly up in Brisbane. It was less than twelve months before that when Melbourne beat Hawthorn by 75 points in a Round 8 game under lights. Things change rapidly and overnight in this sport. Despite its shaky start, Hawthorn soon became one of the glamour sides of 2007 and was headed for a top four placing until some heads started getting a little big and a lack of discipline crept into their makeup. That's one of the reasons why they are going into this game minus four of their biggest names – Luke Hodge, Shane Crawford, Jordan Lewis and Campbell Brown. Melbourne has had its share of recent discipline problems as well with Nathan Carroll, Brock McLean and Colin Sylvia all transgressing off the field and suffering the club's self-imposed discipline as a result. Sylvia will miss this week due to a one-week suspension for missing a training session. That sort of discipline might be considered by some as penalising the team but that's a piss weak excuse for use by losers like Carlton, which went soft on Brendan Fevola and paid the price last night. On the other hand, Melbourne will benefit from the stand it has taken both in the short and the long run. On that subject, even if you look at the exposed form of the two clubs over the last month, the Hawks don't stand up all that impressively. In the opening round of the NAB Cup, they fell in by less than a goal against the heavily undermanned Swans in a result that was so suspect that it warranted an official AFL investigation. They then thrashed Carlton but big deal! The Blues were without the Me$$iah and their full forward spent most of the night standing around contemplating the goal posts as if they were trees or a perhaps a nightclub window. The Hawks last two practice matches saw them on the losing end both times and we shouldn't forget that they were allowed to use their suspended players for those games. The battle of the midfields will be telling on Sunday and this is where I think the Demons will come up trumps. With Brock McLean, Nathan Jones, James McDonald and Aaron Davey in the middle and backed up by the likes of Cameron Bruce, Brad Green and speedsters Paul Wheatley and Simon Buckley, I expect the Dees to have too much class and pace for a Hawk midfield bereft of three players who are worth 75 possessions a week. The Hawks will be left relying on skipper Sam Mitchell and a bevy of second stringers. I can't see them managing the workload and preventing the Demons from controlling the corridor. The Demon midfield lineup will be far superior to what it has put on the field so far in the practice match games, which were, as I said above, really Mickey Mouse stuff. That was the feeling I got when I saw the game at Casey Fields a fortnight ago. For instance, coach Dean Bailey had Davey and Jones operating in tandem in the midfield early in a closely fought game but then he simply packed them away for when the real stuff starts. Melbourne will need to be on top of its game up forward and, if David Neitz can regain his touch and beat Trent Croad, the Demon forward line should be well on its way to posting a winning total. It's time for Michael Newton to come out of his shell and display the freakish magic he showed to some of the fans who followed him at Sandringham. If he happens to arrive this week, the rest of us are in for a treat. The other forward worry for the Hawks is Robbo. The big rumour sweeping the entertainment industry is that the It Takes Two camera crew are booked to film his duet with Kate Ceberano in the club rooms after the game singing "It's a Grand Old Flag". There's been a lot said about the Hawks' twin towers of Franklin and Roughhead and you can't get away from the fact that it's a big gig to prevent them from stamping their class over this game. Sometimes however, the weight of expectation can do strange things to players. In the absence of the big four suspended Hawks, the burden of having to be their game breaker could prove too much for Buddy who will receive more attention than normal for his troubles. Now that we are in "fair dinkum mode", I expect a change in the team's overall intensity and attack on the ball, which was somewhat lacking in the rural settings the club was forced to play on throughout the pre-season. This week they are back at the home of football and the home of the Melbourne Football Club for virtually all of the past century and a half. This is where the Demons thrive and I'm tipping Melbourne to revive its supporters' hopes for the season, shock the football world and continue on with its winning streak by beating the Hawks by 27 points.

BUMP

BUMP - ONLY AN HOUR AND 15 MINS TIL THE ROUND CLOSES. LATE STARTERS CAN START NEXT WEEK BUT WILL BE PENALISED

Hurry up DEMONLANDERS! Only a few hours left to join. The Round closes 5 mins before the first bounce.

Demonland's own Whispering Jack is on that DVD in the crowd after one of those magnificent goals.

WHY I WON'T PRODUCE A LIST OF MFC BEST PLAYERS ... YET but I remain an optimist by Whispering Jack This is the time of year when I usually sit down and compile my list of Melbourne's top players from 1 to 10 in the lead up to the coming footy season. However, after what has probably been one of the most lacklustre and disappointing off seasons for the club in recent memory, I'm not all that keen to even contemplate the task let alone start and complete it. Mike Sheahan of the Herald Sun must agree with me because he not only snubbed the Demons in yesterday's annual list of pre season Top 50 players but he also left them out of his list of those who were unlucky to miss out and included only Aaron Davey among his up and coming contenders. The bookies have taken note of Melbourne's poor fortunes as well. Off the field, Melbourne lags well behind the rest in membership numbers and the club is firming as the selection to finish in sixteenth position in Dean Bailey's maiden season as coach. What more can you expect after a less than uplifting off season and a pre season that saw the club finish last on "the pre season ladder" with an average losing margin of around 50 points? The disappointment of the pre season lies not so much in the results of the games played because these games are not really for winning but for preparing a team for the year ahead. My disappointment stems from the near lifelessness of the team's performances – particularly the abysmal attitude apparent in its last two outings - against the Bulldogs where a five goal lead was reduced to a five goal deficit and only after it was put out of its misery by a lighting failure halfway through the final quarter and against North Melbourne when the team was blown away after quarter time. Both times, there was little evidence of passion, improvement in skills and a change of direction or even the basic desire to provide some attack on the football - all things that you want to see at this time of the year. What we have witnessed throughout the off season is an appalling lack of discipline and sadly, little leadership evident both on and off the field. For all that however, the ray of hope on the horizon is the impending appointment of a new CEO - hopefully, the successful candidate brings with him (I'm assuming it will be a "he" based on the names on the short list put forward in the media) an infusion of all the things that are necessary to rejuvenate a club from top to bottom, inside and out. The fact also remains that if it can get its best 22 out on the park, Melbourne would be fielding a side not all that dissimilar to the one that had it feted as the best of all the Victorian clubs and that was just twelve months ago. If I scratch around long enough, I can come up with some redeeming features: - The Walking Wounded Start Walking Melbourne's 2007 season was scuppered by its injury problems and this has been reflected in its pre season as the club has taken a cautious approach with those players returning from injury. Last Saturday, we saw defenders Jared Rivers, Clint Bartram, Matthew Whelan, Ricky Petterd and Paul Wheatley making cautious steps forward in their quest to return. The return of Rivers, who played only three games last year, will make an enormous difference to the defence - the club's most glaring weakness in 2007 and in the pre season games of this year. The midfield will also be boosted with the return to full fitness of the likes of Brock McLean, Cameron Bruce, Brent Moloney and Aaron Davey who played injured for most of last year. And if Brock and Colin can get their heads out of whatever regions they currently occupy, it would also be a help. Shoring up The Weaknesses Most of the pundits regard Melbourne’s forward line as its strength but I disagree. The key will be the club's midfield and a fit Davey, the emergence of Nathan Jones, the return of the injured players and the infusion of a little extra pace from the likes of possibly Simon Buckley, the skills of youngster Cale Morton and even Austin Wonaeamirri will help to give the forwards improved supply of the football in terms of quality and quantity. The club's rucks need to get cracking as well because they have been disappointing for the last two seasons and time is running out for Jeff White. The Start I'm probably clutching at straws here but the club has four of its first five games at the MCG including the season opener against a weakened Hawthorn without four key players suspended. I know that's a crutch that could blow up in its face but the opportunity is there for the taking. The following week's game is against the Bulldogs and hopefully, the team will start as it did in Bendigo and not come to a dead stop at the 22 minute mark of the first quarter. A couple of early wins and a bit of momentum can do wonders around a club that seems to lack confidence and aggression in its attitude. History This time last year, the experts had Collingwood and the Kangaroos down as the prime wooden spoon candidates. They both performed abysmally in their first round game at the MCG and Collingwood got the four points thanks only to an umpiring brain fade. The Roos lost their first three games. Both sides were still alive on Preliminary Final day so that's how much the experts know about this game. Moreover, last year's "pre season ladder" wooden spooner was St. Kilda which fell at every hurdle but thumped the more highly favoured Melbourne in Round 1 of the regular season. Obviously, I'm hoping for a repeat of history and that Melbourne is the one that upsets the critics this time round. The CEO We need a breath of fresh wind and someone from outside to come in and give the whole club a kick in the pants. That includes all of us including those supporters who haven't signed up as members. I may be clutching at straws again but it has happened in the past where such an appointment has enabled things to turn around quickly at sporting clubs. Given that I hold the view that our current malaise is largely one of attitude and not lack of talent, I’m hoping that the new boss will strike the right cords from the outset and get our engines running again. The Ultimate Con Job I'm getting desperate here but I wonder if the coaching panel might have been shrewd enough to devise a plan for the team to tank its way through the pre season so as to catch the opposition completely unaware of its true potential. The AFL doesn't mind it if you tank as long as the coach doesn't joke about it in front the interchange stewards but those types aren't around when you hold your training in closed session. Who knows what's been going on away from the prying eyes of the usual track watchers? Perhaps something really new, exciting and innovative is about to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting football public but why am I desperately clutching at so many straws in these hands of mine? It's all a waiting game now but, for the time being, I simply decline to put out my list of ten best players until I see some indication of performances from the players that are worthy of inclusion on such a list.

by Whispering Jack This is the time of year when I usually sit down and compile my list of Melbourne's top players from 1 to 10 in the lead up to the coming footy season. However, after what has probably been one of the most lacklustre and disappointing off seasons for the club in recent memory, I'm not all that keen to even contemplate the task let alone start and complete it. Mike Sheahan of the Herald Sun must agree with me because he not only snubbed the Demons in yesterday's annual list of pre season Top 50 players but he also left them out of his list of those who were unlucky to miss out and included only Aaron Davey among his up and coming contenders. The bookies have taken note of Melbourne's poor fortunes as well. Off the field, Melbourne lags well behind the rest in membership numbers and the club is firming as the selection to finish in sixteenth position in Dean Bailey's maiden season as coach. What more can you expect after a less than uplifting off season and a pre season that saw the club finish last on "the pre season ladder" with an average losing margin of around 50 points? The disappointment of the pre season lies not so much in the results of the games played because these games are not really for winning but for preparing a team for the year ahead. My disappointment stems from the near lifelessness of the team's performances – particularly the abysmal attitude apparent in its last two outings - against the Bulldogs where a five goal lead was reduced to a five goal deficit and only after it was put out of its misery by a lighting failure halfway through the final quarter and against North Melbourne when the team was blown away after quarter time. Both times, there was little evidence of passion, improvement in skills and a change of direction or even the basic desire to provide some attack on the football - all things that you want to see at this time of the year. What we have witnessed throughout the off season is an appalling lack of discipline and sadly, little leadership evident both on and off the field. For all that however, the ray of hope on the horizon is the impending appointment of a new CEO - hopefully, the successful candidate brings with him (I'm assuming it will be a "he" based on the names on the short list put forward in the media) an infusion of all the things that are necessary to rejuvenate a club from top to bottom, inside and out. The fact also remains that if it can get its best 22 out on the park, Melbourne would be fielding a side not all that dissimilar to the one that had it feted as the best of all the Victorian clubs and that was just twelve months ago. If I scratch around long enough, I can come up with some redeeming features: - The Walking Wounded Start Walking Melbourne's 2007 season was scuppered by its injury problems and this has been reflected in its pre season as the club has taken a cautious approach with those players returning from injury. Last Saturday, we saw defenders Jared Rivers, Clint Bartram, Matthew Whelan, Ricky Petterd and Paul Wheatley making cautious steps forward in their quest to return. The return of Rivers, who played only three games last year, will make an enormous difference to the defence - the club's most glaring weakness in 2007 and in the pre season games of this year. The midfield will also be boosted with the return to full fitness of the likes of Brock McLean, Cameron Bruce, Brent Moloney and Aaron Davey who played injured for most of last year. And if Brock and Colin can get their heads out of whatever regions they currently occupy, it would also be a help. Shoring up The Weaknesses Most of the pundits regard Melbourne’s forward line as its strength but I disagree. The key will be the club's midfield and a fit Davey, the emergence of Nathan Jones, the return of the injured players and the infusion of a little extra pace from the likes of possibly Simon Buckley, the skills of youngster Cale Morton and even Austin Wonaeamirri will help to give the forwards improved supply of the football in terms of quality and quantity. The club's rucks need to get cracking as well because they have been disappointing for the last two seasons and time is running out for Jeff White. The Start I'm probably clutching at straws here but the club has four of its first five games at the MCG including the season opener against a weakened Hawthorn without four key players suspended. I know that's a crutch that could blow up in its face but the opportunity is there for the taking. The following week's game is against the Bulldogs and hopefully, the team will start as it did in Bendigo and not come to a dead stop at the 22 minute mark of the first quarter. A couple of early wins and a bit of momentum can do wonders around a club that seems to lack confidence and aggression in its attitude. History This time last year, the experts had Collingwood and the Kangaroos down as the prime wooden spoon candidates. They both performed abysmally in their first round game at the MCG and Collingwood got the four points thanks only to an umpiring brain fade. The Roos lost their first three games. Both sides were still alive on Preliminary Final day so that's how much the experts know about this game. Moreover, last year's "pre season ladder" wooden spooner was St. Kilda which fell at every hurdle but thumped the more highly favoured Melbourne in Round 1 of the regular season. Obviously, I'm hoping for a repeat of history and that Melbourne is the one that upsets the critics this time round. The CEO We need a breath of fresh wind and someone from outside to come in and give the whole club a kick in the pants. That includes all of us including those supporters who haven't signed up as members. I may be clutching at straws again but it has happened in the past where such an appointment has enabled things to turn around quickly at sporting clubs. Given that I hold the view that our current malaise is largely one of attitude and not lack of talent, I’m hoping that the new boss will strike the right cords from the outset and get our engines running again. The Ultimate Con Job I'm getting desperate here but I wonder if the coaching panel might have been shrewd enough to devise a plan for the team to tank its way through the pre season so as to catch the opposition completely unaware of its true potential. The AFL doesn't mind it if you tank as long as the coach doesn't joke about it in front the interchange stewards but those types aren't around when you hold your training in closed session. Who knows what's been going on away from the prying eyes of the usual track watchers? Perhaps something really new, exciting and innovative is about to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting football public but why am I desperately clutching at so many straws in these hands of mine? It's all a waiting game now but, for the time being, I simply decline to put out my list of ten best players until I see some indication of performances from the players that are worthy of inclusion on such a list.

Here's your answer GOF - the teams for Sunday's game - AFL players highlighted. SANDRINGHAM 1. Rennie Gilchrist 2. Tom Paterakis 5. Sam Monaghan 8. Rod Crowe 10. Peter Summers 12. Ezra Poyas 14. Marc Johnston 16. Andy Biddlecombe 17. Cale Morton 20. Chris Lamb 21. Cameron Bruce 27. Chris Johnson 31. Paul Wheatley 33. Chad Liddell 35. Trent Zomer 36. Tomi Johnston 41. Lynden Dunn 49. Jarrod Plymin 53. Stuart Cleeve 56. Daniel Gribbin 63. James Frawley 74. Clint Bartram 78. Jared Rivers 79. Matthew Whelan WILLIAMSTOWN 1. Patrick Rose 4. Ben Jolley 5. James Beaumont 7. Dean Galea 8. Callum Urch 9. Kane McKenzie 10. Brett Johnson 11. Anthony Chiu 14. Callan Ward 16. Brant Dickson 17. Adam Cook 18. Liam Picken 24. Jarrad Grant 25. Scott Meyer 26. Murray Boyd 27. David Stretton 29. Cameron Lockwood 34. Jason Cloke 42. Lindsay Gilbee 46. Connor Dullard 47. Mitchell Keddell 49. Matthew Grossman 50. Nathan Lyons 51. Nathan Black 52. Josh Young 61. Matthew Miller 69. Tim Jenkins 79. Daniel Giansiracusa

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NOBBLED BY NORTH NEAR NARRE WARREN by Whispering Jack So that's it. The first ball of the 2008 has yet to be kicked, handballed or bounced in anger and the Melbourne Football Club is "hapless". The headlines are screaming that the Roos are "too good for hapless Demons" after their 51-point loss to North Melbourne in their final NAB Challenge match – the club's fourth such dismal effort on the trot and in all that time they've produced what? One decent quarter of football where there was some semblance of system in contrast to a reprise of the bilge that was served up to supporters last year. That nightmare scenario is only part of the prelude to the football season in games that tankfully (sorry, Freudian slip) don't really count for anything but pride, bragging rights and an appreciation of what might transpire in the future but that future sure looks bleak if yesterday's 22.13.145 to 14.10 94 loss to North Melbourne at Casey Fields (located somewhere between Cranbourne abd Narre Warren) is any indication. Those early games could easily be ignored because, after all, the team that was put on the ground was bereft of most of the club’s so-called "star" players. However, as they've started filtering back into the team, it appears as if the "stars" are making little or difference to the team's performance – they are barely twinkling as the team is being smashed out of the middle; the rucks are ineffective and the midfield is too one-dimensional, one paced and generally beaten to the ball. The forwards seem too static and predictable, the defenders under enormous pressure. Skills and confidence are down; the opposition looks bigger, stronger and faster and attacks the ball with greater desire and ferocity. At least that gives new coach Dean Bailey plenty to work with in the next fortnight as he seeks to right the sinking ship! What can I say? Nathan Jones was great in the first quarter and the sole reason why the scores were at virtual level pegging at the first break. He was shifted around after that, seen mainly in defence and his effectiveness was more limited. Brock McLean had an ordinary first quarter and got better but made too many errors of judgement (as if his off field conduct is starting to reflect on his play). James McDonald was his usual self but did much on his own and had little back up. Brent Moloney showed up well in patches but he's so predictable with his delivery of the football. Colin Sylvia was fired up, played some good football, laid some great tackles but seemed to be in distress when he came off halfway through the last quarter. Robbo didn't really get out of first gear until reported (it was a pathetic report by the green maggot that highlighted the fact that if there’s one thing in football more hapless than the Demons then it's the umpiring) while David Neitz was always in reverse. On what I witnessed yesterday, the decision to retain his services as skipper is looking a pretty ordinary one. Bailey will have to make some more decisions in the not too distant future. I anticipate the first of these will see the removal of at least one, maybe two of the club's more experienced players from the senior team. The club won't progress with players in its ranks who can't think or move at the pace necessary for the game or who are just plain too lazy to do so. Fortunately, there is hope for the start of the season with the impending return of defenders Jared Rivers, Clint Bartram and Matthew Whelan along with Paul Wheatley and Lynden Dunn. All of these players have been nursed through the summer months and might be a trifle underdone for the start of the new season but the temptation will be there to take some risks and play them from the get go. It's only by taking risks, and removing those who have been tried tested and failed particularly through the pre season that the club can go forward. Who dares, wins and the coach who doesn't dare will continue to be looking after a hapless bunch for a long, long time. North Melbourne 6.4.40 11.7.73 18.10.118 22.13.145 Melbourne 6.3.39 8.4.52 9.8.62 14.10.94 Goals North Melbourne: A Edwards 4 H McIntosh 2 L Thomas 2 C Jones 2 N Thompson 2 M Campbell 2 D Hale 2 D Harris S Grant A Simpson B Ross L Brown B Harvey. Melbourne: R Robertson 4 I Weetra 2 M Newton 2 S Buckley D Neitz C Sylvia A Davey A Wonaeamirri P Johnson. Best North Melbourne: H McIntosh A Edwards A Simpson L Thomas B Harvey A Swallow. Melbourne: N Jones S Buckley J McDonald A Davey. Injuries: North Melbourne: Nil. Melbourne: M Bate (hamstring). Reports: R Robertson (Melbourne) by field umpire D Sully for making forceful front-on contact to A Swallow (North Melbourne) in the fourth quarter. Umpires: S McBurney H Kennedy D Sully.

by Whispering Jack So that's it. The first ball of the 2008 has yet to be kicked, handballed or bounced in anger and the Melbourne Football Club is "hapless". The headlines are screaming that the Roos are "too good for hapless Demons" after their 51-point loss to North Melbourne in their final NAB Challenge match – the club's fourth such dismal effort on the trot and in all that time they've produced what? One decent quarter of football where there was some semblance of system in contrast to a reprise of the bilge that was served up to supporters last year. That nightmare scenario is only part of the prelude to the football season in games that tankfully (sorry, Freudian slip) don't really count for anything but pride, bragging rights and an appreciation of what might transpire in the future but that future sure looks bleak if yesterday's 22.13.145 to 14.10 94 loss to North Melbourne at Casey Fields (located somewhere between Cranbourne abd Narre Warren) is any indication. Those early games could easily be ignored because, after all, the team that was put on the ground was bereft of most of the club’s so-called "star" players. However, as they've started filtering back into the team, it appears as if the "stars" are making little or difference to the team's performance – they are barely twinkling as the team is being smashed out of the middle; the rucks are ineffective and the midfield is too one-dimensional, one paced and generally beaten to the ball. The forwards seem too static and predictable, the defenders under enormous pressure. Skills and confidence are down; the opposition looks bigger, stronger and faster and attacks the ball with greater desire and ferocity. At least that gives new coach Dean Bailey plenty to work with in the next fortnight as he seeks to right the sinking ship! What can I say? Nathan Jones was great in the first quarter and the sole reason why the scores were at virtual level pegging at the first break. He was shifted around after that, seen mainly in defence and his effectiveness was more limited. Brock McLean had an ordinary first quarter and got better but made too many errors of judgement (as if his off field conduct is starting to reflect on his play). James McDonald was his usual self but did much on his own and had little back up. Brent Moloney showed up well in patches but he's so predictable with his delivery of the football. Colin Sylvia was fired up, played some good football, laid some great tackles but seemed to be in distress when he came off halfway through the last quarter. Robbo didn't really get out of first gear until reported (it was a pathetic report by the green maggot that highlighted the fact that if there’s one thing in football more hapless than the Demons then it's the umpiring) while David Neitz was always in reverse. On what I witnessed yesterday, the decision to retain his services as skipper is looking a pretty ordinary one. Bailey will have to make some more decisions in the not too distant future. I anticipate the first of these will see the removal of at least one, maybe two of the club's more experienced players from the senior team. The club won't progress with players in its ranks who can't think or move at the pace necessary for the game or who are just plain too lazy to do so. Fortunately, there is hope for the start of the season with the impending return of defenders Jared Rivers, Clint Bartram and Matthew Whelan along with Paul Wheatley and Lynden Dunn. All of these players have been nursed through the summer months and might be a trifle underdone for the start of the new season but the temptation will be there to take some risks and play them from the get go. It's only by taking risks, and removing those who have been tried tested and failed particularly through the pre season that the club can go forward. Who dares, wins and the coach who doesn't dare will continue to be looking after a hapless bunch for a long, long time. North Melbourne 6.4.40 11.7.73 18.10.118 22.13.145 Melbourne 6.3.39 8.4.52 9.8.62 14.10.94 Goals North Melbourne: A Edwards 4 H McIntosh 2 L Thomas 2 C Jones 2 N Thompson 2 M Campbell 2 D Hale 2 D Harris S Grant A Simpson B Ross L Brown B Harvey. Melbourne: R Robertson 4 I Weetra 2 M Newton 2 S Buckley D Neitz C Sylvia A Davey A Wonaeamirri P Johnson. Best North Melbourne: H McIntosh A Edwards A Simpson L Thomas B Harvey A Swallow. Melbourne: N Jones S Buckley J McDonald A Davey. Injuries: North Melbourne: Nil. Melbourne: M Bate (hamstring). Reports: R Robertson (Melbourne) by field umpire D Sully for making forceful front-on contact to A Swallow (North Melbourne) in the fourth quarter. Umpires: S McBurney H Kennedy D Sully.

From Whispering Jack Final Score Melbourne 14.10.94 Kangaroos 24.14.146 Robbo kicked 4. Newton 2 (early on). Report to follow. Scoop Junior, Redleg and Whispering Jack will fight it out and the loser will be writing the report.

From Whispering Jack 4th Quarter 23 mins Melbourne 13.10.88 Kangaroos 21.12.138 Robbo has kicked 3 in a row since being reported. Demons dominating. Too little, too late.

By the way, there are 119 people viewing the thread at the moment. It could be more than are actually at the game.

From Whispering Jack 4th Quarter Melbourne 11.10.76 Kangaroos 21.12.138 Robbo kicked the goal but was reported a few minutes before. He has 2 goals for the game.

From Whispering Jack: 4th Quarter: Melbourne 10.10.70 Kangaroos 19.12.126 Goal to Colin Garland on the run.

From Whispering Jack 3 1/4 Time: Melbourne 9.8.62 Kangaroos 19.10.118 When asked if there was anything else to report, Whispering Jack replied, "No!"

From Whispering Jack: 3rd Quarter: Melbourne 9.7.61 Kangaroos 17.9.111 Goal to Colin Garland

From Whispering Jack: 3rd Quarter: Melbourne 8.6 Kangaroos 15.9 According to Whispering Jack, "We are officially a rabble!"

From Whispering Jack: 3rd Quarter: Melbourne 8.4.52 Kangaroos 14.7.91 Kangaroos have kicked the first 3 goals of the quarter. Not looking good.

From Whispering Jack: 1/2 Time Melbourne 8.4 Kangaroos 11.7 Sylvia and Brock played a lot better that quarter. No one really playing that consistent. Jones, Davey and Wonaemirri playing well.

Haven't heard from Whispering Jack for awhile. Must not be looking good.

From Whispering Jack: 2nd Quarter: Melbourne 7.4 Kangaroos 10.6 Inspirational goal from Davey

From Whispering Jack: 2nd Quarter: Melbourne 6.4.40 Kangaroos 8.6.54 Scored our first point for the quarter