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Demonland's own Whispering Jack is on that DVD in the crowd after one of those magnificent goals.

WHY I WON'T PRODUCE A LIST OF MFC BEST PLAYERS ... YET but I remain an optimist by Whispering Jack This is the time of year when I usually sit down and compile my list of Melbourne's top players from 1 to 10 in the lead up to the coming footy season. However, after what has probably been one of the most lacklustre and disappointing off seasons for the club in recent memory, I'm not all that keen to even contemplate the task let alone start and complete it. Mike Sheahan of the Herald Sun must agree with me because he not only snubbed the Demons in yesterday's annual list of pre season Top 50 players but he also left them out of his list of those who were unlucky to miss out and included only Aaron Davey among his up and coming contenders. The bookies have taken note of Melbourne's poor fortunes as well. Off the field, Melbourne lags well behind the rest in membership numbers and the club is firming as the selection to finish in sixteenth position in Dean Bailey's maiden season as coach. What more can you expect after a less than uplifting off season and a pre season that saw the club finish last on "the pre season ladder" with an average losing margin of around 50 points? The disappointment of the pre season lies not so much in the results of the games played because these games are not really for winning but for preparing a team for the year ahead. My disappointment stems from the near lifelessness of the team's performances – particularly the abysmal attitude apparent in its last two outings - against the Bulldogs where a five goal lead was reduced to a five goal deficit and only after it was put out of its misery by a lighting failure halfway through the final quarter and against North Melbourne when the team was blown away after quarter time. Both times, there was little evidence of passion, improvement in skills and a change of direction or even the basic desire to provide some attack on the football - all things that you want to see at this time of the year. What we have witnessed throughout the off season is an appalling lack of discipline and sadly, little leadership evident both on and off the field. For all that however, the ray of hope on the horizon is the impending appointment of a new CEO - hopefully, the successful candidate brings with him (I'm assuming it will be a "he" based on the names on the short list put forward in the media) an infusion of all the things that are necessary to rejuvenate a club from top to bottom, inside and out. The fact also remains that if it can get its best 22 out on the park, Melbourne would be fielding a side not all that dissimilar to the one that had it feted as the best of all the Victorian clubs and that was just twelve months ago. If I scratch around long enough, I can come up with some redeeming features: - The Walking Wounded Start Walking Melbourne's 2007 season was scuppered by its injury problems and this has been reflected in its pre season as the club has taken a cautious approach with those players returning from injury. Last Saturday, we saw defenders Jared Rivers, Clint Bartram, Matthew Whelan, Ricky Petterd and Paul Wheatley making cautious steps forward in their quest to return. The return of Rivers, who played only three games last year, will make an enormous difference to the defence - the club's most glaring weakness in 2007 and in the pre season games of this year. The midfield will also be boosted with the return to full fitness of the likes of Brock McLean, Cameron Bruce, Brent Moloney and Aaron Davey who played injured for most of last year. And if Brock and Colin can get their heads out of whatever regions they currently occupy, it would also be a help. Shoring up The Weaknesses Most of the pundits regard Melbourne’s forward line as its strength but I disagree. The key will be the club's midfield and a fit Davey, the emergence of Nathan Jones, the return of the injured players and the infusion of a little extra pace from the likes of possibly Simon Buckley, the skills of youngster Cale Morton and even Austin Wonaeamirri will help to give the forwards improved supply of the football in terms of quality and quantity. The club's rucks need to get cracking as well because they have been disappointing for the last two seasons and time is running out for Jeff White. The Start I'm probably clutching at straws here but the club has four of its first five games at the MCG including the season opener against a weakened Hawthorn without four key players suspended. I know that's a crutch that could blow up in its face but the opportunity is there for the taking. The following week's game is against the Bulldogs and hopefully, the team will start as it did in Bendigo and not come to a dead stop at the 22 minute mark of the first quarter. A couple of early wins and a bit of momentum can do wonders around a club that seems to lack confidence and aggression in its attitude. History This time last year, the experts had Collingwood and the Kangaroos down as the prime wooden spoon candidates. They both performed abysmally in their first round game at the MCG and Collingwood got the four points thanks only to an umpiring brain fade. The Roos lost their first three games. Both sides were still alive on Preliminary Final day so that's how much the experts know about this game. Moreover, last year's "pre season ladder" wooden spooner was St. Kilda which fell at every hurdle but thumped the more highly favoured Melbourne in Round 1 of the regular season. Obviously, I'm hoping for a repeat of history and that Melbourne is the one that upsets the critics this time round. The CEO We need a breath of fresh wind and someone from outside to come in and give the whole club a kick in the pants. That includes all of us including those supporters who haven't signed up as members. I may be clutching at straws again but it has happened in the past where such an appointment has enabled things to turn around quickly at sporting clubs. Given that I hold the view that our current malaise is largely one of attitude and not lack of talent, I’m hoping that the new boss will strike the right cords from the outset and get our engines running again. The Ultimate Con Job I'm getting desperate here but I wonder if the coaching panel might have been shrewd enough to devise a plan for the team to tank its way through the pre season so as to catch the opposition completely unaware of its true potential. The AFL doesn't mind it if you tank as long as the coach doesn't joke about it in front the interchange stewards but those types aren't around when you hold your training in closed session. Who knows what's been going on away from the prying eyes of the usual track watchers? Perhaps something really new, exciting and innovative is about to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting football public but why am I desperately clutching at so many straws in these hands of mine? It's all a waiting game now but, for the time being, I simply decline to put out my list of ten best players until I see some indication of performances from the players that are worthy of inclusion on such a list.

by Whispering Jack This is the time of year when I usually sit down and compile my list of Melbourne's top players from 1 to 10 in the lead up to the coming footy season. However, after what has probably been one of the most lacklustre and disappointing off seasons for the club in recent memory, I'm not all that keen to even contemplate the task let alone start and complete it. Mike Sheahan of the Herald Sun must agree with me because he not only snubbed the Demons in yesterday's annual list of pre season Top 50 players but he also left them out of his list of those who were unlucky to miss out and included only Aaron Davey among his up and coming contenders. The bookies have taken note of Melbourne's poor fortunes as well. Off the field, Melbourne lags well behind the rest in membership numbers and the club is firming as the selection to finish in sixteenth position in Dean Bailey's maiden season as coach. What more can you expect after a less than uplifting off season and a pre season that saw the club finish last on "the pre season ladder" with an average losing margin of around 50 points? The disappointment of the pre season lies not so much in the results of the games played because these games are not really for winning but for preparing a team for the year ahead. My disappointment stems from the near lifelessness of the team's performances – particularly the abysmal attitude apparent in its last two outings - against the Bulldogs where a five goal lead was reduced to a five goal deficit and only after it was put out of its misery by a lighting failure halfway through the final quarter and against North Melbourne when the team was blown away after quarter time. Both times, there was little evidence of passion, improvement in skills and a change of direction or even the basic desire to provide some attack on the football - all things that you want to see at this time of the year. What we have witnessed throughout the off season is an appalling lack of discipline and sadly, little leadership evident both on and off the field. For all that however, the ray of hope on the horizon is the impending appointment of a new CEO - hopefully, the successful candidate brings with him (I'm assuming it will be a "he" based on the names on the short list put forward in the media) an infusion of all the things that are necessary to rejuvenate a club from top to bottom, inside and out. The fact also remains that if it can get its best 22 out on the park, Melbourne would be fielding a side not all that dissimilar to the one that had it feted as the best of all the Victorian clubs and that was just twelve months ago. If I scratch around long enough, I can come up with some redeeming features: - The Walking Wounded Start Walking Melbourne's 2007 season was scuppered by its injury problems and this has been reflected in its pre season as the club has taken a cautious approach with those players returning from injury. Last Saturday, we saw defenders Jared Rivers, Clint Bartram, Matthew Whelan, Ricky Petterd and Paul Wheatley making cautious steps forward in their quest to return. The return of Rivers, who played only three games last year, will make an enormous difference to the defence - the club's most glaring weakness in 2007 and in the pre season games of this year. The midfield will also be boosted with the return to full fitness of the likes of Brock McLean, Cameron Bruce, Brent Moloney and Aaron Davey who played injured for most of last year. And if Brock and Colin can get their heads out of whatever regions they currently occupy, it would also be a help. Shoring up The Weaknesses Most of the pundits regard Melbourne’s forward line as its strength but I disagree. The key will be the club's midfield and a fit Davey, the emergence of Nathan Jones, the return of the injured players and the infusion of a little extra pace from the likes of possibly Simon Buckley, the skills of youngster Cale Morton and even Austin Wonaeamirri will help to give the forwards improved supply of the football in terms of quality and quantity. The club's rucks need to get cracking as well because they have been disappointing for the last two seasons and time is running out for Jeff White. The Start I'm probably clutching at straws here but the club has four of its first five games at the MCG including the season opener against a weakened Hawthorn without four key players suspended. I know that's a crutch that could blow up in its face but the opportunity is there for the taking. The following week's game is against the Bulldogs and hopefully, the team will start as it did in Bendigo and not come to a dead stop at the 22 minute mark of the first quarter. A couple of early wins and a bit of momentum can do wonders around a club that seems to lack confidence and aggression in its attitude. History This time last year, the experts had Collingwood and the Kangaroos down as the prime wooden spoon candidates. They both performed abysmally in their first round game at the MCG and Collingwood got the four points thanks only to an umpiring brain fade. The Roos lost their first three games. Both sides were still alive on Preliminary Final day so that's how much the experts know about this game. Moreover, last year's "pre season ladder" wooden spooner was St. Kilda which fell at every hurdle but thumped the more highly favoured Melbourne in Round 1 of the regular season. Obviously, I'm hoping for a repeat of history and that Melbourne is the one that upsets the critics this time round. The CEO We need a breath of fresh wind and someone from outside to come in and give the whole club a kick in the pants. That includes all of us including those supporters who haven't signed up as members. I may be clutching at straws again but it has happened in the past where such an appointment has enabled things to turn around quickly at sporting clubs. Given that I hold the view that our current malaise is largely one of attitude and not lack of talent, I’m hoping that the new boss will strike the right cords from the outset and get our engines running again. The Ultimate Con Job I'm getting desperate here but I wonder if the coaching panel might have been shrewd enough to devise a plan for the team to tank its way through the pre season so as to catch the opposition completely unaware of its true potential. The AFL doesn't mind it if you tank as long as the coach doesn't joke about it in front the interchange stewards but those types aren't around when you hold your training in closed session. Who knows what's been going on away from the prying eyes of the usual track watchers? Perhaps something really new, exciting and innovative is about to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting football public but why am I desperately clutching at so many straws in these hands of mine? It's all a waiting game now but, for the time being, I simply decline to put out my list of ten best players until I see some indication of performances from the players that are worthy of inclusion on such a list.

Here's your answer GOF - the teams for Sunday's game - AFL players highlighted. SANDRINGHAM 1. Rennie Gilchrist 2. Tom Paterakis 5. Sam Monaghan 8. Rod Crowe 10. Peter Summers 12. Ezra Poyas 14. Marc Johnston 16. Andy Biddlecombe 17. Cale Morton 20. Chris Lamb 21. Cameron Bruce 27. Chris Johnson 31. Paul Wheatley 33. Chad Liddell 35. Trent Zomer 36. Tomi Johnston 41. Lynden Dunn 49. Jarrod Plymin 53. Stuart Cleeve 56. Daniel Gribbin 63. James Frawley 74. Clint Bartram 78. Jared Rivers 79. Matthew Whelan WILLIAMSTOWN 1. Patrick Rose 4. Ben Jolley 5. James Beaumont 7. Dean Galea 8. Callum Urch 9. Kane McKenzie 10. Brett Johnson 11. Anthony Chiu 14. Callan Ward 16. Brant Dickson 17. Adam Cook 18. Liam Picken 24. Jarrad Grant 25. Scott Meyer 26. Murray Boyd 27. David Stretton 29. Cameron Lockwood 34. Jason Cloke 42. Lindsay Gilbee 46. Connor Dullard 47. Mitchell Keddell 49. Matthew Grossman 50. Nathan Lyons 51. Nathan Black 52. Josh Young 61. Matthew Miller 69. Tim Jenkins 79. Daniel Giansiracusa

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NOBBLED BY NORTH NEAR NARRE WARREN by Whispering Jack So that's it. The first ball of the 2008 has yet to be kicked, handballed or bounced in anger and the Melbourne Football Club is "hapless". The headlines are screaming that the Roos are "too good for hapless Demons" after their 51-point loss to North Melbourne in their final NAB Challenge match – the club's fourth such dismal effort on the trot and in all that time they've produced what? One decent quarter of football where there was some semblance of system in contrast to a reprise of the bilge that was served up to supporters last year. That nightmare scenario is only part of the prelude to the football season in games that tankfully (sorry, Freudian slip) don't really count for anything but pride, bragging rights and an appreciation of what might transpire in the future but that future sure looks bleak if yesterday's 22.13.145 to 14.10 94 loss to North Melbourne at Casey Fields (located somewhere between Cranbourne abd Narre Warren) is any indication. Those early games could easily be ignored because, after all, the team that was put on the ground was bereft of most of the club’s so-called "star" players. However, as they've started filtering back into the team, it appears as if the "stars" are making little or difference to the team's performance – they are barely twinkling as the team is being smashed out of the middle; the rucks are ineffective and the midfield is too one-dimensional, one paced and generally beaten to the ball. The forwards seem too static and predictable, the defenders under enormous pressure. Skills and confidence are down; the opposition looks bigger, stronger and faster and attacks the ball with greater desire and ferocity. At least that gives new coach Dean Bailey plenty to work with in the next fortnight as he seeks to right the sinking ship! What can I say? Nathan Jones was great in the first quarter and the sole reason why the scores were at virtual level pegging at the first break. He was shifted around after that, seen mainly in defence and his effectiveness was more limited. Brock McLean had an ordinary first quarter and got better but made too many errors of judgement (as if his off field conduct is starting to reflect on his play). James McDonald was his usual self but did much on his own and had little back up. Brent Moloney showed up well in patches but he's so predictable with his delivery of the football. Colin Sylvia was fired up, played some good football, laid some great tackles but seemed to be in distress when he came off halfway through the last quarter. Robbo didn't really get out of first gear until reported (it was a pathetic report by the green maggot that highlighted the fact that if there’s one thing in football more hapless than the Demons then it's the umpiring) while David Neitz was always in reverse. On what I witnessed yesterday, the decision to retain his services as skipper is looking a pretty ordinary one. Bailey will have to make some more decisions in the not too distant future. I anticipate the first of these will see the removal of at least one, maybe two of the club's more experienced players from the senior team. The club won't progress with players in its ranks who can't think or move at the pace necessary for the game or who are just plain too lazy to do so. Fortunately, there is hope for the start of the season with the impending return of defenders Jared Rivers, Clint Bartram and Matthew Whelan along with Paul Wheatley and Lynden Dunn. All of these players have been nursed through the summer months and might be a trifle underdone for the start of the new season but the temptation will be there to take some risks and play them from the get go. It's only by taking risks, and removing those who have been tried tested and failed particularly through the pre season that the club can go forward. Who dares, wins and the coach who doesn't dare will continue to be looking after a hapless bunch for a long, long time. North Melbourne 6.4.40 11.7.73 18.10.118 22.13.145 Melbourne 6.3.39 8.4.52 9.8.62 14.10.94 Goals North Melbourne: A Edwards 4 H McIntosh 2 L Thomas 2 C Jones 2 N Thompson 2 M Campbell 2 D Hale 2 D Harris S Grant A Simpson B Ross L Brown B Harvey. Melbourne: R Robertson 4 I Weetra 2 M Newton 2 S Buckley D Neitz C Sylvia A Davey A Wonaeamirri P Johnson. Best North Melbourne: H McIntosh A Edwards A Simpson L Thomas B Harvey A Swallow. Melbourne: N Jones S Buckley J McDonald A Davey. Injuries: North Melbourne: Nil. Melbourne: M Bate (hamstring). Reports: R Robertson (Melbourne) by field umpire D Sully for making forceful front-on contact to A Swallow (North Melbourne) in the fourth quarter. Umpires: S McBurney H Kennedy D Sully.

by Whispering Jack So that's it. The first ball of the 2008 has yet to be kicked, handballed or bounced in anger and the Melbourne Football Club is "hapless". The headlines are screaming that the Roos are "too good for hapless Demons" after their 51-point loss to North Melbourne in their final NAB Challenge match – the club's fourth such dismal effort on the trot and in all that time they've produced what? One decent quarter of football where there was some semblance of system in contrast to a reprise of the bilge that was served up to supporters last year. That nightmare scenario is only part of the prelude to the football season in games that tankfully (sorry, Freudian slip) don't really count for anything but pride, bragging rights and an appreciation of what might transpire in the future but that future sure looks bleak if yesterday's 22.13.145 to 14.10 94 loss to North Melbourne at Casey Fields (located somewhere between Cranbourne abd Narre Warren) is any indication. Those early games could easily be ignored because, after all, the team that was put on the ground was bereft of most of the club’s so-called "star" players. However, as they've started filtering back into the team, it appears as if the "stars" are making little or difference to the team's performance – they are barely twinkling as the team is being smashed out of the middle; the rucks are ineffective and the midfield is too one-dimensional, one paced and generally beaten to the ball. The forwards seem too static and predictable, the defenders under enormous pressure. Skills and confidence are down; the opposition looks bigger, stronger and faster and attacks the ball with greater desire and ferocity. At least that gives new coach Dean Bailey plenty to work with in the next fortnight as he seeks to right the sinking ship! What can I say? Nathan Jones was great in the first quarter and the sole reason why the scores were at virtual level pegging at the first break. He was shifted around after that, seen mainly in defence and his effectiveness was more limited. Brock McLean had an ordinary first quarter and got better but made too many errors of judgement (as if his off field conduct is starting to reflect on his play). James McDonald was his usual self but did much on his own and had little back up. Brent Moloney showed up well in patches but he's so predictable with his delivery of the football. Colin Sylvia was fired up, played some good football, laid some great tackles but seemed to be in distress when he came off halfway through the last quarter. Robbo didn't really get out of first gear until reported (it was a pathetic report by the green maggot that highlighted the fact that if there’s one thing in football more hapless than the Demons then it's the umpiring) while David Neitz was always in reverse. On what I witnessed yesterday, the decision to retain his services as skipper is looking a pretty ordinary one. Bailey will have to make some more decisions in the not too distant future. I anticipate the first of these will see the removal of at least one, maybe two of the club's more experienced players from the senior team. The club won't progress with players in its ranks who can't think or move at the pace necessary for the game or who are just plain too lazy to do so. Fortunately, there is hope for the start of the season with the impending return of defenders Jared Rivers, Clint Bartram and Matthew Whelan along with Paul Wheatley and Lynden Dunn. All of these players have been nursed through the summer months and might be a trifle underdone for the start of the new season but the temptation will be there to take some risks and play them from the get go. It's only by taking risks, and removing those who have been tried tested and failed particularly through the pre season that the club can go forward. Who dares, wins and the coach who doesn't dare will continue to be looking after a hapless bunch for a long, long time. North Melbourne 6.4.40 11.7.73 18.10.118 22.13.145 Melbourne 6.3.39 8.4.52 9.8.62 14.10.94 Goals North Melbourne: A Edwards 4 H McIntosh 2 L Thomas 2 C Jones 2 N Thompson 2 M Campbell 2 D Hale 2 D Harris S Grant A Simpson B Ross L Brown B Harvey. Melbourne: R Robertson 4 I Weetra 2 M Newton 2 S Buckley D Neitz C Sylvia A Davey A Wonaeamirri P Johnson. Best North Melbourne: H McIntosh A Edwards A Simpson L Thomas B Harvey A Swallow. Melbourne: N Jones S Buckley J McDonald A Davey. Injuries: North Melbourne: Nil. Melbourne: M Bate (hamstring). Reports: R Robertson (Melbourne) by field umpire D Sully for making forceful front-on contact to A Swallow (North Melbourne) in the fourth quarter. Umpires: S McBurney H Kennedy D Sully.

From Whispering Jack Final Score Melbourne 14.10.94 Kangaroos 24.14.146 Robbo kicked 4. Newton 2 (early on). Report to follow. Scoop Junior, Redleg and Whispering Jack will fight it out and the loser will be writing the report.

From Whispering Jack 4th Quarter 23 mins Melbourne 13.10.88 Kangaroos 21.12.138 Robbo has kicked 3 in a row since being reported. Demons dominating. Too little, too late.

By the way, there are 119 people viewing the thread at the moment. It could be more than are actually at the game.

From Whispering Jack 4th Quarter Melbourne 11.10.76 Kangaroos 21.12.138 Robbo kicked the goal but was reported a few minutes before. He has 2 goals for the game.

From Whispering Jack: 4th Quarter: Melbourne 10.10.70 Kangaroos 19.12.126 Goal to Colin Garland on the run.

From Whispering Jack 3 1/4 Time: Melbourne 9.8.62 Kangaroos 19.10.118 When asked if there was anything else to report, Whispering Jack replied, "No!"

From Whispering Jack: 3rd Quarter: Melbourne 9.7.61 Kangaroos 17.9.111 Goal to Colin Garland

From Whispering Jack: 3rd Quarter: Melbourne 8.6 Kangaroos 15.9 According to Whispering Jack, "We are officially a rabble!"

From Whispering Jack: 3rd Quarter: Melbourne 8.4.52 Kangaroos 14.7.91 Kangaroos have kicked the first 3 goals of the quarter. Not looking good.

From Whispering Jack: 1/2 Time Melbourne 8.4 Kangaroos 11.7 Sylvia and Brock played a lot better that quarter. No one really playing that consistent. Jones, Davey and Wonaemirri playing well.

Haven't heard from Whispering Jack for awhile. Must not be looking good.

From Whispering Jack: 2nd Quarter: Melbourne 7.4 Kangaroos 10.6 Inspirational goal from Davey

From Whispering Jack: 2nd Quarter: Melbourne 6.4.40 Kangaroos 8.6.54 Scored our first point for the quarter

From Whispering Jack: 1/4 Time: Melbourne 6.3 Kangaroos 6.4 Goals: Newton 2, Wonaemirri 1, Neitz 1, Buckley 1, Weetra 1. Best on Ground: Nathan Jones by a mile.

From Whispering Jack Melbourne 6.3 Kangaroos 6.4 Newton and Weetra goals. 28 minute mark of the 1st Quarter.