Bitter but optimistic

Well here's a mystery to be solved. After a considerable hiatus, our most crass correspondent has returned. Where have you been Biffen? Moonie suggested on another thread that, due to various addictions, you had undergone a long period of rehab. Certainly plausible. Whereas my contacts among your sordid social milieu claim that issues with law enforcement authorities have forced something of a hermit lifestyle upon you. Again plausible. Perhaps you should take this opportunity and attempt to restore your reputation to the level of merely odious.

In my typically festive mood Happy Christmas to all my fellow [censored]

Well our history suggests you have reasonable grounds for that sentiment od !

Indeed dc! Seating will become tricky - not to mention guaranteed GF tickets.

Valid point Ethan but I consider being encouraged to marry one's sister an unfair advantage.

Here's something to aspire to. According to today's "Sunday Sin" the toiges membership has reached 70000 before Christmas. The article also indicates that there membership was around 35000 in 2010 and has risen progressively each year. We can only dream

Well fellow illuminati, I'm sure you will all agree there is nothing like some intellectual stimulation while slurping down the Saturday morning chocolate filled maple syrup bathed and bacon wrapped croissants. May I refer you to today's Age and an article titled - "Men- only day spas the new gentleman's club". The article focusses on a New York clinic that specialises in various medical and beauty treatments for blokes - no sheilas allowed. "Non invasive penile enlargement" is available for a mere $6000 but there is a catch - it only lasts 2 years. In what I thought was an interesting juxtaposition, "anal tightening procedures" are also on the menu. There is a "laser treatment" option for this.

You should have a double whisky Moonie - that is one [censored] joke!

Well Moonie, one has to keep an open mind and be prepared to .... err experiment .. in all aspects of life.

Goon! Goon is forbidden at The Manor dc ( well unless I'm very short of the ready) Biffen, however, considers it the ultimate accompaniment to a fine meal of baked beans.

I've always been under the impression it was a pro not a prue.

Apples and bananas dc! Try comparing pumpkins (or, as the more rurally challenged might say punkins) and golf balls! I've spent the best part of today doing just that. Poor old Bitter is a tad cash strapped at the moment so the notion of changing gas and electricity suppliers held some appeal. I've spoken to a variety of people with a variety of accents and it seems impossible to get a direct answer about what said services will cost. Good Lord, I even resorted to studying things called websites. There is no standardisation in how deals are framed. Even my good self who can claim to be at least moderately literate and numerate is left flummoxed. If you crave a little self flagellation, don't bother dusting off the whip, just start researching energy costs FMD And ... just to top a shitty day off - there is a suggestion that the tax on vino is heading towards the stratosphere FMD again.

" Good afternoon Uncle Bitter ... I'll get you a shiraz. Oh ... please have your manservant wait outside"

Yes well ..... a splendid idea picket and no doubt if it would be of great value to your social climbing aspirations. However, your poor old Uncle Bitter is persona non grata at Royal Romsey. There was an unfortunate incident in the rough during a mixed event. Ball tampering was mentioned. An unfortunate misunderstanding really.

You been on the cryptic crossword juice dc? Ha ha !! That is funny Frogger. A bloke named Roland Barthes did that many years ago and ..... ironically ... he was a Frog.

Remember Moonie, there is a dead author floating around too.

So .... you are a carnivorous Frog! After all I've done for you Frogger, you stab me in the back. Arrgh .... what a cruel and ungrateful world we live in.

And you lot think you have problems! I find myself attending football games in the swinish and vulgar company of Biffen and Moonie.

Well, actually it was prays together but ... we are all allowed a little license.

Tony, do you know the old Catholic precept - the family that plays together stays together.

Well dc, if only I'd had "Bitter Counselling Services" up and running in those days, I could have answered the letters.

Arrgh The Truth. Journalism at its best.

I'm not surprised. I listened for a few minutes just recently. Their "banter" was just plain stupid and I I wondered how such rubbish could be allowed to continue.

You're dead set correct in that Pro. My squeeze would Bobbit me if some of my activities came to light!

Flogger, I created the rules for deceit society