Whispering_Jack

I can assure you that the going hasn't been all that easy since we left Adelaide. We were on the high seas and out of communication with the rest of the world for almost 48 hours as the ship headed first south and then in an easterly direction across the treacherous Bass Strait. Our own independent investigation into the tanking affair was seemingly over, so Redleg and I reconciled ourselves about the events of the past two days by visiting the upper deck where we sat by the swimming pool sipping on banana daiquiris admiring the young Brazilian guests in their skimpy swimsuits. It was a hard life ... until the seas became angry and we had to go below decks. Redleg noticed the envelope first. It had been slipped under his stateroom door and contained a not too subtle message, "Here is an invitation you've been waiting for - an opportunity to meet and listen to the one and the only Dean Bailey this evening at 7.00 pm. Starlight Room, 5th deck." I received a similar note under my door and we spent most of the afternoon discussing this new and intriguing development. It was clear that while we were back in the city of churches, Bailey had been avoiding us but here, on the high seas out of the world's gaze and with not a reporter or AFL official in sight, he was willing to talk. Would he spill the beans on the long running scandal or were the events of 2009 as stale as the snapper we had consumed in the Demetriou family fish and chip shop we visited before the start of our investigation? We wore the obligatory dinner suits (we thought they would act as an effective disguise) and made it to the Starlight Room at exactly 7.00pm but noticed that quite a crowd had gathered inside. They were listing to an American crooner playing songs on a grand piano. "I get my kicks from champagne ..." Bailey was nowhere to be seen and we became really worried when we realised that we were back on eastern standard daylight savings time and hadn't reset our watches. It was really 7.35pm and it suddenly dawned upon us that we had missed our assignation. "I get a kick ... yes I get a kick outa ... you ... " The entertainment director came out onto the stage and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for a wonderful performance for the velvet voice of grammy award winner, Dean Bailey, tonight's act direct from Chicago in the US of A." So he wasn't "the one and the only Dean Bailey" after all and we had reached yet another dead end. As we trudged out of the Starlight Room in disappointment we noticed a sign advertising tomorrow's main activity. Accompanying a photograph of an extremely obese man was the topic of his lecture: "Phil's fabulous fifty bananas a day diet".

Was it red?

Today was our last day in Adelaide and Redleg and I were determined to track down the man who held the key to the tanking conundrum, Dean Bailey. However, we weren't going to make the same mistake as yesterday so we looked up the telephone number for the Crows and dialled ... "Welcome to the Adelaide Football Club. Home of the Camry Crows. If you are enquiring about club membership packages, press one ... if you wish to make a purchase from our range of club merchandise, press two ... if you want to contribute to our special Kurt Tippett clawback fund to help us pay the AFL's disgraceful salary cap breach fine (all donations are tax deductible), press three." We finally reached a number that allowed us to speak with a human being and I asked the young lady at the other end to put me through to Stephen Trigg. There was hesitation before the voice responded, "Mr. Trigg isn't working here at the present time ... " "But it says here in the AFL Guide 2012 that he's the CEO; we need to speak with him urgently about one of your coaches ... " "Oh, that's OK sir, they should all be in their offices this morning. To which of our coaches do you wish to speak?" I gave her the name and thought I could hear her rifling through a long list of numbers before she finally got back to me. "Mr. Bailey. That would be extension one, eight, six ... I'll put you through now ... A familiar voice responded but it wasn't that of the former Demon coach. "Clarrie, is that you? We're the two blokes you met at Alberton yesterday. What are you doing at Crows HQ? "Ah, on Tuesdays, I'm working at the Adelaide Football Club. Mr. Bailey's not here but perhaps there's something I can do to help you?" "Clarrie, there is. You can empty the contents of every bin in his office and hold it for us. Don't throw anything away. We'll meet you at the club in 15 minutes ..." We spent the better part of another hot Adelaide day sifting through the contents of Dean Bailey's garbage but alas, we found nothing. Not a single scrap of evidence to suggest that Bailey was planning to impart any of the tactics and strategies he used with the Demons in 2009 on the Crows in 2013. We did find the remnants of two folders containing 800 pages of fol de rol over which someone had scribbled child-like cartoon characters resembling Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck but there was nothing of substance in either volume and given where their custodian had dumped them, he thought so as well. The closest we came to finding anything suspicious was a banana peel but we quickly dismissed that as a red herring. So for the second day running, we had come up against a dead end. Our investigation was going nowhere ...

Of course we then realised that Bailey's at the Crows so we might venture out there tomorrow.

Redleg and I are carryimg out our own independent investigation of the phenomenon that has come to be known as tanking. Our first stop was Adelaide where we sought to interview former Demon coach Dean Bailey. We arrived at Alberton Oval this morning with the temperature nudging 40 Celsius even though it was still early in the day. The first unusual thing we noticed was that there was not a soul around. No Hinkley, no players and no Dean Bailey which was unfortunate because we'd spent a day navigating the rough waters of Bass Strait with the aim of securing an interview. We'd endured the sickening nausea that comes even when a big ship encounters waves of ten feet up to thirty at times so it was a major disappointment to miss the great man but he was nowhere to be found. Never mind, we eventually found this bloke named Clarrie who agreed to speak with us: DL: Clarrie, can you tell us about Dean Bailey's position on the tanking enquiry? Clarrie: Sorry sir but I can't tell you a thing. DL: Why is there a cover up going on here? Clarrie: No, no. It's only that I've just arrived here from the Phillipines ... DL: But you work here. You must know something? Clarrie: I'm on the cleaning staff. I know nothing about the football. DL: That's OK. If you hang around this place for a few months more you'll be qualified for a job on the coaching staff. Good day sir and good luck. Well that's it. A wasted morning in Adelaide trying to get to the bottom of the tanking enquiry. Still, I think that as usual, we got a fair bit more than they put in the newspapers. Next stop, Hobart where we hope to catch up with a prominent MFC sponsor.

Redleg and I are on the banana boat. Good omen - one of the flags they were flying over the deck was red and blue. Next stop Adelaide where we hope to interview Dean Bailey about his views on the tanking controversy. In the meantime, rough seas expected and we'll be out of range till Monday morning.

I don't recall Hazelwood getting a gig in Perth. His only international appearance was in an ODI in 2010 when he took 1/41 off seven overs. He's injured and has no hope of going this time around.

Great! The wives love Chadstone as much as we love the G.

Forget Australia v Sri Lanka for a moment. Was anybody concerned for NZ when they were 1/0 at the start of their second dig?

It already is although I have to forewarn that Redleg and I and our respective wives are about to embark on a cruise around the coast of Australia and during much of that time we will be out of range for Demonland so the supply of news here will dwindle to nothing from time to time in the next 12 days. I agreed to this stupidity (I fear the onset of sea sickness already 24 hours before we board the ship) before I discovered the club had appointed Jason Taylor to cover recruiting. I was going to check out the prospective 2013 recruits for Todd in every capital city. We're not stopping in Perth because we already have the best from there in Jesse Hogan. In the meantime, could someone please confirm whether a banana daiquiri is a reliable cure for seasickness?

Disappointed in the Maxwell 12th man decision. With a 2-0 lead in the series, Watson a doubtful all rounder in the future and two batting champions leaving the game in such quick succession, I would have thought playing Maxwell in this test was a no brainer.

I heard part of the news last night on the way home from dinner and thought it was a T20 game. Philander's comeback figures of 5/7 pretty stunning. SA batted out 64 overs till stumps for a handy 3/252. IMO they should introduce the mercy rule for situations such as this although, as they say in the classics, cricket's a funny game

Is that Saddam or Nasser making a comeback or do you have a dodgy spellcheck?

I may be wrong but I have this feeling that the NSW thing might be changing. If you include Maxwell who looks like playing in the third test, then 4 of the last 5 test debutants would have been Victorians. I'm not sure NSW has a batter outside of the current test players who has instant credentials for a test place ATM.

Fantastic word BD. I reckon it must be at least 35 years since I last heard anyone use it. Those of us who have followed Melbourne through thick and thin for so long must be nincompoops. And if we were doing that in the 50s, this might bring back some memories especially for those of us who came from the bush.

I wonder how bold Inverarity and his fellow selectors will be now that Ponting and Hussey are both out of calculations for the tours of India and England? Usman Khawaja and Alex Doolan appear to be the next cabs off the rank (along with Maxwell) but I wonder if they're prepared to really look to the future and blood someone like Peter Hanscomb on the tour to India?

What about a hand for one of country's most exciting young cricketers and a Demon by virtue of coming from the Melbourne Cricket Club - Glenn Maxwell.

On the other hand, Schwabbie's concentrating on lifting the spirits of the Age as Fairfax Media begins its slide into oblivion and the hands of a consortium led by Gina Rinehart, John Singleton and Mark Carnegie. With that lot in control, we can expect a substantial dumbing down of content (if that's at all possible) and several long time contributors and more staff should be gone by winter time. Here's our mention in what passes for our only local broadsheet these days thanks to the efforts of CS who surely deserves compliments for helping lift the MFC's public profile this year - http://www.theage.com.au/sport/demons-exorcised-in-mcg-overkill-20121228-2byr9.html'>Demons exorcised in MCG 'overkill. Thanks to Cam, we have now overtaken Collingwood in media coverage these days. Our sponsors must surely be delighted! However, I should add that the only thing missing when J Howe left the MCG on Boxing Day was his #38 jumper prominently displaying the sponsors' logos although given the manner of his departure, the logos might not have been visible under the red vest.

Why Angelo why?

Nor are Hazlewood, Harris or Cutting and a few others who are not that far off either ...

3/3 - can anyone believe this?

I thought this was the indulgent, post-grinding thread.

I have a hunch that the flies have been swatted.

Because he's thrown away an absolute certain ton in the end with an unnecessary rush of blood for starters. I know that's his style but he does need to discipline himself a bit because he won't be able to do that sort of thing on the Ashes tour.

Does Warner think he's playing in the BBL?