Mazer Rackham

Look, this is just a template. You can substitute brandy if you want.

The media have memories like goldfish. If the games had been played the other way around, they would have spent Saturday wetting themselves over Bailey and the Dogs, and Sunday & today creaming themselves over Max, calling Goodwin the craftiest coach since Sheedy, and wondering how any team can ever stop the invincible Demons. Can safely ignore anything and everything the media have to say about the game.

Wouldn't Bevo love that? "Those [censored]in' toffs, now they even want to tell us what undies to wear! I told you the entire universe is against us!!"

To help manage your nerves and anxiety on the day, I have compiled a timetable of activities for you to follow. Fri 24 Sep 11pm Go to bed, sleep serenely in knowledge that demons are sure things and cannot lose. Sat 25 sep 6am Wake up in cold sweat knowing deep in soul that we will suffer either a drubbing or a close heartbreaking loss. 6:00 - 6:10 Lie in bed staring at ceiling trying to calm self down. 6:11 Put on radio. Listen to experts pronouncing Doggies as sure things. 6:15 - 6:30 Lie in bed staring at ceiling trying to calm self down. 6:35 Go to kitchen, make soothing coffee. 6:36 While waiting, check demonland for words of solace. 7:15 Cheer up reading words of encouragement. Go back to kitchen. Discover cold coffee. Put in microwave. 7:16 Check demonland. Read single post that puts chills of fear into soul. 7:20 Shower to warm up. 7:25 Continue shower to contemplate horror of after-match celebrations of Doggies. 7:45 Run out of hot water. Get out and get dressed. Suffer crippling paralysis at thought of Bailey Smith winning the Norm Smith. 8:05 Finish getting dressed. 8:06 Go to kitchen, get cold coffee out of microwave. Pour into sink, start again. 8:07 Check mail. Nothing. 8:08 Check messages on phone. Note some good luck messages, become utterly psychically eradicated by one mocking taunt from close friend. 8:10 Go to bathroom. Wet towel is evidence of already having showered. Leave bathroom. 8:15 Go for walk to calm nerves. 8:20 A fat lot of good that did. Go back home. 8:25 Meditate to sooth jangled nerves. 8:26 Stupid meditation. Remember coffee. Put in microwave. 8:27 Go outside. 8:28 Go back inside. 8:29 Go outside. 8:30 Wave to Collingwood supporting neighbour. Return wave. Take no comfort from encouraging words from neighbour. Suffer wave of nausea imagining neighbour's post-match taunts. 8:31 Go back inside. 8:32 Check demonland. 9:00 Watch television. It's all crap. 9:15 Check demonland. 10:45 Drag self out of depression. Get cold coffee from microwave. Throw out. Put on kettle for new coffee. 10:50 Check demonland. 11:00 Shake self out of torpor and anxiety. Go outside to do some gardening. 11:05 Spray weedkiller on plants. Get hose and wash off. Get water everywhere. Pull up weeds by design, plants by accident. Dump weeds, plants, weedkiller, fertlizer, gloves, in bin. Go inside and change clothes. 11:20 Check demonland. 11:40 Go outside. 11:41 Go back inside. 11:42 Go on walking inspection of house interior. 11:43 Inspection complete. Check demonland. Feel nagging anxiety increase. 12:05 Check phone. Fail to cheer up over cheering messages, hit maximum anxiety over jeering messages. 12:10 Check demonland. 12:40 Go outside. 12:41 Go back inside. 12:42 Watch television. It's all crap. 13:00 Go for walk to calm nerves. 13:05 A fat lot of good that did. Go back home. 13:10 Meditate to sooth jangled nerves. 13:11 Stupid meditation. Remember cold coffee. Put in microwave. 13:12 Make lunch in spite of no appetite. 13:30 Sit down for lunch. 13:40 Throw uneaten lunch in bin. Put kettle on for coffee. 13:45 Check Bunnings web site. Order seeds, potting mix, gardening gloves and stanley knife. 14:00 Check demonland. 14:30 Go outside. 14:31 Go back inside. 14:32 Meditate to sooth jangled nerves. 14:33 Stupid meditation. Re-boil kettle. 14:44 Search for old footy to have a kick to settle nerves. 14:55 Find footy. Discover laces old and broken. Search for pump. 15:10 Find pump. Pump up footy. Bladder bulges out where laces disintegrated. Throw footy in bin. 15:15 Check demonland. 15:45 Re-boil kettle. 15:46 Remember the sun is over the yardarm. Check supply of spirits. Whiskey! 15:47 Fret that whiskey supply is low. Check web site for nearest Dan's or BWS. 15:55 Drive to bottle shop. Pick up whiskey. 16:25 Re-boil kettle. 16:30 Get message from Bunnings that order is ready for collection. 16:32 Get in car, drive to Bunnings, pick up order. Note number of cars with Doggies scarves. Anxiety level to 90%. 17:15 Re-boil kettle. Turn on tv for pre-match warmup shows. They're all crap. 18:00 Re-boil kettle, make coffee. Add whiskey. Ahhhhh. 18:10 Discover nerves are at 100% fever pitch despite whiskey. Go outside. 18:11 Go back inside. 18:12 Meditate to sooth jangled nerves. 18:13 Stupid meditation. Check demonland. 18:45 Nearly game time. Panic attack. Boil kettle for coffee. Take shot of whiskey straight while waiting. 18:50 Make coffee. Trembling hands spill it everywhere. Re-boil kettle. Take shot of whiskey straight while waiting. 19:00 Watch players warm up. Sooth jangled nerves by cheering demons and booing dogs. Desperately try to ascertain clues to performance by how the players jog sideways, roll the ball on the ground, etc. Anxiety increase to 150%. 19:10 Anthem and other frippery. Rage at universe for making you wait. 19:15 Game on! Watch as demons tear the dogs a new one. Race around living room with each goal as Demons pile on a record score. Catharsis, and all emotion is replaced by a joyful high. 10:00 Rejoice as the demons hoist the cup. Laugh, cry, text friends, take straight shot of whiskey. Take another straight shot of whiskey. 10:30 Check demonland. Sunday 26 sep 03:00 Go to bed. Fail to sleep.

I remember around that time when we lost to GWS and drew with Hawks and the club didn't seem too concerned. I did wonder if they were concentrating on higher things, ie. long term gain vs short term pain. I like the idea the Goody gave 'em nothing. Like when Allan Border first unleashed Warne on the Poms. Nothing but regulation leggies until the first Test. Then blam, the full repertoire. GO DEMONS!!

(Serious post now.) There was a state of origin game where Gary Ablett (senior version) was on the line between the goal post and behind post, falling over backwards, got a boot on it, ball sailed high and squeezed in for a major. The angle was that severe, the ball should have got stuck between the posts. Really great goal. When state of origin meant something.

The one where I said I would keep my desk tidy every day The one where I said I would try to exercise and eat healthy food and drop 6 kgs And that classic, out at Waverley, must have been round 16 1991, where I said I was going to cut out all negative thought on every subject

The Port fans don't like him because they think he is a hopeless match day coach, unable to change gears. This is their nightmare scenario.

Port are pissweak and showing terrible skills for a supposedly top 4 side.

Viney is like Steve Waugh. If he was on your team you'd absolutely love him, and if he was on the opposing team, you'd hate his guts like nothing else.

"You only play as well as you are allowed to" -- old jungle saying

This reminds me of the old joke. What's better than beating Geelong by a point? Beating them by ten goals!! (I know ... I know ...)

We're all feeling massively hung after that dominant performance. Even the girls!

He and the team deserved a reception like that. Thanks to all of you who made it possible.

♪ I believe that every time a Cat f**ks up, a Demon scores I believe that all over the football field, Geelong’s done for I believe for everyone at Optus oval, we'll score a ton Blow them away ♫ I believe I believe

Young "David" Bowey can take his choice between a long career as a footy player, or as a pop star. that's how good he is.

I am sorry to hear about your bad fortune. In these COVID times it's hard to properly celebrate with friends and Demonland brings us together as a community. We're all feeling a little bit like you right now. We're all in it together and will live the anticipation and dread of the next two weeks together. Take care and .... GO DEMONS!!!!!

YOU WASTED A PERFECTLY GOOD WORRY OVER THIS GAME

Jesus Christ. We might really do this thing.

Cameron the hero for GFC with 2 goals in a big final

How about the looks on the faces of those kids in Demons gear, watching their team LIVE IN THE FLESH, tearing apart a strong opposition in a final. What a wonderful start to a life of GO DEMONS!!!

Fantastic stuff from all the WA Demons who gave our boys huge support. Great stuff and GO DEMONS!!!!

From memory it was some time in the first half, round 23

How about the looks on the faces of those kids in Demons gear, watching their team LIVE IN THE FLESH, tearing apart a strong opposition in a final. GO DEMONS!!!!!