Ethan Tremblay

The Chad has purchased a home in Perth. Good luck to Fremantle fitting in Warner and Kozzie.

Don’t you just hate it when a hacker gets into your X account and all they do is upload a singular image of your hammer from your mobile phone.

Exactly. Pav is still a Woodside employee (amongst other players).

I feel for the individual players like Newman. But suck [censored] Carlton.

You can lead a gift horse to water, but you can't look it in the mouth.

The “AFL Integrity” Unit is one of the best oxymorons I’ve come across.

And the Chad (Warner).

Dockers winning the the off-season in the pre-season

Dinner

Rib Tickler No Laughing Matter: Petracca's Injury Raises Eyebrows Melbourne, Australia – In a shocking twist for fans of the Melbourne Demons, superstar Christian “CP5” Petracca, the recipient of the prestigious Norm Smith Medal, has reportedly sustained a rib injury during a training session last week. Initial speculation suggested that Petracca “cracked” a rib during a grappling drill, sparking concern among the club's supporters. However, the claims were quickly challenged by a dedicated fan known only as “Pickett Fence,” who was spotted in a gillie suit, cleverly concealed in a bush for a closer look at the team’s training. “YOU CAN’T CRACK A RIB FROM GRAPPLING. EVER,” he insisted in a statement to our publication. Ethan Tremblay, a frequent contributor to the popular fan forum “Demonland,” and resident know-it-all, attempted to counter Pickett’s assertion, arguing that rib injuries are, in fact, quite common in grappling situations. “Actually, rib injuries are super common as a result of grappling”. Undeterred, Pickett responded swiftly, providing clarification that the injury did not even occur during grappling. The debate continued, highlighting the passionate discourse among the Demons’ fanbase. Adding his own observations to the conversation, local resident Doc Roet stated, “believe it or not, I fractured a rib leaning over one of those big wheelee bins. I had inadvertently dropped my keys into it and was kind of seesawing over it trying to reach down.” Cranky Franky, a lifelong Demon’s supporter, known for his positive outlook, stated that the, “season was already over” after hearing reports of Petracca’s injury. As the Demons prepare for the upcoming season, fans will be eager to see how Petracca’s injury impacts the team’s performance, especially after a disappointing finish in 2024. With hopes of returning to the top eight, the club is looking to bounce back stronger than ever.

Rib injuries are actually quite common in the arts of grappling.

I want every player, every coach and every member of staff by his bed side 24/7. Stat.

DEMONLAND IN CHAOS: 58er Sounds Alarm on Satire Slip-Ups Suburban Melbourne, Australia - In a shocking turn of events, longtime Demonland poster and self-appointed tone police, "58er", has come forward with grave concerns that some readers of the site may be unable to distinguish satire from serious commentary. Sources close to the matter have revealed that 58er's crusade against misinterpreted satire began after a fellow poster jokingly suggested that the Melbourne Demons' lackluster performance on the field was due to their secret love of knitting. "I was horrified," 58er said in an exclusive interview. "I mean, who wouldn't know that was a joke? But then I started thinking, what if there are others out there who take everything at face value?" 58er's concerns have been met with skepticism by some, who point out that the Demonland community has a long history of embracing satire and humor. However, 58er remains resolute in his mission to protect the site's readers from themselves. "I'm not trying to be the fun police," he insists. "I just want to make sure that everyone understands what's real and what's not." In related news, fellow Demonland poster "cranky franky" has come out in support of 58er's crusade. "I'm sick of people not posting seriously," cranky franky said. "I mean, I'm a very serious person with very serious opinions. And I won't let anyone undermine that with their 'jokes' and their 'humor'." The Demonland community remains divided on the issue, with some calling for 58er to "lighten up" and others praising his commitment to seriousness. In the meantime, 58er has announced plans to launch a new website, "Satire-Free Demonzone", where readers can enjoy humor-free discussion and analysis of all things AFL.

Melbourne Demons Head Coach and Senior Players Flee the country on Unscheduled Bali Getaway Amid Off-Field Controversies Melbourne, Australia - In a surprise move, Melbourne Demons head coach Simon Goodwin and several senior players have departed for Bali, Indonesia, amidst a flurry of off-field controversies. The sudden departure comes on the heels of an incident involving Melbourne defender Steven May, who was spotted socializing with Richmond players at a Sorrento pub. This incident followed closely on the heels of Richmond premiership player Noah Balta's arrest for assault at a country Victorian pub. Sources suggest that connections have been drawn between Richmond's off-field dramas and the Melbourne Football Club, prompting Goodwin and several senior players to board a Jetstar flight to Bali. The Indonesian island is reportedly a popular destination for football personalities seeking a low-key getaway. Notably, recently retired Richmond superstar Dustin Martin has also been known to frequent Bali. While the motivations behind Goodwin's and the senior players' departure are unclear, the timing has raised eyebrows among football fans and pundits alike.

Certainly not “cheap” anymore. No wonder kids can’t afford to purchase a house anymore.

I’s be more scared of the McDonalds.

I was going to go with it being Grand Final related, then noticed a Carlton player was named. What’s the answer?

Nerrrrrrrrrrrrd.

Richmond's Noah Balta Arrested After Pub Altercation Richmond defender Noah Balta has been arrested and charged with assault following an incident at a northern Victoria pub. The altercation comes at a difficult time for the Tigers, whose tumultuous season has been further marred by off-field drama. Balta's run-in with the law follows an earlier confrontation this week involving his teammates at a Melbourne pub, who were spotted with Demon’s bad boy, Steven May, when a fight reportedly broke out. The off-field turbulence is a tough blow for Richmond, who struggled during season 2023, under first-year coach Adem Yze. In a twist of fate, Yze, prior to taking the reins at Richmond, worked as an assistant coach at Melbourne, under current head coach Simon Goodwin. It's a connection that has drawn some attention in light of recent events, as sources close to the situation claim both Goodwin and May were seen at the Sorrento pub following the earlier incident involving both the Tigers and Demons superstars. Melbourne Football Club has opted not to comment on the matter.

The “story” is that several AFL players were present at a hotel when a fight broke out at 2am between patrons (who weren’t the players themselves). Mental.

Agree with this. But, they (the AFL) aren’t asleep at the wheel. They’re just too scared to do anything that will make Collingwood upset or angry.

Swap the Bulldogs and Hawthorn around and I think it could be pretty close.

Don’t supporters and unrealistic expectations go hand in hand?

Pfft. What would Goodwin know.

The news (and journalism) stopped being such when it commenced being reported 24/7. It’s now merely, “entertainment”.