Demonland

IN: Max Heath (St Kilda), Changkuoth Jiath (Hawthorn), Brody Mihocek (Collingwood), Jack Steele (St Kilda), Picks 7, 8, 24, 37, 42 (FA compo), 71, 2026 GCS 1st round, 2026 GWS 3rd round, 2027 GCS 3rd round OUT: Judd McVee (Fremantle), Clayton Oliver (GWS), Christian Petracca (Gold Coast), Charlie Spargo (North Melbourne), Picks 24 (on-traded), 28, 42 (on-traded), 61, 2026 Melb 2nd, 3rd and 4th round, 2027 Melb 3rd and 4th round DRAFT HAND: 7, 8, 37, 66, 71 SUMMARY: Hard to sum the Demons up. They landed a huge bounty for one superstar in Petracca but gave Oliver away for next to nothing and will still be paying a fair whack of his hefty contract, while having no takers for veteran full back Steven May is not necessarily a negative. They paid nothing for star recruits Steele and Mihocek and now have two top 10 picks as well, while Jiath is an apt replacement for McVee. GRADE: B IN: Finnbar Maley (North Melbourne), Pick 64 OUT: Picks 57, 2026 Adel 4th round DRAFT HAND: 16, 48, 55, 64, 73, 75 SUMMARY: A quiet trade period for the Crows, who missed the chance to grab a dual premiership player who wanted to join the club because they were unwilling to pay pick 16. Maley gives them another back-up forward, but the club is obviously satisfied with the list that took them to the minor premiership. GRADE: D IN: Oscar Allen (West Coast), Sam Draper (Essendon), Picks 17, 23, 44, 51, 59, 2026 Melb 3rd round OUT: Brandon Starcevich (West Coast), Picks 19, 45, 46, 52, 56 DRAFT HAND: 17, 23, 44, 51, 59, 68, 79 SUMMARY: The dual reigning premiers get even stronger. The Lions add a key forward and a ruckman to their list, albeit both coming off season-ending injuries, while they retain plenty of points to match a bid on Academy star Dan Annable. They would have preferred not to farewell dual premiership defender Starcevich but holding firm on Callum Ah Chee is a win at this stage. Does he still want to leave and take the risk of 13 clubs picking him before the Crows have a selection? GRADE: A+ IN: Ben Ainsworth (Gold Coast), Campbell Chesser (West Coast), Ollie Florent (Sydney), Will Hayward (Sydney), Liam Reidy (Fremantle), Picks 9, 10 (FA compo), 11, 22 (FA compo), 31, 42, 43, 54, 67, 72, 2026 Syd 1st round, 2027 Syd 1st round OUT: Charlie Curnow (Sydney), Tom De Koning (St Kilda), Corey Durdin (Port Adelaide), Jack Silvagni (St Kilda), Picks 10 (on-traded), 22 (on-traded), 31 (on-traded), 41, 42 (on-traded), 50, 68, 2026 Carl 2nd and 3rd round, 2027 Carl 2nd round DRAFT HAND: 9, 11, 43, 54, 67, 72 SUMMARY: An extremely busy couple of weeks for the Blues, but they have clearly made the best of their situation, gaining maximum return for the stars who wanted out, both in free agency and trades. They held out long enough for Sydney to pay a King’s ransom for Curnow, landing a more than capable goalkicker plus three first-round picks, while Ainsworth is an upgrade on Durdin and gives them a more versatile front half. Florent will also walk into their best 23 and Chesser has ability if he can get himself fit. Heaps of points for Harry Dean as well. The mark is only downgraded by the players who walked out. GRADE: B IN: Jack Buller (Sydney), Picks 45, 56, 61, 2026 Melb 3rd round, 2026 Syd 4th round OUT: Brody Mihocek (Melbourne), Picks 59, 71, 2026 Melb 3rd round (on-traded) DRAFT HAND: 39, 45, 56, 61, 77 SUMMARY: Not much to speak about at the Magpies, with rumours of a Jordan De Goey departure coming to nothing while they also held firm on not paying too much for Jy Simpkin. They would be saddened to farewell premiership forward Mihocek, but in Buller they have a much younger replacement who will be given the chance to bed down a regular spot in the team. GRADE: C IN: Brayden Fiorini (Gold Coast), Pick 21 (FA compo) OUT: Sam Draper (Brisbane Lions), Pick 2026 Ess 3rd round DRAFT HAND: 5, 6, 21, 27, 30 SUMMARY: The Bombers declared from Day 1 that they had no interest in letting their captain go despite his keenness to get to arch-rival Hawthorn, although the Hawks couldn’t have fired a better shot at dragging him out. Fiorini gives them a ball-winning midfielder to ease some pressure on Zach Merrett, while they have two top six picks and will no doubt have a throw at the stumps in trying to shift up a bit further. Five picks inside 30 gives them a good chance to reset. GRADE: B- IN: Judd McVee (Melbourne), Picks 20, 23, 47, 50, 69, 103 OUT: Will Brodie (Port Adelaide), Liam Reidy (Carlton), Picks 12, 23 (on-traded), 33, 44, 50 (on-traded), 53, 71 DRAFT HAND: 20, 47, 69 SUMMARY: Managed to lure a young defender home just as he enters the prime of his career, while helping a couple of depth players find what are likely to be more AFL opportunities. The question is whether they have done enough to take the next step from finals to premiership contenders? GRADE: C IN: James Worpel (Hawthorn), Pick 99 OUT: Patrick Retschko (Richmond) DRAFT HAND: 19, 40, 60, 78 SUMMARY: It’s a rare trade period where the Cats don’t land what they want, but this is one of those. Wanted Rowan Marshall and Charlie Curnow but were not willing to put up the collateral to get the job done, and given the star pair were contracted, they were never going to come as cheap as Bailey Smith and others in recent seasons. Worpel adds steel and depth to the midfield, but it’s much of a muchness for Geelong (which means it will still be one of the teams to beat in 2026). GRADE: C IN: Christian Petracca (Melbourne), Jamarra Ugle-Hagan (Western Bulldogs), Picks 7, 24, 28, 29, 37, 52, 70, 2026 Melb 2nd round, 2026 Ess 3rd round OUT: Ben Ainsworth (Carlton), Connor Budarick (Western Bulldogs), Brayden Fiorini (Essendon), Sam Flanders (St Kilda), Malcolm Rosas (Sydney), Picks 7 (on-traded), 8, 37, 62, 70 (on-traded), 74, 2026 GCS 1st round, 2027 GCS 3rd round DRAFT HAND: 15, 18, 24, 28, 29, 36, 52 SUMMARY: The Suns didn’t sit on their hands after their maiden finals appearance, bringing a genuine superstar into the club, while also getting a free hit at a supremely talented but troubled key forward to provide support to Ben King and Jed Walter. Apart from Rosas, their departures are all best-23 players, so they will need to be replaced, but they have oodles of points to bring in their three highly touted Academy products, and the room to slot them straight into the AFL team if they are ready to go. GRADE: A- IN: Clayton Oliver (Melbourne), Pick 12 OUT: Jacob Wehr (Port Adelaide), Picks 14, 37, 2026 GWS 3rd round DRAFT HAND: 12, 35 SUMMARY: Wow. Despite doing basically nothing before the death knell apart from moving up two spots to help the Bulldogs get their man, the Giants landed one of the biggest bargains of the trade period by picking up a four-time best-and-fairest winning star for a half-eaten pie and a can of coke. That alone makes these 10 days a big win for the Orange Army. GRADE: A IN: Picks 10, 22, 42, 43 (FA compo), 2026 Melb 4th round OUT: Changkuoth Jiath (Melbourne), Jai Serong (Sydney), James Worpel (Geelong), Picks 9, 31, 42 (on-traded), 43 (on-traded), 2026 Haw 4th round DRAFT HAND: 10, 22, 62, 76 SUMMARY: Missed out on their No.1 target in Zach Merrett, but they couldn’t have fired a better shot to make it happen. Jiath has ability but was out of the best 22 late in the year, Worpel costs them a bit of depth but opens the door for Henry Hustwaite once Essendon decided not to take him and they landed an extra first-round pick in a swap with Carlton. GRADE: B- IN: Charlie Spargo (Melbourne), Picks 57, 2026 Adel 4th round OUT: Finnbar Maley (Adelaide) DRAFT HAND: 25, 26, 46, 57 SUMMARY: Not much to report from Arden St, with Spargo’s free agency acquisition being a more than solid addition to their forward line and an upgrade on Maley, who was not certain to gain another contract anyway. There are plenty of detractors to the fact the Kangaroos don’t have a first-round pick this year (and they tried to get a couple back for Jy Simpkin – which was never going to happen), but give Matt Whitlock time before jumping to conclusions – most experts say he would have been taken much higher than 27 if he was in this year’s crop. GRADE: C IN: Will Brodie (Fremantle), Corey Durdin (Carlton), Jacob Wehr (GWS), Pick 2026 Carl 2nd round OUT: Picks 29, 67, 103 DRAFT HAND: 49 SUMMARY: The Power didn’t bring a lot in, either in players or draft picks, although all three recruits should be in the 23 in round one. They basically have no role to play in this year’s draft either, so they will need organic growth to jump back into premiership contention in 2026. GRADE: D IN: Patrick Retschko (Geelong), Pick 38 OUT: Tylar Young (West Coast), Pick 99 DRAFT HAND: 3, 4, 38 SUMMARY: The Tigers were never expected to be a big player given their bumper haul from 2024, and the pick they gained for Young is likely to come in once the Academy and father-son bids swallow up a host of picks belonging to the Suns, Lions and Blues – and they can help do that by launching multiple early bids with their two top-five picks. Retschko is a free hit given Geelong had already let him go. GRADE: C+ IN: Tom De Koning (Carlton), Sam Flanders (Gold Coast), Liam Ryan (West Coast), Jack Silvagni (Carlton), Picks 2027 WCE 3rd round, 2027 Melb 3rd and 4th round OUT: Max Heath (Melbourne), Jack Steele (Melbourne), Picks 7, 2026 StK 2nd round DRAFT HAND: 50, 65 SUMMARY: The Saints put all chips in on free agency and trading and landed everything they wanted. Holding onto Rowan Marshall when Geelong couldn’t produce a fair offer for a contracted ruckman means De Koning’s arrival should reap full reward. Gave their loyal and dedicated captain away for next to nothing, but Flanders slots straight into his spot. Ryan and Silvagni make both ends of the ground stronger. Longer term, however, what does their stunning backflip on Leek Aleer do to their hopes of recruiting in future seasons? GRADE: A- IN: Charlie Curnow (Carlton), Malcolm Rosas (Gold Coast), Jai Serong (Hawthorn), Picks 31, 42, 62, 2026 Carl and Coll 3rd round, 2026 Haw 4th round, 2027 Carl 2nd round OUT: Jack Buller (Collingwood), Ollie Florent (Carlton), Picks 11, 51, 69, 2026 Syd 1st, 3rd and 4th round, 2027 Syd 1st round DRAFT HAND: 31, 32, 42, 63 SUMMARY: Wanted a big key forward, got him. Wanted a key defender, got him. But at what cost? Three first-round picks and a 184-game forward who has kicked 157 goals in the past five seasons is a big price to pay and puts pressure on Curnow to deliver immediately. Florent was also sold cheaply and will walk into Carlton’s best team. Sydney clearly (and correctly) believes its time is now and has gone all out to cash in on that brilliant midfield. While saddened at the departures, Swans fans can salivate at the thought of Errol Gulden, Chad Warner and Isaac Heeney delivering to Curnow and a fit Logan McDonald week-in-week-out. GRADE: A- IN: Brandon Starcevich (Brisbane Lions), Tylar Young (Richmond), Picks 2 (FA compo), 13, 34, 41, 53, 2026 StK 2nd round OUT: Oscar Allen (Brisbane Lions), Campbell Chesser (Carlton), Picks 16, 22, 23, 38, 2027 WCE 3rd round DRAFT HAND: 1, 2, 13, 34, 41, 53, 58 SUMMARY: A dual premiership defender comes in and the Eagles have the top two selections and another inside 15 in this year’s draft. Despite the loss of co-captain Allen, who barely played this year anyway, it is a positive result for the wooden spooners and gives them a chance to step up their rebuild. Should they listen to offers from Essendon or others for one of those top picks? Definitely, but it would want to be good. GRADE: B+ IN: Connor Budarick (Gold Coast), Picks 14, 37, 70, 74 OUT: Jamarra Ugle-Hagan (Gold Coast), Picks 12, 37 (on-traded) DRAFT HAND: 14, 33, 70, 74 SUMMARY: The Bulldogs didn’t find the big defender they were looking for, although Budarick strengthens that part of the ground for a simple drop of two spots in the first-round draft order. They were happy simply to get Ugle-Hagan off their books, but surprisingly didn’t get a suitable offer for Buku Khamis, which won’t hurt their depth either. GRADE: C

With the AFL Trade Period having just wrapped up, I wanted to reach out given a lot has transpired, particularly in the last few hours. We are pleased with the players we have been able to attract and the first-round draft picks we have acquired. We are now in a strong position as we continue to build towards our next premiership. We have been able to secure one of the strongest draft hands in recent memory, which will give us the opportunity to bring in some elite young talent. We received three first-round draft picks in exchange for Christian Petracca, which gives us eight first-round selections across a four-year period from 2023 to 2026. We now enter next month’s draft with picks No. 7 and 8, which will allow us to add quality new talent, for the years ahead, particularly as the competition expands to include Tasmania. We have welcomed four quality players in Brody Mihocek, Max Heath, Changkuoth Jiath and Jack Steele, adding a mix of seasoned AFL experience, leadership qualities and exciting youth to our list. We feel this will complement our existing playing group and have an immediate impact for us next season. At the same time, we farewelled four players in Christian Petracca, Clayton Oliver, Judd McVee and Charlie Spargo. Each has given so much to the red and blue over their respective journeys, and we wish them nothing but the best for the future. They are forever Melbourne people and will always be welcome at the club. In relation to Christian and Clayton, while it is difficult and somewhat sad to part ways with players of their calibre and contribution, ultimately, we always enter this time of year with the club’s future success at the heart of all decision-making. They have been champions of our club, and we wish them well. We are incredibly confident in where we have landed, bolstering our draft hand while fulfilling Christian’s and Clayton’s requests for a fresh start. With the Trade Period now complete, and next month’s AFL Draft fast approaching, I hope you can start to feel the excitement that is building within our AFL program. I know Alan, Steven and the entire football department are eager to implement all they have been working on in recent weeks, and to welcome back a group that is committed and determined to take this great club back to the top. Whilst the last week, in particular the last few hours, have been a whirlwind, I hope our commitment to keeping you informed throughout has resonated. Thanks for your ongoing support. Go Dees, Paul

Part Three: Thanks for The Memories I found myself seated on a couch in the Oval Office, opposite a coffee table littered with Big Mac wrappers, empty Coke cans, and crumpled KFC buckets. Scattered across the floor were multiple copies of The Art of the Deal, as if casually placed for dramatic effect. In the corner, a man dressed in traditional robes stood from a prayer mat, nodded politely, and exited in silence. Without missing a beat, the President dismissed the visiting Saudi crown prince with a belch and a wave. “Say hi to the wives, Mohammed,” he said. “And don’t forget—we’ve got that Egypt meeting next week to wrap up the Middle East peace deal and finalize the golf resort in Riyadh.” Then he turned to me, narrowing his eyes. “So… who are you, man?” The panic inside surged, but I somehow managed to get my words out: I was on a mission to track down the elusive Melbourne football superstar, Christian Petracca, and convince him to return with me. “You’re from Australia? No way!” he said. “I once hung out with Ivana there… just kidding, it was a riverboat on the Danube. Gorgeous castles. Looked like a Disney movie. Here, have a chicken wing.” After gently correcting his geography, he poured me a neat whiskey to calm my nerves and launched into an impromptu monologue about marsupials and his Australian fiscal adviser—a man who believes a nation’s economy can be tracked through the price of a large McDonald’s fries. Eventually, he circled back to the matter at hand. His Australian associates—Mr. Kanga and Mr. Roos—were waiting outside to be buzzed in. But first, some pressing international business. “Call the Latvians. I’m slapping a 10% tariff on their automotive industry. Effective midnight.” A pause. “What? They don’t have an automotive industry? Fine. Put it on Bulgaria instead and make it 15%. Take it or leave it, buddy. And send a bottle of our best champagne and a box of Havana cigars to Bibi. Now send in the Aussies.” They entered the room like characters from The Blues Brothers—sunglasses on, boots polished, radiating theatrical flair, minus the dance moves and musical talent. I recognized Roos immediately—a familiar figure from years past. I recalled he’d lived in the U.S. with his American wife. Naturally, he led with football: “I’m the strategic thinker behind the ‘no dickheads, no disruptors’ policy. We’ve resolved the Petracca and Oliver situation. They’re out. We stage managed their exit with the media and brought in fresh talent—solid citizens committed to the Demons, who won’t break the salary cap, and have no social media presence.” He ticked off names with confidence.“Jack Steele and CJ are both humble and unassuming characters. Big Maxy Heath—can’t cook, but who cares? Brody Mihocek goes to church on Sundays when he’s not playing. Plus, a bag of draft picks to play with. Your recruiting team are going to feel like pigs in shit. “So bid a fond farewell to those departing, send your appreciation for their past deeds, thank them for the memories and wish them success in their future pursuits. Tell them you’re embarking on a new trajectory, unencumbered by nostalgia for past accomplishments and no longer looking backwards”. The President nodded in approval, noting how the approach was considerably more elegant than in his father’s day—when favours might’ve involved a quiet word with the Gambino family. Then Kanga stepped in to outline the business model: “We’ve secured a new home base—prime real estate opposite Caulfield Station and right near the racetrack. Top-notch potential for training facilities. The only catch? It’s currently a parking lot. But development’s no problem—we’ve got the finance lined up. There’s a minor hiccup in transferring some real estate in the south east to make way for the Trump Casey Country Club, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.” And just like that, my time in the Oval Office ended. I was ushered out onto Pennsylvania Avenue—disoriented, slightly buzzed, but filled with renewed hope because, after all, there’s always next season. Maybe, just maybe, 2026 will be our year. Go Dees!

The Footage https://x.com/FOXFOOTY/status/1978377811497718051