The cat was let out of the bag on the weekend.

Mack Doorpan from STM 1117 sports radio was out golfing on the weekend.

He mistaking locked his golf bag in the boot of his car.

Unfortunately the car keys were in the golf bag.

So he rings roadside assist to unlock his car.

He unlocks the car,then Mack gets the keys from his golf bag.

Mack "What a day to forget!" Not only do I do this,but our

golf cart,broke down on the 15th hole"

Roadside guy, "Funny you mention golf carts"

Mack Doorpan, Why's that?"

Roadside, "Management wanted some of us to attend football games

next year."

Mack "What for?"

Roadside "Seems we are required to be there in case any carts breakdown"

Mack "Carts?"

Roadside Dunno,said something about the umpires using then in the NAB cup

Anyway gotta go,another call"

Oh the way home Mack Doorpan arranges a meeting with the head honcho at

league HQ for Monday morning.

Arrives at the leagues' penthouse building to question whats going on.

Mack Doorpan "Whats this I've heard unpires using golf carts next year

in the NAB cup?"

Head honcho "How the %$#@ did you find that out?"

Mack "Nevermind that,what's the story?"

Head honcho " I had a call recently from Gleeshine,says his umpires

are requiring up to 3 days rehab after a game. They are getting

knocked about too much during games,if it doesnt improve we wont have any.

He said its bad enough they break a nail or two,having a ball thrown back at them.

The medical bills, and layoffs are going to kill us.

They come in with some bruising,they can't cope!

The game is getting way too rough.

Footballers dont care if an ump gets in their way,they will go through them

if they have too,

All they care about is getting the damn football.

No consideration at all for our precious umpires. We tried fining them and

suspensions,its not stopping the problem.

We are going to have 2 extra umpires in carts on the fence,on both sides of the ground.

When there is a stoppage, the maim field umpire will wave them on.

The advantage of the carts is the ump is protected, and as an added bonus

when he feels the need the to reverse,the cart beeps to warn it is reversing.

When the ball is thrown up, plays begins, the carts quickly leave the area.

Mack Doorpan "What about a player? What if he is struck by the cart?"

Head honcho " Not worried about them, MUST protect the umpires!

Besides if a player is struck down, or killed. We stop play throw them

in the back of the cart,hardly any time lost. Could also sneak in a few

extra commercial breaks, when reading the last rites.

Mack "players union wont be happy"

Head honcho Can't see an issue, way too many kids miss out being drafted

bigger turnaround for players,its a win win" So what if a few players

get hit,or crippled for life. I'll give them a job in the cart.

Mack Doorpan "Why is it every bloody year there is a need to keep changing the rules?"

Head honcho Look its simple,over the last 5 years we did a survey. Todays players

are used to playing at school against opposite teams, they can wear red,green,yellow

shirts. So the coach tells them dont worry about the opposition,just get the ball

at all costs. Its ingrained at a early age. Our umps now wear different coloured shirts.

They are being knocked about.

Nack Doorpan "Then change the umps back to white,simple!"

Head honcho Can't do that! We have to be seen to be moving the game forward.

Thats past history, I can't sit here all week getting paid squillions. Gotta be

seen to be doing something. I have spoken to Kelvin Barlet, he loved it

Anything to confuse supporters and players.

We have NASA working on a propulsion for ball throw ups, put the ball on the cart

hit a button whooosh, 5 meters into the air, they struck a hitch with dry to wet

balls reaching exactly the same heights,but have til Feb next year to modify it.

As a bonus any player caught gouging tyres,with their stops or removing the

air valves to let the tryes down,its an automatic 5 week suspsension and / or $5000

If its that Harry Ball from the Dogs,they have permission to run him over.

That reminds me, I must inform the Bulldogs,any of them caught peeing on

the carts tyres,or chasing the cart,will be harshly delt with.

Mark Doorpan from STM 1117 Sports radio reporting.

Will be chatting to Teddy Quadmire at the pies later.

The Moral is... when will they stop messing about with rule changes,how will they go?

Vivid imagination you have there

Blah blah blah - All that crap for one question? To answer that simple query, NO!