Dr John Dee

Another pleasant valley Sunday, Uncle Bitters?

I seriously doubt there's anyone on Dank's end.

You're on a forum for MFC supporters and you expect to find sanity, Ernest? That in itself may be a sign of madness.

Except that your diagnosis and remedy seem a little at odds, Moonie.

On another matter altogether, I’ve been doing some research for reasons I won’t bother going into on the WW2 history of the Cox Peninsula, N.T. (I suppose that some less than reputable habitués of this thread will draw a line between that name and the name of the quiet and respectable valley where I live, and come to some prurient conclusion, All I can say is that that would be cheap and callow Freudianism). I was thinking of starting another thread called something like Collingwood and Stupidity: a History, but I realised that such a thread would quickly fill up with the various pronouncements of Chairman Eddie, so I’ll leave it here: From the recollections of Sgt Bob Meredith in ‘The 105 “Mobile RDF’ Station at Charles Point (1942-43)’ (ed. Morrie Fenton [2000] ‘I do remember an incident on guard duty one night … Leo Merritt (ex Collingwood footballer) and I were sitting on a box back to back, as was the practice; we had Tommy Guns on our knees with safety catches off which was also the practice. Leo spoke to say that his leg had gone to sleep, and he’d have to stand up, which he did. The gun fell off his knees with the finger still in the trigger guard, and the weight of the gun on his finger was enough to fire the gun. Leo received two bullets to his left leg – one below the knee – the other just above the ankle, and his leg was badly injured by the .45 calibre bullets.’ Shouldn’t laugh, I suppose, since he was helping to keep the country safe. But he survived the injury. And if not quite shooting himself in the foot it's close enough to Eddie’s habits.

I don’t know to which advertisement you refer, but lest it afford you any opportunity for further innuendo or vulgarity I should say in my defence that, as far as I am aware, all evidence* trace of my dealings with the nation’s leaders was removed by the Federal authorities many years ago. It is unlikely therefore to refer to my medical* therapeutic practices, although I would remind you that the stain on a reputation is far more indelible than any to be found on a mere, fading affiche in the gradually gentrifying location of Fyshwick (of course, were I the gentleman in question I presume I would have takes such stains as ample proof of the success of my potions). Having escaped* decamped to the north and discovered the field generally occupied by mountebanks and hucksters of many stripes all claiming some impossible association with Byron Bay, I decided that there was little opportunity for a simple, honest apothecary* alchemist such as I to earn a living taking advantage of the miseries of those whose ambitions outstrip their capabilities in matters of the marital (or other) bed. I am now occupied in other pursuits which your insinuations can only begin to guess at. Suffice it to say that, having recently taken over the presidency of the Hopping Dicks Progress Association in a well-drilled putsch, one project involves organising one of those twinning arrangements with a suitable village in the Rhône region. This may entail significant absences and substantial payments to suitable ‘advisors’ as negotiations unfold. * amendments introduced on legal advice. As to any imputations about my criminal past, let me just say that no proceeding of a court has ever been successfully concluded in relation to allegations or indictments against me.

But the parliamentary triangle has always been like that. It's what comes of letting politicians from all the other cesspits of the country congregate in the area. I'm sure BBO has more sense than to get caught up in all that. Fyshwick, as he knows, is far more salubrious and its various places of worship are good for the soul on a Sunday morning.

There'll be none of that ragdolling nonsense under the new tackling regime. Parish will be lifted slightly, shaken gently until the ball is dislodged or disposed of and then returned just as gently to the ground.

Well, I can't speak for others Uncle B but since being roundly chastised by the Earl himself for my part in certain immature goings on here I've been a little reluctant to raise my head (or anything else) above the parapet. Since you usually have the measure of a good chastising perhaps you'll be able to set this thread to rights now that you've returned in earnest.

Couldn't agree more, 'tack. RIP Ross

And now the 'ammers clear in fifth. You can be officially excited Macca, I'm now officially nervous ... about fourth spot.

Oh, well. The Foxes go marching on.

How many warning points do you want for embedding that?

Are you referring to Earl's droit de seigneur, Moonie? I'm sure tradition and bloodline would expect nothing less.

Wenger out! (At least fourth spot should be safe. I hope.) City see a hurdle in front of them and fall over it as well. And now we can add Spurs. Spurs might at least be able to pick themselves up and stay with the chase. I predicted last night in the safety of my own lounge room that Arsenal wouldn't get past Swansea. There's no danger in predicting they won't leave White Hart Lane with anything that looks like a point. Depressed? Nah, I'm a Melbourne supporter after all. Arsenal disappointments are just a sideshow.

I don't suppose too many on Demonland will know it but Paddy was a bloody good footballer in his day.

More chance of the former than the latter ... or maybe I'm thinking of the supporters.

You're probably right, but I thought it was worth some small hope that the different titles would suggest different concentrations.

Seems like a good idea to me. When the second thread started someone suggested it should be merged with this but since it was actually discussing football issues I left it alone and I presume so did the other modes.

But it wasn't. See my post above.

Will this do?

I presume you haven't quite got the hang of this virtual reality thing when you're practising your disciplinary techniques, BBO. As for the local group, who pays fees until they're obliged to? They're looking forward to your efforts to pursue that obligation.

Not a problem. We now have Goodwin's Law in force, if only for the next few weeks.

Reliable, yes, but our Singaporean friends have surrounded the administration of the rattan – as with everything else on that all too orderly island – with far too much bureaucracy. We are more simple folk here, given to more simple country pleasures. While it's true – as you yourself noticed during your recent visit to Queensland – that we in the north treat our bananas as if they were members of the House of Lords, trussing them up in plastic bags, in most other pursuits we are inclined to the most direct route. I had meant to say much the same thing to that Moonshadow chap after his pleas for the use of the cat. Given the association of that implement in the popular imagination with rum and some other unmentionable maritime activity, it seems just a little too complicated for me. Bamboo canes are readily available here since various local fools have taken to planting them as windbreaks. The Hopping Dicks BDSM group assures me that they are no less effective than any other method and have the advantage of assisting in environmental control.

I doubt whether anyone would have been prepared to try to calculate the odds of the season turning on a showdown at White Hart Lane at this stage. Whoever wins is obviously going to be in a good position to chase Leicester, the losers can lapse into their usual recriminations about Wenger not buying enough quality defensive players. On current form I’d have to concede that Spurs are far better placed although at least we’ll soon have the Champions League off the agenda in case there’s any chance of a Gunners’ chase. A draw is obviously unthinkable on either side and will probably be enough to hand the title to Leicester. If we lose I’ll obviously be throwing my weight behind the Foxes. Nothing against Spurs, you understand …