Bitter but optimistic

Blame Elwood for starting this. It's called the Irish Virginity Test - but I like the colour scheme. Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, ‘Well, you need three things from a DIY shop: a can of red paint, a can of blue paint, and a shovel.’ Paddy asked, ‘And what do I do with these, doc?’ The doc replied, ‘Before the wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, “That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw”, you hit her with the shovel.’

Yeah bad luck. Can't believe an appropriately dubious character like you missed out to some w.. from a country that can't hang on to some fly speck islands that no one cares about. Typical catholic molesters.

Corrected!

Once again Biffen (sic) you get straight to the heart of matters. Consider the nobility on Demonland - no need to mention names . And the aspiring nobility - no need to mention names - but don't get into a stew over it. The aspirants are masters at holding their own - continuously.

Is this what baker's call a "noble rise" ?

I guess holding your own is the least you can do. However, and I'd like a Burwood opinion on this, is holding another's even more noble?

It's time to " man up" Od. CHill the Shiraz for 15 minutes. And... while you're waiting, look above, and think about about the possibilities of peeling a banana.

You're not drinking enough red wine od.

That's because the Masons got to them first!

No longer shrivelled looking DC?

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Goats doesn't think so.

That was the Masons OD.

No! There were too many scary stories about that Baden- Powell guy.

They're generally shrivelled looking and a brownish colour.

Correct OD.

Yes Biffo you have the quals for the top job and you could even use your old robes from the Hellfire club. BTW you do realize there are vows of chastity and poverty involved.

'In Mykonos they substitute tram for Donkey' Beware of Greeks baring .... 'I didn't know you went to a catholic school BBO?' I thought the influence of the Christain Brothers would be obvious. 'Put in my application ,just waiting for the puffs of smoke from the blokes in frocks.' You'll be sainted. And. When you finally retire you get shoved in convent full of former virgins. 'puffs of smoke from the blokes in frocks' What else do you think blokes wearing frocks would emit?

Well no one else will date me!!

Remember the old schoolyard joke? " Wouldn't know if a tram was up (insert gender distinguishing pronoun) until the conductor rang the bell".

BTW. Does that make you a pillow biter?

I once had a nightmare about one of "those" examinations. I visualised the doctor entering the room and all I could see were his mits - they were the size of Christmas hams. Traumatic.

Given your earlier appointment DC, I'd be worried about things other than my integrity remaining intact.

Tell him , at our age, "tricks" are mostly smoke and mirrors.

Good post DC. Love the intense and cutting debate. I reckon Stuie's over there incognito.

That's why I have opted for a conservative lifestyle in a semi rural backwater.