Bitter but optimistic

The term we use is "pre loved" rather than the vulgar "second hand" picket.

I don't know of the particular retailer you are referring to picket, however, there are many that offer attire for 'special' occasions. If you and Mrs. picket have any particular requirements please let me know and I'll point you in the right direction. All tastes can be catered for so don't be embarrassed by thinking that your particular peccadildos will in anyway surprise. I only charge a modest handling fee.

Well Biffen if my information is correct you may be joining Special in his inner city digs. I have heard that due to the sale of the Gat your shady business empire has collapsed and you are in a state of extreme penury with creditors at the door you no longer have. Your "nail technicians" are questioning their illusory visas and former customers for "pharmaceuticals" are looking for more reliable suppliers. I have also heard (and even I find this difficult to credit) that you have been reduced to drinking a cask variety of sauv blanc purchased from the local Aldi. It seems you have reached previously unplumbed depths. PS Don't you dare come skulking around The Manor begging for alms.

You're certainly upwardly mobile Special. Happy to see you're doing alright for yourself.

Now now Earl! We genteel folk must stick together against the ever increasing threat of the homeless huns at the gate. Let's forget past err... irregularities and let bygones be what they are. However, I must say that business dealings with you haven't been quite the same since you terminated the stoic Hudson in favour of the hirstute ( and acrobatic) Conchita. A point I'm sure the good Lady Hood would also agree with.

I don't think Special is serious about getting a job dc, after all he knocked back a very generous offer for a traineeship from Biffen. To my muse and inspiration of course - the great man himself - The Marquis.

Mea culpa mea culpa mea maxima culpa! You are correct skinny, I am a sinful fellow. As penance, I shall [censored] myself again.

Bloody hell dc!! That excerpt was supposed to confidential!! Still, to paraphrase the great man, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Hmm.. I wonder what the film rights could be worth? I could even get a part! Flogging myself .... perhaps.

I'm just back from the city of churches (and feeling sanctified) only to suffer another scathing attack from a corpse. A lot of bragging from a bloke who only wrote fishing guides. I'll have you know Ernie that I'm working on a magnum opus of profound importance. It will be an expose on the seedy underbelly of Romsey. The local paper is already pestering me for publishing rights. So there!

Invite to the Manor!!! FMD!! Ernie you dead bastard, you are even further down the invite list than picket. He's only brain dead.

You're disgusting Ethan.

Thank you for your sympathetic ear dc. There are some here who seem to take delight in my misfortune. Who are your other two? I think we would agree on lawyers. A flogging from those scoundrels leaves one suffering for weeks. My fifth is my Dermatologist. The tinea you understand. Nasty business that. Congratulations on the windfall Special. I trust Squirrel shared the bounty. As to hanging out with your little group. Well I'm sure you're all fine resourceful fellows but I've always found, and no offence meant, the world turns a little more easily if we all stay within our given social class. It's the natural order.

True enough Moon, there is always an upside I suppose.

Uncle Bitter has had a very bad week. One can only hope that things improve. Staying barely sober enough to watch the footy was the least of it. The worst was being on the end of three professional floggings. First the dentist got me - again. Next was the Vet ( one of the lads had a nasty rash) Finally, an extra special doing over by the plumber. That appointment should have been abandoned the moment that both said plumber and his apprentice appeared sporting man buns! (true) So much for considering oneself comfortably wealthy.

I'll bet you brag about meeting Uncle Bitter while sipping your inner city, no MSG fair trade lattes Moon. In fact, you probably get a freebie out of it.

Now listen here Ernie! Just because you're dead and Special's alive is no reason to be cruel to him and try to dash his social climbing aspirations. He's poor and lives under a road FFS! Knocking back Biffen's generous offer shows that he's unwilling to work so he needs to ingratiate himself. PS Special! Handing over some of those laptops you filch off lawyers would be wonderfully ingratiating. PPS. I'd especially like a peek at Redleg's.

Couldn't have put it better myself Mable.

Crikey Chris! Newspapers exist to sell, well newspapers, and advertising of course. TV news media exist to get high ratings and steer viewers into the next program. Ethics? Truth? Bah humbug!!

Special, I need to raise one or two matters with you. Firstly, as a homeless person of poverty, how is it that you manage to post on this site? I'm guessing you joined with some run through gang and stole an I-pad or other device from an old lady. That's fine, one can only admire resourcefulness. However, I do take umbrage at this "proud and erect" stance of yours. It will lead to no good. Poor people must learn their place. You would be better off adopting a more humble profile. Eyes downcast and adopt a shuffling aimless gait. That way the police will be less likely to bother you and you will not embarrass people of wealth. Have a good evening.

Be careful as to the company you are keeping when you give that order choke. Anyway as to your perplexity. When I viewed Ethan's pic, symmetry came to mind in terms of the subject's choice of coiffing. Think of the old tv show "Upstairs Downstairs". Perhaps that will help you unravel the mystery.

I think you miss my drift Choke. I was thinking of symmetry in terms of .......... err ...... to put it as delicately as I can ............. a fashion accessory.

Tell me Ethan, " is this female variant of the modern day hipster", guided by rules of symmetry.

Colin, you do exaggerate ........ a bit.

Anyway, [censored] you all, Uncle is retiring for the night. BTW, I believe Biffen is currently in transit from the colonies. He is flying cattle class ( whatever that is) with a bevy of 457 "nail technicians". Look for some "air rage" headlines tomorrow.

As I understand it skinny, it is a very complex relationship ( Conchita being hirstute and all) but pet dachshund maybe a reasonable way of looking at it.