by Whispering Jack

So bizarre was the scenario that was painted for Melbourne's penultimate game of the 2009 season against Carlton that it was reminiscent of a story of heroism that could have come straight out of the movies. However, the tale that comes to mind isn't from one of the epic sagas like "High Noon" or "Shane" but rather more of the style of "Blazing Saddles".

In that film, Politician Hedley Lamar tries to take over Rock Ridge in order to put his railroad through the town. His early attempts to intimidate the townsfolk almost work:

Reverend Johnson: "Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving."

Not all of the good people of Rock Ridge are frightened so easily and most remain defiant. So Lamar has comes up with Plan B:

Hedley Lamarr: [to himself] "A sheriff! But law and order is the last thing I want. Wait a minute... maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage. If I could find a sheriff who so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town."

Now, as Robbie Burns used to say about the best laid schemes of mice and men, "they go often askew". Black Bart, the new sheriff, has a different plan - he becomes the hero. Lamar's grand plan backfires and he ends up a ruined man.

And now back to the football.

For some time, the Demons have been like the folk down there in Rock Ridge - fighting hard for their survival. They needed a plan of their own to help them out of their troubles. Well, whatever the plan was that they devised in order to overcome the rampant Blues (and I'm assuming there was a plan and that the objective was to win), it came unstuck in rather a disastrous fashion when the Demons lost by 57 points yesterday. As a result, they now face the almost certain ignominy of ruin in AFL football - the wooden spoon.

So what went wrong?

As often happens, it all started at the selection table. Clint Bartram and Lynden Dunn, the club's best taggers, were left out of the team along with Brad Miller.

Wait a minute!

Those blokes put in reasonably decent performances last week, didn't they? And don't the Blues have a number of dangerous players worthy of being tagged or at least kept on a tight leash? Chris Judd? Marc Murphy, Bryce Gibbs? Anyone?

Oh. That's right, we should never disabuse ourselves of the fact that selection is about anything other than "team balance" and therefore, in order to provide some of this much-needed team balance which must have been missing last week when the side achieved the club's biggest victory in three years and its first four quarter win since 2005, it was necessary to bring in a raw and underdone young ruckman in Jake Spencer, a second game rookie in Jordie McKenzie and a retiree in Matty Whelan.

If this was Plan A, I couldn't wait to see Plan B which was already looming on the horizon when the siren blared to open proceedings at Etihad Stadium.

Thankfully, the Carlton brains trust decided this game provided an opportunity for their team to play footloose and fancy-free and it turned into a high scoring affair that suited the forwards on both sides. The teams traded goal for goal for most of the first quarter with the Blues getting a late break and forging two goals ahead.

The Demons had late inclusion Mark Jamar in fine fettle kicking goals up forward and they surged back a couple of times until the Blue Boys took control with a flurry of goals midway through the second term and they eventually took a 26-point lead into the rooms at half time. Brendan Fevola, who had been held under a tight rein to that stage by James Frawley, put the game well out of reach with four goals in the third term on his way to seven.

The Demons had their share of heroes starting with two solid goal kicking contributors of five goals each to Jamar and Russell Robertson. Who could ever have guessed that they would produce two forwards who could kick that many for them in the same game? We haven't seen a five goal or better game from a Demon in yonks (since Robbo kicked 6 against the Blues in the famous tank game of round 22, 2007). Yesterday, at various stages they had a super tall forward set up with as many as three ruckmen up there at the same time. It's not certain whether this was part of Plan A or Plan B but a crumbing forward working at the feet of all those big men would also have been handy.

The closest Melbourne had was a superb effort from first year player, Neville Jetta who had 24 touches and booted a couple of goals. Jetta wasn't the only youngster to impress. I'm really starting to like McKenzie for his persistence at the football. He could become something in the future. Skipper James McDonald and Aaron Davey were both handy although the latter started quietly. Matthew Bate and Colin Sylvia each staked separate claims for the year's biggest improver. Keep that up and they could be regular heroes.

The more I look at this game, the more apparent it becomes that, despite the near 10 goal margin, things didn't go that wrong at all.

Melbourne had its good and its bad patches in a game played by both sides at rather pedestrian pace but when you look at the team the Demons put on the park, could we really have expected much more from them?

In their last start the Blues beat finals aspirants Port Adelaide by a similar margin at AAMI Stadium. The week before, they collected a big scalp in one of the premiership favourites Geelong. Not that long ago, the smashed the Swans at the Docklands by 10 goals. On that basis they should have destroyed an injury-plagued Melbourne by 100 points.

I don't like using injuries as an excuse but the Demons had their share of players in the wars again yesterday. Ricky Petterd's groin went early and stalwart Matty Whelan tragically succumbed to a hamstring that will curtail his career to 149 games as a great servant of the Melbourne Football Club. Liam Jurrah was getting treatment at times in the first half but made it back onto the park in the second. The limitation on rotations, while not affecting the outcome, would certainly have affected the final margin as the Dees tired in the latter part of the game. No doubt some jerk in the media will pick up on the fact that the consequent reduced number of interchanges affected the team's performance and raise a suspicious eyebrow. That's what makes these people jerks!

But the injury situation affected Melbourne's winning plans more deeply than simply adding to player fatigue at the end of a long, hard game at the end of a long, hard season. The twenty-two who represented the Melbourne Football Club against Carlton (including three uplifted rookies in McKenzie, Jake Spencer and Shane Valenti) were just about the remainder in an otherwise bare cupboard. One or two more will play at Casey today and that's all folks. Compare that with a Collingwood that was able to field a full contingent of their listed players in the VFL yesterday and the plight of the Demons in this the penultimate round of 2009 becomes clear.

They had no other alternative but to come up with a weird and whacky game plan that appeared to be straight out of a Mel Brooks farce. Despite the big defeat, the young Demons, their coach and the football department still came out of the game smelling like roses which is much more than you can say about

!

Melbourne 4.2.26 8.3.51 12.4.76 15.6.96

Carlton 6.3.39 12.5.77 18.9.127 24.9.153

Goals

Melbourne Jamar Robertson 5 Jetta 2 Johnson Jurrah Moloney

Carlton Fevola 7 Garlett 4 Simpson 3 Houlihan Scotland 2 Betts Carrazzo Gibbs Kreuzer Murphy O'hAilpin

Best

Melbourne McDonald Jamar Sylvia Jetta Bate Davey Robertson

Carlton Gibbs Murphy Fevola Judd Garlett Carrazzo Houlihan

Injuries

Melbourne Petterd (adductor) Whelan (hamstring)

Carlton Hadley (suspected broken arm)

Changes

Melbourne Jones (illness) replaced in selected side by Jamar

Carlton Armfield (ankle) replaced in selected side by Anderson

Reports - nil.

Umpires Farmer James Pannell

Crowd 37,433 at Etihad Stadium

by Whispering Jack

So bizarre was the scenario that was painted for Melbourne's penultimate game of the 2009 season against Carlton that it was reminiscent of a story of heroism that could have come straight out of the movies. However, the tale that comes to mind isn't from one of the epic sagas like "High Noon" or "Shane" but rather more of the style of "Blazing Saddles".

In that film, Politician Hedley Lamar tries to take over Rock Ridge in order to put his railroad through the town. His early attempts to intimidate the townsfolk almost work:

Reverend Johnson: "Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving."

Not all of the good people of Rock Ridge are frightened so easily and most remain defiant. So Lamar has comes up with Plan B:

Hedley Lamarr: [to himself] "A sheriff! But law and order is the last thing I want. Wait a minute... maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage. If I could find a sheriff who so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town."

Now, as Robbie Burns used to say about the best laid schemes of mice and men, "they go often askew". Black Bart, the new sheriff, has a different plan - he becomes the hero. Lamar's grand plan backfires and he ends up a ruined man.

And now back to the football.

Totally love "Blazing Saddles" HaHa!!