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I don't know if this is the real deal someone on the board may have been their to verify but it still made me laugh

My fellow Australians,

I've been invited here to talk to Centre Square, in these big marquees

on Punt Road Oval. And speaking of Punt Road Oval, let me tell you

something for nothing - Jack Dyer would be spinning in his grave if he

could see the place right now. Full of a bunch of Collins Street

corporate criminals, Chapel Street designer cats and Toorak poodle

r**ters who have about as much interest in football as Paris Hilton has

an interest in astrophysics.

Captain Blood didn't break every bone in his body and commit multiple

acts of on-field heroism and homicide so he could see his beloved home

ground turned into an over-priced pre-match party for

chardonnay-swilling spivs and their assorted hangers-on attending their

one footy match of the year, whilst tens of thousands of hard-working

honest battlers who love the game and love their team are denied the

chance to attend the greatest game in the world.

I've had a gutful. Whilst this bunch of Armani-wearing, Audi-driving,

Prada-carrying try-hards monopolise priceless vantage points in the MCG,

millions of genuine footy fans who have followed their team through

thick and thin have to make do by watching the game at home or down at

the local pub, whilst the Melbourne spivocracy get to sit on their fat

posteriors in a marquee and wouldn't even know the way to the MCG

without a tour guide.

Since most of you haven't attended a single match this year and know

nothing about football, let me give you a few tips - Geelong wears blue,

Hawthorn wears brown, and in case you were wondering, there'll be no

fashions on the field at half-time, and no, the Lexus Centre across the

road is not a prestige car dealership.

Centre Square is not only unfair. Centre Square is not only inequitable.

Centre Square is downright un-Australian! And so are all of you! In

fact, I bet you're all so un-Australian that you all hate the Anzacs,

you booed Cathy Freeman, and you want to cull cute cuddly koalas because

one of them once jumped out in front of your Range Rover on the way to

Mount Hotham.

But it's not just you who are at fault. I also blame the AFL - those

out-of-touch, opera-loving elitists at AFL headquarters who are

responsible for this unconscionable abomination need to take a good hard

look in the mirror. That is if they can handle the sight of moral and

spiritual bankruptcy staring back at them.

I also blame the government. Our new Prime Minister has clearly failed

his first test of leadership if he thinks it's acceptable to allow an

event like this to go ahead without a pre-emptive strike by the SAS. The

PM is doing nothing to ease the squeeze on working families on the

bottom rung of the ladder of opportunity who just want to see their team

in the Granny. But he'd better get his act together and do something

about it, or millions of angry footy fans will do it for him.

Revolutions have been started and governments have been overthrown for

lesser outrages than this. And people ask why we need capital

punishment.

So cut off your silver tails, tear up your fur coats and get fair

dinkum. Our great Australian game is the greatest game in the world -

the game of the people. Not some once-a-year marquee p*ss-up for an

overpaid, over-dressed pack of passionless corporate cretins who only

turn up for the free chardonnay and then spend the actual game looking

about as interested and excited as a line of Easter Island statues.

So don't bother coming across to the MCG this afternoon, because you're

not welcome. The next train out of Melbourne leaves Richmond station in

10 minutes - so make sure you're on it. Or, better still, under it.

So don't be un-Australian - everyone here in Centre Square can get

stuffed! You know it makes sense. I'm Sam Kekovich

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