Bitter but optimistic

Of course no one will volunteer to help you Jizza. Who would listen to a rich cocky saying how poor he is? Free food, beer and a decent shiraz might catch a few. Free illegal substances would get Biffen. If you line up a couple of bluerinsers, dc might check them out. And ..... if want Moonie promise to tell him he's your friend (or something like that). He's a sad and pathetic fellow. You could get Earl Hood (he's familiar with shite) but you must call him Sir. OD might front but I'm not certain he'd handle all those udders. Tell Redleg he can watch redtube without interruption. An WJ would probably race down if you promised to leave Demonland. Now there's the secret - promise to pizz off and they'd come from everywhere.

Well I don't care about New Year. I'll spend it on my own. I'll drink wine and watch TV. Nobody invited me anywhere. Why? I'm witty and good company. [censored] you all!!

Well picked up Ak. I do not suffer from dementia but on occasion, I have alcohol induced memory issues. Not satire, but subtle humour ( for the cognoscente such as yourself) based on the fact that as India is a British Colony, (long live the Raj) a reference to The Ashes would be considered inclusive.

Just awoke after a big big day at the cricket. Ashes cricket is always exciting. Thankfully the weather gods ignored that selfish cow cocky Jizza and it didn't rain.

Typical bloody cocky! Always thinking about yourself! What about important matters - such as the impact of rain on the Boxing Day Test?

Which, in particular, of the Marquis' works do you call "the good book" HL? I find them all both a comfort and inspiration.

Then again it may be just my usual sadness and despair that this time of year brings to me. I am sure dc is currently enjoying the company of a bluerinser and will have his choice of them tomorrow . For myself , even my family has abandoned me and I am destined to spend Christmas with the lads. They mean well but I cannot take them anywhere. Even friendless Biffen has his slags for comfort. But what of me? It is a cruel world.

I feel the world has passed my by my Lord Hood. Even esoteric shite from Borewood confounds me.

That is weird sh ite dc!! You doing drugs instead of bluerinsers?

Yeah but you attach your girls to mechanical contrivances every day - Biffen only does that on special occasions (or for select customers)

Bah small talk! Anyone who studied Latin under the (none too) gentle tutelage of the Christian Brothers will know about "Eatin Pork Today". Explain that and you will establish your credentials.

Hey Biff! Believe you'd organised some used rope sales into Pakistan. Might be a winner!

There you go Jizza. Biffen has made a preemptive strike. Now you can abuse him and make yourself feel better with a clear conscience!! That's the miracle of Christmas.

Biffen. Moony and Lothario usually deserve some stick.

Come on Jizza man up and snap out of it. Drink some booze, watch some porn and abuse some fellow Dland posters.

Livers are very resilient creatures OD. My doctor regularly sends off samples of my high octane blood for liver function tests. She is always astounded by the (healthy) results ................... and so am I TBH!

Ha Ha Ha ! The true spirit of Christmas ! You are a shining light Biff. BTW. I was never a great Joe Cocker fan but unless my memory is totally burnt didn't Joe have an ...ahhh .. medication malfunction and fluffed a concert at the Palais. Early 80's?

It's simple! Ban picture posting - get rid of the illiterates.

And film noir with its sultry sirens.

I don't think enlisting Clit's "friends" will do much for your already bloated farmer's bank balance Jizza.

That's one of the nicest things I've ever had said about me dc. I'm reaching for the kleenex and the lads are also honking and snivelling. He is a hero to me and I aspire to reach his level of morality. A short but wonderfully decadent life.

Let me get this straight Clit. A typical night in the Cli t household. You slog down a couple of bottles of expensive red (via the medium of a reidel glass of course) while your dutiful missus lolls about (in dreamy expectation) in a tie. I'm guessing the the only interruption to this blissful domestic tableau is the the phone calls from your golf partner, or customers, or mates, who give you valuable insights to the inner working of the MFC.

Should that read "with her tied up"?

It's too late to play the wine snob Cl it. We all know you are a pi zz head!

My film interest is entirely pornographic. They require little thought, have a simple dialogue and no matter how drunk one may be - the plot is easy to follow.